My father died. Is he still watching over me?

7 answers | Last updated: Jan 26, 2017
A fellow caregiver asked...

My father died. I want to know if he is still watching over me.

Expert Answers

Martha Clark Scala has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1992, with offices in Palo Alto and San Francisco, California. She regularly writes about grief and loss, the necessity of self-care, and substance abuse. Her e-newsletter, "Out on a Limb," is available to subscribers through her website.

You have no idea how often this question is asked. Grieving is hard enough, but if we know that those who have died are able to watch over us, it sure does ease the pain. The problem, to some people, is that there is no way of proving, without a doubt, the presence of the deceased.

For example, naysayers argue that it's all a figment of the imagination. Or they might argue that what is present is your "Dad-in-you" -- that is, a sense of your Dad that you have internalized. A counterargument might be: So what? Whether the felt presence of a deceased beloved is imagined or "real," does it really matter? If someone's presence provides comfort and solace, isn't that good enough?

If you are one who needs concrete evidence of something before you can believe it, you may struggle to believe in your Dad's presence. On the other hand, if you really want to feel his presence, you might find yourself willing to suspend any disbelief, or not be swayed by those who argue vehemently against it.

Know that this is a theme that shows up in the lives of many who are grieving. There are some uncanny stories that don't necessarily provide proof, but certainly raise a sense of possibility that contact with the deceased is in some way possible.

If you would like to read more on this topic, I recommend starting with Blessings From the Other Side: Wisdom and Comfort From the Afterlife for This Life by Sylvia Browne and Lindsay Harrison. Movies that have addressed this topic include: Contact, Ghost Town, The Sixth Sense and Ghost. Rent one or two of them -- and take heart in your own conclusion.

Community Answers

A fellow caregiver answered...
yes. Simple as that. Somehow, some way - emphatically - yes. I have had several loved ones pass away - and I can't tell you how much they've continued to add to my life. That sweet, sad, but more real-than-anything joy that you get from remembering. I now never have to feel alone. In the beginning I could only feel sadness, but in time, it changed. And I do believe it's because my loved ones are still with me - supporting me, showing me things, making me laugh, loving me. It's a nice forever.

Siva answered...

I lost my father in law three years ago. We live far away from our homeland. However, my wife and I always feel that he is with us and guides us every day. Whenever we do something new, we silently stand in front of his picture, close our eyes and sincerely pray for some time. We then feel that he has showered his blessings on us. The sweet feeling that he is with us every moment makes us feel less lonely and boosts our morale. Even as I write this, I feel he is standing beside me and smiling!

Jade1961 answered...

Yes my dear he is always with you. Look in the mirror and you will see shades of him in yourself. He watches over your everyday dealings and helps to protect you from harm from above. God Bless you & don't worry, your Dad loves you and is always there for you to talk to if you need him.

Carol epworth answered...

I lost my dad 7 years ago it will be 8 years in Nov this year I miss him he was my best mate my hero.I want him back can he see me yes or no plz don't lie?

Sue russell answered...

I lost my beautiful dad on the 25/05/16, I'm so full of sadness behind closed doors and just sit alone in a room . Please can somebody help me and tell me he comes to visit me, I'm so alone and afraid ???? xx

Missmydad10/10/13/16 answered...

sue i lost my dad oct 13th 2016 i relate to your pain i do the same thing. i wish i had a answer for you but i'm sorry i do not. oct 13th 2016 is a day i will never forget i woke up that morning went upstairs to see if my dad was awake which he usually was i was prepared for my usual morning to brew coffee and sent and talk with him but instead i found him gone in his recliner. i cannot get myself to leave his recliner i have slept in it every night since my dad gained his wings and flew home. like i said i wish i had a answer for you but i don't all i have for you is understanding and caring. please feel free to email me any time if you need a person to grieve to i know it won't make it easier but at least you will have a understanding ear. my email is [email removed by moderator] with understanding and love donna hunton