This is for Sunnymoon specifically but maybe it'll make sense to some others too.
You have had a really bad time. Repeatedly. You have all my sympathy. I was recently assaulted by a stranger in a hooded top not long after moving to a new town as well and this not long after losing a long term job. I would say that I've always had issues with fear and panickiness anyway and I recall having my first really terrifying panic attack decades ago when about to board a plane to visit an Arab and to my mind, very alien country for a few months. I'll never forget that terrible day. I was so terrified I actually started hallucinating at one point.
ASNyway with all the problems I was having with my life, this attempted mugging just tipped me right over a precipice. I allowed myself to become very negative, aggressive with others who were when all is said and done only trying to be helpful or friendly, and often reluctant to leave my house. I began having big panic attacks, then had what I would like to call a breakdown but I suppose these days would be called psychosis. I was arrested for breach of the peace. There is still graffiti all over my lounge wall. It's not very nice and I'm going to have to redecorate soon. On and off I had very dark thoughts and on at least two occasions thought of killing myself. My immune system took a nose dive and I got pneumonia. I am now taking SSRi's and hoping to be starting some sort of therapy, possibly CBT soon.
This is the important part though, Sunnymoon, since any one who has experienced both panic attacks and severe depression already knows that stuff I have recounted in the paragraph above from the inside.You said, "If only it were as simple as changing the way you think -" Changing the way you think is not impossible. These self help books which advise you to break the cycle of negative thoughts are quite correct and they are also, not dismissing your illness or the serious nature of it one little bit. It is the negative thinking that makes us so ill.
However you choose to do it, with faith, therapy and antidepressants or maybe deciding it is time for a mid life crisis, buying a Harley and going on the road trip of a life time, it is time to take control of your thoughts. They have been controlling you and this, cannot go on Sunnymoon.
I read your post and I really did sympathise with you, you have had a lot of unfairness and rotten luck. But I also noticed that you spent a lot of time feeling bad that you are burdening your husband, who loves you and that is why is he is still there caring for you. Stop beating yourself up, it is not your fault. Be less negative. Don't do yourself down. Self intervene. Stop negative, and looping thoughts as soon as you realise they are happening. You can do it. You are the master of your mind, not the other way about.
Good luck to every one who has posted their story here, I hope you all find a solution to your illness that works for you, and very importantly, I hope you all get yourselves educated on how depression and panic attacks do the things they do. Know your enemy, it's tthe only way to beat the Bastard.Just remember, with mental illness, sometimes, YOU are your own enemy.