Martha: I can only say I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is true, no parent should outlive their child. No it is not fair, but life, unfortunately, is not.
My daughter was murdered when she was 22 years old. The killer has never be aprehended. The reason, remains unknown.
I was put on medication by my doctor. I guess that helped, but it does not make you deal with it. I joined every group I could find. There was one grief therapy group that I found only 2 years ago. I wish I would have found this group sooner.
I learned from the group that the loss of a child was the worst loss of all. But, I also learned from the group, I am no one to judge someone's else's loss. The man running the group told me to write a letter to my daughter telling her whatever I wanted to tell her, and tell her goodbye. I did that. I still have that letter. You see, I guess, I finally accepted she was gone.
I would have loved to have a grandchild, but I have nothing of my daughter to hold on to. You do, so cherish your grandchild, you have her to always remind you that you had a daughter.
My daughter was killed 13 years ago. There is not a day goes by that I do not wake up thinking of her and missing her. I do not cry as much as I did, but I do cry, as I am now.
So, besides joining grief therapy groups the only thing that will help is TIME.
Also, to show how crazy I got, and needed love, as I got a divorce, I have 26 dogs. I bought four and rescused l4 from a puppy mill, and then people started bringing me more. They give me such love and I do them. They are my family now.
Try and stay strong. I was angry at everyone, including God, and then one day, I said "I am tired of being angry" and went to confession, as I was raised Catholic.
I wish I could help you. You must be thankful that you have a grandchild, as she is part of your daughter. My daughter and your daughter would want us only to be happy and not cry. Your daughter would want you to be strong for her child.
I have no fear of death, because I know I will see my daughter again.
I will pray for you as I pray for strength everyday and night.
I also keep myself so busy, I do a lot of volunteer work. It does not give you time to think so much.