It scares me, after reading all these posts, is this how my husband feels? I'm the one who's disabled, after 23 yrs. of Healthcare, I now, am no longer able to work. I had 2 failed back surgeries 1ST one in Dec.08 the 2ND Dec.09 I did work for 6 months between surgeries, after the 2ND I couldn't barely get to 4 hrs. a day. I worked endoscopy (tech) & in between each procedure, I'd cry, then put on the happy face, & do the next, I couldn't continue this way, my job wasn't able to keep those hrs. I totally get that, so I had to stop working, from 2010 -2012 I went through all the disability steps, I still to this day, can't believe it, here's the flip side, I do what I can, to the best of my ability, I believe my husband thought he was getting a house wife, I tell him if that where the case, I'd still be working full time. He doesn't have to care for me 100%. financially, yes, but fr. going to very independent women who helped raise my step-son, to being financially dependent, shouldn't be the worse thing in the world, yet, I feel so alone, I sympathies with what your all saying, but what about us? How we feel, we don't like not having our "normal" lives, I get those who have to be care giving in every way, I do what I can & what my body allows, I push myself to have fun, I pay, I push to pls him & me in the bedroom, I pay, if I clean I have to recline after 20 min. it's a constant circle of getting know where, I know he wants to live, I go out with him, until I can't, it's never enough, & I can't continue hurting myself to save what's left of this marrige, what about the disabled person, we hate this more than you realize, what I wouldn't give to have work again, feeling like I matter, I know I'm depressed, & in pain 24/7. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, with what I can do? why isn't it enough? I know it's not what it was, in all aspects of our marriage, but that's what ya do, when there's changes, the changes happen to both husband and or wife. When my husband had gotten primary placement of his son, I was there helping to raise him fr. 8 till now, he'll be 18, I never had children of my own. since my surgeries, & my changes, I've never felt more left out, & it hurts, I didn't ask for this life at 41, & thank God I can do for myself, after a 3 level fusion I'm thankful that I can walk! not far, but I can! So why & how do have them understand, I know their sick of my pain, & they don't really understand, & Maybe it is me, emotionally, & I don't realize? I don't know, just confused, lonely, & wanting my family back!! It really does go both ways, I know how I feel from this side, I have made sacrifices, I guess this is why I'm confused, maybe their being selfish, On my bad days, it's really bad, so he'll go to the bar, well that's getting old, so this is where I thought the similarities of how we feel being on the op piste sides, I am glad I found this site, it makes me realize, I have to stop complaining so much because I'm pushing him away, but now with him gone working all day & going to the bar afterwards, well sometimes I feel I have to, because that's not acceptable behavior after so long, I am still a women with needs, when it becomes a chore, that hurts, my levels fr L3 to S1 have so much affects on our lower bodily functions, yes, it takes longer, sorry, I'm not able to have an orgasm within 5 min. He blames the meds, I just wish he was more understanding, compassionate, & patient!!