How should I handle brothers who are upset about me taking care of my dad by scheduling doctor appointments and being present durning exams?

2 answers | Last updated: Dec 05, 2016
A fellow caregiver asked...

How should I handle brothers who are upset about me taking care of my dad by scheduling doctor appointments and being present durning exams?


Expert Answers

It's very hard to answer your question with so little information. You don't explain what exactly is upsetting your brothers, or why. Do they disagree with your decisions about your father's care, or do they object to the fact that you're the one making the appointments and accompanying your father? It sounds like you're working hard to help your father, and it must be discouraging to have your efforts criticized by your brothers.

As you've no doubt learned from first hand experience, caring for an elderly parent often rekindles -- and exacerbates -- old family conflicts. The good news is that caring for a parent also provides the opportunity to heal some of these rivalries and resentments by bringing them to the surface so they can be grappled with. But grappling with long standing family issues is extremely challenging, and you may want to enlist the help of a third party.

Whether your brothers are upset with you because of old resentments or fresh (perceived) offenses on your part, a few sessions with a mediator or therapist will help you all sort through the issues and -- with luck -- improve your communication, so you can all work together to care for your father.

Keep in touch and let us know how it all turns out.


Community Answers

A fellow caregiver answered...

Is your dad happy to have the help, does he feel more safe and secure with you there during the visit? If so, keep this in mind and continue. Your brother's are probably having a hard time accepting that dad needs help and their inability to help. Keep even keeled and they'll come around. Keep them posted on what the doc says, update on how better meds are helping dad to feel better. They will be relieved.