Why is my mother so angry and abusive after her stroke?
If your mother's stroke involved the part of the brain responsible for behavior, you may be in for a rough road ahead. Generally, most of the improvement after a stroke is within the first six months, but improvement can continue for up to two years.
I'd recommend taking your mom to see a psychiatrist with experience in stroke cases before you give up hope. Your mother may be suffering from post-stroke depression or other issues that may be reversible with professional help.
While a psychiatrist may be very helpful in the case of depression, I found that a Neuropsychologist did the best for my husband. My husband's stroke was in his frontal lobe (he's amidextrous, so it really messed him up), and he has impaired judgement and impulse control difficulties. While 2 years seems to be the party line for stroke recovery - I still see changes and it's over 3 years now. Just continue to challenge the stroke patient, and the recovery will continue. Don't give up hope - just realize that your mother has changed in a way that was other than her choice.
I am a stroke survivor. Unbeknown to me I was apparently very violent towards both my husband and my son after the stroke. I had very good care both in the hospital and through the various therapists that came to my home to help me. I ended up seeing a Neuro-psychologist at some point and it did not seem to be the answer for my personal experience. My stroke affected my Frontal & Parietal lobes of my brain. Perhaps this is the difference. I am now 4 years post stroke. I still have difficulty swallowing & feeding myself (mostly due to the swallowing) and I have some trouble with my hands throwing things when I don't want them to. I find it hard to believe, I was a Physician Assistant Certified in Alaska & Pennsylvania for over 20 years and the Stroke ended that, so did the cancer that followed. I guess what I am trying to say is your Mom is in there. She will come out eventually. Everyone recovers at their own rate, some of us fully some not. But the Anger issue should dissipate with the proper treatment. You love her & she loves you. Always remember that and reinforce it. I actually got so tired of hearing my son & Hubby tell me how much they loved me but it helped me want to heal more quickly. I wish your Mom well and yourself too. I will keep you in my prayers. Know that Above any of the Physicians, Nurses, PT, OT and other specialists your Mom might see in the end it is God who can make her whole. He is still working on me ..... God Be with you both. Jade
At the young age of 59..I had a stroke..I am 61 now..it was a live changing experiance..for the better..I now enjoy all of life joys.. the changes..are .. move you body.. listing to music..calling old .. friends.. and a New grandson..I am learing to speak spanish..and Reading about new medical news about,Stroks,..Keeping encouranging your mom,,try making laugh,,give her a big kiss evey day,, and more hugs..lots of hugs..pray for her..lots..New Maxc
I had a stroke 6 years ago which destroyed basically the entire right side of my brain. I was very lucky physically and mentally as far as residual deficits go. But, I have found that I do get frustrated easily. I would suggest to the caregivers that they listen to their tone of voice. Nothing bothers me more than to be patronized. For example, my wife will say something 'i'm sorry you had a stroke, but you just can't do blank." So every argument or discussion ends this way. To me, she is basically saying I am incompetent.
I have had 2 strokes to the left occipital lobe of my brain, due to a birth defect called a PFO, which is a hole in my heart. The first stroke happened at age 18, and the second stroke happened at age 35. I have partial blindness and difficulty doing math now. I have bouts of uncontrolled anger and temper, and have a hard time controlling my temper. I wasn't like that before my strokes. I also have a seizure disorder from the brain damage, and my neurologist suggests that my tempers come from the seizure activity, and are part of a seizure prodome.
Hello. I have just suffered my first stroke five months ago. My life was completely independant prire to it. I feel rather angry myself, just based on the shere lack of personal abilities I suddenly have lost!
Your mom can't control the outbursts, be it in anger, Violance, or tears without Medical attention. Also, it is verry hard to explain to you her feelings, which ads to the upset.
Give her time, love, and lots of chances to just recover for one more day.
I am a stroke survivor who had a massive stroke on Dec 05,2013, and a second stroke on Dec 08,02013. Six days of will she live or die. Im a fighter and was made aware of what happened as they moved me from theCCU to acute rehap. completely paralyzed on my left side ( im left handed by the way),and a 1 finger typer, lol!
I was up and walking in 2-weeks. To Jade and others in this forum, God raised me up off of my death bed as he breathe life into me whenit looked like there was no hope and for that I am eternally grateful! However I have terrible anger issues. Not because of what happed but because I am dependent on others for help, I get sick of people saying Im feeling sorry for myself. People just don't get it I was an insurance professional for over 20 years prior to the stroke never needing anything from anyone. Now the very basic needs of getting my hair combed is more than I can deal with. I DONT WANT Help! I need it. My family just wants me on anti-depression meds and I try to explain im not depressed Im angry!
My mother became very violent towards me after she had a stroke now I suffered a stroke just two years ago and I find I can't get mad about anything. Drivers don't make me cross nothing really does
My father-in-law had a stroke about 5 years ago with some pretty significant physical deficits which he started working at dealing with right away. About 2 months after that he experienced a second stroke which affected his personality, and he became a totally different person. While he's coherent and cognizant, he is easily and irrationally irritated and quick to fly into fits of anger. Even now, 5 years post stroke, he's unreasonably cantankerous and the slightest thing - even something as simple as making a cup of tea - will send him into a rage.
Reading some of the support sites make me a bit angry myself, as there are a lot of "hang in there" and "be patient and supportive, it will get better." I've been looking into post-stroke aggression and anger and the research says that in about 20-30% of the cases it doesn't get better on its own. There's evidence that there's a chemical imbalance in some patients that causes anger that surpasses the frustration that comes with the change in abilities. While many people will adapt and "get over it", many won't, though there's evidence that there can be improvement with pharmaceutical intervention, and that anti-depressants actually are more effective in improving post-stroke anger than they are at post-stroke depression.
Your words of encouragement are nice, but for those who are dealing with the personality transformations that come with post-stroke aggression the "hang in there, it gets better" comments fall short. See your doctor. Talk about SSRIs. Look for other solutions - Because it sucks. A lot.
Jade1961- my boyfriend suffered strokes in his right parietal & frontal lobes about 8 months ago, the same areas you had your strokes. I have so many questions- is there any way I could contact you by email? I am not sure if there is a way to do that on here, but I'd be so appreciative if I could just talk to someone who has experienced something similar to what he is going through.
My mom had a stroke about a year ago. I have tried to be encouraging and helpful... and hopeful throughout. I have loved my mother dearly, my best friend. The thing is that it is like somebody else invaded her body. She actually has a lot of mobility, it mostly got her sight in her right eye, but her personality is so very different. She is only a shadow of the person I used to know and only really the worst traits. She is stubborn and pouty and doesn't do anything but order people around. She has no filter... at all and says the most hurtful things to me and my daughter. I keep trying but good grief it is sooo hard. I love her, and I love the person she was so I try to honor that memory in my actions now. It IS hard though when you get anxiety about even going to see her and a feeling of dread as to what will be said or done THIS TIME. Her husband is her legal power of attorney and a total enabler, if she doesn't want to go see the doctor she was referred to for test then fine ok. If she doesn't want to bathe for a whole week then fine ok. I get frustrated because there is nothing legally I can do to help. And I love her, I just don't like her very much right now (or him.) And I feel like a horrible person for it, I would never in a million years let on though because I keep hoping for a glimpse of the person I knew as my mom. (feeling like I lost her a year ago and I didn't get to say goodbye, I don't know this person wearing my mom's face.)
As I read all the posts out here, my heart truly goes out to each and every one of you. I have suffered a stroke, my 3rd in 2 years on July 17th, 2017. I had suffered triple vision, tingling on the entire right side of my body, and could not walk or speak clearly. I ended up in a rehab hospital and after 3 weeks, my triple vision disappeared. They taught me how to walk and talk again also. Now, I'm on home health care which is fine and they do say it helps. I've yet to see any recovery from my side effects from the stoke mainly the numbness and tingling on my entire right side. I've been told that it will eventually stop the tingle while others say I'm stuck with this sensation. I wish I knew if it would stop! I have been reading up on the vitamin B12 and strokes. It sounds good and I will try it but in the meantime, I'm not allowed to drive for at least 3 months. I am single, 63 years old and depended on no one till this stroke. I have no family to speak of either so I must do everything within reason on my own which is depressing. If you have a family member who has had a stroke, show them all the love and support you can. It will definately help with their recovery and they may thank you for that. Oh, i want to add too that i've been reading about vitamin B12 helping stroke recovery so I may try that. Again my heart goes out to everyone on this forum. May the Lord bless and keep you all!
My Grandma had a stroke February 2017. The stroke effected her right side, voice and swallowing. She is now fed with a feeding tube. She is almost 83. I came to Wisconsin, from Oregon to help take care of her. I arrived in March and made it 24/7 until August helping her. She came home to live with my parents. When she first came home, she couldn't do much but there has been quite a bit improvements. My mom does a lot of natural remedies and we juice her food instead of the canned stuff, that the doctors prescribed. This is of course with the Doctor's OK. Anyways, I'm not sure when it started, but my Grandma started to become combative with me, and mostly only me. I know that it is most likely because of the stroke, as she was not like this to me before the stroke. I was actually her favorite grand-daughter. I tried very hard to ignore the behavior or I would tell her I was just trying to help her, and that it hurt me, when she would lash out. At first it just started out when my mom and I were working together, but it gradually continued into when I was caring for her by myself. No matter how hard I tried to look past it, I started to spiral into my own depression. I stepped out of the situation for a few months. Now because of circumstances in my life, I am living back home at my parents. It is worse, and to the point that she complains (in her own way) when I enter the room. She doesn't do this to anyone else, and if she does get combative with others, it is never to the extent as it is with me. A new caregiver from an agency started coming in this week, and I was training her. My Grandma is fine with her but fights me on everything when I go to help. The other day she hit me in the face. I am an empath and highly sensitive. I am not good with separating myself from the situation and every time it happens, it devastates me. My mom doesn't appear to be understanding, and tries to push me into talking to Grandma or saying goodnight. I'm to the point of upset, that I don't want to go in there unless I absolutely have too. My mom thinks it could be because I smoke, and that Grandma doesn't like the smell. When I care for her, I always wait until after I have gone in there to help care for her, and then go out to smoke, though I know the smell can linger on your clothes, but it's not freshly put there, if that makes sense. Anyway I'm asking about thoughts. I don't know what to type in too google to find any answers. more sights talk about minor strokes or overall behaviors and not just too one person.
I'm so happy to read these authentic, honest responses. Thank you all for taking the time to share them. They help me feel not so ALONE with my pain. They give me perspective - from both the caregiver and the stroke survivor's point of view - some of you having experienced BOTH sides, wow!
@DevastatedOne - your grandmother treating you as a "safe" target for her anger is just heartbreaking. I hope you are able to use visualizations, separation or other techniques to erect proper boundaries around your empathic self.
My husband is 9.5 months post-stroke, and in a depression due to his progress plateauing. During the first 6 months, he was a trouper - tried hard, set and worked to reach goals, was determined to recover. When the progress slowed, he slid into apathy, depression, and his progress stalled, and is now backsliding. He's in therapy, and I'm about to schedule some talk therapy for myself.
It SUCKS that this happened to us all. Thank you for sharing your coping strategies, your experiences, and your feelings.
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