How do I deal with my anger and resentment toward my older...

Mjmaple asked...

How do I deal with my anger and resentment toward my older sister, who has not seen our elderly mother in three years due to "health" problems (i.e., drinking)? It has been up to me to look after Mom since my sister has  lived out of state since the 1970's, but now that I could really use assistance, she, as usual, is no help at all. Advice?

Expert Answer

Your situation sounds really tough and I understand why you're angry. At the same time, I agree with Anonymous (below) that acceptance may be your only recourse, since you can't make your sister help if she is unwilling or unable. I also agree with Anonymous that you should do all you can to seek support and practical help for your mother elsewhere  (Caring.com's directory of local resources can help you get started), rather than wating for your sister to change.

If your sister has a serious drinking problem, and it sounds like she does,  than she is in the grip of her own disease, and probably wouldn't be very reliable, even if she tried to help.  I'd recommend that you seek help from Al-Anon, a 12-step program for the famlies and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon will help you come to terms with your resentment, and. by taking care of yourself, you'll be helping your sister as well.