Hi, I empathise with everyone. My Dad had TIA's with dementia and he died 2012. Mum's smoking and tea time drinking had been causing Dad huge stress. Dad had given up smoking years ago, but unfortunately, Mum only gave up briefly, then smoked like a trooper in their rented house, but only upstairs in her bedroom and her office. the wallpaper was magnolia colour, but when we moved Mum out of that house, the walls and ceilings in those two rooms were toffee coloured. The landlord apparently had to have the plaster removed from both rooms, then re-plastered to remove odour.
We moved Mum into a smaller, tidy, easy to keep house which my partner owns and is giving Mum rent free for as long as she needs. Mum was diagnosed shortly after moving with borderline vascular dementia, but this has worsened with comprehension and short term memory extremely impaired.
Mum asked could she pay and have a conservatory put on the house, so we agreed, plus she wanted to have house painted instead of the normal grey walls, so we agreed. That was 2012. We'd asked her not to smoke in the house, but she was smoking all over the house, so after burning holes in bedspread, lounge seats and setting fire to waste bin, the retained fire-fighter had made several visits when smoke alarms went off, as he lives next door, she stopped smoking in the main part of house but has still smoked in the white plastic conservatory, with door closed yet house inner door open, so yesterday, I arrived and the whole ground floor was blue with smoke. I couldn't help getting angry and saying it can't go on and is totally disrespectful to the house owner, my partner. Ironically, Mum was a landlord so she should understand how a tenant should respect the property. Mum has had two serious collapses with broken bones, unconsciousness, and hospital for weeks each time, but thank god I have weaned her off the alcohol by decanting the red wine out and replacing it with non alcoholic red wine and for five months, she was drinking this unbeknown to her, so after one blip getting bottle of real stuff and being legless, she begged forgiveness and asked for pop and with careful guidance in public situations and at home, she has not drunk alcohol for a year now. So, I created a nice notice with flowers and message asking her to smoke in garden, not in conservatory, but she kept turning that over time and time again and still smoking there. the whole conservatory has been professionally purged 6 months ago and she promised not to smoke in there, but slowly crept back inside so the plastic and glass is yellow and its like a gas chamber when I visit in the morning. The morning carer opens windows etc but mum isn't bothered. the carers and I come out with stinking clothes and last month when I had to stay a night on the living room couch, my dressing gown and bedding reeked the next day entailing washing everything. Mum's nieces will not stay at the house for the smell, so they stay in the village. I have told Mum this but it goes over her head and she does not seem bothered at all. A lady we know, bought mum two of those e cigarettes that look like a cigarette, but mum doesn't want to use them and they've disappeared. It affects her socially. I take her to my seated exercise class for social and health reasons, she enjoys the exercise, but when they all sit for a drink and chat, she often gets up saying she needs to walk around and she'll disappear outside for ten minutes for a smoke. The dementia seems to affect her ability or desire to have interactive conversation and she also seems to want to read as an excuse to avoid conversation. So.........we are ordering a cigarette smoke detector for the conservatory, we are also going to ask her to write her promise that she will only smoke outside in the garden, then she cannot deny or forget what she has promised and if she does light up inside, the alarm voice will tell her to go outside, so fingers crossed, we hope this works. When she goes for respite, they let her smoke outside in a designated area, so when she gets a permanent room there, she is insisting on a ground floor room for easy access to smoke outside. Mum's fingers are brown and parts of her grey hair are yellow from nicotine. She is on a packet of 20 a day currently and unfortunately lives next to a Spar, so easy access to buy the cigs doesn't help. the money of £42 per week does not influence her to give up the cigs, despite her low capital and I have to manage her accounts. the final straw is Mum says as she paid for the conservatory, she can smoke in there and its put value on the house, despite the fact it stinks the whole house and everything in the house, so professional cleansing along with all fabric removal including carpets and wallpaper removal to restore house to clean property. Managing Mum's life for last four years has increased in stress, not decreased, so something needs to change to protect our lives as well as hers.