sixteen
Caring for my dad Member since February 05, 2011My Momma was put in a Nursing Home 6 months ago due to her legs that just won't work for her anymore. Too weak. My Dad has mild/severe Alzheimers and is now living alone. My sister, brother and myself for 1yr. took turns staying 7 days at a time. I live 200 miles away. they live up to 5 miles away. My Dad and Sibs cannot get along. Never could really. So after the yr. my sibs. could no longer take the stress of living there. (constant fighting and bringing up the past,,,BAD) They went more often to check on Pop after Mom was put in NH but now if they don't want to they DON'T. If things are perfect for them they take Pop to see Mom on Weds and Sundays. Here lately it is down to one day a week. If my brother says they don't need to go my sister and boyfriend do as he say. With my Dad all alone most days. My sister msy visit one time a week, other than taking Dad to NH to see Mom. That has gotten less.My brother is in pain a lot, my sister is the kind that is always worse off than anyone else, including parents. You would think she is the pationt. Point is, I travel to care for them every 5 14 days. Since the holidays, I have been sick and with the weather being so slick I have only been there 2 times. But each time is 5 -7 days. During which time, I visit my Mom EVERY day even if bro. says no. I take my Dad with me if he is able to go. This is the only time my Dad gets hot meals, meds. on time and making sure he bathes, which is getting harder, I think he is afraid of the water. His sheets do not get changed or other things done if I am not there. My Dad needs to be in NH but last fall the NH my Mom lives stopped taking Medicaid patients. SO,,, when he goes to NH my brother swears he will not move my Mom to be with him. (he is the POA). We argue over this all of the time. He says he will bring Mom home to be with Pop and leave the family forever. (due to family things, at one point he did leave us for 5 yrs) now my Mom is petrified that she will not see him. Even says if my Sister and I want to move her with Pop he will still walk away. Mom and Pop need to be together. At one point right after Pop was diagnosed with Alz. he threatened Mom with a (non) loading shotgun. Drew his fist back at her and was accusing her of affairs with a man in another NH she had been in. When I went to visit he went OFF on me. (keep in mind, I was always daddys' girl and he never raised his voice to me). When Mom told me these things as he was losing it, we decided to call 911 to get him help. (I have not and will NEVER forgive myself for doing this, I keep thinking I could have done something different and not spoke to him the way I did) I will carry that to my grave. Even though that was NOT my Pop that day. My Dad, sister and I need help convincing my brother to let them be together and happy for whatever time they have left with us. He is completely self absorbed into thinking HE WORKED TOO HARD to get her there and will not let her out. He was the one that started the Medicaid process and got her approved. But, it was the Hosp. Admins. that got her in the NH. PLEASE ADVISE!!!