NeverGivingUp
Caring for my mom Member since June 03, 2012I'm 28yrs old, my entire life has been about... what I feel is most important... my family. From the moment I can recall I've always been refereed to as an "Old Soul" & now that I'm older, looking back on everything I've done, I can finally see why those individuals felt that way. By the time I was 13 I was already seeing a difference in my Mom's mannerism, while making dinner her eyes would squint as her hand found itself way to her lower back or she'd exhale when picking up the laundry basket. Obviously it was never a thought in any of our mind that she was starting to show the beginning stages of MS, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteoporosis & what would later be named Fibromyalgia. By 15 I was working FT for a catering company as Assistant Mgr w/ 20 employees all old enough to drive under my direction, my brother's father left us homeless after 9yrs of marriage leaving our Mom w/ the thoughtful words of "this isn't what I signed up for, you're damaged goods" as a reminder she was starting her new leaf deteriorating and it was at that point I refused to allow her to believe she was anything less than the amazingly strong individual she is. I've found my niche, maybe it's b/c I've been at it for so long or maybe it's b/c our lives have never been w/out difficult but regardless of the multiple choice reasons I've been blessed w/ the uncommon ability to rarely spread myself too thin. By the time I was 18 my Grandfather came to live w/ us, I relocated my family to a larger house to accommodate the additional "load" but I still managed to equally divide my time. I was working 1 FT job, 1 PT job, taking my little brother (7yr difference/only sibling) to & from school, taking care of our Mom, taking care of my Grandfather, our pets, having a serious commitment relationship & myself. I'm not trying to paint a picture of "superwoman" but everything looks better on paper, the lack of emotion gives a black n' white description however for all of you who are in my position regardless of the severity, knows how far from "plain text-ed" my story is. I regret not a single choice I've made in regards to taking care of my family. At this point my Grandfather has been deceased for 2yrs, my Mom is 98% wheelchair bound, my brother is nearly done w/ his piloting school & has started another a degree in business (thank god for the grants he ended up finding b/c $1,500 a semester I can't afford) plus he has a FT job and has moved into an apartment w/ his long time GF and now it's just my Mom, the pups & myself living together in our own apartment. I no longer can work, I haven't been able to since 2004 when she started having seizures. We barely make rent every month, I've had to pull out every form of "low income" application given by the government but have yet to receive anything except a $15.00 increase in her SSI. I refuse to allow the cards that have been dealt to bring me down, I use them as my strength to not give up & I can genuinely say that if I could change my Mom's physical predicament I would in a heart beat (given) but I'm extremely happy & have no regrets in the decisions I've made in how to live my life. Off to the side of this "bio" box are options for "caregiver interests" and I have no need nor reason to contemplate checking any of them. I'm not here for support, I have all the support I need from my Mom & brother but what I am here for is to help others who are in need of advice. It's never easy seeing the one you love "fall apart" before your very eyes but to be in the position of taking care of them as they do on a daily bases is even worse; I've noticed a lot of family caregivers are finding themselves having a hard time dealing w/ the situation and if I can help teach ANYONE how to balance their lives a little better, listen or relate... I will. My inspiration is my Mom, the strength she has is unlike any human being I've known or seen in my life. The extent of the damage these diseases have done to her body doesn't match her attitude, character, soul or smile; a day doesn't go by where she doesn't express her gratitude or apologize for what she has no control over... but I will never change my response to the day she's no longer here "Don't apologize for what you cannot control, I choose to want to be here & until I can no longer move, I will take care of you. You're my best friend, soul-mate and Mom... if I can't give to you what you've given to me, what kind of person would I be?"
Feel free to contact me for advice, research and/or simple to talk... ShandeeL83@gmail.com