FrancesC
Caring for my dad Member since April 27, 2010Was a caregiver for my dad in mom's home for a couple of years. He had dementia along with several other major health issues and was in assisted living for several years but passed away 2/15/2013.
Mom sold the family home and moved to a condo closer to my home in 2015 but she told everyone she hated it. She refused to interact with the neighbors; the neighborhood is very socially active and is, to me, a nice place to be.
Mom had major surgery in December 2017 and ended up in hospital for 10 days, rehab for 10 days, and had to go to Assisted Living following that.
She has been there ever since (she’s in her second one so far….). She says she will not stay – she is going back to her condo, but I am refusing to be her caregiver. I’ve told her she must get others to do the job.
She became so very abusive toward me in August 2017 that I refused to work full-time for her (I had done so for the previous 3 years), which resulted in me withdrawing from her. We spoke very little between August 2017 and December 2017, when she came up needing major surgery and “decided to call you (me) rather than 911”.
Mom has NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder – undiagnosed) is legally blind, does not drive anymore (after damaging the car to the tune of over $2000 - thankfully no one was hurt and no police were involved), does not trust me, and threatens me constantly with disowning me ("I have to learn to take care of myself" "you don't want me around" "you just want what I have"). She will not forgive and forget, she will not move forward (when asked directly if she will let things go she tells me "no"), she is bitter, nasty, and controlling. When I finally had enough and stood up to her she went off the deep end. At first she went apoplectic, refusing all help from me. It's always her way or the highway. She now understands that she really needs my help. I really feel like if she had her eyesight I could walk away, but since she doesn't I keep going back and begging to help her. I guess I'm just broken that way. I do have two siblings, but neither have talked to her in over 25 years. I am finally (at age 58) rebelling against her overbearing micromanaging abusive behaviors toward me and learning how to deal with a mother who has NPD and cannot love.
Prior to care giving I was an IT professional.
I've decided also to adopt a new motto - "Just keep swimming!" From Dory in "Finding Nemo". Because I may not know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but I just need to keep moving and keep a positive attitude that I'll get wherever it is sometime.