Nursing Home Alternatives

My 82 yr old mom has had Medicaid for years due to her income being so low w/no assets other then her home. She also had taken out a reverse morgage 10 urs ago. If she should need to go to a nursing home, what will happen to her home (we know the RM will take the balance due of what’s owed back to them) after the sale of her house, but if there are any proceeds left over from that, will Medicaid take that?

Don't forget to breathe. We get so overwhelmed with everything that we forget to just step back and breathe. I am a soul care giver for my husband with dementia. He took care of everything and now that is my job along with keeping him safe and me sane. Has it gotten any better? No. Will it get any better? I don't know. But there is always hope. I have to live one day at a time. There are days that are overwhelming and I just want to scream or cry. But I am one of the lucky ones, because at the end of everyday, my husband still says I love you and often follows it up with and I know you do a lot for me. Sometimes it is all I need to hear.

My husband worked for UPS for 24 years and had a stroke a year ago at the age of 48, he's still young and I really can't' see putting him in long term care but it's just me, his family doesn't help at all. I'm overwhelmed in paperwork and we finally got the Disability and all approved then long term stops requesting more paperwork, all at the same time. There are times we have zero or are in overdraft, I've called churches, sites, everything and can't get any help with anything

My wife suffered a stroke about 2 months ago. I am 75 years of age and have just retired again to be caregiver for my wife of 54 years. We have physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech and language pathology coming in three times each as well as an RN who serves as Case Manager for Home Health Services. Question: My wife has become very quiet and doesn't initiate conversation but will react to my questions. This is so different from the way she was prior to the stroke. Has anyone experienced this and how do you handle it?

Staying in a long term care facility like nursing homes can be a little inconvenient for long term care dependents, and majority would want to stay home. In situations like this, adult day care can provide great help. It also benefits family members and caregivers to have a time off from many tasks brought about by caregiving. It is especially suitable if you are the provider of care and you have work to attend to. They provide variety of long term care services :(http://www.infolongtermcare.org/adult-day-care-might-suitable/) and some adult day care even have transportation services. As stated in the article, medicare and health insurance does not pay for adult day care, although rules may have change or will change but if you have long term care insurance or if you are planning to buy long term care insurance, you might want to consider including adult day care.

I have lived in Mexico for ten years. Here, old people remain at home (usually their own) no matter what. There is a large extended family to be with them at all times. When my mother, now 90, couldn't take care of herself alone anymore, I brought her here. She is now loved and respected as the grandmother of the family, pampered and protected all the time. Americans warehouse their old parents in nursing homes, many of which addict them to narcotics to keep them quiet. This is very rare in Latin America but is becoming the trend in Colombia.

I particularly liked the comments about check with your churches. God and churches should be the first line of defense for social issues. Not the federal government. We should all be involved in helping each other, our neighbors close and farther away.

Informative article. The key is to plan ahead. If you're a care giver now you realize how expensive long-term care will be even if you get at home. It's not too late to look into some type of either long-term care insurance or LTC alternative. Some plans will even pay the benefits to a beneficiary if you never file a claim!

The kids decided they'd "put me in a home." I went right along wiht them, smiled, entered the front door of the gentile prison, but was back out again in 5 minutes. The secret? Black beans and garlic every morning, sound effects optional!

I also found the recommendations of "aging in place" tools on your site (http://www.caring.com/checklists/useful-gadgets-for-elderly) of interest.

Long-term care insurance MAY or MAY NOT cover adult day care....it all depends on the particulars of your policy.

This article is informative and accurate and would be helpful for most caregivers. I have been researching and living the caregiver options for over a year now, so I knew everything presented. That is the only reason I did not find the article helpful.

Then again, you could do the world and your family a favor and end it yourself, rather than becoming a burden to others.

Remind the. Family that Medicaid puts a lean on the estate of those in a rest home so it their iIs an inheritance expected it may not be there . Ie no free ride,

One thing I can add is a grocery delivery service to make sure they have access to adequate nutrition. I own Grocery Hunters Delivered Goods Here in Englewood Fl and have family members call from out of town with orders for their loved ones.

nursing homes are from hell. i experienced the most horrible nursing home in new york, brooklyn. i would not put my dog in one of them,much less a human being. and to put an elder in one of those places, should be criminal, because what they do to u is.

In-home care is the answer for those who can afford it. Figure a minimum if $22/hr in most cities. Plan and save now for a private attendant to assist with bathing, dressing, meals, med reminders, etc. A homecare agency will manage all aspects of care along the entire continuum of aging. Don't hire independents that are not covered by workers comp. and other employer-provided insurance. Medicaid does cover some of these costs but not Medicare so income determines eligibility, not age. Plan and prepare for your care now.

I just pray that I die before I have to go into assisted living or a hospice.

Hi Everyone, For those posting questions about your individual situations, please contact your local Area Agency on Aging to learn about programs and services in your or your loved one's community: http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging You'll also find money and legal tips in this area of our website: http://www.caring.com/senior-money-legal . Please let us know if we can direct you to additional resources.

I have my mother and father in law and my mother and father all between 83 and 90 all under one roof. Every year their care needs increase. One of the 4 four can still drive, but only for grocery store and pharmacy and local doctor visits. Does anyone have any information about family home health care resources or information about qualification for subsidy's to pay for these services to family. Thanks MA

Excellent article, and I learned a few things even I didn't know. Something often overlooked is the role of injuries caused by falls in nursing home admissions. Fall prevention is a vital part of keeping seniors independent and able to cope on their own. Many steps can be taken (no pun intended) to prevent falls, including home-modifications such as the installation of grab-bars and railings, removal of thick, shag-type carpeting and loose throw rugs, the addition of motion detector-triggered lights in dark areas, etc. Possibly the most important tool for seniors, however, is good balance. Tai chi is cited by the CDC as the single most veluable exercise for prevention of disabling falls. And, it's really fun and relaxing.

To the idiot who said "Stay healthy". My mother walked 30 minutes almost every day and played competitive bridge. She is 86 and in dementia. We work out, stay healthy and our bodies outlive our brains. Scream to your legislatures.

Great article. My mother is in mild dementia and needs some help. There are 6 of us and we're trying to spread out the work. This article had some good ideas. It gives us a starting point. Mom just got out of hospital. I think we should all be screaming to our legislators. We need "Manhattan Project" for dementia and alzhimers. We will all be in this boat soon!

This author did a decent job trying to list alternatives to inpatient snf care. While not perfect I disagree with someone who called it pathetic. The truth is every person has a different need and there are options. Thanks to the author for shedding light on some of these. By the way to the person who wrote that they worked in two nursing homes that are terrible..there are some great ones out there with staff who provide amazing compassionate care..do your research before applying somewhere else and you may find a great place to work.

Easy to say and very hard to do. Why not just simply say, "Stay healthy"? It's very easy to list all the "high end" things to do but you have to list all the assumptions to make them all work. You know, on things such as income, where you live, existence of a supportive family, no real property or mortgage, and all those things that make life so enjoyable. Pathetic attempt by a socially isolated blogger to list all the things you can do if you're capable of doing them. Too bad these tips are not worthwhile to a large segment of the population whose income, if they have one, is mostly going for food, medications and rent.

My wife had Parkinson's and then Lewy Body Dementia. I tried a part time live in care giver, followed by one full time live in care giver, but the best solution was that I found two mature nursing students in their 20s. We had a large house so each had their own bedroom. I provided them with room, board and a monthly stipend and provided an auto which they shared. They arranged for one to take Monday-Wednesday classes and the other Tuesday-Thursday classes. This lasted throughout the last 3+ years of my wife's life and I believe was an excellent solution. And I believe the cost was significantly lower than a nursing home, although I did not look into that option.

You forgot the easiest way to avoid having to go into a nursing home: DIE YOUNG (and while still pretty).

Honestly, don't listen to anyone on here whether a particular product is good or bad, its all situational. Whole life insurance is a vehicle like a stock, mutual fund, or other financial instrument. I recommend you do your own research and look at reputable source material so you can make an informed decision. Have a nice day.

This article left out Long term care insurance as a viable option to stay in your own home. Its better designed for ppl in their 40's to 60's to leverage their dollars, otherwise out of pocket costs skyrocket a 3000-10000 USD per month. However, numerous Insurance companies have left the LTCi market, so its best to look into which players are left in the market.

excellent

yes whole life Ins never ends unless you stop paying the bill*

Life Insurance? Is their a life insurance that continues after age 70?

Move to another country? Really!? Mom doesn't have the resources to hire care and insists she doesn't need *any* help.

some of the solutions are ridiculous.move a loved one out of the counrty?? hmmm seems like a very silly move to me?? and by the way I worked in 2 different Nursing homes and they both were terrible**

my Mom was poor but not quite poor enough, I took care of her for many years in her and my home, she had COPD, shingles, osteroperosis, dental problems and a couple of major sugeries for abdominal issues and so on, then finally dememtia and then she fell and broke her hip, thatw was the beggining of the end. I did everything in my limited power to keep her out of a nursing home but in the end, her mind was gone and she couldn't walk anymore, the Rehab she was in after the hip said you have a choice of 2 nursing homes, one sucked more than the other,with a broken heart I relented, the care was terrible for the most part as was the food, I had to go there everyday and care for her myself..somtimes you just don't have a choice, the way our elderly are treated in this country stinks! I still mourn and feel guilty almost 2 yrs later.rest in peace now Mommy :-(

As a licensed insurance agent I learned that the average life span in Nursing Homes is about 18 months---due to low morale and shortages of manpower to oversee and attend to all the people. One incident I know personally the old man was deceased for about 8 hours before anyone found out at the facility.

Please don't recommend nursing homes. Have you done your research??? Rampant abuse, bedsores, lack of care. One nurse to every 40 patients and one aid for every 30 patients...there is no way anyone gets good care in a US nursing home. Profit is king for these facilities. Your other suggestions are slightly better but nursing homes should be a last resort. I work in a hospital and see the awful cases that come in from these facilities.

Once you move out of country & have a procedure you negate Medicare coverage along with any physician you might be able to see their E/O insurance will be stripped. Please, unless you have lots of money do not move out of the country

My kids are grown, I'm on my own, and I have gone back to school to earn my LVN so I can provide independant senior care. I have worked very briefly for "franchise" openrations that horribly exploit their workers; operators cheat workers on their hours and make baseless accusations of theft. The vast majority of eldercare workers really care for their clients and really arent interested in stealing elderly persons "treasures." I was assigned to care for 30 clients alone overnights and it broke my heart to see elders treated this way. I did my best to answer the call lights, but many clients had dementia and were up and tried to wander @ night. I tried to get as many residents who wanted to go to the bathroom to the bathroom but the charge nurse told to clients to "go in their diapers" because she wouldnt get up and help. I was written up because "it shouldnt take more than 5 minutes to take someone to the bathroom." The bedsores @ that facility were awful, Bedsores =neglect. A resident in a walker or wheel chair who doesnt move quickly, and is so lonely for someone to talk to.. I was able to snap photos of the same charge nurse sleeping @ her desk over a two hour period with time stamps and she was let go... Before you even think about sending a loved one to a facility, go after 11PM- especially if your loved one wanders @ night or has dementia. Dont rely on the glossy brochures or what the management tells you. Go look for your self. There has to be a better way that what I have seen

wheels on meals and bathing help is very helpful

Do some supplamental health ins. plans cover Long Term Care, or is that covered by Medicare?

Re: Medical Interventions/Medication 1) Curative? 2) Slow down the advancement of terminal disease? 3) Palliative? 4) Hospice? Number 2 is the slippery slope and the most complex. Many medical interventions are exceedingly intrusive, adversely affecting quality of life for the caregivers and those being cared for. As a personal decision--not to be applied to others--I have decided to eliminate all medications/doctor visits/monitoring whose sole purpose is to extend life or avoid the physical discomforts often associated with death for my 86 year old mother. I have given my family members notification that this same standard is to be applied to me. Peace, as I see it, should ensue as an alternative to desperation. Guilt, Indebtedness, and Obligation are exceedingly coarse, selfish emotions. Aside... "Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you, nor all these kings; nor in the future shall any of us cease to be."

Moving away from family and/or friends is very easy, if one does not feel 'cared about' when they live closer. Or, as in our case, there is contact with only 1 family member, and she's a bit older than I am. She has children she's in contact with, but we (my husband and self) do not. We can only hope there will be sufficient funds that we can stay in our own home, as we get older.

One topic that needs to be addressed is that many older people don't entertain around the Holidays, simply because they cannot have their home as clean as they used to. Or, they can't cook a huge meal anymore because of pain, etc. Please give us some tips on perhaps short-cut cleaning, if we can't afford to have it done? Also, suggesting that those who come, bring a dish to pass, is far easier than cooking the entire meal yourself. There's also the subject that many older people simply don't have family to invite, and don't know many friends. What to do? Often my husband and I don't even celebrate birthdays or holidays, because there is no one to share it with. Please address these things? For myself, and for others?

proposal 4 will not bring any good for the veterans or any seniors! Veterans benefits montly doesn't go up if propsal 4 goes through (not saying they don't deserve it) the ad makes it sound this is good for veterans. My mom gets help from V.A. as a surviving spouse of a war soldier. She has caregivers that go to her home late in day till morning next day than as her daughter I go. She is at her max with V.A. and she has liquidated all her funds except for her home... how does proposal 4 help her? Very misleading!!!!

Am grateful being a part of this group

I work in a nursing home and care for 26 residents most of which are 2 assist hoyers and stand lift. The facily gives no other help in caring for these people. Dont these people deserve better care than running in and out and doing what needs to be done and running to another. The residents want and need better care. I love theresidents and want more for them.

A senior alarm or similar product may help to avoid having to move into a nursing home as well. With the product installed in your home, you can be protected in the event of an emergency or fall. With the knowledge that if you fall you can press a button to summon emergency help, it is safer to live independently at home.

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE FOR MY PARTNER...WHO DIED. IT HELPED ME AVOID PITFALLS IN THE FUTURE. IT HELPED ME TO LOOK RIGHT IN THE EYES OF OUR SOCIAL WORKER WHO SEEMS TO DISLIKE SOME ELDERLY INTENSELY. I FEEL STRONG NOW AND NOT COMPLETELY UNDER HER TWISTED POWER. WHERE I LIVE MOST ELDERLY ARE EXTREMELY AFRAID OF HER. THEY ARE MADE PARANOID. THANK YOU,,,

Hello to all other caregivers who (gathering from your notes to one another) love their family member and either provide or provide for the 24/7 care and wellbeing of their parent or relative. I was VERY helped last night as I read many comments, then took the time to follow links and learn more about the Alzheimers that my 88 year old Dad is affected by. I was suprised to find that it ISN'T all my fault that he is weakening over time, difficult to interest in ANYthing, incontinent and not able to initiate or participate in conversations and activities. I've been thinking it's all my fault that this healthy, previously functional, busy, productive man is getting weak, shuffling and staggering, super passive and quiet (I KNOW I am blessed that this (passivity) is what has manifested in his case of Alzheimers). I guess that's what a website like this is for. Helping caregivers cope and realize they are NOT alone in their discomforts. Thought I'd share a couple of things I've done to help provide some comfort for Dad in the ever-decreasing size and scope of his world. Every year about 2 to 3 weeks before his birthday, I send out a generic form-letter to all his and mom's (passed away over 5 years ago) old friends and some family members reminding them his birthday is soon to come and asking for a card and note. This year I asked for any extra photos they had of themselves to be included to help remind Dad of who they were or a note that told of "I remember when...." and include a memory of their time with Mom and Dad when they were on their own, being a blessing to them and others. I am now sending snail-mail requests for phone calls after and before a certain time. With each letter I update these life-time friends with benign and dignity-preserving information on how Dad is doing and how much their continued contact, prayers and fondness for him means to him and our family. Sometimes I include a photo or two. I know I'm fortunate enough to be able to have and keep Dad in our home. I work on the weekends only and either have a caregiver come in or my husband watches over him while I'm at work. Still,I have to admit that I welcome going to work to have my 'break' away from the 24/7 responsibility, and it is hard to get myself to go back home some days. Anyway, I'm glad to have found this community blog. Thanks for all the sharing and I'm sure I'll be blogging again and some days with a grumble or fit or regret or disappointment in myself or others. Today is a good day. Blessings and prayers to you all!

Attention Veterans. You may be entitled to Benefits specifically geared toward nursing care in a facility and at home. It is known as Aid and Attendance. The benefits are for the Veteran, Spouse or Widow and can equate to a lot of very needed assistance. We have the 2012 pension amounts on our website at www.AppliedSavings.com or you can contact us and be referred to our Professonal. We also can assist you with Medicaid Nursing qualification as well.

Moving to a 3rd world country like the Philippines is a great idea for the elderly. I did it 4 years ago & would only move back it the US$ collapses. I live in Olongapo & there are many English, Aussies & Americans here & there are many US products available

I want to have my 72 year old mother in my home and cared for . I do not know how long I have with her. I do not trust any personal care homes and will go to any means possible to not have her go there. the office for the aging spent less than a half hour with her and says she can make decisions on her own. She has demention, she has no idea what she wants. I wanted a dual care situation with adult day care and in home care, they do not care what my wishes are. They say she said old age home and thats what she gets.

Die... death is just an illusion there is no such thing,it never existed before and it will never exist again.

I live in Germany where quality care is at least as expensive as it in the U.S. For the younger generation the only advice I can give is to save enough money for the care you'll most certainly need in your old years. Better yet (at least for many) get a good long term care insurance. If you begin to pay the premiums in your early years they will remain low enough for you to be able to pay them continuously.

WHAT KIND OF IDIOT, WHEN THEY NEED MORE CARE, IS GOING TO MOVE AWAY FROM ALL THEIR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES TO ANOTHER COUNTRY? COME ON, THAT IS, WITHOUT A DOUBT, THE STUPIDEST IDEA POSSIBLE.

lots of help about the ways to save money, which is so important in our economy.

Hello Pegrette, Thank you very much for your question. If you'd like, you can post your question in our Ask & Answer section, here ( http://www.caring.com/ask ). Take care -- Emily | Community Manager

What solutions do others have for a patient who feels edizzy and has great equilibrium?

Excellent. This was a very comprehensive and fresh approach to this topic. May I suggest another resource, "How Does Home Care Work" http://www2.cooperativehomecare.com/how-does-home-care-work/ which presents real-life scenarios and matches them with the right home care options, including distinguishing Medicare vs. private home care, which is commonly misunderstood. Best of luck to all readers~

Very few elderly people need to be in a "skilled care facility". What they need is to feel independent from their loved ones/family, be nurtured and loved while receiving consistent care to keep them at the optimum health and happiness. However, when they can no longer stay at home or an assisted living facility a nursing home is not their only choice. There are many private homes across the United States that are 1/3 less the cost with intelligent, trained compassionate people, their main concern each day is the welfare of their residents. Residents in these homes, usually less than three, eat fresh fruits and other healthy yummy foods that they can smell cooking in the kitchen. they participate in family gatherings, go on outings indulge in stimulating conversation and just live life with out the feeling that they are just hanging around waiting to die. They are treated like honored guests. It's as if they are living on there own, but under a watchful eye. So you say, how do I find one of these homes. The problem is these homes are not allowed to advertise according to the State Legislator. So the answer is by word-of-mouth. Inquire at your local church, home health agencies such as Tidewell/Hospice, Geriatric Case Managers, Geriatric Lawyers and Doctors to name a few. These homes are not allowed to advertise so it is difficult. Also, let your State Legislators know Seniors and their families have a right to choose and not be told they have to go to a nursing home...their is an alternative!

For the most part, I found your article informative. I do, however, wonder how you think one would move their loved one out of the country or even out of state. I know I certainly have my hands full just maintaining my sanity day to day no less worrying about moving either mom or my husband and I. I find that not a good option. What would that mean to grandkids or long time friends? We did move her to a independent senior residence where she has an apartment and services provided such as meals, laundry and housekeeping. She has been there one month and is angry and hateful. Hmm maybe I can ship her to another country.

Assisted living was the best choice for our Mother who has Alzheimers. It is a very nice place and the staff and nurses are amazing. She has made a couple of friends and she plays the piano which she is still good at and everyone there enjoys it so much.

Very good article. Lots of examples from which to choose. A good start.