The Dangers of Loneliness

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almost 9 years, said...

Cancer kills much quicker and faster, but Loneliness is a very slow and painful death.


over 9 years, said...

Hi everyone, Thanks for sharing about your experiences! We invite you join the conversations in our online support groups (which are better suited for back & forth, and ongoing conversations that aren't feedback on the article): http://www.caring.com/support-groups Whether you post there or here though, please keep in mind our Community Code of Conduct: http://www.caring.com/about/community_guidelines and Site Terms of Use: http://www.caring.com/about/terms We want this to be a supportive, caring place where family caregivers can feel free to share about their experience without judgment and harsh feedback from others. Get in touch with our team if you have any questions: community@caring.com. Thanks!


over 9 years, said...

Someone commented about being widowed. This of course is a time of loss, of grieving and, of remembering. It sounds as if this person, who said something like "if I can't have my husband..then..." sets things up mentally to be lonely. I must be fair and say I am unsure how recently widowed this person was. That makes a great difference. A colleague of mine at Columbia University lost her husband of thirty five years suddenly, and it took her some months to even feel like eating regularly, doing chores, even putting one foot in front of the other. But you work at the process - move forward and be glad for what you still HAVE. Some people live all their lives and never know a happy marriage! This widow is lucky to have had someone who loved and cared for her all those years. As far as having your friendly overtures rebuffed - why not take them elsewhere? I visit people in nursing homes who have no family, for example. And I am always reminded when I go to the home that I could be in that spot - if I ever get depressed. I read a great deal. I do research work online. I e.mail, and keep a journal. I cook. I do crossword puzzles. I collect used clothing and launder, then donate it for needy people. I watch films and listen to good music. And yes, I love my dear cats too. So I know what a solace pets can be - and how unconditionally they love you. And the widow who commented may indeed have treatable depression. It is no source of shame to see a Doctor and find out if medications or, making lifestyle changes: like exercises (modified for your disability) or a different diet will help you feel more positive. Your life is not over because your life partner has died. Of course, no one is denying that widowhood can be terribly sad - but that person you shared a marriage with must have, long ago... loved the life IN YOU - and to honor them, you may wish to prayerfully think about the best, wisest, most self-enhancing ways to continue? And never, ever give up..you've probably got friends you don't even realize are there!


over 9 years, said...

I live alone because my husband passed away, and I have no human family. And since I can't have my husband, then I'd rather just live alone with my little precious family of loving, attentive cats. ............The problem is: I have no visitors and no friends to talk with, or to share anything with.....but NOT for lack of trying again and again and again. People have their own lives, families, and established friends, so they have no need for me.......especially since I have the stigmas of being widowed AND partially disabled. .............When I need to discuss a problem or ask advice or suggestion, or to express my feelings, I have no one. When I am sick, I have no one to take care of me. When I need to get diagnostic tests done that require a driver, I have no one. And one time I was refused a test no matter how much I pleaded to have it done. Finally, tearfully I said: "I can't force someone at gun point to drive me!" .......................And besides ALL of this, I found people to be indifferent to insensitive to downright cruel to me about my unwanted situation! No "helping" orgs. will help. My Church will not help me. And right now I am VERY disgusted! I called to have a LOT of donations picked up for my Church's rummage sale, and the 2 pick-up men were not satisfied with my items!...which they did not even go through! Lazy perhaps?................................I don't know, but these -and SO much more- are the issues of being alone..... and lonely but only for my loving husband.


over 9 years, said...

I like living alone. I just my 75th birthday. I am widowed 15 years. I am busy with antiques buying and selling, I have done all my life. My Son said tells me he loves me but I do not believe him. I love him very much and I help him financially as best I can. I feel that is my responsibly as a Mother. I


almost 10 years, said...

Religious faith is important. Time on your own, as distinguished from LONELINESS (looking for someone or something to make you feel better) is a different thing, entirely. I suppose I was 'lucky' to have had a dysfunctional birth family in my growing up years. So, writing, music, meditation, Tai Chi, prayer, creative pursuits all became my friends, at first. I learned to rely on them, and my INNER resources for sustenance and support. And now, I also have great friends. At 66 I am blessed with Ric, my husband..but I still read, meditate, write, cook, etc. I am also fortunate in that I do not suffer from clinical depression or dementia, which robs a person of his or her ability to reflect and note that things ARE deteriorating. Still, a pastor, a physician, a social worker (we are blessed to have the Sirovich Center and Hudson Guild nearby) can offer resources and ideas about how to cope. Of course, I am in NYC so that means there are many avenues I can explore. But other locales around the country also have church groups, senior advocacy, pastoral counseling, and medical doctors. I have been a writer for many years, thus I take comfort in journaling - writing down how I feel and what I think and observe. That always helps me to get, and keep things in better focus. During one of the worst periods of my life after two fires in buildings where I was involved (and a suspect in each fire for a horrific brief time!) I would have lost my mind if not for my Pastor. He helped me to re-locate my faith, which I had not lost, but in the stress and hurt and anger of those nightmare days, merely misplaced. Bottom line: We can cope, by reaching out for help, by making sure we are physically well ourselves with proper food and rest, and by creating a network of support. It may not be easy to begin (beginnings are always tough, I have found) but well worth the effort. I myself was surprised after the fires to discover that I not only had friends I did not know about, but that they were not just willing, but eager to step in and 'get my back' as I re-tooled and re-grouped. I will love them forever. And most important, He was there to sustain me. It was I who forgot Him in the worst, darkest moments - not the other way around! We may not always admit it, but often these tests are sent to us, and loneliness and isolation can be very fertile ground for personal growth - depending on what we do in response. I remember a fellow AA buddy say to me, "Are you a vicTIM, or a vicTOR?" Hmm....


almost 10 years, said...

Man is always lonely for the simple reason nothing is going to come along with him when he finally departs. Thoughts occupy his mind and keep him busy. We call the man as a social animal. True . He wants to spend time talking and doing things with others. In the bargain no one is happy including himself. He loves none including himself. God is the only friend who listens optly to your bickerings silently acepting what all you say.w/o questioning your judgement. What we have to do to remain happy is not to do anything which causes inconvenience & discomfort to others. It should come natturally with the gradual progress you make in this direction. You are not alone and always GOD is with you as a Friend, Father and Mother etc., You will never feel loely when you realize GOD is always with you.


about 10 years, said...

I need a lot of alone time, and rarely feel lonely. There are lots of memories to relive, and even though he will have been gone for 21 years this November, I still feel very close to my father. I think of him or talk to him every day. He was much older than most other contemporaries' fathers, and lived to be 90.Papa was only 5 years younger than my step-grandfather, but he was so wise and so loving. He told my sister and me that he would love us forever after. I believe him. I also read, communicate in Italian, which I am still learning, with a cousin in Italy via e-mail almost daily. She sends me books about the culture of the region she lives in, which is the same one in which my father was born, and I read them. I am learning about the culture and furthering my knowledge of Italian (and also picking up a bit of dialect) by my reading. I have learned to use the dictionary a bit less, which is a good thing, because my poor dictionaries need to be replaced; they are falling apart. I use lavender oil as cologne. It is very calming. Needlework of some kind is also a pastime when the mood strikes. The hard thing is getting used to my husband being in the house all the time. He has lived in the house next door which he inherited from his parents for about 5 years, and we were very happy with the arrangement of visiting back and forth but each living in our own worlds. His COPD has worsened and his medications and diet need to be closely monitored now, so he has to be here. He has become very forgetful, as well as hard of hearing, and his mind is becoming vague. We argue a lot about the regimen the doctors have prescribed for him, and which he does not want to follow. He talks endlessly about the same old things, and does not like to be interrupted. I am working on the art of going inside my own mind to get away from his endless complaining and neediness. I have had to take over the bill paying and house maintenance that he can no longer perform. There are times when I am so stressed I wish I could just walk away. The last thing I need is more human interaction or anything such as a dog that needs to be cared for. All human relationships require becoming involved in others' lives. I try to avoid them. To those who live alone, I would say, nurture the life of the mind. Be your own company. In the end we are all alone. It is best to make your peace with that fact.


about 10 years, said...

Loneliness does not cause depression!! Depression and or other mental problems cause loneliness!1 You have it backwards! Physically and mentally healthy people are never lonely!! People love to be with them! Personally, I love, treasure, and enjoy my alone times. Some people are lonely even when they are not alone. I sympathize with such people and try to encourage them. God loves us all and especially those who feel lonely. God bless you all, Bobbie Sena


about 10 years, said...

As a full-time caregiver I don't have a love life because most men don't want to deal with the situation. I can't sleep over or have long lunches, and he certainly can't hang out in our home. Respite care is expensive, so I have to use that free time to handle business. I have family and neighbors in my life, but I miss having a relationship. I'm still a vital woman and I feel like I am aging faster than I expected. Toys and chat lines are a poor substitute for hugs and kisses. IMVU's 3D chat line is kind of fun but it takes a while to find the right "friend", just like in the real dating scene.


about 10 years, said...

Just the idea others recognize it helped. I forwarded it to a friend who use to discuss this with me. She now has a significant other & is nolonger lonely, but she still liked the article. I will try some of the suggestions as I live alone, too.


over 10 years, said...

Some of us like to be alone, if we dont go out we dont pick up the viral infections or bugs going around. I have always led the life off on my own. Some off us get bored quick, i dont, i can always find something to do. If i get bored, i change what i can do. There is always something to do and as my family come around quite often, i dont get bored. Company is good sometimes,but too much i find it difficult to deal with. Not everyone is the same, whether it causes health problems or not. In the UK people are alive longer, and the government is trying to keep us alive longer as well. Cant do this or do that, oh boy,we only live once and we all have to die at some point. Enjoy life whilst you can.x


over 10 years, said...

Hmm if you have a pet then you have the problem of the pets illness and death which results to more depression. Dont forget that dogs only last up to 13 years. X


over 10 years, said...

There are help lines in the phone book. Our church has a St. Stephen ministry and I'm sure most churches will have someone who can reach out to the lonely.


over 10 years, said...

It reiterated some things I already knew, but forget to do. I also send these to my adult chidren sometimes.


over 10 years, said...

Clicked on the robotic pets....if anyone knows of a toy dog, that "purrs" when you pet it, please let me know. Think that would be great for Alz Dad who loves pets. And all family is long distance, so that would give them him something to hug. Hopefully there's one for $25, not over $4,000 like the one in the article! I think the baby doll for a Mom or Grandma would work! Give it a try


over 10 years, said...

I suffer from loneliness. To the point of suicide thoughts.I was hospitalized.I am only 66 years old. Am now going into a assisted living community.I so fitwhat you describe in your assements


over 10 years, said...

to see that you are helping others.I have 4th stage COPD but am autonomous and look for the humour in things.I have 10percent of my lungs and due to a bed bug problems must do all alone.exercise(dishes,bathing,trying my best though leaving me breathless gives sense of accomplishment.it is to easy to give in and let everything be done by others.making efforts is harder as we become more ill and it depends on the disease.never give in easily.there are volunteers,in quebec CLSC's(social workers)etc.but you or a friend muswwt make the effort to try and find what help is out there..always be greatful for the little things.depression is so easy.there are good meds but attitude eally helps!


almost 11 years, said...

I got a Ph.D. at 60. It cost me a lot of money but it was worth every cent. I chose a subject I had a passion for, knowing I probably would never earn back the costs but also knowing if I did not do something to generate passion in my life I was not going to need money - I would not have survived. I am now 70 and never regret it. From time to time I give presenttions in my field of work and feel very proud and satisfied. Most important, I want to be a role-model for older people to know that we can re-generate our being by jumping off the cliff and choosing to do so. I know it is a great help to have a little dog. One lady said she cannot have one because she does not have the health to take it for walks. What a gift if those who do have the energy would walk a dog for an elderly person and thereby give him/her the gift of companionship. Maybe some elderly person could even start an organization for this purpose.?


almost 11 years, said...

Just re-affirming my situation.


almost 11 years, said...

...hello ppl. I am a 48 yr old man with copd, been end stage copd for about 5 yrs now. I shifted out of the city (delhi, India ) to more unpolluted environs in the hills. Am also making myself a house there. The problem being , that this place is a very very lonely place and there is no one to interact with excepting a couple of my servants. family is in delhi.The loneliness is crippling. The copd further restricts movements even around the house on most days. I spend a lot of time in chat rooms on the internet. Though there too , one cant really say or talk about things one may want to at times. Just thought i'd join in and talk to the people in here. Hey we can talk happy, share music...like a real social circle. i also started a page on Fb for end stage copd ppl, but no members yet..)). maybe is some of you would like to talk up sometime, loll or even most of the time, you could just befriend me there on Fb too. Am recklessman man there.


almost 11 years, said...

Dear Lolipop, I hope your home situation has improved. I sympathize. Have you tried to talk to your Sister to let her know that your Mother deserves to be comfortable in her own home as long as she lives in it? I would be angry if somebody painted my favorite room a color I did not like. Also, I love my old antique living room set even though the cushions are worn out. So I understand how sad it was for your Mom to lose her favorite furniture. I think your Sister is seeing just half the picture. She is preparing the house for the time when your Mother would have to go into either Assisted Living or a Nursing Home. But she is acting too fast and is not sensitive to your Mother's feelings. I took care of my Mother at her home for 6 years after my Father died and I was happy to take care of her as best I could. There were many challenges and frustrations but overall I did a good job and Mom was happy and safe with me at home until two days before she died a happy death at the hospital when her heart and lungs gave out from old age. I will pray for your family but I hope you find the courage and the right words to talk to your sister about your Mother's feelings. Also, you might want to ask your husband to set aside a date night or Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning with you! Can you leave the house for Sunday brunch at a restaurant? Or take a walk in a nearby park with him? You need to go out with your husband once a week to do something pleasant together! Companionship cannot always flourish in the home especially when other people live there. Set up dates with your husband! Also, give responsibilities and chores to your children. If they do not live up to their responsibilities at home, kick them out. Even if you have to move into a smaller home as a result. You have to assert yourself! You are just as good as anybody else even though you have been stricken with an illness. God loves you. Now love yourself and seek your happiness in a healthy way and do it now. You need to be respected and appreciated at home and outside the home. Friendly Advisor/Sometime Caregiverc


almost 11 years, said...

I have lived alone for about six years since my Daughter graduated from college and started living independently. When I retired I was often lonely but I did not realize how much loneliness could affect my health and happiness. Your article helped me understand that socializing is very important and should not be ignored since it is a basic human need. I am trying to be friendly with neighbors and overlook people's annoying habits. I started a new career at 66 years old and enjoy the contact with people.


almost 11 years, said...

Suffering a debilitating chronic disease with no cure, yet it is not a death sentence, can be so lonely even when one has a wonderful husband if that husband works long hours . When home, he keeps himself busy in his own hobby shop detached from the house or always doing things around the yard. As friends who used to do things or take me to doctor appointments drop off because they stay as busy as I used to be with them, loneliness gets worse. Children with my grandchildren live out of state and are so disconnected; they have not a clue~same with most family members except one who also lives out of state. So, I know how lonely my mother is when left for even 2 days because with her alzheimers, to her that is 2 months! The elderly need more activity with especially their family who they trust the most than even I do . I do use technology for communication, but who wants to talk about my days? My own children will not do face book with me so I can not see pictures of my beautiful grandchildren. My mother does have that contact and could have it at home. One daughter, 2 nieces she has done for all their lives, one son-in-law and one grand son-in-law and 2 great grandchildren are one block or one mile from her. They could set up a rotating pattern, including her brother living next door to her and a couple people in her Bible Class to keep her watched and to have company. Niece has already moved in to a guest room, lived with her before, and could spend the nights with her now. Home Health Care will come in for therapy for her, that's another bit of time to be scheduled in. I just wish they would try that instead of taking mother out of her house that she loves so much. One guest room can be left for any of us 3 sisters from out of town. Why my two controlling sisters won't TRY to see this work, I do not know. They want to rent her house out leaving 3 of us with equal deeds to her house kicked out as we get to retirement age and one already has, and we can go down for extended times too. This really seems like elderly abuse to me to deny her her loving home and the chance to have her daughters come and stay with her. My loneliness get exasperated by this because I call her daily and have for years, so I naturally think about it. My husband and son say, think about something else positive. I DO BOTH. I love my mother, I am her oldest and was thrust into being her helper at an early age. She took good care of me. I want to take good care of her now, or make sure good care is being provided without wearing my one sister living down there down, who has her at her house now. Mother still thinks it is temporary and they are painting her bedroom. They think they are getting it ready for niece to move into and rent the 2 guest rooms out. It does not have to be this way. I hope they paint it a color Mother likes. Several months ago they painted her favorite all time room where her tv is (they purchased a new one with no one's permission to give to her last year for her birthday from all of us~WITH HER MONEY) that she can't even work. Then they painted the walls grey (mother hates the color~did she have a say?) got rid of her furniture and replaced it. Into the living room that was furnished with furniture, pictures, mirrors that you would see in a older home tours, quite classical. Oh, they thought it was too old looking for Courtney (24) to live in, so away it went. Did they sell it? What happened to it? One table was left in the garage and the bug exterminator identified termites starting in it because it was between two mattresses termite infested. Sister staying for winter months had the mattresses removed and sent the table back to MI with a friend. It would be left in his camper, not heated, for the winter~no termites can live a Michigan winter and especially this year, they still have snow! I was happy she saved that, and 2 pieces of Mother's nice furniture were moved to her bedroom. Now we have Ikea all through the house. Mother would lock herself in her bedroom, afraid to out into "that place," not recognizing it as her house. How could she? That to me is at the top of elderly abuse. Would I report it? No, I just want my sisters to cooperate. To LOVE as God wants us to LOVE, and not try to take advantage of mother's house and pool and at times her money. I pray constantly.


almost 11 years, said...

The Dangers of Loneliness ! Been there, done that. What I really picked up on was "FRIENDSHIPS" I'll be back later to comment on that subject!


about 11 years, said...

I really did not realize just how lonely I had allowed my self to become during the past four years since my wife died, until reading this article! The loneliness is the most likely the cause of the depressed disposition I find my self constantly cursed by! Thank you so very much for the informative article! What I have learned will most likely far exceed the effectiveness of the RX Anti-Depressant Incantations' which have had little, if any, effect on anything, but, my financial wellbeing!


about 11 years, said...

When i suggested that you might want to seek wxpert help to remove ungrateful people from your house, I am sure you know I I was referring to the 19 year old and the "significent other". I know you want to care for, teach, and guide the 16 and 10 year old youngsters. You need relief from the 2 dependent ingrates. Also, the youngsters need a better example so that they will hopefully will become responsible, hardworkin, and caring adults. Good luck and God bless you all. Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

Dear Pasion62, If you are able to live alone and have enough money to live on, then be smart and get a pastor, a priest, or a family counselor to help you get the dependent and ungrateful people out of your house. If that is not possible, then get help from this site to find an excellent independent living place for seniors. There is anexcellent one in Boerne if you can afford it. Also, possibly, you could sell your house to help you to finance your move. Do not support financially people who do not love or appreciate you. God bless you, Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

I have a significant other, a 19 year old son, a 16 year old daughter and a 10 year old daughter who live at home with myself and I am lonely to no extend. I carry all the weight financially. As far as housework the 16 year old will spot clean while I still do everything. They take advantage of me and don't listen to a word I say. They come and go when they please and my significant other lies on the couch from morning to night watching television. We don't communicate unless it is about "whats for dinner?" My oldest son takes my car and acts as it is his. My biggest thrill of the week is going to the grocery store. I am disabled with COPD w/Emphysema and I have 3 Degenerative Back Disks and constant pain. I go to Physical Therapy twice a week but so far there is no pain relief. I have no friends and no-one to talk with. I am invisible in my home unless they need something. I expected to get up and jump. I am always tired and need sleep, but that is a problem also. I wish I could just find one person who would appreciate me for myself and accept me and would help this loneliness go away. What would you think or do, if you were in my shoes. Lonely in CT


about 11 years, said...

Hi folks, Here's another reminder about posting comments on this article: If you're looking to connect with others facing similar challenges and have ongoing conversations, please visit our online support groups: http://www.caring.com/support-groups There is one focused on loneliness here: ihttp://www.caring.com/support-groups/combatting-lonliness-when-living-alone In no area of our website may you insult or post judgmental personal attacks against other members of this online community: http://www.caring.com/about/community_guidelines Any comments that don't meet our site guidelines will be removed. Please contact moderators@caring.com if you have any questions or concerns about using Caring.com. Thank you!


about 11 years, said...

Assisted living in a really good facility is indeed the answer for anyone seriously physically or mentally disabled. It is not a place to go to cure a feeling of loneliness. I have instructed my doctor to help me to go to The Laurels if i ever become disabled. Those who are still able to be mobile , get out there and be real friends to those who are disabled or housebound. For those trapped in an impossible situation, get expert advice on picking a great assisted living facility. Free advice is available on this site. Everybody who still can do so, buy long term care insurance before it becomes unaffordable. Most important of all,pray and ask God for guidance in everything you do. God bless you all, Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

Dear birdie13: i want to thank you for saying what I have been trying to say for a long time. There does seem to be a very strong sense of self-pity here, and a monopolization of the conversations by a couple of people. I have been told that loneliness is a mental disorder, and that really made me feel much worse so I had decided to seek help somewhere else, I had grown very tired of being subjected to that way of thinking. I also was told to take certain vitamins, exercise, and turn to God, that this was the "cure-all" for the issue of loneliness. I had become so frustrated by not having anywhere to go and discuss this very real emptiness I had inside I have always been a very social person, loved to entertain,and this was new to me to find myself living with the horrifying alone feelings. My friends, who I had known for a very long time, have now abandonded me because of my illness, I have Breast Cancer, and when i was first diagnosed I saw my friends quickly fall away from my life and at first I thought it may have been something I had done to cause this, but after careful reading and studying I have learned that when people discover you have an illness such as cancer, they are frightened because they see their own.mortality, and instead of staying and offering their support they just disappear. Another thing I discovered and was shocked by this, that others think if they stay around a friend with an illness, they are now susceptible to "catch it" and had nothing whatsoever to do with me, but their own insecurities were what drove them away. I now find myself living with my partner who is very controlling and does not understand what I am going through, and thinks he is an expert on cancer by reading selective articles on the internet and it now feels like I have no relief from the bone crushing loneliness that has engulfed me. I desperately need to seperate myself from this situation and find a place to.live, and my doctor has suggested I consider a skilled nursing facility. This would solve many of the issues I find myself under, and think it is a very good idea to look in that direction. I am.no longer able to live alone,am in a wheelchair because of a severe fall risk and this would offer a community living situation where I would have social interaction once again as well. But I meet a lot of resistance when this topic is brought up, and am being controlled and told that all i need to do is snap out of my lonely state of mind and be grateful I have him to provide for me. There is a huge difference in being certain I have a meal on my table an being nurtured and loved and treated like a respected human being. I need to interact with the outside world,I feel as if my very life is drainung out of my body each day I continue to endure this unaceptable situation. I have no family left now, my sister passed away a little over a year ago, and she was the last family member I had left so turning to family fo help is not an option either. I feel so frightened because I have no one to help me even pack up to go. I am totally lost and alone and have no idea where to turn next, I just know i must do something soon, or my very existence is threatened. I am in a desperate situation here,and need help. Is there anyone out there who can help me to sort this out?


about 11 years, said...

Very informative,I live alone now,its ok most of the time.But,I dont thinks its healthy to be alone too long!


about 11 years, said...

I have just finished reading all the comments. I am neither old nor depressed at least not but my standards.Yes I am a caregiver to not one but two men. One is my father whom has Parkinson's and the other is my husband who suffers from a variety of health issues.It seemed to me that a few of you are having one hellava PITY PARTY! Then some think they have found the miracle cure because they took vitamin B this and vitamin B that.If you are so lonely be a friend because to have a friend you must first be a friend! that because they took vitamin b this and vitamin b that they think they have found the mitacle cure


about 11 years, said...

Yes a dog would be wonderful . The only reason its not possible I would not be able to properly take care of it. Have a hard time walking and painful bones from Osteoarthritis. A dog needs walking and taking out for his toilet training have to much pain to do that. Love would be easy for I love animals. Have thought about this often. But it wouldn't be fair to the dog.


about 11 years, said...

Hi Bobbie (and others seeking caregiving support): Please visit our online support groups -- that's where you'll find many more family caregivers and more conversations occurring (rather than in article comments, which is typically a place to post feedback about the information in the article and isn't best formatted for ongoing dialogue). http://www.caring.com/support-groups Thanks!


about 11 years, said...

I went on this site in the hope of getting some wise counsel because i face the possibility of becoming a caregiver at my advanced age. i need allthe useful info i can get. So far, I have not really recieved any. I am glad i have been able to give out what I hope is helpful advice from my past experience struggling with pain and panic attacks. If anyone any advice for me about caregiving or any related info, I would appreciate it. Thanks, Bobbie sena


about 11 years, said...

Please everybody out there suffering from pain, depression, panic attacks, or even a feeling of loneliness be cautious. Remember you are very vulnerable because you are craving relief from you terrible suffering. i know. I have been there. Think hard before going on a med. Hydrothiazide, a popular strong diuretic can deplete the body of potassium, B12, and other nutrients necessary for good brain and nervous system function. Statins can cause terrible pain that could be misdiagnosed as fibromyalgia. I am not saying always refuse all meds. I am saying be very cautious, do research, and see mor than one doctor. I saw 6 before I found one I could trust. Sometimes, not always but sometimes , an extremely excellent diet can heal us. Sometimes ,not alwaysbut sometimes, stopping a statin or changing a blood pressure med can heal us. Be careful, cautious, and be informed. Readers Digest and Prevention mag publish very excellent reference books on healing with foods and on side effects of prescription drugs. i have listed some of the things that healed me. I hope all of my comments will be helpful. I would be dead or suffering in anursing home right now if I had had begun taking vicodin, ibuprofen , or llyrica. Fosomax is also a very bad drug nobody should ever take. I hope I have helped somebody. Love to all, Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

To the anonymous caregiver: Call around to have a home Bible study. This will help a bit. Change your diet and watch out for medications and other things that affect your moods, emotions, and general health. This might do the job and get you out of your house!


about 11 years, said...

I forgot something important. i also took 2500 mg. of B12 daily and 1000 mg. of C daily. Even with a perfectly healthy diet, extra B12 and C areneeded to prevent panic attacks and depression. Good luck to all, Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

I had frightening spells of rapid heartbeat, heavy sweats, and feelings of fear. I wasembarrased to see anyone because of my problem. I miostakenly thought I was having mental problems from being in pain all the time witn what I was told was polyrhuematica. I was also told I was having panic attacks. After accidentally finding info in Prevention Magazine and Readers Digest, I realized i might be deficient in B12 and or magnesium. I had shrunk to 95 pounds because pain and chills made it difficult to eat. I threw away prescriptions for vicodin, ibuprofin, and lyrica. I began daily careful eating of oatmeal, ground flax seed, fruits, and veggies especially brocolli and apples, walnuts, awhole egg a day, yogurt, salmon, and tuna. I also drank a lot of Evian water. I also saw a rhuematologist who prescribed prednisone. I believe my careful diet stopped my panic attacks. Prednisone is very dangerous, and I would not recommend it for everyone.It was appropriate for me for temporary help. I took it for only 2 years. If my pain had not been healed by the end of 2 years, i would not have continued with the prednisone. I am thankful I was healed. I believe my extremely consistantly healthy diet miraculously healed me.30 min a day of exercise is also very important to good health. I now have no pain, no panic attacks, and take no meds. B12, potassium, an magnesium are essential to a healthy brain and nervous system. Anybody out there suffering from panic attacks should my extreme diet with daily exercise before trying anyantipressants. Try the natural way first. Also, do not smoke or drink alcohol or sodas. I hope others can be healed as I was. God bless everybody Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

I am mildlly depressed but have severe panic attacks and have become totally house bound. I have excessive and rapid heartbeat, pulse, nausea, headaches, break out in cold sweats, severe shaking and uncontrable crying and neverousness if I know I must get up and leave home.. I am almost as bad if anyone comes over. I never leave other than for an important doctors appointment and have missed too many of those. it is so hard for me to get there. And I do not want to stop to eat out or go anywhere else while I am out, I just I want to go straight home Strangey I feel content at home and not lonely. I do things to keep busy, but I know this is not healthy and I need to get out and live a normal life . I have been this way over 5 years and feel unable to break the habit. I have Fibromyalgia and very debilitating pain most of the time, as wll as Chronic Fatigue. So, this and being mugged and robbed, along with a tramatic addident I had last August has just excerbated the situation. My accident resulted in severe damage to my right wrist, hand and arm. I have had three surgeies and am in cronic pain from this injury. I also have flash backs of the accident. . Things I once enjoyed, such as, dinning out, getting my hair and nails done, being with friends, spending a month at the beach, and and attending church, I can no longer do. I had someone coming to my home for the last few years to do my hair and now that she cannot come, I am desperately trying to find somone who will. That is a must that I am umable to do since my injury. I desire to attend church but cannot make myself get out for this either. . That is really the only two things I cannot do I really wish I could. But, my fear of getting out, is so debilitating, I cannot find a way to overcome it. I seem to be afriad of everything these days and I was never this way until after being mugged and robbed and the the accident that severely injured my right arm. I am embarrassed for anyone to know the shape I am in. And it is impossible to explain since most people think you can just snap out of it. And if I ihad not had this happen to me I would never have realized there are so many others just like me. Why would the mind be so cruel and I not be able to stop it? I know I should think positive but knowing and doing are two different things. The mind is very powerful and I have not learned how to prevent the fearful thoughts and get control of my life. I have had counseling and taken different medicines to help but they cannot change your mind and thoughts. I know it must come from within but I have not found a way to make it happen. I am 65 yrs old and only started feeling old five years after I was mugged and robbed. I was told it is not uncommon to have a delayed reaction when you do not get as soon as something like this happens but at the time, I did no realize it had such a profound affect on me. I( have been told my story is not unusual but I have never met anyone who is as severely affected as I am. I am praing for Divine Intervention as I believe this is the only way I will overcome my fears and anxieties.


about 11 years, said...

My brother is the "ultimate elopement risk". If he is discharged from the facility this will compound my already state of depression and the state of loneliness will increase 10 fold because he is like a 3 year old and he is 56 years old. He presence would disrupt my present living conditions and my life. I tried other places, but costs are too high and because of his aberrant behavior no one wants to take him especially when attempt murder on his part occurred at a residential home. I'll think of something because living with him in his present condition wears on my emotions and my physical body. I don't want to go through depression and loneliness at a level that will kill me.


about 11 years, said...

Dear Dreas, Thanks for the compliment. I sympathize with your situation. Do you have a good friend or relative inanother city who could possibly get your troubled loved one into another facility? My family had a problem with a loved one who became violent after developing dementia. She was expelled from a very good facility after injuring another person. Fortunately, another relative was able to get her into another very good place in another city, and was able to find a better doctor and better med for her. God bless you and your family.Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

I'm facing problem from the nursing home facility where my brother is a resident. The that works the accounting and finance is threatening to do a "involuntary discharge" on my brother. I didn't receive a letter at from the administrator of the facility. My mother is almost a cripple and she appears to worsen every week. I'm disable also. Taking care of her isn't difficult, but my brother is two hands full. Loves to swear and fight. He can't keep still and he constantly talks about a place that he wants to go to like it's "Shangri la" Human Services pay for most of his housing, but the accountant insist I send a check every month. I believe she is pocketing the money and I should report her to DHS and the administrator of the nursing home. What do you all think I should do? Good post Bobby Sena.


about 11 years, said...

Physically disabled people are the ones whom we who are still able to walk and possibly even drive should be visiting on a regular basis should be helping by doing regular errabds for them, etc. One of the main reasons I am so joyful is that I learned to really appreciate a pain free mobile body when I wasunable to walk or be active because of terrible pain. For 1 year and 9 m0nths in 2006 and 2007 I had to spend most of my time lying flat on my back to avoid pain from polyrhuematica. Actually, I had been poisoned by a blood thinner during knee surgery. I sold my car because it seemed I would never be able to drive again. I paid a kind cab driver $20 a week to buy my groceries from my nearby HEB. I never filled my dangerous prescriptions for vicodin or ibuprofen. I found that as long as i Spent most of mytime lying down, I would have little pain. Kind friends came weekly to visit and help. I paid a teenager $3 aday to pick up, put out trash, and open bottles and cans for me.After trying 6 different doctors, I finally found a wonderful wise rhuematologist who helped me by prescribing prednisone, adrug that he very honestly told me was very dangerous. He told me that i might be one of a very few who could be cured by it. He tested my blood every 3 weeks to see if my inflammation was going away. After only 8 days, my night fevers and sweats went away, and I was again able to eat normally. After about 3 months, I had no more pain, and I ad gained at least 20 pounds. I had shrunk ti 95 pounds because th pain chills totally had taken away my appetite. I will not tall the other details. I now am totallt recovered and take no meds at all. Now, I try to help others who are in trouble and advise everybody to follow the very healthy diet plus supplements I always describe that were a part of my miraculous recovery. Please, everybody out there who are physically able to help the bedridden or handicapped, get out ther and do it. I will alwys be grateful to the wonderful friends who took me for med appointmenta, etc. God bless everybody especially those cripple or in pain. Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

physical disability not addressed. I am not able to do most activities i once did. it is painful to to do them


about 11 years, said...

Hi everyone, Thanks for posting your comments. However some comments have now been removed due to personal attacks and other violations of our site participation guidelines and terms of use: http://www.caring.com/about/community_guidelines and http://www.caring.com/about/terms Differences of opinion are welcome, as long as they're presented respectfully. Also, this is a diverse online community; not every member worships Jesus, and some members are atheist, so please keep this is in mind with your comments as well. Additionally, I'd like to share some resources to help folks with the various issues that have been raised in these comments. First: some members of this community have created an online support group focused on loneliness. You can participate in that group here: http://www.caring.com/support-groups/combatting-lonliness-when-living-alone Next: for those who referenced assisted living (either as someone in need of or as someone already utilizing this type of care), we offer more information about assisted living and the opportunity to post feedback/reviews about specific assisted living communities on our website here: http://www.caring.com/local/assisted-living-facilities Our team of Family Advisors can also answer your questions about assisted living, including how to research and cover the costs of this professional care option: (866) 824-8174. For those who mentioned that they cannot afford assisted living or otherwise have issues getting out of their home, please contact your local Area Agency on Aging for referral to low-cost programs and services in your area: http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-aging For those who referenced that they are experiencing depression: This is a serious health problem that requires attention and care from a doctor or licensed medical professional offline. This is not a problem that can be resolved in an online forum or the comments sections of articles on our webiste. Please seek help offline by contacting your doctor, or a toll-free hotline such as 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255. If you have any questions about our site policies, you can get in touch with us via the "Contact" link at the bottom of Caring.com pages, the Feedback tab (right edge of page), or via moderators AT caring.com. Thank you!


about 11 years, said...

I do not have anybody to help me, nor do I need anybody to help me. I was very blessed to always be able to earn a good living and now to have a $2500 a month retirement incom. I am 79, so I might need help in future. I am planning on calling on Visiting Angels for transportation if necessary. I have a small long term care insurance. I f my doctor ever thinks I need it, I will go to an assisted living facility called The Laurels. I would need assisted living only if I developedseriously severe mental , health, or vision problems. I am also very blessed in that I have nobody depending on me for help. I am very thankful for my comfortable happy situation, and I am well aware that I have done nothing to deserve it. I am not the least bit judgemental of anyone else.I am just very thankful for my blessings. If i did need I would call on my church. I advise you yo do the same. If you are indeed trapped in a caregiving situation, seek help today to get respite care to give you a break. Seek help now. Do not delay. God bless you BobbieSena


about 11 years, said...

I thought I was alone , THEN, I got married , NOW, I am alone although he`s here , plus I have made MUCH work for myself. SO LESSON LEARNED IS , you can`t rely on others to make you happy , and count your blessings while you STILL have them. Carol


about 11 years, said...

I must reiterate loneliness does not wreck the body. Loneliness does not even do anybody any harm. Solitude , for a mentally and physically minimally healthy person is serene and rejuvenating. A feeling of loneliness is a symptom of a mental problem. A feeling of loneliness is a symptom; not a cause of health problems. Many times, a mental problem can be cured in the early stages by a very healthy diet including only whole grains especially oatmeal and flax seed; lots of fresh fruits and veggies, eiy\ther milk or viactive calcium chews, a whole egg every day, walnuts and almonds every day, salmon or tuna twice a week, and no fast food or sodas , no ham, sausage, bacon, or hot dogs. Along with a healthy diet, B12 and C supplementsof at least 1000 mg. daily are needed. A healthy person does not feel lonely. A feeling of loneliness is a symptom; not a cause of illness. Older people do not need to move into expensive assisted living places in order to avoid a feeling of loneliness. Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

Keep up the good work


about 11 years, said...

AGAIN FROM ERIC, ITS AWFUL TO BE ALONE,I'M IN A NEW CITY ALONG WAY FROM EVERYONE I KNOW, BUT I'LL BE ALL RIGHT IF I KEEP LOOKING UP TO YOU KNOW WHO, AAAAMEN!!!


about 11 years, said...

"Mind numbing lonliness is having no one who KNOWS you"....thank you so much, I finally feel that someone understands what it feels like to know you ae totally ALONE in this world with a paralysis that takes over your whole being and consumes your entire existence. I appreciate the comments that have been made since I posted 11 days ago, but to say "You obviosly have internet access, contact someone and they will be there for you to help you get things done" just absolutely cut me to the core. First of all, I know you mean well but who is "someone" and how will "they" help me with what needs to be done? This is like saying just call information and the computer willl help you to do the impossible. This really hurt me, I am not ignorant, and it is so frightening to wake up one day and know you have no family left, your friends are spread all over the country and a bit abstact being on the internet saying "Oh, honey, If I were there, I would help you do this and do that BUT I feel so helpless being 500 miles away from you." That is even more depressing than having no one to turn to in any capacity. When you are alone and afraid, the phone weighs 1000 pounds and the internet keys are all glued together leaving you even more desperate than you would be if a stranger just showed up at your door and said "I am here now, where do we start"? Thank you, anonymous, for posting what you did yesterday. It gives me some glimpse of hope there may be someone out there who will put their words into action and understand how difficiult it was for me to post in the first place.


about 11 years, said...

For the caregiver who's friends all disappeared when they took on a tough task this article is just plain mean. Loneliness is more than getting out to the mall or seeing people who are really just aquaintences. Mind numbing loneliness comes from having no one who KNOWS you and no one who is physically present to listen. Paying some one does not help nor does getting out a 'couple of hours'. Loneliness is reading these responses especially the ones that "pray for you". One real hug can sustain a person for a lifetime. 1000 online posts don't do a thing. Get real.


about 11 years, said...

I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR THIS INFORMATION ON DEPRESSION, IT HAS BEEN VERY HELPFUL.


about 11 years, said...

From Dreas to anonymous caregiver: My friend you have Internet access! I used the Internet to place a younger brother into a nursing home facility within walking distance from my home. Less than a mile. Get in contact with someone. They will come to your home and provide all the assistance that you will need. Luckily, Uncle Sam is taking care of my disability needs, SSI and SS. My caregiver pay for the month is gone in heartbeat! I only sign the check and "Pfftt" it's gone on some damn bill/s.


about 11 years, said...

To Dreas : i know I need to get out. Easier said than done, my dear friend. I know I am slowly dying, literally, but I have no where to turn. I lost the last member of my family a year ago and now I am alone. I am not ignorant or uneducated, just disabled, sick and no where to go. I am trapped, and feel helpless and I do not want to become a victim - any more than I already am. I need to.vet into a skilled nursing facility. I am.unable to even get out and investigate them becsuse I cannot drive. I have never felt so.alone and afraid in my life. I am.only 61 years old but a victim of breast cancer and must endure many complications from that illness. I am unsafe alone in another apartment, but even more at risk if I do not get away. I haven't a clue what my next move is, but I must do someyhing soon.


about 11 years, said...

I try to reach out even if I don't want to. Like I texted my daughter and she said she would absolutly pray for me. And she told me not to beat up on her mom, because she loves her very much.


about 11 years, said...

I'm very confused by the way I live my life these days. i live alone and the few real friends I had have all moved away. I keep in touch as much as possible. Late last year my most cherished friend passed away. We grew up together as children in the UK and were introduced when we were about 4 years old at nursery. (60 years ago) We both came here at different times and always remained close. I still wait for the phone to ring and I miss reminiscing about our mischief. It's been many years since I've felt such pain. I've always been a loner and never felt lonely, just alone from time to time. I'm very cheery around folk but never pursue a closeness to anyone. I like my solitude I also love silence but somehow things got screwed up. She was supposed to take care of me when things got bad with my cancer instead I held her hand. I just can't seem to break out of this place and not sure if I need to. It's easy to avoid connection it seems like such a responsibility. Now my friends have left and my my dearest friend has passed, after years of painful illness, doubts I had about the hereafter have deserted me and I avoid using the word God in any context. The troubling thing is that I don't have any support network for when I become truly sick. To make more friends almost feels like a lie drawing them in then perhaps bring them pain. I'm sure that a lot of my confusion about living my life also stems from childhood and losing my childhood friend was the only validation I ever felt. Life has become a real puzzle for me.


about 11 years, said...

My name is Leslie, I care for my mom, work and run a family. It's hard to get to my mom everyday. She is married and my step dad leaves her in the house. I was able to get her in daycare, three days a week... I'm off on weekends and I go get her and bring her to my house, she only wants to stay and hour then she wants to go back home.. I think she get tired of the kids.. I don't have money to take her somewhere every weekend.. Can you tell me how I can get her to be more involved with the kids on days I can't take her to the movies or out to dinner? I'm new to this site and I'm depressed to she my mom going through this, she is my BFF.


about 11 years, said...

This is for the anonymous caregiver up top. You must try your best to get out of you prison! Is there someone you can really confide in? Any other relatives especially male relatives? I would suggest that you leave this man because your very life, your existence is at stake!


about 11 years, said...

Loneliness is not just a condition of those who live alone or care for another, I am in a relationship and am so lonely and isolated because he refuses to talk about anything of importance to me, and is in his own little world all the time, I just want to scream. He criticizes me when.he does talk to.me, always telling me what I am doing wrong, never praises me for anything I do so I have stopped doing much of anything around the house. I find this is the worst kind of loneliness, because no one outside my home can see how lonely I really am. They aasume all is well because we have each other, but that simply is not the case. I cannot drive any longer because of health reasons so it is impossible to schedule a lunch date with a girlfriend, and he is so.possessive of my time, he balks if I try to even.talk on the phone. I feel absolutely trapped, and no one comes to visit any longer because there is no privacy in my home. I have always been very outgoing and social, but now that has changed because of my situation. Pleaae dont ask me to.pray it away, it haa gone too far for even that. I need help.


about 11 years, said...

Adult Daycare will not take Dementia patients -at least not around here. as a caregiver, I find it is almost isolation from everyone and everything normal that is making me feel so lonely. I am lucky my husband is able to visit me on Wed to help break up the week and on weekends, but after 4 years I am getting tired of no help for "me". Some people come visit Mom and bring little treats for her but not a thing for me??? This is day after day year after year.... so yeah I feel sick sore and tired = lonely When I do have a few hours off I do try to get out for a drive and take some photos. That does help and I do keep taking my stress vitamins (Bs) & try to drink lots of water, as dehydration can play havoc on us too. Thank you for all the comments and messages I have been getting. It is nice to know we are NOT ALONE !! Mitsy#9


about 11 years, said...

I feel so much sympathy forcaregivers who are trapped with a mentally or disabled loved one. My daughter was able to enroll her mentally disabled sister in law in an adult daycare near her home for 3 days a week. This gave her time to be alone but not lonely for one day a week, do errands, etc. one say a week, and visit or socialize one day a week. The daycare was free because of her income. I hope and pray all caregivers can have good reliable daycare to give them respite. Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

There are two animals out there and we must learn to be able to distinguished them from each other. They are aloneness and loneliness.


about 11 years, said...

You have it backwards!!!!! Loneliness does not cause health problems!!! Loneliness or a feeling of loneliness is a result of health problems;usually mental health problems. Mentally healthy people are attractractive to other people, and always have a friend or friends. People who feel lonely should improve their diet and exercise daily. They should take ground flax seed and B12 along with 2500 mg of vitamin c daily. They should stay as active daily as possible. If they can no longer drive , they should take the bus to go to a good church. Remember, however, that loneliness is a symptom not a cause of illness. Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

family caregivers are often left out of things.(even articles) We most often can not go anywhere, at least I can not, as no one wants to come give me a break so I can go but sadly very few stops in to say Hello to me either. I would be lost with out my internet & facebook . Thankfully I am asking for more help and some are hearing my plea. Mitsy#9


about 11 years, said...

The suggestions for how to help lonely people who are essentially mentally troubled people werevery sensible. However, I repeat, loneliness is not a cause of bad health!!! It is a result of it, Aperson who lives alone does not need to move into a retirement community in order to avoid lonelines or illness. I am 79. I leve very happily alone. and I am am never never lonely!!! Bobbie Sena


about 11 years, said...

Understanding loneliness and how it manifests and what to do to become more involved.


about 11 years, said...

No one should be lonely or feel lonely in this world. I have a about one maybe two friends, yet, they get me by most of the time. I don't see them that much and that's why I try not to stay couped-up in the house everyday and sex at least twice a month is essential for long life. It makes your heart keep pumping! LOL


about 11 years, said...

You have it backwards! People who feel well and are mentally and physically healthy will not be lonely. People will love being with them, and they will enjoy company. People who are unhealthy mentally or physically will feel and be lonely. LONELINESS DOES NOT CAUSE BAD HEALTH!!! BAD HEALTH CAUSES LONELINESS!!! BOBBIE SENA


about 11 years, said...

I am very lonely MOST of the time.


about 11 years, said...

I have been alone or felt that way since I was put out of the house at age 11. I had to live in a different state and had to work to have a place to stay. I feel that I was rejected as a human being and now live alone and have mental and physical disabilities. I am afraid to ask for help on any level, or ask a lady out for dinner or a movie or even coffee for fear of rejection. It is a sad situation and I tend to isolate myself alot.


over 11 years, said...

P.S.In my previous comment I forgot to mention MOTHER and GRANDMOTHER.They too may,if they want.Rather should be encouraged in case they decide to marry someone of their liking


over 11 years, said...

If your father or grandfather is a widower and he decides to marry,don't stop him from doing it.One is never too old to marry and sex is not the only reason a person marries for.Man is a social animal and needs company whatever be the age


over 11 years, said...

AM OFTEN TIMES FEEL SOOOOOOO SAD ..WITH SOOOOOOMUCH STRESSFULL THOUGTHS AND ACTIVITIES....BUT DID MY BEST TO OVERCOME IT .LOL THIS IS WHAT I DO LOL LIKE I HAVE EVERYTHING AND OF COURSE TALK TO GOD ...JESUS CHRIST....HOLY SPIRIT.....MY GUARDIAN ANGEL TO COMPORT ME....IT WORKS


over 11 years, said...

John O is right. And "God as you see Him" (borrowing from my 12 steps), a faith, a knowledge that there is a Force for Good, however that is manifested in your private inner life, can be an absolute rock. I pray and meditate and often ask God to use me as He sees fit, whenever I face a volunteer caregiving challenge. And the answer comes, along with the feeling that I am being protected and watched over -- as well as the troubled senior I am looking after! Spokula, this is also for you: see if there is a minister, or religious source, or person you can turn to. Tell them how you feel, and ask for guidance how to best proceed. Somehow, the 'Faith Factor' can be relied on, to carry us through the very roughest days - and trust me on this, I have been caregiver in the past for difficult people - and sometimes on the verge of tears of frustration about this or that.


over 11 years, said...

My partner spends too much time alone, & has both medical/mental illness. It's not good at all. Also, so true. Not sure what to do.


over 11 years, said...

My mom is an ex big band singer and never lost her love for that era. She goes to the Senior Center and often chats over coffee with other people who also, happily recall that time. At home, she has a small piano, and plays songs and practices. Though she will never appear at Carnegie Hall, the music gives her 'such solace' she often says, and beats the blues if she has a day where she wakes up feeling low. She only puts on the television to watch a specific program or movie; her preference is for music on the radio, as a companion to her day. I don't know why, but for her..the music always works. Anything related to music, if it's sharing it with others, singing on her own at home while playing piano, or just listening to her favorite radio broadcast of jazz and show tunes - she says her spirits lift, almost instantly!


over 11 years, said...

Robot pets for one helpful suggestion. Our health is so poor, relatives have said we couldn't take care of a pet--and since we can't keep up with day-to-day life as it is, must agree. Also, with COPD, talking tires me so I do very little of it, even w/my husband.


over 11 years, said...

A study came out this past summer points to a fact that I've always known since I was a little kid and that fact is loneliness can kill you!


over 11 years, said...

I think it depends on the nature of the individuals.Some like to live in the company of others (which mostly causes the persons to acquire the habit of dependence) while some lucky oldies like it alone since middle-age.If one developes the habit of not depending on others for little-odd jobs he can spend a better and active old age


over 11 years, said...

I grew up with an angry jealous mother who ridiculed me and belittled me. If my father tried to stop her, she tore into him. She now has severe dementia and I have her in a very lovely board and care home. But I cherish my solitude. When you come from a difficult family, sometimes silence is golden.


over 11 years, said...

I don't live alone. I live with my husband who has Alzheimer's and who does not talk. If he does talk, it makes no sense. It is very lonely.


over 11 years, said...

I live alone and I do get lonely for people at times, conversations, sharing tidbits, but I do enjoy my quiet time. It is hard to break a shell


over 11 years, said...

I personally find that being a family caregiver for an Alzheimer's patient is a very lonely job. You really find out who is there for you when you are put in this type of situation. I feel abandoned by my own family members because they will not help, and in turn the burden gets placed squarely on my shoulders. I just wish it was different. Home used to be my refuge, but now it has become my nightmare half the time.


over 11 years, said...

Depends upon the individual, really. Some people can easily paint themselves into a corner. Others automatically go for out, in whatever way to get out & about, do, meet, whatever, but it is active top to bottom, as the person will have it. Meditation is another thing, I happen to be religious, if somebody has a similar outlook, communication or religious dedication can come quite easily, it is (from my side) fostered by the One that I am happy to believe in. This is not time, place for a sermon, but such a level of contact can so easily be forged & built upon, easing out all sorts of so-called attitudes to provide a positive base from which to ameliorate one's personal ways/life.


over 11 years, said...

the statistics on health and lonelyness and how to over come some of those.


over 11 years, said...

I fight depression and loneliness by staying active as possible. I try to keep my mind busy all the time during my waking hours. Reading, learning to play an instrument, online dating, going to the gym, going to karate class, meditation twice a day, having sex at least once or twice a month, and plant a vegetable and flower garden every year.


over 11 years, said...

I used to be a very active and involved person. It has been a very difficult year. I am pretty isolated mostly I have just wanted to give up. I'm facing a very difficult shoulder replacement surgery. Don't want to have it. But am so limited and if I don't have it, I will use the use of my arm. Lost three loved ones this last year. My middle son had a heart transplant 17 years ago, needs another one now. I can't be down with him as I was 18 years ago, but I do talk to him and pray with him everyday. Sometimes twice a day. His daughter moved back home with him, since his heart failure just keeps getting worse. I do start the day praying, and read a daily devotion. Some days I am more active than other days. On the other days, my pain, is just too much, I don't do anything except be as quiet as I can be. I know that I am lonely, yet on the other hand. I feel better just being alone. It is very difficult for me to trust people any more. I do or have had very heart warming days, when I write, do art, play the piano, or able to work in my yard to make my front yard, the magic yard, my back yard my spiritual yard. But any more I am so limited on what I can accomplish by myself, with out help. I just can't seem to figure out what the heck has happened to my zest for life. Sorry I have written so much. I guess since I don't have to worry about who reads this. Maybe I just was able to express how I feel. It's difficult to know if I am feeling sad, lonely, or life has just become too difficult and I've live a hundred years in my seventy seven years.


over 11 years, said...

It said I'd better get with the program and start exercising and becoming more involved or I'll end up like my dad who eventually had alzheimer's. My mom is very involved in her community, has a computer and uses it a lot, calls people a lot and they call her, and has regular contacts for lunch. She should have exercised more however.


over 11 years, said...

Need to start the day by praying and look up!!