5 Ways to Make Living With an Older Adult Easier

I scored a 25 on the burnout test. I am scared I may have a heart attack. I desperately need some help around the house. Our biggest problem is not only does my husband have dementia but he also is just plain depressed, has adult ADHD but I am disabled with all sorted of back problems plus severe scoliosis and my husband is disabled too on top of all of the other mental problems I told you he has , is it any wonder that I am ready for a burnout. I need some help fast!!! We are both disabled and I am supposed to be his caregiver please, this is a no win scenario.

Many good ideas. I get task-driven to where I focus on those things I had planned to get done in a visit instead of person-focused. So I've slowed down to accomodate Dad's slower pace and we will have a snack and go over the things that are on his mind and try to address those concerns first. If the weather is nice, we might go out for ice cream or lunch. At church, he likes to sit and watch the children and babies more than anything, so I allot extra time. Been thinking about going to a neighborhood public pool so he can dangle his feet and watch the kids. He misses the life he had as a kid and being surrounded by family.

great information on health

great news

All very good ideas and examples! Thank you!

The ideas are simple,but commonly overlooked. I wouldn't miss my afternoon tea time for anything!

I'm reading this article at age 71 and it has given me some vital information regarding my own journey into early stages of this part of life. I'll continue to read and gather more incite into myself. Thanks Paul

gave good tips on how to connect to older people...how we can help to change the mood around if its down

I can see progressions, I get tools to keep mom safe and secure and keeps me calmer

When dealing with the negativity that can be such a drag on a relationship and a household, try a little forgiveness. We are all humans, we all have hurt other's feelings, been rude, etc. etc. None of us wants to be remembered by our worst moments, but by our best moments. Let the old fall away into the past, and approach with love and joy. Forgive by the moment if necessary. Hanging on to bad feelings only poisons US -- it doesn't hurt the other person in the least. When I get old and crabby, I hope someone remembers forgiveness.

Respite & Care Givers: Please... notice RECOMMENDed KEEP aggressive tracking of treatments ,care,& med. RECORDS of Blood sugar levels.......& comments on moods.Defiance handle with tackfulness. Abnormal "elevated" Bl. Sugar levels can be causing serious VEIN & ARTERY DAMAGES... with out you or the MD'S knowledge. "Sudden" consistant-YAWNING... tierness, sleepiness, moods, thirst, energy, defiant, irratability.........beyound the average regular symptoms told to you in HEALTH BOOKS. Try checking Bl. Sugars ("20 min.") after your last bite of food/meal...........observe moods, routine, frequency of BODY LANGUAGE after a meal or eating. you may save yourself or loved one a stroke, OR Heart Attack. or prevent them from going BLIND. RESPITE relief persons & trained professionals do not watch for these signs. medications...can raise Blood sugar levels causing high blood pressure & UNnecessary vein & artery damage.

RESPITE: Prayer chains on websites for people to contact in emergencies,please list anyone willing to develope this. Relief for CAREGIVER....Essential, even just allow the FAMILY caregiver to step out side or go to the store......Have a supportive FAMILY "TEAM"...for relief . RESENTMENT by the FAMILY MEMBER(S) who are the care giver "Divides" the entire family........loosing a loved one, takes a lot of LOVE & UNDERSTANDING. Ministers would do well to not take sides. BUT be open minded.& promote to- getherness.

Amazing article. Just reading it made me miss my mother and wanting to be more kind, more patient and missing the good ol' days....

this has been so helpful , as my mom-in-law is 89. and has a caregiver. and i try to do a lot of this, and it does help all involved with her. she loves company and we have those that want to shy away , because they do not know how to relate to her. she has memory lapses, but is so sweet most of the time.. she lost her husband in 1995, and has lived alone . so i hope more people see this ... god bless our elderly.....

To those of you that are taking care of elderly ones, it is an awesome task, and you have to mix all of that care with joy, peace, patience, love, faith, longsuffering', temperance, kindness, and goodness. These are the fruit of the Spirit. These are the characteristics of a God filled heart. In the process of caring for your loved one or client, It is the Spirit of God that gives you the ability to endure, I consider the fact that one day I may live to get old, and If I take care of them and do it with love, God will have someone there for me when I get old. I know it is rough, but a lot of things go through their mind, Its not only what is behind them, but the thought of what is before them. Where will they spend eternity? What's going to happen to my belongings when I leave? Are they going to put me in the Nursing home? I took care of a ninety year-old lady in 2005. I loved her as she was my Granny. I never yelled at her, snatched on her, never said anything to disdain her self worth. But I hugged her, kissed her on the forehead, sang with her, ministered the Word of God to her, she was a musician, so I brought one of my keyboards for her to play , we ate what we wanted, went to church, went shopping, went site seeing, visited her elderly friends, and she would tell me stories. We had a wonderful relationship. The key is to let them keep on living in the areas where they can still do things. Being Old is just another chapter in the book that God wrote on our life, He still expect for us to live through that chapter, too. I pray that this comment will encourage you as you hug, touch, conversate, smile, and take care of your wonderful person that God has placed in your care. Watch your WORDS!

it was so positive and upbeat and served to remind us what older people need most--love and touch from others who care! My Mom is 90 and still lives alone, but I know that soon she will need to move in with me and I want to be all that she needs. Thanks!

I found it interesting because when my mom first came home I did her hair, skin....now I just feel like a zombie, just taking care of the medication, meals and stuff like that...I think I forgot about the hugs and stuff, I have to be sure to add them back in...

I find this article very interesting because when my husband and I agreed to take care of his mother, I took pride in doing allot of the things mentioned. My MIL felt threatened that I was taking over her house. We all chose to live together, but it is her house. I did/do the housekeeping, cooking, moving, decorating and ask input from her, but to no avail. She runs to her room as we say, and that is where she spends her time unless we are gone. She is very negative and now nearly 4 years later, she is 79, the negativeness invades my being. I have found myself depressed, lethargic, but not lazy because I still take care of the household and kept her nutrition needs in order. I refuse hugs from her because she is looking for her control of things with my husband and myself and has placed him in a situation where she has accused me taunting, taking things, etc. She did that over a year ago and then approached me to give me a good night hug. Some families may play those games, but I don't. I feel for her but when I'm getting close to by passing her prejudices, she does it again. One thing for sure, she is always ready to eat when dinner is ready--no problem and she enjoys that her house is clean and can receive company anytime without worrying about how her house looks. Good article but obviously, I have been around the negative too long.

Hi I take care of my dad with Dementia. Most of the things you speak about is already practiced in my home. By hearing it from someone else just made it more real for me. Thank you and keep up the good work.

I have noticed that I get along better with my mother-in-law if I act normal, and don't walk around as if walking on egg shells. She is very moody, but I can get her to smile by saying something funny. I usually touch her when we pass, and we get along better now than we did. After reading this I will use more opportunities to touch, and smile at her.

The article reminded the caregiver how important touching is . My husband has nerve damage from Spinal Stenosis, as well as Parkinson's Disease, so he does not like me to touch him, except in two places: his head and his back. The article did not bring out, however, that the caregiver needs "touch" too! (which more often than not, does not happen)

Food for thought......When the person you are taking care of is asleep,and you are all stressed out, sit beside their bed for ten min. and just watch them while they sleep. Go to another room,take the phone off the hook,turn off your cell phone and just listen to the quiet. Think about what the person was like before they became the way they are now. Think what it will be like not to have them here any more. Perhaps it will help you see they can not help the "now" of their life.They still need love, a hug works wonders. It is better to have them with you with all the problems than if they were gone. They are worth all the problems.

sorry (should have proofed better) stick in here not her (don't want to do that)

this is a great article on making our moms (and dads) feel "more loved and involved" (judy) My mom, too, had macular degeneration and she, too, missed reading so much. I didn't live close to her so I didn't get to have those porch times much but when I would go see her I began to realize how much she enjoyed when I would read to her. One thing I would like to see is for any one out there who still has a husband with a wife with MD is for them to see that; mom would still look at the newspaper every day and because she could read the headlines and somewhat make out the story no one really believed she was having as hard a time as she was (I admit it took me a while and a lot of research on this condition to see what an effort it was for her to do that) so dad (and I love him) didn't take the time to do this for her and it would have meant so much to her (and I believe now it would have to him as well - now that she's gone I believe he's come to realize that and misses her more than he thought he would) - somewhat along these same lines this same dad who never liked to talk on the phone - left that up to mom to get all the news - now would like to talk to me every day now that mom's not around and what's happened with that is that hardly anyone else is either - without him realizing it she's the one that kept the social circle going (even though he's the one that had her do it but she enjoyed it but he did too but he doesn't get it now - maybe that's something else to stick in her - the men that are left behind find out they need they social connection too more than they realized - so don't forget about them, please!) sorry to be so long - can you tell I needed this? thanks

As someone who lives with a 91 yr old mother, I can always use helpful tips on making our lives easier.

I've tried all of the suggestions many many times but my Mother is a very negative person and belongs to the "cup is half empty" group. After 5 years of caregiving, it's beginning to affect me negatively.

The scientific evidence of how touching helps raise the spirits.

Let us spread this around our circle

Touching releases oxytocin. The simple way lift the spirit. It really works, and should have it in mind.

I appreciate the helpful and practical ideas for making our mothers feel more loved and involved. I need the reminder sometimes. I have started sitting on the porch in the evenings and reading to my mother who has Macular Degeneration. She misses reading and this gives us some time together.

Great piece ~ only thing I'd add, Is to begin the day being thankful for your many blessings and let the Lord know of your delight in Him!

This is a very wise article and drafted very carefully. I hope this will be of much help for all concerned in similar circumstances.