Return to Class 27 days, a fellow commenter said... I know this is an old conversation. I have several “know it all” relatives and I have tried to be patient and respectful. What I have learned is that I do not know it all. And probably they don’t either. I am not required as a human being to accept every bit of advice and suggestion made by someone else as the Gospel truth. When I am dealing with a person I try to respect their individuality. If they do not respect mine - the conversation is OVER. Period. No one “knows it all”. I have relieved myself of the burden of trying to be super polite to people who insist they know the correct answers to everything in my life. They are not walking in my shoes and how the heck could they know everything that is best for me? How could I know everything that is best for them? I don’t. It is not only irrational, but also unkind and disrespectful. about 1 year, Mcafee support said... What an informative article. Thanks for posting this kind of an article, really helpful for all the readers over 1 year, moon3320 said... I think the BEST way to deal with know it alls is simply "not" to listen to them. This gives them no audience, no resource for their insane rants. I have walked away or excused myself abruptly at times, you know. over 1 year, Sadder said... Boyfriend?!? Dump the jerk before you are in too deep! And have homes and kids and families involved! over 1 year, Sadder said... I keep running into strangers here (long term visit in CA to take care of family member with cancer) who insist on ranting their political views. I don't agree but I don't want to engage. Nor do I wish to listen! What's a polite way to extricate myself? over 1 year, Healthy diva said... It's very difficult with a husband whose is like this... any suggestions? Been married just over a year. Can see it takes my energy. over 1 year, Marian002 said... awesome your big screen Desktop or laptop.This application mobdro for pc your smartphones suches as, Android, Windows phone nice. almost 2 years, a fellow commenter said... my mother is the biggest know it all besides my daughter. I hate her. She is sarcastic, ignorant, rude, and loves to pick on people. She loves only my daughter, not my son. She thinks my daughter is hers. Her beau moved out on her cause she picked on him continuously. How can anyone even like someone like this. I sure dont..She picks on people cause of the way they dress, look, talk, live. She is disgusting. Problem is, I live at her house cause I lost my place after being sick with cancer. She even thinks I faked that. I only have a 16 inch scar on my neck to prove it. I hate her and so much want revenge on this old hag. about 2 years, a fellow commenter said... I have been married to a know-it-all for the past 30 years. It is hell on earth. If his goal was to make me hate him he couldn't do a better job. I hate to split up our savings at this stage of the game because we are at retirement age, but I can't take much more of it. I can't stand the sound of his voice anymore and wish one of us would die. over 2 years, a fellow commenter said... I work with a know it all. She is uneducated and full of herself. Not open to suggestions of any kind. Takes everything i say personally. She is a real pain in the ass. When i first started i had no experience and she made me feel so inadequate. After my first week she said i did well but then said "well you were all over the place the first week" Then she went onto say ( just to soften the blow) " Well i would have been the same" but she had already pulled the rug from under my feet. First a compliment then the opposite. i can see through her she afraid of upsetting the manager because she was suposed to train me for the past 3 weeks..Instead ive just been taking notes and doing my own thing i just hate asking her for help because she belittles everything i do and never agrees with anything i have to say. over 3 years, dianeml said... I have tried these tactis and more. My husband always has a comment I cannot win.my daughtet is the same way. I feel I have expressed how I feel, understand how they feel. Yet they always knock me in the dirt and I feel, I lost. If anything you can suggest to help me defeat them. Plesse let me know. almost 4 years, joneva said... in this complicated society it is difficult to know how to handle people who are damaged. Good to have your tips on how to firmly but kindly in these situations. almost 4 years, mid700 said... Excuse me, But, "you" sound like the know it all! almost 4 years, name said... People who think they know everything annoy the hell out of those of us who actually do. almost 4 years, a fellow commenter said... So, to stump a know it all, you have to pretend to be a know it all? almost 4 years, beast929 said... Wow! That is really good stuff thank you. sigh....what if I am married to the know it all? my wife. about 4 years, Gman42572 said... I am in love with you over 4 years, CA-Claire said... I like all the tips in the article. Sometimes though, it's too much energy to deal with this type of person, so you cut them out of your "herd" of friends. over 4 years, Sadder said... Generally the article was spot-on for dealing with others but when your know-it-all is your husband you need better tactics. And I admit I don't know what those are. He has "facts" on any and every topic. He attempts to look like he's listening to my point of view when in fact he is thinking out his next point. He comes from a family of teachers - he is not a teacher - so I'm guessing that lectures are natural to him. I don't think he is egotistical or narcissistic, though. I do appreciate what was said about mentally letting it go and the reminder that have anything to do with me as a person or my own level of knowledge. My coping mechanism has been to have mastered the "uh-huh" and "oh, yeah?" without really listening. over 4 years, Ric's wife said... As a writer whose frequent subject these days is my friend Kitty, now in late stage Alz, I notice a wide range of responses to her condition. Often the people with the least amount of actual experience and information on this illness (and with her) want to expound the most. My group includes concerned neighbors, Kitty's caregivers at the home, passersby, and the fool at the coffee shop (see my last entry). I try and use humor to de-fuse a situation, but of course, sometimes you'd like to give that wiseacre a good, swift kick. Depending on the situation and my mood at the moment, I may respond, "Well, I can understand how you might think/feel that way, but her Doctor has said.." Or, "I know this woman for twenty years and my history with her suggests that.." Annoying? No doubt about it. over 4 years, Wolf14 said... Thank you, Paula Spencer Scott. over 4 years, genwatch 70 said... AH... I just read most comments... I was snarky about Asperger's Syndrome. Yes, autistic disorders can be extremely difficult. I have Temple Grandin's books; she is a Hero and a survivor. She proved that childhood governed by a very caring adult as well as becoming an "expert" can overcome awful odds. Which brings me back to the article on "Knowitalls" We (Americans) live in a "knowledge-centered" social order. Other cultures that I have experienced seem to be less "individuation-centered" as well as being inclined to give weight to age, experience, background, ethical orientations and personal qualities. In America, we are tending to consider only "facts" and "information" as politically correct. That is, we work to avoid acknowledging age, race, gender, experience...etc. Also, we work toward positive thinking rather than being able to say, "I don't like what you're saying and I am leaving." Of course, that's often not possible to accomplish. But I once stood up in a Jury room and shut 10 people up...carefully... in order to stop their bullying the juror sitting beside me who was pregnant and young and unwilling to go with the other 11 of us ... in a murder trial. I quietly over and over explained to the woman the facts in the case and why we all felt the way we felt about our decision. She listened and listened and finally came along. (I still don't know if I did the right thing for ALL Time... but it was right for all of us at THAT time!) I guess I mean to say that SOMEtimes ... WE do know what to has to be done. Especially caretaking and at moments of responsibility. And much of the time it's good to just let the Blah Blah go Bye Bye if you can. good luck over 4 years, genwatch 70 said... My "know-it-all" calls her affliction "Asperger's" which is a term that has given weight to a lot of this nuisance behaviour. Also, I have to deal with it in a court of law... and try to find a way to make her hang herself before a judge... over 4 years, storymaker said... Considering ways to deal with ultimate conflicts was helpful. over 4 years, Ric's wife said... Our neighbor is an ex professor and simply LOVES to put his smart aleck-shnozzola in, even when it is clearly ill-timed, not asked for, or just wide of the mark. Often, he is simply a jerk. As many people know, I married for the first time at the age of 60. And Ric is a sweetheart: hardworking, level headed, honest - he also has a wonderful, quick sense of humor. So, there we were sitting at breakfast in the coffee shop, the day after our wedding. I'm admiring my gold band ring. In strolls 'Mr. Expertise" who opens with "Hey, congrats, you two. But I'm surprised..you know, at your age..how come you got married? Why didn't you just shack up?" Ric eyed him over his orange juice and said with a smile, "We thought it would look better when the baby came.." Know-All was mortified, and beat a hasty retreat. HaHaHa..!! over 4 years, a fellow commenter said... This describes my husband perfectly. What I have learned to do is treat the situation as I do when working with those with dementia. Listen and be there for them 100% and respond with huumm, ah, oh, really!?, uha. It is hard to argue with that and it conserves the recipients energy. over 4 years, a fellow commenter said... DEFINITELY NEED TO REMEMBER ALL THIS AND TRY IT WHEN I WIND UP IN THIS SITUATION AGAIN :-) THANK YOU MUCH FOR THE INFORMATION! over 4 years, Raynlisious said... Thanks so much that is really good to say when you're in a know-it-all situation. Thank you. over 4 years, a fellow commenter said... My best friend became this way as his life got worse. He needs more advice than I,do. I am really sick of him and feel that he thinks he is superior. Wish I could be honest with him. over 5 years, jax769 said... That was such an eye opener! Thank you SO much! The subject is such a large one & you put it all in a organized group, I am amazed and thankful! over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... This is just what I needed -- well organized, carefully thought out, with supporting research that validates the conclusions drawn. Well done! over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... Ralphoo, if we categorize, my personal opinion is that most people are just obnoxious and monopolize conversations because polite people let them. The suggestions in this article are great for dealing with them, but probably wouldn't make any difference to someone suffering from Asbergers, as the nature of their condition makes communication pure hell. It certainly wouldn't faze the NPDs, who love the sound of their own voice and don't care if you're going to miss an appointment with your oncologist because of their endless monologue. The Asbergers merely want to impart info and their disorder makes it difficult to do so in a socially-acceptable way. Once an NPD has the stage, grab a chair or leave. NPDs are the ones who don't care if you're passing by with a baby on one hip and a forty pound laundry basket on the other: if they've got something to say (and always do), stop your life and listen or be prepared to deal with them pouting a week. Another person listed the incredible demands the NPDs make on everyone around them, until they no longer have anyone near them. The best example I can give is that after 30 years of marriage, our family vacation photos rarely show the kids, and never showed me. The camera always had to be on him. After getting my life back in my 50s, I don't have time for people who want to waste it. NPDs are very different from Aspergers folks and general big-mouths. It's up to each person to react as they choose, enabling, listening or driving off in their car. This IS a great article for handling big mouths at work or family reunions. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... enjoy this conversation over 5 years, Ralphoo said... This is a very interesting discussion. Is the consensus that the "know-it-all" is most likely to have NPD, or would it be Asbergers? Or something else? over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... I agree, I am related to people like that. They wonder why their children (adults) don't call, write, nothing, why they moved stated away. Then when he moved to where they lived, they had no time. He thought they were going to "entertain" him now in his old age. Not going to happen. Too much water over the dam. When his wife had the audacity to divorce him, and live a decent life without him, he about went nuts. He would never confess to having depression or anything like that, but that's what it was. Too bad for all in the family. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... True to their "it's all about my hard life" concept of me-me-me, I noticed the egocentrics have monopolized this forum, not really asking for understanding, just talking incessantly about themselves. I don't lump them in with the Asbergers. What I don't understand is that the narcissism personality disorder was barely addressed, and that many of your responses seem to come from people with NPD, or living with people with NPD. The verbal barrage and selfishness are classic NPD. There are some excellent books available on NPD, which is a total nightmare by itself. Even the pros tell you to run, there is no fixing someone with this disorder. Only a masochist or someone who has no other options would stay. These are damaged people and energy vampires. They are indeed very insecure and spend their entire life building themselves up and tearing you down if you dare disagree or do not respond immediately to their least whim. You and your children will never be as important as he is, and his/her endless monologues will not include you except to ridicule. I was married to one for years, and always thought I just was not living up to his standards. Our children left home early, and moved to other states. When he visits, he still criticizes them in front of their own children. His phone "conversations" are endless, no one is as intelligent as he is, even if he has to lie to "prove" it. If this sounds like anyone you live with, research current books about NPD, and get out while you have some self-esteem or a will to live. They can not and will not change their total devotion to themselves. You have to change YOUR situation or be content to be humiliated and available to serve them 24/7.. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... thought provoking,,chasing the spiritual realm over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... kiss the checks of the enemy ??? bring hope not doubt and disorder life is worth fighting for no matter the dismile phds doubt and brokenness heal the phds and their doubt and confusion of the spiritual realms-damaged by the know it alls---seek life! to deny or escape pain is human those who come to terms with pain experience the truth of the human heart what a workout!!! just a human---seeking the spiritual realm for healing not phdss---heal and cure these doubters---HUGS over 5 years, What do you mean said... I would feel more qualified to respond if LB dimentia and alzheimers were recognized as both being under the "umbrella" of the many forms 0f Dimentia by Caring.com over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... seems to me that a each individual has something lift the vail and look at yourselves kiss the mentality of the phds and this world will become more fulfilled by broken persons sad but hopeful over 5 years, leanne.hendley said... The biggest problem with dealing with an extreme narcissist is when they get angry, and mad. They SEE only red. If you do not agree with them in everything they think and decide to do, these narcissist will do whatever it takes to crush you! They can lie like it is truth, they threaten the life in a heartbeat of the person who corrects them. If they are fired, they sue. If they are ignored in a public place they want the place shut down, They call congress if they get a ticket on a no parking street..letting everyone know how incompetent those people who don't agree with them or jump hoops for them are. They will never apologize, never make amends, and never feel remorse for anything below the belt they did to bushwhack someone, getting someone fired in a restaurant for telling them they had a visa card declined, they will tell the lady at the flower shop how rotten the prices are and make her cry as if it is her doing, they will have road rage, and blame it on something other than them-self. Ina hospital the narcissist will complain and call the nurses 50 times a minute, and demand new nurses if the nurse wont pamper them as if they are the most important person there, and they complain about the bill, they exaggerate until it is so blown out of proportion, you don't know the truth and they believe their own lies. They must be right and never challenged, never called a name, yet put you down like you have never heard before, you will be in shock at how rotten and nasty they say things, it is easier for them to write the insults, so they aren't interrupted, and then if you reply in any way other than letting them be cruel without sticking up for yourself, you are forever SUNK! The only way to stay sane and find Joy is prayer and request for God to help you find a way to get disconnected from it all and when we are weak God will fight for us, we should not try to fight the narcissist, let GOD!! over 5 years, Tushiva said... Often times a neurotypical woman will marry a man with Aspergers syndrome with the thought in the back of her head that he's a fixer-upper project. Here's how that looks from the Aspergers man: The Twelve Steps of How I worked His Program to the Best of My Ability. 1. Informed him that he was powerless over his quirks and his life had been unmanageable without me. 2. Came to believe that I could restore him to normalcy. 3. Made the decision for him to turn his will and his life over to my care because I understood him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of him. 5. Told him the exact nature of his wrongs. 6. Was entirely ready to remove his defects of character. 7. Expected him to be humble when I removed his shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons he had harmed and told him to make amends to them all. 9. Expected him to make amends to me first. 10. Continued to take his inventory and when he was wrong, promptly told him about it. 11. Suggested he improve his communication with me so as to know my will and carry it out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of this makeover, I persisted with my messages and practiced these principles in all his affairs. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... This is so true of my best friend. She was in a bad marriage for 30 years. Each year now she is getting worse and worse. She has remarried and that has not helped. I am glad to have some tools now to help me keep her in my life. over 5 years, wichyrdojo said... Quite educative. Thanks over 5 years, I GIVE UP..NOTHING A said... YES I MIGHT BE THE ONE WHO LOVES TO TAKE OVER....MAYBE I WILL NOW LEARN TO LISTEN TO OTHERS AND LET THEM BE HEARD...WILD BILL over 5 years, wichyrdojo said... Thanks Paula nice writeup! over 5 years, Tushiva said... Paul Scott's "Five ways to reject an Aspergers" Really soured my attitude badly. The Neurotypical whiners who were out here telling their slanted side of their relationship also did a number on my attitude. All of this bled over to my relationship with my neurotypical wife and soured that. I've gotta get out of this conversation. Aspergers (by whatever name) has these symptoms: - disability in body language and empathy - numbness in social relationships - an ability to focus on a project for a long time. - habits like rocking or fidgeting - attention to objects and animals + genius in their technical field + experts in their fields of study + original thinkers and inventors + honest and literal to a fault + emotionally like a five year-old When a Herr Mercedes who built cars and Herr Benz who sold cars got together, they made a mint. Please learn to get along with each other for the good of society. Bye! over 5 years, sethsmamaw said... Everything, there are a few Know-it-alls where I live. I will be referring to this article until ... over 5 years, leanne.hendley said... I am the mother of child who has paternal father with the worst narcissitic ego i have ever know in my life. He has had me as a prisoner of his ego for years. I am now getting my degree in psychology, i feel it is the result of my trying to find answers to deal with him, without having my child in his circle of spite and also he has done so many awful things to our family, acting like he was right and doing it for the well being of his child, i agree he thinks i am the best thing alive, i disagree and he lies and tries to get people to believe him that I am not a good mom. we went through hell having him in our life, i had to be the barrier for the sake of my child and he blamed me for everything she felt about him and it was worse than i am able to expain in this post. I really feel this post about know it all people was good. I have read alot about the narcissist, and it is a no win scenario for anyone involved in their life. Good Job over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... Here are my 2 cents as a consumate know-it-all. For me, it's not good enough to "think" I'm right, what's important for me is that every person in the conversation is willing to find the truth that is being disputed. When someone tells me they want to "Agree to disagree", what they are really saying is "I see this issue as trivial, it's like having a favorite ice cream flavor or baseball team - I'm just not going to look at the deeper implications that show real people's lives are impacted, and I'm not going to account for my own responsibility as a member of society that will either solve the problem or, with my indifference, make it worse." I don't just want to look smart at parties, I insist on actually being right, which means that if you want to dispute my argument, let's both be willing to document the evidence to support our positions. A lot of these defense mechanisms proposed in this article look to me like excuses to hold a position without the diligence of veracity and authenticity. over 5 years, S.M. R. said... Acknowledgement of the problem, tips to turn things around or not be offensive in disagreeing, and a way to end the conversation and close the discussion. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... I worked for a woman for 6 yrs. who was exactly this way. Of course i didnt know it when she hired it and it took a yr to see it.Our department was small (her and 2 of us fulltime pd staff) and any one above her only met w/her other than thier monthly board meetings. She knew she couldnt always convince them that her thoughts were right, but by god, she made sure that my co-worker and i knew it. When i finally tried to bring it to administration, it was her being believeable over me that she was making our work place unworkable, and so, that i eneded up resigning. To ad to this article and this narcistic personality, when you try to ethically do what is right, you also become their enemy and you better be sure you have backup because they'll fight with you to the end! In my case it was the end. Nearly a year now since that event and I am still not working. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... all the paragraphs contained relevant information, presented in a helpful way over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... i never asked for this curse , and it has left me in total devastation because people think they are perfect and dont care about hurting others feelings !!! i lived all my life this way and i hate that im this way ,, its been hell all my life that i cant control my words at times and i knew this a long time ago wen i started to dive down deep into my soul .... over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... Just ideas on how to deal with this issue. have felt the victim often. AND at times....I can be this person. So, it is a reminder to ask and genuinely want other people's perspective and listen to them. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... its no picnic to hav inherited a really bad gene from a dad whos always shot his mouth off and somehow this crap has been passed down to me and is in my brain ...im blunt im rude at times and i cant control wat comes out of my mouth. as i dont no this until i say it ....people are very messed up themselves to even judge me !!! they need to check themselves as to all thats wrong with them ...its a very cruel and sic world we liv in ....if someone was in my shoes they wouldent like it at all and then they would understand wat pain really is !!! over 5 years, Dreas said... I like this article. I'm going to have some fun now! Sweet Revenge baby! over 5 years, AZ to MI said... I can see myself, :) , and some friends in this article. Thank you, I will give this a try! over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... well im that way and i felt cursed all my life as i get this gift of a curse from my dad and i hate myself for being just like him as this is very very difficult to tame . as people are very ignorant to this type of disorder that cant be helped if its in yur blood and theres olny so much i can do to calm this down to a screeching halt ... its a genetic disorder with me . i dont no about others i just no about me !! and it more than pisses me off that people are ignorant to not take a moment to pull out the humaness deep inside thier own faults, and treat people like me with some bit of class rather than dismissal !! nobody nos the pain that i deal with because of this ... i have much self loathing because i inherited this gentic crap i can do without !!!!!! over 5 years, MaryAnnDodge said... loved the article; i needed to under stand these no it alls. over 5 years, MandyJ17 said... bpgagirl22, This may be a little off topic, but I was reading your post about you being dyslexic, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice about how to teach someone with dyslexia? I think my son may be dyslexic, and I want to know how to get him tested for it. The special education department at his school (he's in 6th grade) tested him a year ago to see if he had a learning disability, but they decided he didn't. I think they are wrong, only because there are certain things he has been doing for a few years now, like switching his d's and b's around and other types of writing errors, that I think he may really have a genuine problem. I only want to help him because I hate to see him struggle in school like he has been doing. He is a smart kid, but he has such a problem with things like reading comprehension and stuff that has to do with writing. If you can offer any advice I would greatly appreciate it. They don't test for dyslexia in school here. Also, if anyone else on here has some advice for me I would appreciate your input too. Thanks everyone. over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... I live in an assisted living facility with a know-it-all who sits at our dining table. When it comes to knowing everything if not more, it is her. I am going to print this out and distribute the article so we all have a fighting chance. Thank you for the information. over 5 years, Marijke said... I live with a narcissist pedantic pest (love the use of words) and have developed survival skills over many years. This is the first time I have seen a summary of how to deal with this type of personality - I partifcularly wish I had thought of point 5 long ago! over 5 years, Henry Lock said... A lot of good common sense. Thanks. over 5 years, bpgagirl22 said... @ Ralphoo: Hmm, you didn't learn your lessons very well, I enjoyed the first few sentences but then........................................................... over 5 years, David Kenneth said... thanks for the article, this will really come in handy with some of my know it all friends... over 5 years, Klaus Kracht said... I can and will use this info over 5 years, Ralphoo said... This is a good article. I used to behave pretty much like the know-it-all you describe, but with a variation. In one particular multi-semester class at college, I would keep asking the teacher questions and making suggestions the whole time. I did not realize I was out of line. After two semesters of this, with a new semester beginning, the teacher finally told me I had to stop talking, or else he would have to transfer me to a different section. After that I stayed silent, and eventually I hardly ever went to the class. Of course I then did very poorly in the final exam. From my perspective now, I wish the teacher had known how to reduce the flow of my questions and comments much sooner, without having to cut me off entirely. I realize this is difficult, which is why I think your article makes a good contribution. I still talk too much at times, but fortunately my wife has learned how to tell me to shut up in various situations. Usually it works pretty well. A whole book could (and probably should) be written on the subject of how to shut certain people up when they talk too much. There are various methods, and in some situations it is necessary to use more than one technique. That said, if I had to give one principle to be used in moderating the over-talking of someone like me, it would be to make your thoughts known to the person, early and often, preferably outside the situation where the excessive talking is going on. It might be best to start with either an email message or a phone call. You could do it after the party or meeting or class. I suggest presenting the difficulty caused by this person's excessive talk as a shared problem, something to be solved. That may engage the interest and help of the know-it-all you are confronting (after all, if he really knows it all, he should know how to deal with someone who talks too much). The fact that this person himself turns out to be the culprit might not stop him from actually helping to solve the problem. After being acquainted with the situation, the person may still need a discreet signal which is passed to him to signal that he is over-talking. In many or most cases, the person does not realize what is happening. Maybe our brains are missing a certain monitoring circuit. I have been diagnosed with ADD, so that might be an explanation in itself. Note: I have been writing "he", but I'm pretty sure the same thing can happen with a woman who doesn't know the power of her own voice. And I imagine the same kind of treatment would apply. over 5 years, GiGi Annie said... yes, for 2 reasons..I know a couple of Know-it alls ...and on occasion I can be one also over 5 years, a fellow commenter said... We have a guy in our family who will actually say "Do you mind if I give a little lecture here, and then just starts talking," ALWAYS on a controversial subject, i.e. I've been reading about automatic weapons, and do you know that guy up in CT only fired one shot at a time from his AR15, so automatic weapons are not really the problem. At family dinners if the topic is about someone's kids, he interrupts and says this sounds like a nice conversation, but I can't really contribute so "do you mind if I give a little lecture here on Blacks, guns, whatever controversial topic he can think of" Dinner isn't dinner unless he can start an argument. over 5 years, lyrical said... WOW, Now if someone could just figure out how to use this on Obama!! over 5 years, bpgagirl22 said... Hmmm, I must have a touch of Aspergers Syn. because I tend to think the very same way! I'm 58 and as I was growing up, it seemed so many of my peers knew so much better and more than I did but I now seem to be the wiser of all of them! LOL Especially spiritually. I'm also Dyslexic. Of course 50 years ago when I was starting school they didn't know what it was. I have 3 true friends who are very similar to me, all women, and my husband is one who is LIGHT YEARS speed able to process and think and decipher. He is all numbers, technical and math, I am all language, creative and spiritual. I tend to ignore a lot of what he says because I simply don't understand it. Way too technical for me! LOL I've had to deal with a LOT of people like this on jobs I've had and invariably every time, we slow pokes would finally be able to make our point about something as soon as their way faltered and they didn't know what to do. Most of the time, we just let 'em fall on their butts so to speak! LOL Seriously though I also had a lot of Aunts and Uncles who were very egotistical and old and they absolutely KNEW the right way to do something. We younger ones came along and started the new wave. They of course didn't like it! Oh well! That's the generational gap! over 5 years, chapmrs said... "As soon as I'm right, the conversation ends." So said my teacher. He didn't want to be right. He wanted to learn. I have a lot of compassion for folks who are overwhelmed by a know-it-all, and I have compassion for know-it-alls--I'm one. I see what I think by saying what I think. When I encounter a similar personality, I ask questions because I want to learn more. Everyone wants to be understood, and a know-it-all (like me) is probably trying to "earn" respect because she feels she can't be accepted for who she is. How about a bit of validation first? "Wow, how did you learn so much about that?" "You are interesting to talk to." Then "here's what I learned." "Yes, but.." is condescending. "But" negates whatever came before it. (Think "I'm sorry, but.") None of us was born informed. There's a teacher somewhere to thank, and once validated, the know-it-all will probably share validation--even with the overwhelmed. almost 6 years, a fellow commenter said... Here's my problem: I'm a smart, capable, caring, middle-aged woman, sharing an empty nest with my husband of 35 years. It has become more and more apparent lately that everything we do, talk about, or decide is based on what he wants, not what I want. Also, I am never right, I am never recognized for my worth, and if I talk about something that doesn't concern him, he has no interest and changes the subject or says nothing. He's a classic passive-aggressive, who does things I ask him to do when he's damn ready, always with a lackluster sense of urgency. He claims I have no right to expect him to follow my advice or agree with me about anything, so he purposely states contradictions and acts like a 2-year-old who always says no. I recently had exposure to a plant in our yard, that made me sick for 2 weeks. A few days ago, he said he killed the plant; then when I looked up on line the chemical he used, it had nothing to do with that particular plant. He never admitted he was wrong, but he did go out and buy the right one. about 6 years, Tushiva said... I have known several Aspergers women. My mother could carry on a monologue for two hours straight. But she held my sister in awe. My sister could hold a running conversation with a fence post. Between them, I never had to say a word. I had Aspergers as well, of course. We are social as well as Normals, but after five years old we are criticized for not "growing up." So we learned to shut up. Great. People loved having someone to talk at. But it was all one way. It wasn't a relationship. It was just draining. But if we opened our mouths, the Normals didn't want to hear us and our interests. They would just walk away or criticize us for being strange or stupid. But the need to socialize was still there. Finally, we would break and just unload on others as we had been unloaded on, whether they were interested or not. After all that's what they had done to us... We are acting out the abuse we had received & stuffed. We even do this with each other! We need to get inner healing and time talking with someone with a similar specialty. If they can talk about the abuse, they don't have to act out the abuse -- with you. They love you or they wouldn't have stuck around all this time. about 6 years, moving on said... I needed to know how to get out of a conversation with my know-it -all husband,who clearly stated He is always right! His conversations seem to drag on forever because he repeats everything more than once like I can"t understand his point unless he drills it in.I"m going to try these methods. Thanks. over 6 years, seanymph007 said... "Stop! You're driving me crazy!" is the title of a very helpful book on this subject (and dealing with critcs/critisism, verbal abuse, agression, etc). It is highly reccomended for communicating with people with/having Aspergers. It's out of print now, but easily found; here's the Amazon link to it and the customer reviews page: http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Youre-driving-me-crazy/product-reviews/0399118349 over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... knowing i can have a comment that make sense also! over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... If People would learn to work together for the betterment of all the Human race and all creatures? This would be a much ,very much better place to live. The answers are all in the Holy Bible. Jesus is the way ,the truth and the life. Search the Holy Scriptures ,for in them You find life. King James Version . The original translated one. Not the new revised. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... Very intresting. I agree. This five ways are a great way to deal with this types. I had learned some of this ways all by myself. It is better to try to understand them. Some have had hardships in there lives .Some just were brought up this way. They just don't know any better or are ill. I agree that You have to try to make them see the alternatives or to see things in a different way. Just can't tell then upfront that they are wrong . They get hurt easily or just get angry and mad. They hate to be wrong . Their self esteem will be broken. They probably do live in paranoia and afraid of the truth . They can't deal with the fact that they can be wrong. Yes symtoms of a narrcisist . They might not have faith and they do not trust anybody. They hide their uglyness and yes they have a difficult time with humility. Good idea to sorta agree with them with making noises of agreement when actually You do not agree with them .Then You present Your evidence and facts in an easy kind way. And like You say if You did not get Your point accross ?.just be kind and polite and ask to be excused to leave . over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... It's hard to 'leave' if that person is the husband of many years whom you love dearly, but who has no idea he trivializes things about which you feel so deeply. Left-brain/right-brain has few easy solutions. In the total scheme of things it fades to unimportance. Nonetheless, it can be deeply painful to a sensitive spirit. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I much prefer the matter-of-factness of a know-it-all I can openly argue with than someone who would resort to these kind of personal attacks and rhetorical manipulations of the facts. Except for number 5, the items themselves are not bad and can be part of the realistic discussion of facts. But the manipulative explanations are ... uglier and more unpleasant than know-it-alls. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I hear ya. No argue, just figure out to get it done. Creative problem solving can keep the floor shiny, I love mop n glow, and the heart happy. over 6 years, Mike3353 said... Me-firm believe if outcome no matter, ask others. If matter, self execute the chore yourself if you want it done your way. What did you think if everytime you asked them to do something, being upset having to do it all over again, you get snippy, you ruin it for both of you. You would have to do it for yourself, and less energy expended in the long run. I came home one day and the kitchen floor had black all over the tiles. I asked my Father what it was and his easy out was, 'I don't know?'. It was only the two of us so we knew better, why argue. But, when I couldn't get it off the floor and he could not tell me what he used I was behooved. Calling my sister, she remembered Mom using a 50/50 mix of Amonia and white vinegar. It did the trick, I mopnglow-ed the floor and wiped up his spills before him, and hid the Amonia and mopping for him was a thing of the past and a blessing for me. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I have a yeah but.... Depends on proximity Mike. IF you LIVE with someone who will... ask, listen, THEN do what they actually decided before hand they are going to, then what? Pondering is what those who don't know it all do... over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... Wonderful,Mike. I'd like to hav e you in my small circle. Tony Tiger over 6 years, Mike3353 said... Tell them you are very well aware of the vast knowledge they contain, and feel priviledged to be around it for access at a moments notice, but not now. They absorb info w/o ponder. Find something for them to ponder and ask them to do it quietly. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I live with a know-it-all. The only problem is that I am one, too! That was part of our attraction to each other. 25 years ago, when we got married, it was fun to spar, Now, it is just exhausting. In addition, we opened a business together - and we both fight all the time about steps that we need to take. If we had more money, we could seek out counseling. I can follow these steps, but I guarantee that I will feel my *own* ego rising up when it feels like it's had to take too many disparaging remarks and immediate derisions of my positions. How do I solve my problem? over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I feel sad that anyone is belittled, rejected, ridiculed, considered strange selfish, egotistical or narcissistic because they are viewed as "different". I believe anyone with a belly button has experienced being labeled or treated in ways that are hurtful unfair and inhumane. I think the worst thought or feeling we can ever have is that we are alone. After reading the 3 book series beginning with " A child called it" the true life story of Dave Pelzer, I realized the human spirit is incredible beyond belief. I believe we each have a cross to bear in this life whether it is obvious to others or not. I can look at those I believe have all the breaks and feel ripped off. Or I can take my eyes off of those things I really have no way of knowing and let it begin with me. Be the hope I wish to see and need to know exists. There is a saying I have learned to remind myself of when I see or am the recipient of what I consider mean spirited, Hurting people, hurt people. I know I have unintentionally hurt others and try to remember that when I am on the receiving end of a hurtful behavior it is not about me. We do not see life as it is, we see life as we are. over 6 years, Tushiva said... Children have a literal, concrete way of thinking. They are naturally self-centered. At about 5 years old, most have their thinking profoundly change. They become empathic and can put on personas to think like they think others think. This is why they have amnesia for before the change -- the memory keys are different. However, Aspergers don't go through this change. We don't "grow up." We remember what happened in childhood because the memory keys remain the same. Since we can't form personas of other people to "understand" them, we are considered egotistical, "narcissistic," strange, stupid and selfish. We can either withdraw from social contact that gets them in trouble or just start talking to others anyway out of great loneliness. They need to reach out to people like themselves in special interest groups, understanding that we all have had a terrible time from neurotypicals. I found out I was Aspergers after 50 years of belittling, rejection and ridicule. The Twelve Steps has a high percentage of highly damaged Aspergers. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I spend 40 hours a week sitting next to an obnoxious know-it-all and gossiper and this article was extremely helpful. Thank you so much! over 6 years, oldblackdog said... A confession - sometimes I'm the know-it-all! And sometimes cultural differences are misinterpreted.Some groups are more emphatic, and intense in presenting ideas - as if in a debate - and expect the same in return -- and other groups avoid the appearance of disagreement. Anyone listen to Garrison Keillor talk about Lake Woebegone - or his own real background - one where excelling was considered being a showoff. Further, WOMEN are STILL frequently trashed if they are - direct, assertive, and actually act as if they have ideas that matter ( ref. Hillary Clinton as 1st wife and when running her campaigns) - and don't apologize for pursuing their goals. As a really simple everyday example, I'm sure we all know the people - more often women - who when on an outing or major trip, when asked what they want to do, always demur: "Oh, whatever YOU want to do..." and then b --ch and moan ( usually behind their backs) about someone else being too bossy In the essay you have pointed out that the person who has to feel in charge is defending some feelings of inadequacy, and may be narcissists, which might apply to a few people. But some narcissism - looking after one's own interests - is normal. Healthy even. E.g. , this author has sufficient ego to presume that she can offer information has that others can not. It is probably too abundant in our politicians and celebrities; but calling someone a narcissist can also be way of expressing resentment because you have not found a way to express your own opinions. All that said, some people are pompous and lecture rather than talk -- and they are boring. If they are people you value, you'll find a way to listen and be calm. (Another friend and myself have a 3rd friend who gives us a signal when our 5 minutes of heated political diatribe time - which we enjoy, but she doesn't is up). If they are not people you value, well, you can say you have someone else to see and walk away. If you believe their comments are useless to you,and you understand ( as this article points out) that they have a need to be right, if you can give up your need to be right as well, there isn't too much to be upset about. ( In a self-help book, Joan Borysenko - talking about upsetting arguments with her son- explains that it dawned on her that sometimes the issue is: Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? The suggestions are definitely useful, though - when faced with people who are totally oblivious to other's reactions, they gives you a branch to hang onto until the flood ( of words) is over. over 6 years, Mike3353 said... Always relay to a Know it all to you are not sure what they mean. When they realize everytime they open their mouth , they wind up having to do it themselves or explain too long, they may stop offering their advice. May-be even stop comming to your place. over 6 years, Mike3353 said... If a dem is in the middle of doing something and a rep taps him on the shoulder and says ' you are about to fail ' . Given that the Rep knows the future, do you continue because he is someone who's ways you do not believe in, and fail; or do you stop what you are doing and fail anyway. What if you re-assess your problem to find a path of least resistance towards the benefit of others and know you have succeeded. over 6 years, Free from narcissist said... Aspergers is nothing like narcissism Tushiva. Each diagnoses has components the other does not. I have worked with aspergers children and I dearly love them just as they are. They do not need to change in order to be loved. But what I hear you are saying is you wish you could see and feel things differently, or as you understand others do, is this correct? I think it is good you hand out cards for those you meet. I believe most people want to understand and treat others with kindness but it is their own fear or lack of knowledge that can prevent this. I can not imagine what it would be like not to be able to feel with other people or be sensitive to them but you have given me much to think about and I thank you for this. I hope you will someday be able to try this treatment and that it will work for you. And if it doesn't you will know what didn't work so that you may try something else that could. My prayers are with you. over 6 years, Tushiva said... There is one man who has succeeded in becoming empathic -- John Elder Robison. He had always been called narcissistic, cold, a loner and rude. If he talked, it would be a monologue. Doctors found his mirror cells and switched them on with magnetic pulses. He says the difference was like seeing black & white all his life and then seeing in color. Suddenly he could feel with other people. He could be sensitive to others. Others have tried to get fixed in the same way, with no success. I have been tempted to try, but failure would be too much for me. So I hand out cards explaining what Aspergers is all about to new people I meet. That's all I can do. I'm sorry I can't be like you -- but I can't. over 6 years, Free from narcissist said... I have not read that someone I can not communicate with is a danger to society in the article or subsequent posts, not do I find the sharing of others experiences or opinions threatening to me, my thoughts or feelings about life. I am sorry to hear that anyone could glean this from what has been posted. I see no slander, only the expression of personal experience and the thoughts from such, given voice to. Feelings and opinions are not fact, nor are they right or wrong, they are a part of the journey of life and a means of processing what has been experienced. Sharing this with others is about feeling safe to express all that we think or have found to be true for our self only. A mind is like a parachute it can only work if it is open as I have heard. I love hearing what others have to say, there is soooo much more in this world than I have any idea about and I want to know what others have seen felt and experienced, not judge it. over 6 years, CalgarySandy said... A narcissist is a very ill person. It is a mental illness that often leads to psychosis and violence. It is unfair to insinuate that some one YOU cannot communicate with is a danger to society. It is, in fact, slander. After seeing the loathing and disgust spewed out on here I will be removing my name from subscribers. There are enough bullies in the world as it is. It is really sad that a site purporting to care about people puts up an article that attacks what are likely mentally ill or lonely people but not necessarily narcissistic. The holier than though posts, nasty remarks and snivelling about how these people won't shut up disgusts me. You don't have to put up with them. In fact, for their sake it is better than you do not. I know people who have been damaged for life by their families thinking they were showing off when all they were doing was sharing what they enjoy. You people are disgusting. over 6 years, Free from narcissist said... I worked 10 years with SDC children, autism spectrum is only one of many learning disabilities or disorders possible. Narcissists do not fall under this umbrella. No, narcissists are usually charismatic and highly intelligent. Which is why it can be so difficult to interact with them. They are ten steps ahead of what is actually being talked about. If you are in the present with your conversation and think they are too.. good luck. There is an agenda and you will never fail to be surprised a day, week, month or year down the road as to what it was. I personally wouldn't use the word bullying regarding a narcissist because bullying is obvious and out in the open for what it is. Manipulation, power and control are the words I have found applicable when dealing with a narcissist however. They want their way, period. My way or the highway in effect. And if you can't or won't comply, it is on to the next person, place or thing that will. Bully's have been hurt, had no recourse or help and believe the only way to have any sense of self is to do the same thing done to them, to those as vulnerable as they "once" were. Narcissist have a totally different game, they do not care what you think, how you feel, or why. This is not even a blip on the radar screen of their life. Getting what they want by what ever means necessary is. You are expendable and if you don't think so... disagree or tell them no and see how far this gets you. If you accidently push the button of them being seen as anything less than "right", this is where the" know- it- all" behaviors, so to speak comes in to play. My mother had a postcard up on a bulletin board when I was growing up that said: Everyone has a right to their own opinion as long as it agrees with mine. She tried to play this off as a "joke" but it was her mission statement about how things were run in our family. Did she bully us? Well l lets just say life was peaceful as long as you agreed with her, down to the size of wash cloth you used to wash dishes... the one she said you used or banishment to your room. Sometimes we are completely helpless to defend ourselves with a narcissist, such as if you are the child of one. But for the purposes of this article it seems to me suggestions have been given as to how, if one finds them self dealing with this personality, they can diffuse this and take care of them self "in" the situation, without creating further distress or problems. over 6 years, lettybon said... Exactly what to say~ I agree with the suggested words to tell the know-it-all person. over 6 years, volleyball5 said... GOOD INFORMATION, WHAT ABOUT THE PERSON WHO TALKS TO HEAR HERSELF ABOUT PEOPLE YOU DO NOT EVEN KNOW YOU CHANGE THE SUBJECT BUT ONCE THERE IS A QUIET MOMENT SHE WILL SAY WELL BACK TO BLAH BLAH BLAH, FRUSTRATING. over 6 years, epathyworks said... Been the sole caretaker of my widowed mother, going on 3 years, and finally figured out why I can never do anything right - she suffers from NPD and I am her scapegoat. My younger sibling has always been the child who could do no wrong - now he suffers with NPD - This article was helpful in helping me to keep my mouth shut and showd me an alternative way to respond - difficult to break the knee-jerk reaction that I have all these years - learning not to speak my point of view or to just agree and then leave the room. This journey is gonna be long and difficult, but in the long run will make me stronger. I thank God for giving me faith and the strength to endure this lesson of life :) Daughter of Narsisstic Mother over 6 years, CalgarySandy said... Then again, the person may have a mental illness like an Autism spectrum disorder and all you have done is bully them. Your comments about "know it alls" are rude and offensive. That you have problems with this kind of person does not mean your views are universal. In fact, you are so insulting I question your sources and ability to make sense of the complexities of human brains. "internal empathy (which, admittedly, isn't easy with a bombast)" is really mean and you should not be telling people these kinds of things if you want bullying to stop. Some people like to share what they know. People who enjoy learning often want to share it. For those who have no interest in what they say...just leave. Don't sit and stew in your loathing, move on. There are people who dislike everyone who got an education or practices life long learning. What do you call them? Personally, I only like opinionated people. Right or wrong they make me think. over 6 years, no_one said... All of the responses over 6 years, SuzyScorp said... I have a huge problem with "know-it-alls," but have to agree with one thing that the article described these people as: Narcissits! I couldn't have put it better! I never thought of a narcissict in that way, but after reading the above article, it makes perfect sense to me now.. They have swollen egos, as well... over 6 years, lere said... I'm always opening myself to being told what the other person thinks is "setting me straight". The outspoken brother-inlaw ect. I've decided to not to leave myself open to such cruel ,cutting remarks ,by being open to such a person i know he is. I have a friend that calls and keeps me on the phone seems like forever, but never listens to me at all. I'm a caretaker of my husband with demetia from a stroke. My friends calls drains me. your advice will be put into practice, i doubt if it gets across. since she over talks me... over 6 years, seanymph007 said... Yes, however there are more constructive responses which help others recognize you as a worthwhile individual with valuable contributions, rather than seeing you as an underling or "an opponent" that they feel compelled to direct, correct, compete with, or just "tell you how it is"... 1) Try "Yes; and" or "Yes, however" (instead of "yes but" which is a negation of their point, which encourages a "contentious" atmosphere of: Butts fighting Butts). 2) Instead of saying, "Well I think" or "I know", or "I heard" (which simply mimics the I, I, I, me, me, me, focus, and a "Let me tell you" superior/contentious attitude that you are trying to extinguish)... saying "In my experience", or " In my heart", or "in my situation" or "In my family", or "in my mind"... This automatically places them IN YOUR SHOES and forces them to consider YOUR situation and accept that you are experiencing things from a different angle, or 'the other side of the fence". Just my 2 cents. over 6 years, The Caregiver's Voice said... Four TIPS to stress free communications with know-it-alls. We've all run into them in our lives. Add to this the person who has been drinking a bit much yet carries on a conversation. I was naive, but good friends guided me to stop interacting. I really like these tips. This is one of those articles we need to keep as a reminder from time to time. over 6 years, Frequent Reader said... You've set out a very helpful process for dealing with a know-it-alls, and your explanation of "where they are coming from" makes it much easier to feel compassion for them, rather than anger or hurt. Thank you. over 6 years, doforanimals said... Wow! This describes my mother (and a few bosses) perfectly! No wonder I'm exhausted. A lifetime of dealing with these types is physically and emotionally draining. Too late for me to try this on my mother who is elderly with Alzheimer's (yet she still retained the know-it-all temperament) but will keep this in mind for future know-it-alls that cross my path. Great insight. over 6 years, mariannew said... Common sense, concrete responses to the know it all. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I have unfortunately dealt with Narcissist's my entire life. My mother, then my husband for 25 yrs, and now a co-manager I share a job with. I was referred to a book that FINALLY helped me fully understand what this is about (not me) and how to deal with it. The book is: Why is it always about you. You are 100% correct when you said considering that there are other points of view is completely out of the question. Humility is synonymous with defeat, I am wrong, therefore less than and narcissists will NEVER EVER admit they might not know something. So your advise is very good and to it I would add you will never in ten life times have a real relationship with a narcissist, it is not possible, and you must never entertain the thought- hope- idea that it can be. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. The number one thing to understand is IT IS NOT POSSIBLE.... EVER. They lack empathy. They can feign empathy or sympathy if it is in keeping with their current agenda but don't get sucked into believing they care about you... you are a means to an end. They love to argue BECAUSE they DO NOT care about you or the topic of conversation and unfortunately you do. This is how they "win". Once they have found your Achilles heel you are toast so DO NOT argue or try to have a rational reasonable give and take conversation. IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. Thank You for you article. People need to understand what they are dealing with. Believing you are having a conversation with a narcissist is exactly the same as talking to wall..... 100% useless waste of your time and energy. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I have a 62-year-old brother, three years my elder. I would like to start out by saying that his social skills are very inadaquate and I have been trying to take that into consideration. One can only stifle feelings for so long. He has always been regarded as the smart one in my family and he believes it sincerely. For all of my adult years he's had a habit of nodding quicky throughout my part af a conversation, as if he knows what my point is and will I please get through with my thought or opinion because I'm being tedious and he knows exactly what I will say. It really ticks me off. I've withstood his annoying and rude personality for all of my 58 years, until recently. A situation arose of late which was the last straw. I let him know how arrogant and rude he is by email and phone. Of cousre he denies any of this and says that I misunderstand him. My point is that I feel like a weight has been lifted and I no longer silently put up with his behavior, his body laguage. I recommend a civil discussion of a problem that the person in question exhibits. Thanks for reading this. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I know someone who is a narcissists. I love her dearly but can't stand the know-it-all behavior or the conversation-monopolising. She has many other issues that go with this narcissists behavior that I have to remember she can't help. The whole family is annoyed by her behavior as well. I have a hard time trying to defend her or help family members understand & deal with her. It helps having professionals stating the same things I have on how to deal with this behavior. Thank You! for posting this article. over 6 years, Fernando said... Interesting article. The situation is not rare and it is always annoying and/or embarrassing over 6 years, TonyTiger said... It causes me to realize those who insist they KNOW what's "right" and wrong are really ego maniacs and their rantings are not my problem. I have many people in my life who try to convince me their political views are correct and I'm either stupid or unpatriotic. Thanks for the boost.... over 6 years, Mike3353 said... Our lifetime is short. Theirs appears a lot shorter and it may be a harsh reality. Please respect your elders, because if those 17 year olds and all the impressionable young watch us being DISrespectful to our seniors, what do you think they see as the logical path of life? Take heed and pay attention because the cost of not doing so, is unacceptable. over 6 years, Mike3353 said... Youare gregarious and willremain an optimist. Total negativity because they believe they will never have(not-get) satisf action. The space in the middle of the word is for you, and him. If he gets too intense, pull in the reins. Slow it down, set up a friend, you can write down you friends phone number under the name of a senator, Dr. or other, you get the picture; get in his picture if you can get away with doing it in the real world all the better. Be the action in his satisfaction. If he becomes obsessive, demand equal time or more, by leaving the picture. You never know, you may have inspired. When you come back, he may have written a letter, or started making a bomb! We all need to be rewarded for our efforts. Many of us....not so much because that is not why we did it. over 6 years, Tushiva said... A helpful book for you neurotypicals would be "Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way" by Gary Chapman. No sense getting sick from your frustrations! Here's my cut free prayer for Christian care givers: http://orderofsaintpatrick.org/teachings/workfree.htm A copy of this has ended up posted in a hospital psychiatric ward for the nurses and doctors coming off duty. over 6 years, notmyage said... Would that I had had this information 2 years ago (long story)---but So Grateful to have it now! Many, many thanks for one of your absolute "bests"!!! over 6 years, JReeves said... I've encountered the personalities...good tips on how to handle. Never thought about a know-it-all possibly also being a narcissist. Makes sense over 6 years, Christiandystopian said... As a know it all...I don't really like being this way but I always seem to remember some tiny bit of trivia about well, everything. This helps me see where I'm going on & on about stuff interesting to no one in the world but me and (very important) how to get along with people, just like ME. I really don't conversations with a know it all, I already do! Most important of all, I will begin picking up on these verbal clues & tell myself, "Myke you're being boring again!" over 6 years, Sadder said... My know-it-all not only lectures, he rebukes as well. He rebukes everyone, even the people on TV. Every politician, every coach, every person with their own opinion. He doesn't even have to have an audience; I can be in the other room, hearing him blast someone on TV. I am so weary of this behavior that I am slowly, completely tuning him out. I don't offer opinions and I am getting to the point where I don't say anything. I used to be gregarious and an optimist. Now I am just numb. I'm sure your suggestions are good ones for those who are willing to contend, however kindly or carefully, but as I said; I give up. He is 74 years old and unlikely to change. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... There is a heck of a lot more to this topic that has not been discussed, but hey, no sense opening myself to being called a know it all. :-) over 6 years, warriors said... confirms reality bites!!! over 6 years, Gram7 said... there's one in every crowd! ;) Thanks! over 6 years, WRC said... Using the ploy of agreeing to disagree is great. It ends a lot of fruitless discussions with these types. Plus, most care givers relish some peace and useful discussions. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... It is very difficult living with a narcissist. They have no empathy for anyone else, and can only see how things impact them. The only way I continue in this relationship is knowing that this is mental illness, and the narcissist became this way through no fault of his own. over 6 years, zambezi said... Not suggesting ways to put up with the insufferable. Just walk away, extract yourself from wasting your own time with someone who is just going to get worse every year. None of us has forever. over 6 years, Mimulusman said... I have just recently been appointed to a public agency, about which, and about whose work, a lot of controversy and negative thinking has settled. This article's approach will help me to modify these attitudes, and allow the agency's work to move forwards. over 6 years, BalanceArticle said... I'd like to reverse this situation if you do not mind. There are many who feel superior to others and feel that need to. It works both ways, of course. I've often been in situations where I would try to participate in conversations and would feel rejected, later, I'd realize they thought better of themselves than me. In other words, this article is out of balance and does not encourage humility on the recipient's part of the conversation with a 'know-it-all'. And, yes, I've been accused of being a 'know-it-all', which harms the relationship at hand both ways. over 6 years, northernmeguy said... Wow! This was written just for me! My mom talks continouusly! She monopolizes every conversation! She's always right, or so she thinks! I can't shut her up! I'm an introvert who needs my private thoughts and quiet to recharge my batteries. What a mismatch! But at age 87, she really can't live alone, even though this is a living hell for me! Well written article! over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... I'm subjected to this and see executives in high places who are know-it-all controlling people. Any helps besides this good article for a person who is your boss in the church. You see he uses tactics to manipulate and control and those who work for salary are afraid for their job because they have seen several employees resign because of pressure he puts on them; and if you attempt to say anything, he immediately works you over every day letting you know how you need to improve. A lot of this is done in front of everyone where you are ridiculed in front of all the others in staff meetings. Therefore, he silences you and he is the only one who should be talking. Everyone is in fear of their job...and some have been forced to resign. He keeps everything in control this way and tweeks away for hours. Many have found other jobs and left. Thanks for this article and any helps of how to use some of your own ideas that have worked instead of telling them that #1, #2 and #3 will be the way toward achieving your goals. Letting people use their ideas can make it work out in teamwork and you can guide them into utilizing some of the boss's way with a new flare that gets the attention of others you are trying to reach to attend the program. Help needed, please. over 6 years, wavy said... Love, love, love this article. My boyfriend is this type. Because of this I sometimes reconsider to leave or to stay. Will try these points in the future, and see how it goes... this is going to be interesting! over 6 years, MYMOMSLOVE said... All of tis artical. I have a lot of know-it-alls in my family and they drive me nuts. They always hook me in and it never ends up good. Now I know why they are like that and how to handle the situations. Thank you over 6 years, Tushiva said... It's a good article, except for some snarky attitudes. There's no middle button on the "helpful" row. I have Asperger's syndrome. We are accused of being "know-it-all" because we use conversation to transmit information. You neurotypicals just blah-blah-blah while transmitting body language signals for other neurotypicals to empathize with. The signals that we CAN'T pick up because our mirror cells don't work. When we don't pick them up we are considered stupid. When we do talk, we are considered know-it-alls for transmitting mere information. I've got 50 years of rejection from neurotypical majority. That's why I am sounding angry. However, the points you give are helpful for a conversation with an Aspergers. Just so long as the information you have to share is more than blah-blah-blah. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... Wow ! I know somebody acting this way...like one-way ticket and masking her insecurity ....absence of humility. over 6 years, carol71 said... my care giver is a know-it-all so you were helpful Love it over 6 years, Cordero said... Very intelligent approach! In fact, I'm sharing this information right away with a friend who's husband you have just depicted. Thanks a lot! I hope this article gives her light at the end of the tunnel. over 6 years, a fellow commenter said... Being in a military organization, there was a new Capt assigned who just graduated from acquisition school and wanted to apply the "school-house solution" to everything. Even to the point of lecturing us how things should be done. After about two months of this, and coming from 30 years experience, I strongly suggested to him that he would do well to keep quiet, watch and learn how we do things. We had a highly effective and successful program. Could it be more efficient? Probably. But coming in finger-pointing was counter-productive. He should take six months to learn how we did things in the "real world" and then start to tweak the system after that as he saw fit. Fortunately he listened to one of the "old farts." over 6 years, eblair said... I have known this type and they are exhasperating. What I don't understand in this article is why the suggested responses are so mild - almost wimpy. Except for rare circumstances, the real thing to do is to martial your anger and tell them to go to hell. If a confrontation ensures, let it. Let the chips fall where they may. The "friends" you may lose were never friends at all. over 6 years, dumbsonofabitch said... Yes, but.... over 6 years, judy judy said... Partly this article describes a person with a mood imbalance in their brain such as bipolar. I have been researching mood disorders lately and this article sounded so much like a person on the manic side of the bipolar spectrum. I thought it could also have been named how to cope compassionately with a person who is acting manic. Thank you for the article I wrote down the tips. over 6 years, pauleyrpt said... The Miss know-it-all at work that tortured me for almost four years resigned last week to leave our company. I'm rejoiceing internally so much, I feel guilty. What was so difficult stemmed from the fact that she had 3 years experience in our professional work and I had 27; she openly rejected advice from me (and others) to the point that she convinced the boss that she should hop scotch to the front of the pack in direct responsibility. Despite my early attempts to disprove her lack of experience regarding knowing the 'scientific ropes' I lost. Good riddance. over 6 years, thevow said... Thanks for taking the time to write this article.