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MJC

over 3 years ago

Over the last 16 years, my mother has lived with me. She is now 94 years old and has most all the problems a person that age has. While she was still able, we traveled a lot, went shopping and ate out often. I have nursed her through hammertoe surgery, bunion surgery, cataract surgery, cancer (non-hodgkin lymphoma), blood clots, pneumonia numerous times, a broken hip and now, she has congestive heart failure and dementia. I left my job managing a law office to stay home with her 24/7 nine months ago. I live in Georgia, my brother lives in Virginia. I do not have any close relatives here. I have always approached situations as "missions" . My mother is my mission. I made up my mind that she would be the happiest person there ever was and have spent my last year making her happy. We always laughed a lot at any and everything. It is true, laughter is the best medicine. When I put her in the wheel chair to take her to the potty, its " hold your feet up and pull in your wings", "Please don't ask me to wipe you, I just washed my hands". I always "doodle" her hair when I pass by her chair, she says "don't do that" and grins real big. She loves it, but would never admit it. She was never a hugger. I hug her every time she is up on her feet, I have to tell her that hugging is for me, not her. She grins and says OK, go ahead. I have set up a daily schedule for us that starts whenever she wakes up in the morning and goes from there. I get her up, take her to the potty, roll her to the table, give her a warm, wet wash cloth, tell her to was her face and hands, in that order. If she doesn't do it, I do it for her without a word. I talk to her continuously while I am preparing coffee and breakfast. We turn on the news and see what the other world is doing. When breakfast is over, I remove her bib and move her to her "pink chair" where she dozes for a couple of hours. During this time, I am cleaning the floor, bathroom, letting the cat in, emptying the portable potty, washing dishes, changing sheets, washing pj's and sheets, cleaning, letting the cat out, cleaning, cleaning (my son once told his teacher "a bug wouldn't dare come in my mom's house". I do not have OCD, I enjoy cleaning, it is a mission every day. Time to go to the potty again, let the cat in,. Time for a snack, watch tv, eat lunch. Time for another nap. Turn on the computer, let the cat out, check email, check favorites starting at the top: local funeral home, no one I know is listed today, next funeral home, next funeral home. The next is alumni website, The next is caring.com, the next is Newt Gingrich web site then Marketwatch.com, let the cat in or out, which ever Her Royal Highness wants. I go to Pogo.com and play bingo, poppit, etc for an hour or so. Time for a snack, I stuff her full of protein every day because her skin is breaking down per doc's orders. Potty time again. Back to the computer to play Meggiesoft rummy. Let the cat out. I get my exercise lifting mother, I keep meaning to count the number of times each day, but keep forgetting. I have learned to place my feet firmly on the floor, bend my poor old knees, grasp her under the arms, pull her forward and tell her to plant her feet. Sometimes I dance around with her a few steps and we laugh about that. Then into the wheelchair again. Remember to lock the wheelchair first. One of the funniest things is that when she needs help, she calls for one of her sisters, she never calls me by name, always I am one of her sisters. I always say, "will I do"?, she says yes and laughs. I recently attended my grandson's highschool graduation in Virginia. My older brother and his wife who live in Virginia came down and stayed with mother during that time. It was wonderful to get away for 5 days, and my brother has told me that he had no idea what I did every day. It was good for both of us. I recently found out I needed to have a cataract removed and started looking for somewhere local to "park" mother until I was able to take care of her again. This is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to find. For six months I looked for a place that would keep her for a short time so I could get some rest. She was not sleeping, therefore, neither was I. Then, one day, I was surfing and found a website called “A Place for Mom” EUREKA, I had found it. I posted my name and phone number and received a phone call within a couple of hours. We discussed the status of her condition and was told she would be sending me an email with the information I needed. This was last Tuesday. The same day, I received a call from a place about 20 miles away that could do everything I needed. The next day, someone came out and evaluated her and told me my options. I signed up with ALTUS that very day. Today is Tuesday, a week later and now I have a bath lady that comes in twice a week, an RN coming once a week, a chaplain, a social worker who offers a hospital bed or any other items needed, volunteers to visit, they came Monday and were wonderful. I have made an appointment to see the eye doctor and hope to have a cataract removed soon. These wonderful folks will come and pick up mother, keep her for every how long it takes for me to recover from the surgery and return her home. I feel like the luckiest person on earth. Here I sit today, 1:15 pm, at my computer typing this, the cat is on the desk beside me, mother is asleep in the recliner. I feel good and I feel blessed.