What To Do When a Loved One Is First Diagnosed With Cancer
Begin building a support network.
How to Build a Support Network for Cancer Care
Caring for someone with cancer often brings emotional and practical challenges that can make burnout a risk. Where to turn for help:
Start with the agency on aging in your loved one's city or county. This is a good beginning point, since these folks can direct you to other services and resources.
Other helpful resources:
Local organizations, or local chapters of national organizations. Jewish Family Services, the United Way, the Lion's Club, and many other community groups offer eldercare and other community services. The American Cancer Society, in particular, offers a referral service by zip code at www.cancer.org, and the National Cancer Institute offers a searchable database of organizations that support specific types of cancer at http://www.cancer.gov. There are also many valuable organizations set up to help with particular types of cancer. Search online under the type of cancer your loved one has (such as breast cancer) followed by the words advocacy and support, and you'll find at least one and possibly several organizations that offer information and support services as well as referrals to local resources.
Senior centers. These vary greatly, but many provide services directly; some offer referral services to local resources. Many also offer workshops and support groups.
Churches, synagogues, or mosques. Even if your loved one isn't affiliated with a religious organization, many provide services such as meals or transportation to people of all faiths.
Employers. Ask if your employer, or another family member's employer, offers an employee assistance program. Some companies do, providing information, referrals, and counseling to people who are caring for family members with cancer.
Hospitals and health professionals. Many hospitals offer programs and classes on eldercare, and discharge planners (usually nurses or social workers) are usually quite knowledgeable about housing, home care, and community services. It's best to approach them while your loved one is in the hospital, but some will offer guidance even if there's no patient relationship.
Other tips:
Start a list of people who offer to lend a hand. Even if you don't need it now, later these helpers can provide rides, deliver meals, run errands, make social visits, or provide company and care when you or others aren't available. You'll also need a circle of friends you can just call for a sympathetic ear when you're stressed. Be sure to express your thanks to all of these people -- they're helping you and your loved one keep going.
Collect handy references. The people in your loved one's daily life can sometimes best point you to handymen, yard-care companies, reliable taxi services, volunteer networks, and other helpful services.
Identify backup care. If you're the primary caregiver, you'll occasionally need someone to take your place in an emergency or when you just have to get away. If you can, find a familiar face. To hire professional backup care, contact a local home health or personal-care agency. Ask if the same one or two aides can consistently help.
Keep your network informed. Offer periodic health updates. Don't be shy about asking for specific help when you need it. Two easy communication tools: group e-mails or Internet care circles, such as Lotsa Helping Hands, an online calendar for coordinating help.
