When it happens Mild- to moderate-stage dementia
Why it happens It’s distressing to realize that "something's wrong" and you're making more mistakes or forgetting things. Between worrying and working hard to compensate for shortcomings, the person is expending a lot of extra mental energy. There can also be an element of denial. Net result: a shorter temper and unwillingness to have mistakes pointed out.
What you can do
Don't take mood swings personally. Even though they seem directed at you, the root cause is what's happening in the brain rather than something you've said or done.
Be as supportive as possible. Don't pick fights, and try to stay even-keeled yourself.
Help the person compensate for memory loss by sticking to routines, leaving notes, repeating yourself, and issuing reminders.
Know that it can help to name the feelings rather than ignoring them: "You seem upset today." "Is it frustrating when you forget things like that?"
Be watchful for signs of depression, which people with dementia are at higher risk of developing.
Hello "mememoco24," Sorry to hear about the situation you described and to hear that you are experiencing some worry about violence from a loved one. To help ensure that you stay safe, please discuss these concerns with your husband's doctor as soon as possible. Explain the potential danger, and ask the doctor to evaluate your husband's treatment plan (including drug regimen). If it’s an urgent situation, you may need the doctor’s or law enforcement’s help with arranging an involuntary hospitalization. The purpose of calling the police isn’t to “arrest” or punish your loved one, but instead to make sure he gets appropriate help as soon as possible. Here are some related informational resources on Caring.com: • How to Cope With the Physical Aggression of Alzheimer's (article): http://www.caring.com/articles/alzheimers-hostile-aggression • What's the Best Way to Handle Someone With Alzheimer's Who Gets Angry and Violent? (Ask & Answer): http://www.caring.com/questions/whats-the-best-way-to-handle-someone-with-alzheimers-who-gets-angry-and-violent • Is violence in Alzheimer's patients common?: http://www.caring.com/questions/violence-in-alzheimers-patients • How can we control my dad's violent behavior and find a care facility that will accept him?: http://www.caring.com/questions/control-dementia-violent-behavior If you’d like to talk with someone about your concerns, you may call the Alzheimer's Association has a 24/7 Helpline:1.800.272.3900 More info is here: http://www.alz.org/we_can_help_24_7_helpline.asp[alz.org] We hope this information is helpful to you and your loved ones, and that you will take action to stay safe.
reading others problems is helping me understand-that I am not the only one going though this-my husband is now telling friends that I am crazy--he will not go to the doctors any more-says he does not like them?
what if he gets more violent-throwing me down and pointing a rifle at me?
The comments were helpful since my 91 yr old aunt is in another stage of her dementia. She has always been rather testy. She has been in a nursing home for a little over a year. I have D.P.O.A. for her. I notice that she seems to direct some of her frustrations toward me now. I do know what is going on and I try hard not to take her reactions personally. She is full of complaints and nothing I say seems to help. Honestly, I don't enjoy the visits even though I only see her once a week. I try to keep things pleasant when I am around her. Very trying at times.
My husband gets so upset when I'm away from him for any period of time. I was at a church event that was 1 1/2 hours and he was furious thinking I never tell him what's going on and accuses our youngest daughter for always taking me away someplace. I'm supposed to go with my daughters for a weekend (being gone Friday night thru Sunday early afternoon), and I'm scared of how he's going to react. I know he'll be mad at me on Sunday when I return, but I worry that he'll be moody and unhappy with the caregiver while I'm gone also. Any thoughts on how to prepare him and myself?
Yes, I see I have to work on myself much more than on her. I need to adjust. Thank you
How I wish my family would understand that I am scared for a reason.
This has been a frustrating one for me. Thanks for the anonymous post. I think positive re-enforcement and happy times will help. I'm already using the idea of patterns and routines as well as remaining calm.
It reaffirms what I am seeing and what I know about what is going on. I seem to be handling it appropriately.
help compensate for memory loss ideas, naming feelings (hasn't worked, but I will try more) reminder to not pick fights
I've found that when my mom does get into one of her moods because of this kind of thing, the best way to deal with it is to distract her with something more positive: "Hey Mom, let's listen to that album you love." Or "Mom, I was just going to take a short walk. Would you like to come along?" That kind of thing.