When it happens By the middle of moderate-stage dementia
Why it happens The loss of short-term memory makes it impossible to retain and retrieve memory of things that happened only hours ago. To the person with dementia, it's as if the visit really didn't happen.
What you can do
Don't correct or get into an argument; this will only make the person defensive or angry.
Be upbeat and reassuring: "Well, I'm here now." "I'll visit you as often as I can."
The reassuring statement, makes it better for both parties.
We also encourage my Mom to keep a journal of what she does and who calls/visits. Besides being a reference for her when my sister from out of state calls to see how she is and what's been going on, it is something that she can refer to occasionally to remind herself - sort of an artificial memory for her. It helps her to feel more in control.
The 2nd tip was a great response to say.
My mother does not remember when she has last seen my siblings. She often times gets sad and says she hasn't seen them in a long time. When I tell her that she saw them last week she will say I don't remember at all. Ten minutes later she will say the same thing. Don't know what I could say to satisfy her.
Thanks for the great idea. What a beautiful way to reassure someone without correcting them.
I generally correct my mother when she says she hasn't heard from me or my siblings. In the past, she seemed defensive about it. Now she's much more accepting and just says she doesn't remember things well. I wonder if it's not somewhat reassuring at this stage to let her know that her family cares and contacts her often.
When Grandpa went into the nursing home, he would always say that he hadn't had visitors in weeks. Rather than try to convince him otherwise, we brought him cards to put on his bulletin board and pictures of him with the family so he could see us in his room with him. This seemed to help him be able to say "Good to see you again" more often.
Hugs LauraL, hockey