POD "A" (Parents of Disabled Adults)

I just found this site today, 4/15/13, and am glad to have stumbled across it. I am the parent of a 26 year old woman with Intellectual Delays. She is an awesome person and I love her. Her father and I are no longer married. When she spends time with him he encourages her to find a boyfriend/husband, get a drivers license, get a job, etc. She may someday be able to obtain these things but at her current state of development it isn't realistic. How can I help him to see that by pushing things that she cannot do at this time it makes her feel bad as if she is something less in his eyes.

my parents gave me a house on land that they rent out in lot incriments i have not had to pay rent on this land she was put in a home since the flood of 2012 my nephew took over poa now wants me to pay rent or sell he or they wichever the case may be doesnt want me there said it would be ok if my daughter stayed there but would prefer if i sold so i had money to live on and she but two lots down bottom line they or he want me gone is this legal

I am deeply saddened by the limited availability of support/services available to adults with mental/learning disabilities and their caregivers. I am the single mother of a 21 year old son with learning disabilities diagnosed as "functionally delayed". The public school system ignored my requests for other testing (for years) that could have identified his "actual" impairments ( prior to transition). This could/should have helped us to get the FAPE ( Free And Appropriate Education) our government promises children with special needs ( which should include "paid tuition" to a private institution, if the need "cannot" be met in a public school ). Yet, the "deliberate" institutional red tape involved to exercise this right, is far too complicated for the average parent. The services/programs offered post high school, (Vocational Rehabilitation, etc.) place emphasis on employment. Yet, VR is supposed to help with continuing education and even self-employment, also. My son was denied both options. They denied my request to assist in sending him to a private school with "proven" success (in our city) . In lieu of this, they offered to send him to a state institution ( in a remote town) with a promise to "fly" him home every weekend. He has trained dogs and does great lawnwork. Yet, they discouraged our inquiry for self-employment by insisting he must complete his own business plan ( my son cannot read or write ). In summary, VR (in my town) is more interested in meeting the requirements to maintain state/government funding, than actual rehabilitating my son. To date, he cannot read or write ( from my research it sounds more like a cognitive auditory processing disorder). It is outlined in his plan. Yet, the councelor keeps filling my e-mail with job opportunities for him which require that "he" fill out applications ( like anyone else) . Again, the system is failing him !
My son has the same desires as any other young person ( someday have a driver's license, his own apartment/home, a job etc.). I watch him attempt to rise above his limitations daily. For example, he sits at the computer "trying" to communicate with others on facebook. He can drive a car but has taken the driving exam (guessing at answers) ten (10) times. There are special provisions for his hearing impairment but not his inability to read. It is heartbreaking to witness his constant disappointments ! I would love to communicate with other parents dealing with similar issues. We (the parents of disabled adults ), are the only "true advocates" they have. Anyone with ideas/interest in starting programs that "actually" promote self-sufficiency for these young people please contact me. I have drafted ideas for several programs but need input on how to get them started, secure funding, etc. Any feedback is appreciated. Good Day to all...