Caregiving at Home

Hello Anonymous,

Thank you for posting to this online support group. We are here to support you through the "rants" and all your caregiving experiences. Caregiving can be overwhelming. If your sister would like company have you consider an elder care companion? An elder companion will give her the company she desires and the rest you need. To locate a in-home care provider or elder companion, Caring.com has a free Senior Care Directory. Paula Spencer Scott, a Caring.com senior editor shared an article on the 7 Deadly Emotions of Caregiving.

I hope you find these resources helpful. Please visit often for continued support.

Thank you, Rose. I am my sister's elder care companion. I work from home so I am almost always here and we do spend time together. She has really been happy having the therapists to talk to for as long as that lasts. They constantly cut her off and any progress she made is lost. I think this time is going to be different since she is realizing that she has to get it and keep it. I have to go back to work now, but thanks for the ear.

Hi Mona, Glad to hear that Caring.com's support groups are helpful to you -- we appreciate your participation in several of them! Let us know if there's anything we can do to support you at this time. Thanks!

Hi Mona, welcome!! Sounds like you have your hands full....dementia is so very difficult! You have come to the right place, and good for you for seeking support, most people don't.....Bless you and your husband for taking care of you Mom in her time of need, most people don't play a positive role in that either!! HUGS, can't wait to hear from you again! Michelle

Feel your pain. My husband is not on blood thinners but is ALWAYS cold. He complains constantly about the A/C running. I will explain that when it is 90 degrees outside the A/C will run and that i cannot stand ot any hotter. I have it set at break point (the absolute highest I can take). He glares but quits fussing..... Until it comes on the next time and we go through the same scenario AGAIN!

My DH is not on blood thinners, but has been cold since his stroke 3 plus years ago...He used to tell the kids when they were younger, "If you are too cold put on a sweatshirt or get a blanket!" We kept the house at 68 degrees back then!! Now if I don't keep an eye on it it can get up to 82 without him realizing it!! Of course I am pushing 50 so I don't have a problem being cold, I have issues with being too hot!! I don't get upset about having to repeat myself anymore because everyday it is confirmed that he doesn't remember a lot of things!! Sometimes he will pick something out and it will stick, but right now he doesn't remember he used to love cottage cheese, he doesn't even understand the words, cottage cheese!! So every day is a new day, I am grateful I open my eyes in the morning and am not looking at the opposite side of the grass!! Hang in there, you are all amazing!! Have a Blessed Day!

Hello, I am just widely thinking that you and your husband need to see a specialist in dementia care yourselves advise. That police officer isn't the expert. S/He isn't telling you what needs to be done. S/He is giving you her/his own advise, not speaking from a wise place. You do absolutely need to do something. I'm thinking legal guardianship through the courts, and have the phone removed, and if she doesn't cooperate about not grabbing people off the street, might have to be placed in a secure place so that you can take care of GPA. Just my opinion. I really think you need to talk with an expert. Perhaps contact the 911 number and ask if they have an Alzheimer Hot line???

Just some thought.

Maryka, so sorry to hear that...are you her sole caregiver? Does she have any other illnesses (not that COPD isn't enough!) ? Coughing up blood is not anything to be ignored..and from what I understand can be part of the stage she is in....do you have hospice? She really should be looked at, however I am not familiar with your agreement with her, if she has a polst etc....HUGS

She does have nurses coming out every other week to check on her but i'm usually at work when they come she doesn't tell them everything i so afraid of losing my mother she is all i have and she can be so bull headed I guess i know where i got that from :) thank you so much for your concern it makes me feel so not alone I have 7 other sisters and brother but i am the only one that has stayed by her side it's been really hard on me & her i just keep prayer and doing more than one person should have to do and it's still not enough "i'm tired and depression set in along time ago If it wasn't for God i couldn't have made it

Hello Tribook,

Thank you for posting your caregiving experiences. As others will tell you, caregiving is not easy and can take its toll on you and your family. It is important to take care of yourself and reach out for help. Here are some resources that you may find helpful:

For assistance around the house and to give you a break:

• 8 Ways to Arrange Breaks from Caregiving

• 8 Creative Ways to Pay for In-Home Care

• Find a Local In-Home Care Agency

• Caregivers Guide to Meal Delivery and Preparation Services

Taking care of yourself can start with small steps such as eating healthy and getting enough sleep (I know it isn't as easy as it sounds). Caring.com's Caregiver Wellness Resource Center can help you find ways to recharge.

I hope others will come forward with addition ideas and support. Please let me know if I can provide you with additional are resources. Thanks!

Tribrook, yes, please find a way to get some help other than the bathing! Going for a walk everyday is a great way to get some "me" time, energy and to regroup! I have found that there are a lot of "things to be done" around the house that can wait, you can't very well do them if you are not well...the fact that the Nurse noticed is good and bad, lol. Self care first or we can't care for anyone or anything else! A local support group that meets once a week or month is helpful, it helped and is still helping me! A scary thing I learned at my first group was that 40% of caregivers die FIRST because we don't take care of ourselves! I don't want to be a part of that statistic and I don't want you to either! HUGS

I am glad to see that you are taking some time for yourself. I just got info from my RN yesterday on caregivers syndrome. Now I just need to get out of this chair and off the computer! Getting some much need things down around the house and then taking a walk this evening with my husband while he rides his scooter.

Hello Sccgirl,

I am glad to hear you are back. Remember this is a safe place to be a "crab apple". Like Tribrook, I am also glad to hear you are taking your much needed breaks. Looking forward to seeing more of you here.

If you have a tablet are Just playing cards play them it takes your mind off her and it helps you forget. Just try it, spades on the tablet is a good distraction, solitare too.

DukeFan, do you have access to respite so you can get a break? What about meds that your Mother is on? Do they need to be adjusted? Have you spoken with her Dr?? Join us in the Alzheimer/Dementia group, HUGS

If you want to send a msg to someone that no one else can see/read go to the Send Hug/Prayer button and this will bring up the msg box, you can choose which to send a hug or a prayer but you can type a msg too in the box and it will be sent only to that person.

Thanks for your help. I'll do that now.

Stacye, what is that?? Curious to know what it is and if anyone else has any experience!!

It is at the hospital and what they do is take them off all medication that pertains to behavior like anti-depressants, anti anxiety etc, ( if they are not working which is the problem we are having) they then prescribe medications and monitor them constantly. The doctor will start our very low doses and gradual increase and decrease until they find the perfect combination to give them the best quality of life for them. This is the first time she has been away from me in almost 6 years so it was very hard to send her but unfortunately her anger about using the restroom.getting clean, and changing her Depends was something I could not handle so we are trying to find a medicine regiment that will help decrease her agitation and mood swings. We are hopeful that this will work and that she will be back home with us soon. They general stay a week to ten days but could stay up to three we were told.