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over 4 years ago
catsruleu said...

I read your posting with sadness. It is very hard to watch our parents at the end of their lives. Some of the things that the medical field must put people though seem almost worse than the disease itself.

I took care of my mother for over five years when she had inflammatory breast cancer. I look back now and am so grateful for the time I had with her. Even though it was hard to watch and hard for her to endure, it is a great chance to have a close bond with them that you cannot have other than thru service to them.

I wish you well in your pain. I really do feel that we each have a specific number of days on this earth. The reason I say this is because while mom was so sick, I was also on dialysis waiting for a kidney. I had gone into a coma and the doctors told me that I should not have lived, and yet I did, but my mother did not.

over 4 years ago
Kathy - Ohio said...

I think what all of us need to remember, is that your mom is going through end of life in her own way. My mother is going through the same thing, and it's harder on us than on her. But as long as your mom is comfortable, find peace in that. None of us know what lies ahead for our own health. At least we all have a chance to say good-bye. My thoughts are with you.

over 4 years ago
waache said...

My mom went through this same scenario last fall. It was helpful for our family to tell her it was okay to go. It was also helpful that we held her hand and thanked her for the good life that she gave us. We still hurt but it will be a loss not lost. We will see our parents again...

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over 4 years ago

I pray that you are getting support from the hospice team that is serving the nursing home. If not please call them and request support they are required to have counselors for the family. The emotions are very strong but take deep breaths and let yourself be with the emotion. If you do everything you can to provide comfort and nurturing and thank your mother for the care she gave you, you will never regret it.

over 4 years ago

You have shown that you are a wonderful person, by how you have stuck with her through thin and thin. Many do not. Give yourself a bit of praise first. Then, as a person of 74 years, I may be considered young in comparison with your mom, but I am truly another old lady...and I say to you from the bottom of my heart, I think your mother is also hoping that she will soon pass over to the other side. I understand how hard it is to go through her death for so long..but think of you good years you must have had with her. Many of us did not get these years first...wishing you love, Charlotte, ALIG

over 4 years ago

Somehow the hug I thought was going to you , came back to my from me. Must have hit the wrong button... Here is what I sent as a hugh to you....Charlotte

A hug for you, and try to give Mom one as well...take care, be prepared, Charlotte, ALIG

over 4 years ago
murse2k7 said...

You can endure. God will help you, just trust in him. I work as a nurse in a nursing home, I see this frequently, it's a very difficult time for you, I know. Try not to worry, Your job in all this is to hold your mothers hand, let her know you love her, and let her know that it's okay to move on. I must say this, your loved one is fortunate to have someone like you who cares so deeply. God bless you

over 4 years ago
Thick madame said...

Life is hard even now, and to go thought something like this is even harder. There is no easy way of letting go of the people we love.It's painful, stressful,and you sometimes feel like you are all alone.Our Heavenly Father knows how hard it is for us thats why He says to lean on Him in our times of pain and He will help us thought it.There's nothing He can't do if we just ask.It's very hard to see our love ones die.And to wait is more painful i think.But GOD is there waitng there to give you a helping hand because he knows our pain. Just lean a little closer than you already are and He will Help you to make it thought. I know its hard just waiting on your MOM to die,But God is there to pick you up and give you a helping hand. GOD BLESS YOU! And JUST LEAN ON OUR HEAVENLY FATHER ,HE WILL SEE YOU THOUGH.HE'S GOD ALMIGHTY!

over 4 years ago
colleen2 said...

I understand your feelings so well. I had my mother live with us for 9 years. The last year of her life was horrible. She never told me how much pain she was in. Finally after a long night I sat by her bed and asked her if she needed hospice care. Her answer yes was so strong it shocked me. I realized then that I would be losing her. Mom and I were both nurses and we knew we wuld start in motion of seperation. it wrenced my heart and I cried a lot alone. She died 2 weeks after she entered hospice care. She was admited on Wednesday and I had a severe fall in the bathroom on Friday. I was out for 4 hours. i was admitted to ICU. I was there a week. when I got home, mom was wery bad. I got home Friday,talked to her and told her how much I loved her,went over highlights of her life. I went to bed and she died that night. She died knowing shw was loved.

I ache for herso much now. I need her guidance and tender hand in this crazy world. God, I miss her. Have faith - I know you canget thru this. I will pray fo you and your mother. much lve, colleen

over 4 years ago

Coleen dear, I am so sorry that you missed that week with your Mom...it must have been awful, being hospitalized and wanting to see her. You say you need her guidance??? You have it. All that she taught you, is within you. You know what she would say if you asked her for guidance about a specific thing....you know she would tell you to call on your own inner strength to help get over missing her so desperately....she is still there for you.....talk with her. Charlotte, ALIG

over 4 years ago
ryannmcgrath said...

Boy do I know what your going through..At this very moment my heart is breaking..My Mom passed away 6 months ago today and I miss her so much..I hate this feeling more then anything..I just never knew this kinda pain was real :(

over 4 years ago
colleen2 said...

Dear Charlotte, Thank you for telling me that I should talk to my mom. I live in my childhood home that they built most of it by themselves. I am 58 years old and my Mom was 91 when she died of Copd. Now I have Copd and am on oxygen- I've also had 3 heart attacks and open heart surgery. I think I needed my Mom more than my sisters. I know she is with me and I do have that inner strength she taught me. God Bless you Charlotte. I had forgotten that inner strength - now I will make a conscious effort to draw on that. Peace to you, colleen2

over 4 years ago
colleen2 said...

Dear Ryan, I know the pain you are in. Let the tears flow- it's been such a short time since your Mom passed. God love you and fill your spirit with peace. Colleen 2

over 4 years ago

REgarding the loss of a loved one...under circumstances that are not the usual , they got old and slipped away..but the kind we have had or will have...leaving with the last times being so difficult. I lost my eldest son nearly 3 years ago..suddenly. The pain is still knife sharp...when I see a baby, I cry cause I think of him. Now, my youngest son has terminal lung cancer, and my hubby has AD....I feel like I am slowly becoming a widow, and I talk with my dying son daily. I can't tell you the moods and difficulties, and the emotional strength that I have to use to repress and suppress these feelings of grief. I don't know for sure which is worse, a sudden loss or a slow loss....but surely one must be worse.... I too am so very sad. I am 74 and also not in good health, heart , kidney and peripheral neuropathy...I need help to get around...and now this situation. You are lucky in a way to live in your owm home. Can you still smell the furniture and remember Mom? I had a china cabinet from my beloved aunt, whom I miss terribly even after it being over 30 years ago that she passed on.Just smelling the inside of that cabinet brought her almost close enough to touch. Re your COPD, my eldest had it, and kidney trouble..it helped kill him young...55 years. I know how bad it can be, you have my deepest sympathy...you are simply too young to be so sick...I wish you the very best of care and medical services. Charlotte

over 4 years ago
ryannmcgrath said...

Charlotte, I am so terribly sorry for your loss and the present situations you are going through..It seems life throws us these circumstances, sometimes so difficult to grasp.. My Mom passed away 6 months ago at almost 58 years old..I am 40 and I miss her so much..Like you, I have her belongings and yes, I can smell her on almost everything..It is such a comforting feeling.. I even have her bottles of perfume and spray a tad on each shirt I wear so I feel as though she is with me.. Sometimes, I felt as though what I was doing was almost "Crazy"..Until I came to this site and realized I wasnt alone in what I was feeling or doing...That others "Understood"..

God Bless and Keep us ALL strong.. Dawn

over 4 years ago
colleen2 said...

It's so very important to know that this site is available when we feel that desperate pain watching a loved on pass on,or caring for a loved one.I have had soul wreching sobs over my mother's death and my little sister, Chris's death from breast cancer at age 49. Mom died in 2008 and Chris in 2007. I am stuck in the time warp of when I lost them! My husband says it's time to let go and start living but I can't. I can't because I have guilt over not giving my mom all of my time which was the only thing she needed but I had a marriage to keep going and a house to maintain. I felt guilty that I was not able to travel to Colorado to be with my sister for the last week of her life. I had just had a 2nd heart attack and open heart surgery. This site allows us to voice our feelings, learn from the wisdom of others and realize we are never alone.Thank God and peace to all, colleen 2

over 4 years ago
ryannmcgrath said...

Colleen, I agree very much with you..I have been with this site since my Mom's passing..I have spent hours, days and months here..Once in awhile I would leave, only to come back again for the emotional support.. I have never met a group of loving, caring, supportive people.. I mainly stayed in the "End of life" Forum, which was filled with such love...

I did learn Colleen from being there, that guilt is a huge part of mourning..Seems many suffer from that, I too, being one of them, so many times my heart broke over what I coulda and shoulda done..My mother would be furious with me for even feeling this way.. Now all I know is..I loved her and I continue to love her and whatever I didnt say back then, I say now..I believe in my heart she hears me, as I believe your loved ones hear you...

over 4 years ago
colleen2 said...

Hi Dawn, Yes I often talk to them in my mind. I have said I am so sorry thousands of times. guilt is such a huge part of loss that is so true! Like you, I believe our mothers and my sister would not want us to suffer guilt. There is a lot of love, support and wisdom on this site.

My latest problem is since my Mom died, I wanted to go to the beach where my parents took me since I was a child. because of heath problems, I can't travel alone. My husband cannot take time off. I have loved that place since I was a child!I have always felt so calm by the ocean and I remember the loving memories- my little sister as a toddler with her hair in pigtails- my father standing on th beach and takng me out to the water. I want to stay in the same rooom, talk to them outload on the beach ( when no one is out there) and release my prayers and let my spirit get revived. That's a lot! Well someday that will happen! Anyway... God Bless You Dawn and give you peace. Write when you can. I am here for you.

over 4 years ago
SHERRYE said...

May God Bless You and Keep You. I'll Pray for your strenghth and you pray for mine, I just started the waiting time. YES WE WILL SURVIVE AND LIVE TOO.

over 4 years ago
themousemaiden said...

I understand what you are going through. losing my mom was the worst thing that ever happened to me..it has defined me..I am suffering from post tramatic stress from it. It was a long 6 months watching my strong mom who never let anyone get away with s*&T just decline and grow so weak. Her passing away was a relief for me..but its horrrible not having her here with me now for support. I have no support at all. She died on January 26 and on Jan 28 I was getting dressed for her funeral and on the tv the Challenger air craft blew up in the sky. So every year the tv news anounces something about the rocket. And all I can think is that was the day i buried my mom. She was so scared of me being alone and I was so scared of her dying and being in so much pain,,we realy didn't talk. and I really regret that. After she passed I tore up the house thinking maybe she left me a note or something but I never found anything. I still cry as I think about this. I'm having so many problems now I really neeed her. It was so horrible and I prayed to God that since me and my mom had to go through this that no one else should. But he didn't listen.

over 4 years ago
ryannmcgrath said...

I am so sorry about your Mom too!! Believe me I really know personally how hard this all is, I would tell "Others" You have no idea the "Pain" Until you have gone through it personally..

I dont think a day has passed that I didnt say 'I miss my mom"..I say it to myself, I say it out loud, I am sure I am driving everyone crazy..Especially since I am almost 41 and sound 10 years old..

I cry alot, I get mad, I want to scream, I just want to see her so badly and hug her.. I want to tell her, just how great she is..It is very hard, very, very hard..

All of you know what I feel, and though I am so sorry for your losses, I am so glad we have one another to vent too.. We all get it!! Hugggs Dawn (TheMouse) I am thinking of you, hang in there friend..I am here anytime!

over 4 years ago

My mother just passed away an has been in a nursing home for 4 years. Im sorry about your mother God will take care of you. I stayed at the nursing home with mom for all those years an fed her meals to her. It killed me losing her. I sit around the clock till she passed away. You will be ok. The lord will help you.It is the hardest thing to go thru. Im still griefing over mom she died a week before christmas 2009. That made it even harder. My dad passed three years ago. You know i could always look around an even see othe residents in worse shape i just thought i thank god that mom can talk an eat for me. cause others were even worse than mom. I will pray for you. wayne

over 4 years ago
kidme56 said...

It's understandable to feel afraid, angry ,& sad 0ver the death of your mother after whom you watch suffer is bec. she did not die quick but linger must be GUT retching.You are a very "Brave" person.Don't dwell on the "SAD" events but remember those sweet happy times you had with your mother.It is easy to say from people like us but like you, we lost somebody too.Continue your support group.Eventually the pain eases time will tell.

over 4 years ago
catclaussen12 said...

There are just no words to describe the feeling of watching a parent die. I feel just terrible for all of you. I am experiencing the same thing at the moment with my father who is dying of cancer. I have started a blog to try and sort out all of the emotions I am feeling. Please feel free to join and share your thoughts. Perhaps we can all help one another.

http://agirlandherfather.blogspot.com/

over 4 years ago
pansy said...

Dawn, Thank you for all of your posts they have helped me realize that I am not the only one keeping my mom's clothes and perfume and smelling it so I feel like she is still here. Sometimes you do feel like screaming and thinking your going crazy. God Bless Char

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8 months ago

I am just starting to watch my mother, who has stage 1V breast cancer at 90, go through much of what everyone is talking about. I did not know she was in so much pain until recently….that alone is gut wrenching to watch. I haven't any idea what is coming next, it seems no day is much better than the day before. I am happy to find this site.

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