End of Life Support Group

Hi Rdargie.I'm sorry for what you're facing.i recently lost my Love.One never knows how much time.It felt too fast to me. We had home hospice care.They were a great help.You can ask the dr. or nurse how long.At the end, there's not alot of food intake.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your spouse's death. Thank you for reaching out to this online support group. To understand the stages of grief and it's timeline you may want to refer to The Five Stages of Grief and other articles in our Grief and Loss Resource Center, It is important to remember to take care of yourself as you go through the grieving process. If you feel you are experiencing grief or depression you may want to seek the help of professional services.

An additional resource is your local Area Agency on the Aging. Area Agency on the Aging is designed to assist seniors who are on lower income. They may direct you to financial or legal assistance.

This online support group is a safe place to vent, cry, remember, seek encouragement; visit often. If I can guide you to other resources or support, please let me know. Thanks.

Anonymous-I'm sorry for your loss.I lost my partner a few months ago, and am still in a fog.I'm not well off financially either. Is there any relatives or friends you can stay with for awhile?

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your brother's death. Thank you for reaching out to this online support group. It is ok to not know what you need at this point. It is important to remember to take care of yourself as you go through the grieving process and continue with giving care to your mom and family. If you feel you and/or your mom is experiencing grief or depression you may want to seek the help of professional services.

This group is a safe place to vent, cry, remember, seek encouragement; visit often. If I can guide you to other resources or support, please let me know. Thanks.

Anonymous caregiver, I'm sorry for the loss of your big brother.I lost mine to the same thing.Its very hard, and harder to watch a Mom suffer the loss of her child.The numb, sad, depressed feeling is normal for now.Maybe look into a griefsupport group or ask family dr. for advice if depression lingers.Its ok to ust be sad soetimes.Its a big loss-losing your older brother.My condolences. My thoughts are with you.Take care.

I know its hard- and i know im not your age but your mom needs to see you... my husband just died from simular problems..kidney failure......I know how important it was for dan to see me everyday. Im so sorry your going through this..its horrible...but you can do it.. ask for help from friends...even if its just to talk......your never prepared for death...Im sorry your going through this so young.

Wmorrison, hi. i'm sorry for what you are going thru.you are very young.I just lost the love of my life. you can never be prepared to hear the dr. say its time for palliative care.just try to be there for your Mom as much as you can.Tell her you thank her and love her and forgive her, and will miss her-if you want to. maybe read to her, play music or watch a movie,if she can.bring an old photo album, and laugh and cry with her if you can.Ask for home hospice support , if that works for you. for my family, home hospice was a blessing.They comfort the patient and family in this time of need. Take care, and pray if you want/can.Take care.

that is a hard one....I cant say I know that answer..I know im greviing the death of my husband and its tearing me apart... but its going to take me a long time to get on ....Ill never get over him dieing

I dont know the answer except to give her mother, your mother in law time.. it so tough to lose spome one.. I understand some of i... I know i want to go to heaven very badly to be with my husband. I miss him so much...

you all have a tough road to hoe... all of you. I hope you can be patient with het. - ,,,it just takes akot of time.. try to find time for yourself... you two are very important too.... Im sure your wife feel that way too... but it just takes time.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree, time, love, patience and a host of verbs. My mother-in-law is a sweet lady that's lost with her son's passing. I pray our love can stand strong throw this. However her words scare me. Last week she said to me... my mom may need me for another week, day,month or year. Your a beautiful person and deserve more then sitting in our home alone waiting on me. Our love and commit is stronger then walking away. Today they picked out paint for his room. My mother-in-law says.. I need to change everything in this house. After shopping my wife said, Mom I'm gonna sleep home tonight I'll be back for coffee in the am and spend the day. She looked at her and said, NO you need to stay home. These words scare me! What's going to happen when my wife comes home. Will she feel like she lost another child being she's with her Mom 24/7 including sharing my mother-in-law's grand King bed. Will she need the comfort of her daughter 4 feet away unable to carry on. Parts of me are starting to wonder if she'll ever return home. I always tell her I'll support any decision she makes. Prayer is my comfort and strength! Find guidance in your faith as you'll be able to see happiness with your husband until God brings you together again. Spend time making new memories with those he loved. Perhaps a nefew he bonded with. Share hid love throw you go all those he left for home. Wow, I'm pretty winded.. it felt good t wrote and express. It properly doesn't make sense never mind the spelling and typing...feels good!!! I'm 15 pounds liter.. why did. Wait so long..Than you in advance God bless

It appears you are in England, so I have very little knowledge of the system there. Here in the US you could start with your local Council on Aging. They would likely direct you to a lawyer. Here they have Legal Aid for those that have little monetary resources. You may also start with your sister and ask for an accounting of what the monies were spent on. Depending on how the will is written, I would say your sister has already received a portion of her inheritance. Hope all works out well for you.

Call your local council on aging immediately. They can assist with directing you to additional resources. While you may want to keep the family home, if you can't afford it, don't rope yourself into a financial situation that will cause you more heartache. Memories can be made everywhere.

Dear NSilverwolf, First, I wish to commend you for taking family medical leave because, even that, is a matter of anxiety. I hope your sister is able to do the same. You are correct, it will take the two of you to assist your mother to care for your father. I don't know your mother's age, whether she will become frail in not too distant future. I mention this because my sister and I became the primary caregivers to our mother, and now to our father. We arranged hospice for our mother. For me, I found it was easier to share about the stresses of caregiving and eventually my grief with close friends who have and are going through the same thing with their siblings and parents. As to your parents self-imposed insolation and wanting to keep the illness private, that is understandable. As my mother's illness became worst, she did not want to appear ill to her friends. The focus became caregiving to our mother. No one person can do it. Even when two of us, me and my sister, sharing the responsibility,, stress cannot be avoided. Sometimes, you want to scream because of it, so having another family member to share with this can be a relief. We all thought that our father will pass away first because of his heart condition but he actually was the healthier parent. Just being physically there with my mother was all that gave her peace of mind. Phone conversations was no longer effective. Simple things like watching tv together, helping her dress or going to the bathroom became meaningful tasks and I think she appreciated that. At the end, with hospiced arranged, my sister and I were priviledged to receive the final hug from our mother because we were there. Our two other siblings who were pretty much absent, missed out. My sister and I often talk about our sweet mother and we do share the frustrations taking care of our father because of his difficult personality. Don't worry about sharing your doubts and struggles with your close friends. I'm glad I was able to have exchanges with mine. When my mother passed, I contacted her close friends and told them. You may wish to have a list of your father's and mother's close friends contact information to use when the time comes. When my mother had a rare good day when she was alert, I gently convinced her to have her telephone conversations with her closest friends. I sensed it would be her last opportunity and it was. I will pray for strength for you and your sister because your mother will probably rely on both of you more and more.

NSilverwolf, I can understand why you are afraid your mom will take you as being cold because you dont respond to the grief the same as she does. Maybe you should let her know that you do care about her feelings, but that you are trying to deal with this in a different way. If you dont feel that you can say that to her face to face, write her a note or put it in a card. As for the neighbors and them being like family for so long, yes they would want to know. Many things can come between people, but times like this are when you need others the most. If you dont tell them, you may have more to deal with if they finnd out through a funeral notice. I agree writting a note is going to be a lot less demanding emotionally. You could just start out by saying that you know there has been a lot that has happened and that you guys havent been close for awhile. But that you wanted to let them know about your dads health and that if they would like to see him before anything happens, then they are welcome too. They may want to make amends before something happens and that would be good for you to give them that option and also maybe get some support from them which can take a big burden off your mom and you. If you need any other advice or ideas let me know. Jennifer