My father has been battling cancer for the last year, but within the last month, has very rapidly gone downhill. He's receiving hospice care right now, and understandably it's been extremely rough on my mom who is now his primary caregiver even more so than he's been in the past. I'm planning to take family medical leave from work to stay at home and help (I live in another city at the ...
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My father has been battling cancer for the last year, but within the last month, has very rapidly gone downhill. He's receiving hospice care right now, and understandably it's been extremely rough on my mom who is now his primary caregiver even more so than he's been in the past. I'm planning to take family medical leave from work to stay at home and help (I live in another city at the moment) and I'm hoping my sister will be able to do the same (because I'm afraid I won't be able to do this alone). I find that my grief seems to come in weird waves, and that I pursue avoidance behaviors at the worst moments. My mom wants to hug and cry (understandably) but I don't find myself able to do that as much. I worry that she perceives me as being cold and aloof because I seem to be internalizing my anxieties and grief (a habit long ingrained that I've been trying to deal with in therapy for several years). Sorry for the long intro, here's what I'm hoping for some feedback on if you can offer any caring community.
I continually wrestle with telling our family friends.
When this first started, my parents were both extremely adamant about keeping this within the immediate family (relatives, siblings and their significant others). A falling out with one of our neighbors a few years prior had in some ways isolated them from a lot of the people we used to spend holidays/special occasions/vacations with. Because our related relatives have never lived close to us, this neighborhood family filled some of those gaps in many ways. Now however, I'm not sure if any of them know what's happening and how realistically I am worried there is not much time left.
I don't want to burden my mom further, but I wrestle with the moral/ethical question of whether they would want to know. I had entertained the idea of writing notes to them and sticking them in the mail. I don't know if or how I could start a conversation on a phone or in person.