End of Life Support Group

I noticed this type of behavior in a friend who was dying from multiple cancers. He seemed hardest on those who were doing the most to help him (such as his loving wife and children). It could have been pain he was in, anger that his life was ending too soon, or hope/expectation that his last days on earth would be spent his way. Hang in there -- and if you need help in caring for your loved one (or need a break), please visit the tabs at the top of this page (senior care, caregiver wellness, etc.). This site also has end of life info to help you prepare and deal with grief (use search field at upper right of page).

Hello,

Thank you for posting your question and reaching out to this online support group.

Being a caregiver is never easy. Here are some resources that may be helpful in dealing with the issues you are facing:

• Caring for Difficult Parents

• Caregiver Fatigue

Also, as anonymous mentioned Caring.com has resources that will help you arrange for breaks. Have you explored hospice care for your mother? They may be able to come in during the off times.

If you would like to look at your in-home options and hospice care in your area you may visit the Caring.com free Service Care Directory.

As anonymous mentioned Caring.com's End of Life resource page has reference material that you may also find helpful.

Please let me know if I can provide you with any additional resources. Thanks

Hello floatinflowers. I'm glad your friend is at peace with it. I just lost my Love in the last few months. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thank you Mskv. Going through this is like a rollercoaster ride. You never know what to expect. All I can do is take one day at time. When I saw him this morning, he was very alert and knew what he was talking about. He was worried about getting a new shaver and I told him I would get one for him. He asked me "Where?" I told him I would get one at the store. And he asked me what store? He is such a worry-wart. I told him I would take care of him and that seemed to calm him down. They put him on anti-anxiety meds a few days ago. I hope he will be ok through all of this. It can't be easy on him.

Hi Rdargie.I'm sorry for what you're facing.i recently lost my Love.One never knows how much time.It felt too fast to me. We had home hospice care.They were a great help.You can ask the dr. or nurse how long.At the end, there's not alot of food intake.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Just spend the time he does have talking with him and letting him know you love him. Have anyone close come see him before they don't get the chance. If you haven't signed a dnr form, and you don't want hoim on life support or cpr done then you need to get one immediately. I was told here, that without a dnr paper, they have to attempt cpr even if it is clear that they are gone. Making those choicces now instead of the last minute will take the emotional burden off you in the end. Allow yourself time to just be together and talk with him about your memories and good times. It is so hard to watch someone you love lay in a bed and die. Knowing he may not wake up if he falls asleep. Feeling you can't go to sleep in case someething happens. If you have a family member of friend who could take turns staying with you this can help you emotionally and physically. Say good bye. Its never easy to let them know its ok to go. And that you will see them when its your time and to be there waiting for you. But you will feel better emotionally if you do. I hope this helps and I'm here if you need to talk.

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your spouse's death. Thank you for reaching out to this online support group. To understand the stages of grief and it's timeline you may want to refer to The Five Stages of Grief and other articles in our Grief and Loss Resource Center, It is important to remember to take care of yourself as you go through the grieving process. If you feel you are experiencing grief or depression you may want to seek the help of professional services.

An additional resource is your local Area Agency on the Aging. Area Agency on the Aging is designed to assist seniors who are on lower income. They may direct you to financial or legal assistance.

This online support group is a safe place to vent, cry, remember, seek encouragement; visit often. If I can guide you to other resources or support, please let me know. Thanks.

Anonymous-I'm sorry for your loss.I lost my partner a few months ago, and am still in a fog.I'm not well off financially either. Is there any relatives or friends you can stay with for awhile?

Hello,

I am so sorry to hear of your brother's death. Thank you for reaching out to this online support group. It is ok to not know what you need at this point. It is important to remember to take care of yourself as you go through the grieving process and continue with giving care to your mom and family. If you feel you and/or your mom is experiencing grief or depression you may want to seek the help of professional services.

This group is a safe place to vent, cry, remember, seek encouragement; visit often. If I can guide you to other resources or support, please let me know. Thanks.

Anonymous caregiver, I'm sorry for the loss of your big brother.I lost mine to the same thing.Its very hard, and harder to watch a Mom suffer the loss of her child.The numb, sad, depressed feeling is normal for now.Maybe look into a griefsupport group or ask family dr. for advice if depression lingers.Its ok to ust be sad soetimes.Its a big loss-losing your older brother.My condolences. My thoughts are with you.Take care.

I know its hard- and i know im not your age but your mom needs to see you... my husband just died from simular problems..kidney failure......I know how important it was for dan to see me everyday. Im so sorry your going through this..its horrible...but you can do it.. ask for help from friends...even if its just to talk......your never prepared for death...Im sorry your going through this so young.

Wmorrison, hi. i'm sorry for what you are going thru.you are very young.I just lost the love of my life. you can never be prepared to hear the dr. say its time for palliative care.just try to be there for your Mom as much as you can.Tell her you thank her and love her and forgive her, and will miss her-if you want to. maybe read to her, play music or watch a movie,if she can.bring an old photo album, and laugh and cry with her if you can.Ask for home hospice support , if that works for you. for my family, home hospice was a blessing.They comfort the patient and family in this time of need. Take care, and pray if you want/can.Take care.

that is a hard one....I cant say I know that answer..I know im greviing the death of my husband and its tearing me apart... but its going to take me a long time to get on ....Ill never get over him dieing

I dont know the answer except to give her mother, your mother in law time.. it so tough to lose spome one.. I understand some of i... I know i want to go to heaven very badly to be with my husband. I miss him so much...

you all have a tough road to hoe... all of you. I hope you can be patient with het. - ,,,it just takes akot of time.. try to find time for yourself... you two are very important too.... Im sure your wife feel that way too... but it just takes time.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree, time, love, patience and a host of verbs. My mother-in-law is a sweet lady that's lost with her son's passing. I pray our love can stand strong throw this. However her words scare me. Last week she said to me... my mom may need me for another week, day,month or year. Your a beautiful person and deserve more then sitting in our home alone waiting on me. Our love and commit is stronger then walking away. Today they picked out paint for his room. My mother-in-law says.. I need to change everything in this house. After shopping my wife said, Mom I'm gonna sleep home tonight I'll be back for coffee in the am and spend the day. She looked at her and said, NO you need to stay home. These words scare me! What's going to happen when my wife comes home. Will she feel like she lost another child being she's with her Mom 24/7 including sharing my mother-in-law's grand King bed. Will she need the comfort of her daughter 4 feet away unable to carry on. Parts of me are starting to wonder if she'll ever return home. I always tell her I'll support any decision she makes. Prayer is my comfort and strength! Find guidance in your faith as you'll be able to see happiness with your husband until God brings you together again. Spend time making new memories with those he loved. Perhaps a nefew he bonded with. Share hid love throw you go all those he left for home. Wow, I'm pretty winded.. it felt good t wrote and express. It properly doesn't make sense never mind the spelling and typing...feels good!!! I'm 15 pounds liter.. why did. Wait so long..Than you in advance God bless

It appears you are in England, so I have very little knowledge of the system there. Here in the US you could start with your local Council on Aging. They would likely direct you to a lawyer. Here they have Legal Aid for those that have little monetary resources. You may also start with your sister and ask for an accounting of what the monies were spent on. Depending on how the will is written, I would say your sister has already received a portion of her inheritance. Hope all works out well for you.

I'm not sure the legal differences we have here and you may have there, but I know if your sister had withdrawn that money then she likely forged his signature and used his pin code for his debit card which once investigated may help you recover this loss. With the little info you provided, it seems like there wasn't a executor, correct? I live in California, and it took 4 months to be named Executor of my fathers estate. I would confront your sister about this issue and gather as much info to further your cause, because you'll likely be taking your sister to court. She seems to have taken about 60,000-70000 pounds, that wasn't distributed appropriately or legally from your fathers estate. Again, our laws maybe different, best of luck. Seek legal council.

Call your local council on aging immediately. They can assist with directing you to additional resources. While you may want to keep the family home, if you can't afford it, don't rope yourself into a financial situation that will cause you more heartache. Memories can be made everywhere.