Hello there!  Welcome to Caring's groups.  I'm really glad you found us and posted!

While my mom doesn't have COPD (and I question if that is truly accurate) she does have heart disease and arthritis.  She doesn't sound as advanced as your mom, but I have a feeling we're headed down the same road.  And no worries about complaining.  This is a place where you can vent.  Caregiving can be tough, no doubt about it.  I'm sure everyone here is really confident you love your mom and that you willfully do all you do for her.  It's okay to be frustrated, stressed and even annoyed.  It comes with the territory, I believe.

I'm sorry I don't have any great info about COPD, but again, I'm glad you've joined us.  I'm really hopeful someone else will have some great advice and experiences to share with you!

Keep us updated on how things are going for you! 

Hello there!  Welcome to Caring's groups.  I'm really glad you found us and posted!

While my mom doesn't have COPD (and I question if that is truly accurate) she does have heart disease and arthritis.  She doesn't sound as advanced as your mom, but I have a feeling we're headed down the same road.  And no worries about complaining.  This is a place where you can vent.  Caregiving can be tough, no doubt about it.  I'm sure everyone here is really confident you love your mom and that you willfully do all you do for her.  It's okay to be frustrated, stressed and even annoyed.  It comes with the territory, I believe.

I'm sorry I don't have any great info about COPD, but again, I'm glad you've joined us.  I'm really hopeful someone else will have some great advice and experiences to share with you!

Keep us updated on how things are going for you! 

Hi Robb4265! I'm so glad you've found us here.

I can't speak directly to your situation, but it does sound stressful, and this is the place to vent and look for shoulders to lean on.

I did locate a few news items here at Caring.com about the disease, although I don't know how helpful they are to you:

http://www.caring.com/items/search?query=chronic+obstructive+pulmonary+disease

Best to you, and please let us know how things are going.

~Laura

Hi Robb4265! I'm so glad you've found us here.

I can't speak directly to your situation, but it does sound stressful, and this is the place to vent and look for shoulders to lean on.

I did locate a few news items here at Caring.com about the disease, although I don't know how helpful they are to you:

http://www.caring.com/items/search?query=chronic+obstructive+pulmonary+disease

Best to you, and please let us know how things are going.

~Laura

hi robb 4265...My Mom also has COPD and I am her caregiver, as you are to your Mom.  My Mom was diagnosed with COPD in her late 50's and she is now 73 yrs old.  She also suffers from pneummonia, bronchitis easily. If your Mom is like mine, she doesn't get colds, she gets pneumonnia or bronchitis. 

I understand what you mean by not complaining, as I share your feelings of your desire for escape, just leave even for awhile because the stress gets to be overwhelming.  This is normal for any caregiver, especially a child caring for a parent.  We've always seen our parents as strong individuals. They take care of us, and to see them needing caregiving from us, well...its difficult. 

I can only use my Mom as a model or a "pattern" for you.  As my Mom needed me to take over the household duties, including finances, housework, shopping, driving, going into appts at the Dr's office...etc... My Mom is also going through bouts of anxiety and depression because she realizes she no longer can do the activities she has done all of her life, things she enjoys like cooking etc... My Mom was also very independent and now she is depending on me for running the household.  She gets very anxious when she thinks I am leaving her. She needs reassurance that I will be with her, to care for her if she needs me.  Could your Mom possibly need an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication? That's something you may want to discuss with her doctor. And possibly for you as well.  Also, there is no shame in calling her doctor and making an appt for yourself and the Dr so you can fully understand what is to be expected when someone has COPD.  Some days its difficult enough just to breathe let alone try to walk, which is extremely important. My Mom's Dr suggested going to the grocery store and making the rounds of the perimeter of the store or walk as much as possible, it will  help the depression as well as increase your Mom's lung capacity.  You may think this is silly, but I bought my mom some bubbles, and had her blow bubbles as a way to exercise her lungs, its a way to create a fun memory while enjoying a playful moment, or have her sing along with her favorite record/cd that helps also.  

When I go into the Dr's offices, I take along a notebook so I can take notes from the dr as well as write down questions that "come up" between appointments.  By all  means, don't be afraid to ask questions or tell the Dr you don't understand, please explain further. You are your Mom's best advocate for her healthcare.  Another thought struck me, she could be afraid of you leaving her, because she feels alone in the world without you, she knows you're the only one who can care for her the way she needs.  Consider it an honor that she has great anxieties over you leaving her, you are her security and she trusts you implicitly.

I hope I have been some help...

Sonni

hi robb 4265...My Mom also has COPD and I am her caregiver, as you are to your Mom.  My Mom was diagnosed with COPD in her late 50's and she is now 73 yrs old.  She also suffers from pneummonia, bronchitis easily. If your Mom is like mine, she doesn't get colds, she gets pneumonnia or bronchitis. 

I understand what you mean by not complaining, as I share your feelings of your desire for escape, just leave even for awhile because the stress gets to be overwhelming.  This is normal for any caregiver, especially a child caring for a parent.  We've always seen our parents as strong individuals. They take care of us, and to see them needing caregiving from us, well...its difficult. 

I can only use my Mom as a model or a "pattern" for you.  As my Mom needed me to take over the household duties, including finances, housework, shopping, driving, going into appts at the Dr's office...etc... My Mom is also going through bouts of anxiety and depression because she realizes she no longer can do the activities she has done all of her life, things she enjoys like cooking etc... My Mom was also very independent and now she is depending on me for running the household.  She gets very anxious when she thinks I am leaving her. She needs reassurance that I will be with her, to care for her if she needs me.  Could your Mom possibly need an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication? That's something you may want to discuss with her doctor. And possibly for you as well.  Also, there is no shame in calling her doctor and making an appt for yourself and the Dr so you can fully understand what is to be expected when someone has COPD.  Some days its difficult enough just to breathe let alone try to walk, which is extremely important. My Mom's Dr suggested going to the grocery store and making the rounds of the perimeter of the store or walk as much as possible, it will  help the depression as well as increase your Mom's lung capacity.  You may think this is silly, but I bought my mom some bubbles, and had her blow bubbles as a way to exercise her lungs, its a way to create a fun memory while enjoying a playful moment, or have her sing along with her favorite record/cd that helps also.  

When I go into the Dr's offices, I take along a notebook so I can take notes from the dr as well as write down questions that "come up" between appointments.  By all  means, don't be afraid to ask questions or tell the Dr you don't understand, please explain further. You are your Mom's best advocate for her healthcare.  Another thought struck me, she could be afraid of you leaving her, because she feels alone in the world without you, she knows you're the only one who can care for her the way she needs.  Consider it an honor that she has great anxieties over you leaving her, you are her security and she trusts you implicitly.

I hope I have been some help...

Sonni

Sonni,

I spend soooo much time in the dr offices with her I feel like the paitient most of the time. We are both on anti depressents and anti anxitity meds ( for different reasons but still). We walk as much as possible around thrift stores and such when she feels like it. The heat is so unbearable for her as it is for me. We want to go fishing so bad but the weather keeps us from doing so. I can't even have time off when my husband comes home and I feel so selfish for even wanting that precious time alone with him. She feel that he doesn't love her because he wants me to himself on his rare trips home.

I know exactly what you mean there is no such thing as a simple cold. It's always asthma or pnemonia. Nothing is ever easy or simple anymore. Her independance is going down and so is mine. I don't have my children at home anymore, but, i don't get to see them etheir. She demands all my time. I don't even get my weekends alone anymore to do what I want. God, I sound Like a 3 year old complaing that I don't get to go outside and play.

I've had to put all my friends on the back burnner along with my kids and grandkids. If I go out with anyone, she says I don't love her anymore or don't want to take care of her. She reminds me of my grandmother and the way she use to treat my mom. I'd love to know how to break that habit without hurting her.

Thanks for listening to my complaints and for your help and understanding.

Sonni,

I spend soooo much time in the dr offices with her I feel like the paitient most of the time. We are both on anti depressents and anti anxitity meds ( for different reasons but still). We walk as much as possible around thrift stores and such when she feels like it. The heat is so unbearable for her as it is for me. We want to go fishing so bad but the weather keeps us from doing so. I can't even have time off when my husband comes home and I feel so selfish for even wanting that precious time alone with him. She feel that he doesn't love her because he wants me to himself on his rare trips home.

I know exactly what you mean there is no such thing as a simple cold. It's always asthma or pnemonia. Nothing is ever easy or simple anymore. Her independance is going down and so is mine. I don't have my children at home anymore, but, i don't get to see them etheir. She demands all my time. I don't even get my weekends alone anymore to do what I want. God, I sound Like a 3 year old complaing that I don't get to go outside and play.

I've had to put all my friends on the back burnner along with my kids and grandkids. If I go out with anyone, she says I don't love her anymore or don't want to take care of her. She reminds me of my grandmother and the way she use to treat my mom. I'd love to know how to break that habit without hurting her.

Thanks for listening to my complaints and for your help and understanding.

 Robb,

You're not complaining, you're desperate for answers to a difficult situation you see no way out of.  You deserve a life too.  Adults do go out and play...its called vacation or fun! I myself vaguely remember what that is...but both of us need to "cut loose."

You're intuition is dead on.  Your Mom isn't going to change so you are deciding to break the "cycle of demanding."  I'm offering you the advice my doctor offered me. 

Start using "I Statements."  Instead of her demanding, counter her with "I cannot do that right now, but in such and such time I can."  Its important to start with "I" because it deflects her demands.  Never do something you don't feel up to doing, because it takes away from who you are and saps your energy.  Here's the tough one...stay consistent.  You cant be wishy-washy because she will then know how to strike the nerve that works in her favor.

Here's what I started doing... I would say, "I am going to vacuum or dust. It's gonna take me about an hour, how about after that, I take a break and we can have coffee/tea etc..."  Unbeknownst to my Mom I would break for 10 mins then get up to do another task. I did this by saying, "Im not getting my chores accomplished by sitting here and enjoying your company so much! How about we meet again in another hour or so when I'm done.?" This worked well because she had my attention at the same time I could get done what I needed to do.  If she would make a demand, I would tell her why I can't be with her just yet..."I'm not finished with the bills...or Im concentrating and getting the task done so I can be with you (this one worked wonderfully well).

Is it possible for you to ask your kids for help with "Grandma"?  Perhaps you can tell them how important it would be to you for them to be with her, to make a memory of being with her.  She sounds like she is lonely and could use some company.  I don't know how young your grandkids are, but could she read them a story, color with them, paint by number with them or do some cut and paste?  Perhaps it would help you if your kids understood the situation, and that you just need some time to yourself.  Start small, perhaps taking a hot bath and/or a nap. Or retreat to your room so you could do something you enjoy yet you're right there if something happens. Have your kids watch Grandma while you and your husband go out to dinner etc.. if thats possible.  We had a situation in our family where grandkids couldnt nor wouldnt help with an elder in the family.  When the elder died, they said, "youre right, I shoulda spent time with.....while I had the chance. I wish I knew who they were, and what part of me came from them.  Anyway, I digress...

You can also find out if there is a senior day care center near you.  Perhaps your Mom would enjoy being with people her own age.  She may react like a little kid on her first day of kindergarten, kicking up a fuss but in the end she may enjoy it too especially if she finds a friend.  Where I am, we also have a community center that caters to seniors.  They have bingo games, dances, luncheons etc...  I don't know if your mom can be left alone, but if so, let her know that you need to go to the store (for example) and give her your cell number (if you have one) or a neighbors phone number.  Or perhaps, a neighbor you trust can stay with her for a bit while you do the shopping, albeit its mundane but its a start.  Your Mom sounds insecure she may need you to show her you're there for her, but you need and deserve a life too. You don't have to cut off your life to meet her demands. 

Everything starts in small baby steps...but she will adapt.  At first she will "buck you" she won't like it because you are taking away her power of demanding (which is what works for her to get her own way) and returning your power to you, which is where it belongs.

You are not selfish for wanting time alone with your husband.  Thats what husbands and wives do...they spend time together and have fun! Especially when your time together is so rare...  its just as important to have time alone to find peace, whether it means you meditate, do yoga, stretching and meditating works for me, as does gardening.  Everyone finds peace in their own way... Find your peace.. For me, it meant outwitting my mom by getting up before her, or going to bed after her...whatever works for you.

I wish you much luck...Let me know what happens...

Sonni 

 Robb,

You're not complaining, you're desperate for answers to a difficult situation you see no way out of.  You deserve a life too.  Adults do go out and play...its called vacation or fun! I myself vaguely remember what that is...but both of us need to "cut loose."

You're intuition is dead on.  Your Mom isn't going to change so you are deciding to break the "cycle of demanding."  I'm offering you the advice my doctor offered me. 

Start using "I Statements."  Instead of her demanding, counter her with "I cannot do that right now, but in such and such time I can."  Its important to start with "I" because it deflects her demands.  Never do something you don't feel up to doing, because it takes away from who you are and saps your energy.  Here's the tough one...stay consistent.  You cant be wishy-washy because she will then know how to strike the nerve that works in her favor.

Here's what I started doing... I would say, "I am going to vacuum or dust. It's gonna take me about an hour, how about after that, I take a break and we can have coffee/tea etc..."  Unbeknownst to my Mom I would break for 10 mins then get up to do another task. I did this by saying, "Im not getting my chores accomplished by sitting here and enjoying your company so much! How about we meet again in another hour or so when I'm done.?" This worked well because she had my attention at the same time I could get done what I needed to do.  If she would make a demand, I would tell her why I can't be with her just yet..."I'm not finished with the bills...or Im concentrating and getting the task done so I can be with you (this one worked wonderfully well).

Is it possible for you to ask your kids for help with "Grandma"?  Perhaps you can tell them how important it would be to you for them to be with her, to make a memory of being with her.  She sounds like she is lonely and could use some company.  I don't know how young your grandkids are, but could she read them a story, color with them, paint by number with them or do some cut and paste?  Perhaps it would help you if your kids understood the situation, and that you just need some time to yourself.  Start small, perhaps taking a hot bath and/or a nap. Or retreat to your room so you could do something you enjoy yet you're right there if something happens. Have your kids watch Grandma while you and your husband go out to dinner etc.. if thats possible.  We had a situation in our family where grandkids couldnt nor wouldnt help with an elder in the family.  When the elder died, they said, "youre right, I shoulda spent time with.....while I had the chance. I wish I knew who they were, and what part of me came from them.  Anyway, I digress...

You can also find out if there is a senior day care center near you.  Perhaps your Mom would enjoy being with people her own age.  She may react like a little kid on her first day of kindergarten, kicking up a fuss but in the end she may enjoy it too especially if she finds a friend.  Where I am, we also have a community center that caters to seniors.  They have bingo games, dances, luncheons etc...  I don't know if your mom can be left alone, but if so, let her know that you need to go to the store (for example) and give her your cell number (if you have one) or a neighbors phone number.  Or perhaps, a neighbor you trust can stay with her for a bit while you do the shopping, albeit its mundane but its a start.  Your Mom sounds insecure she may need you to show her you're there for her, but you need and deserve a life too. You don't have to cut off your life to meet her demands. 

Everything starts in small baby steps...but she will adapt.  At first she will "buck you" she won't like it because you are taking away her power of demanding (which is what works for her to get her own way) and returning your power to you, which is where it belongs.

You are not selfish for wanting time alone with your husband.  Thats what husbands and wives do...they spend time together and have fun! Especially when your time together is so rare...  its just as important to have time alone to find peace, whether it means you meditate, do yoga, stretching and meditating works for me, as does gardening.  Everyone finds peace in their own way... Find your peace.. For me, it meant outwitting my mom by getting up before her, or going to bed after her...whatever works for you.

I wish you much luck...Let me know what happens...

Sonni 

Hi robb,

You've already gotten so much good advice, but I thought I'd chime in. My mom also has COPD, although it's not yet very severe. I can see her heading down the same road your mom is traveling, though.

Maybe we should add a section on COPD to the site, what do you think? After all, it's a  leading cause of death in this country.

Meanwhile, I've found some good information on COPD here:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/copdchronicobstructivepulmonarydisease.html

and

http://nihseniorhealth.gov/copd/toc.html

And if you have any specific questions about COPD, please post them on the site. We have an expert in pulmonology who can help.

Last but not least, I want to echo Sonni's words: you're not selfish for wanting to live your own life. And she gave you so much fantastic advice on how to carve out that time for yourself, your husband, and your kids...it's so important to take care of YOU.

Hugs to you.

Hi robb,

You've already gotten so much good advice, but I thought I'd chime in. My mom also has COPD, although it's not yet very severe. I can see her heading down the same road your mom is traveling, though.

Maybe we should add a section on COPD to the site, what do you think? After all, it's a  leading cause of death in this country.

Meanwhile, I've found some good information on COPD here:

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/copdchronicobstructivepulmonarydisease.html

and

http://nihseniorhealth.gov/copd/toc.html

And if you have any specific questions about COPD, please post them on the site. We have an expert in pulmonology who can help.

Last but not least, I want to echo Sonni's words: you're not selfish for wanting to live your own life. And she gave you so much fantastic advice on how to carve out that time for yourself, your husband, and your kids...it's so important to take care of YOU.

Hugs to you.

Hi Robb,

Your post really hit home for me. My mother does suffer from COPD along with Bi-Polar disorder and a recent broken hip that doesn't seem to be healing very well. Although we do have a personal companion with her during the days, I have taken on many of her responsibilities (grocery, banking, car maintenance, etc....)  Her COPD has advanced to the stage where she is on constant oxygen as well.  It's really difficult to see her aging before my eyes. She has always been a vital, strong, active woman and since the hip break, she's lost her spark.  I have a young child, a marriage, and millions of other things going on.  It's hard to juggle it all and not get a bit resentful of the "extra" stuff that comes along with an aging parent (especially one who is injured or sick) Then there's the guilt that emerges when you think about what life will be like without them. It's hard.

I may be able to give you some advice about your mom's depression.  With the bi-polar issue, my mom has dealt with a LOT of depression.   One thing that she swears helps is a daylight lamp. She's had one for years, uses it daily, and has even bought them for her friends.  You can find them a lot of places, and they may be a bit expensive (for a lamp) but from what she says it's well worth the investment. 

I have found a bunch of useful items at a online store called Enablemart.  Here's a link to one of the daylight lamps so you can see what I am "talking" about. http://www.enablemart.com/Catalog/Lighting/Daylight-Ultimate-Table-Top-Lamp[enablemart.com]

Good luck in your situation, and since I can't really say that it's going to improve - at least take comfort that you are not alone.  This is a great site and you'll get so much valuable advice. 

Take care

Hi Robb,

Your post really hit home for me. My mother does suffer from COPD along with Bi-Polar disorder and a recent broken hip that doesn't seem to be healing very well. Although we do have a personal companion with her during the days, I have taken on many of her responsibilities (grocery, banking, car maintenance, etc....)  Her COPD has advanced to the stage where she is on constant oxygen as well.  It's really difficult to see her aging before my eyes. She has always been a vital, strong, active woman and since the hip break, she's lost her spark.  I have a young child, a marriage, and millions of other things going on.  It's hard to juggle it all and not get a bit resentful of the "extra" stuff that comes along with an aging parent (especially one who is injured or sick) Then there's the guilt that emerges when you think about what life will be like without them. It's hard.

I may be able to give you some advice about your mom's depression.  With the bi-polar issue, my mom has dealt with a LOT of depression.   One thing that she swears helps is a daylight lamp. She's had one for years, uses it daily, and has even bought them for her friends.  You can find them a lot of places, and they may be a bit expensive (for a lamp) but from what she says it's well worth the investment. 

I have found a bunch of useful items at a online store called Enablemart.  Here's a link to one of the daylight lamps so you can see what I am "talking" about. http://www.enablemart.com/Catalog/Lighting/Daylight-Ultimate-Table-Top-Lamp[enablemart.com]

Good luck in your situation, and since I can't really say that it's going to improve - at least take comfort that you are not alone.  This is a great site and you'll get so much valuable advice. 

Take care

PLEASE add a section on COPD!  I am new to this board, and have several  health issues to deal with (both parents are aging and I am primary care giver) but the main concern right now is COPD with my Dad.  He was fine (as fine as COPD patient can be I suppose) until December.   Since then,except for the occasional trip to the Dr office or to get up eat, he is completely bedridden.  My mom a totally different set of health problems and I find myself taking care of two households now.  I haven't had a chance to read much on here, but I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels guilty, tired,  confused, etc.

PLEASE add a section on COPD!  I am new to this board, and have several  health issues to deal with (both parents are aging and I am primary care giver) but the main concern right now is COPD with my Dad.  He was fine (as fine as COPD patient can be I suppose) until December.   Since then,except for the occasional trip to the Dr office or to get up eat, he is completely bedridden.  My mom a totally different set of health problems and I find myself taking care of two households now.  I haven't had a chance to read much on here, but I am glad to see I am not the only one who feels guilty, tired,  confused, etc.

I would like to include some websites that have some great information for COPD. These are websites that I use, and find them helpful. I can see there is a need for people to have a better understanding of their loved ones needs.

American Lung Association~ www.lungusa.org[lungusa.org]

National Institute of Health~ www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/[nih.gov]

www.copd-international.com[copd-international.com] This website offers information and support for patients, caregivers , families. There are chatrooms, message boards, and email lists and more..

www.nationaljewish.org/diseaseinfo[nationaljewish.org]  This website offers help for patients who have depression and anxieties caused by COPD.

www.mayoclinic.com[mayoclinic.com]  This website is full of information of many various diseases and explains diseases and conditions in simple laymans terms.

www.cdc.gov[cdc.gov] This website offers a good overview of COPD.

www.clevelandclinic.org[clevelandclinic.org]  This website is good  for understanding patients exercise levels, Controlled Coughing, as well as understanding COPD and Conserving  Your Energy.

I wish you all the best for you and your loved ones. I pray this little list helps you.

God Bless,

Sonni

I would like to include some websites that have some great information for COPD. These are websites that I use, and find them helpful. I can see there is a need for people to have a better understanding of their loved ones needs.

American Lung Association~ www.lungusa.org[lungusa.org]

National Institute of Health~ www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/[nih.gov]

www.copd-international.com[copd-international.com] This website offers information and support for patients, caregivers , families. There are chatrooms, message boards, and email lists and more..

www.nationaljewish.org/diseaseinfo[nationaljewish.org]  This website offers help for patients who have depression and anxieties caused by COPD.

www.mayoclinic.com[mayoclinic.com]  This website is full of information of many various diseases and explains diseases and conditions in simple laymans terms.

www.cdc.gov[cdc.gov] This website offers a good overview of COPD.

www.clevelandclinic.org[clevelandclinic.org]  This website is good  for understanding patients exercise levels, Controlled Coughing, as well as understanding COPD and Conserving  Your Energy.

I wish you all the best for you and your loved ones. I pray this little list helps you.

God Bless,

Sonni

Sonni,

I went to the web sitewww.clevelandclinic.org (clevelandclinic.org) Controlled Coughing. My mom suffers uncontrolled coughing to the point of loosing consiousiouness. I have found your advice most helpful.

I got sick about two weeks ago I didn't go to the dr until I started to run a temp. Turned out I am suffering from a viral bactirial infection that is highly contagious. I called my supervisor and ask her to send someone else over for a few days until I kicked this illness. Mom told her that I was faking and just didn't want to go over and clean her house or take her to the dr because she stays on antibiotics. (she has no amune system left)  I tried to explain to her that the antibiotics would only work for the bactiria infection not the virus.

I'm so close to getting her another housekeeper and me just take her to the dr, grocery and such like that. What do you think? My sis in Law and my husband think that's what I should do. But I'm just so afraid of her reaction.

 Thank you for all your help and advice.

God Bless,

robb

Sonni,

I went to the web sitewww.clevelandclinic.org (clevelandclinic.org) Controlled Coughing. My mom suffers uncontrolled coughing to the point of loosing consiousiouness. I have found your advice most helpful.

I got sick about two weeks ago I didn't go to the dr until I started to run a temp. Turned out I am suffering from a viral bactirial infection that is highly contagious. I called my supervisor and ask her to send someone else over for a few days until I kicked this illness. Mom told her that I was faking and just didn't want to go over and clean her house or take her to the dr because she stays on antibiotics. (she has no amune system left)  I tried to explain to her that the antibiotics would only work for the bactiria infection not the virus.

I'm so close to getting her another housekeeper and me just take her to the dr, grocery and such like that. What do you think? My sis in Law and my husband think that's what I should do. But I'm just so afraid of her reaction.

 Thank you for all your help and advice.

God Bless,

robb

Hi Robb,

First of all, let me say I am truly honored that you're asking my opinion. That means a lot to me.

I am saddened to learn of your virus. I am not a doctor but did you know stress makes you more vulnerable to illness? Yes! It tears up your immune system something fierce.  I learned this from one of my Mom's Doctors. This is why she cannot be stressed.

To answer your question~~ You have the blessing of your husband to bring in help, so as soon as you finish reading this...GO FOR IT GIRL!!!  Thats exactly what you need...HELP!!!  You need a support system in place, and if it means getting housekeepers or whatever it takes, you need to do that for yourself and for the rest of your family.  They need you too.

All I can offer you is what I would do....Tell your mother that its doctors orders not to subject your mother to a new virus.  She is used to germs in her home but her immune system cannot fight against a new contagious virus. Even though she takes antibiotics on a regular basis, they are not a miracle drug that can fight off every intruding illness she is exposed to, as you know.

As I am reading your letters, I get the feeling that your mother is doing to you what my mother did to me, at first.  My Mom bullied me.  It was horrible.  A lot like what you're going through. The "Any Excuse Will Do" speech. I hated that too.

Her demands were going to be met or else!  If I didn't comply or do as I was told, I would receive verbal abuse.  Until...I told her straight up..."Mom, I am the only caregiver you have in this world so if I were you, I would be nice to me or  I am walking out on you here and now!  I am serious.  I am great at what I do for you. I am a loving and caring daughter that does not deserve this s--t you're giving me. I will leave you if you don't knock it the h--l off." Then I left the room. In fact, I went for a walk outside to walk off the anger and hurt.  She could see I was serious but I was giving her time to think about what I said and that I meant every word of it. I said nothing that wasn't true.  She called me back into the house and apologized.  Since then, I use "I Statements" that I told you about and I put power and firmness in my voice so she knows, I do what I say I am going to do and when. I don't leave any statement with a question at the end of it because then its up to her to answer it, placing the power in her hands again.

Something that may help you, is to play out your mom's reactions in your mind... Think about what she would say to you and rehearse your answers.   Play it out in all different kinds of ways in order to prepare yourself for whatever she is going to say in any given situation. This has helped me a lot too.  This way, you can plan on what she will say and then you will be able to answer her in the way you want to, again leaving you with control over your life and a feeling of well-being as you get your needs met. I hated having the 'snappy comeback" after the fact.  As Ive said in the past, she will try to override you, but hang in there...It may take time but its so worth it.  Don't give up on yourself Robb!

God Be With You.

Sonni

Hi Robb,

First of all, let me say I am truly honored that you're asking my opinion. That means a lot to me.

I am saddened to learn of your virus. I am not a doctor but did you know stress makes you more vulnerable to illness? Yes! It tears up your immune system something fierce.  I learned this from one of my Mom's Doctors. This is why she cannot be stressed.

To answer your question~~ You have the blessing of your husband to bring in help, so as soon as you finish reading this...GO FOR IT GIRL!!!  Thats exactly what you need...HELP!!!  You need a support system in place, and if it means getting housekeepers or whatever it takes, you need to do that for yourself and for the rest of your family.  They need you too.

All I can offer you is what I would do....Tell your mother that its doctors orders not to subject your mother to a new virus.  She is used to germs in her home but her immune system cannot fight against a new contagious virus. Even though she takes antibiotics on a regular basis, they are not a miracle drug that can fight off every intruding illness she is exposed to, as you know.

As I am reading your letters, I get the feeling that your mother is doing to you what my mother did to me, at first.  My Mom bullied me.  It was horrible.  A lot like what you're going through. The "Any Excuse Will Do" speech. I hated that too.

Her demands were going to be met or else!  If I didn't comply or do as I was told, I would receive verbal abuse.  Until...I told her straight up..."Mom, I am the only caregiver you have in this world so if I were you, I would be nice to me or  I am walking out on you here and now!  I am serious.  I am great at what I do for you. I am a loving and caring daughter that does not deserve this s--t you're giving me. I will leave you if you don't knock it the h--l off." Then I left the room. In fact, I went for a walk outside to walk off the anger and hurt.  She could see I was serious but I was giving her time to think about what I said and that I meant every word of it. I said nothing that wasn't true.  She called me back into the house and apologized.  Since then, I use "I Statements" that I told you about and I put power and firmness in my voice so she knows, I do what I say I am going to do and when. I don't leave any statement with a question at the end of it because then its up to her to answer it, placing the power in her hands again.

Something that may help you, is to play out your mom's reactions in your mind... Think about what she would say to you and rehearse your answers.   Play it out in all different kinds of ways in order to prepare yourself for whatever she is going to say in any given situation. This has helped me a lot too.  This way, you can plan on what she will say and then you will be able to answer her in the way you want to, again leaving you with control over your life and a feeling of well-being as you get your needs met. I hated having the 'snappy comeback" after the fact.  As Ive said in the past, she will try to override you, but hang in there...It may take time but its so worth it.  Don't give up on yourself Robb!

God Be With You.

Sonni

Sonni,

It sounds like our moms could be two peas in a pod. Yes, I am afraid of her reaction because she is the queen of guilt. I had three brother two of which have passed away. the third can't seem to get his life together enough to help himself muchless anyone else. He can't be trusted with himself much less our mom. He is currently waiting for his parole to come through. Petty junk. But still he is so irresponsible.

I do plan to talk to my supervisor and give my notice. I know all H__ll will hit the fan and I wont hear the end of it probably for the rest of my life. But, I just can't handle the stress anymore.

I still want to take her shopping, dr. and such but tring to get her to understand that is going to be very difficult. Any advice? should I speak to my boss first or her?

Thanks Sonni, you have made me feel like I have a true and very understanding friend in all this. I do look forward to your notes, so please keep them comeing. I find them so informative and helpful in so many ways.

Thank you so much and God Bless you in all you do

Robb

Sonni,

It sounds like our moms could be two peas in a pod. Yes, I am afraid of her reaction because she is the queen of guilt. I had three brother two of which have passed away. the third can't seem to get his life together enough to help himself muchless anyone else. He can't be trusted with himself much less our mom. He is currently waiting for his parole to come through. Petty junk. But still he is so irresponsible.

I do plan to talk to my supervisor and give my notice. I know all H__ll will hit the fan and I wont hear the end of it probably for the rest of my life. But, I just can't handle the stress anymore.

I still want to take her shopping, dr. and such but tring to get her to understand that is going to be very difficult. Any advice? should I speak to my boss first or her?

Thanks Sonni, you have made me feel like I have a true and very understanding friend in all this. I do look forward to your notes, so please keep them comeing. I find them so informative and helpful in so many ways.

Thank you so much and God Bless you in all you do

Robb

Dear everone who has wrote in on the subject - Does anyon have a parent with COPD

I thank you all for your anvice and the website that you have worked so hard to find. They are very helpful and informative. The only problem that I'm haveing is getting my mother to try anything new! So if any of you can tell me how you got your parent to try some of these methods I would greatly appreceiate it.

My mom believe that if her Dr. Berdine doesn't tell her to do it then it's silly or a waste of time. Even when her nurse tells her that it is good for her. The woman is so extremly stubborn it drives me crazy at times.

Thanks to all and May God Bless you all and your families.

Robb

Dear everone who has wrote in on the subject - Does anyon have a parent with COPD

I thank you all for your anvice and the website that you have worked so hard to find. They are very helpful and informative. The only problem that I'm haveing is getting my mother to try anything new! So if any of you can tell me how you got your parent to try some of these methods I would greatly appreceiate it.

My mom believe that if her Dr. Berdine doesn't tell her to do it then it's silly or a waste of time. Even when her nurse tells her that it is good for her. The woman is so extremly stubborn it drives me crazy at times.

Thanks to all and May God Bless you all and your families.

Robb

Hello all -

Good grief it sounds like we are all living in a parallel universe here.  There are so many similarities among us! The issue of "Doctor knows best...." is a constant battle with my Mom.  But alas, her doctor that rules her world is a psychologist and in my opinion a QUACK! He flirts with her which thrills her and gives her basicaly any medicine (aka Valium) that she asks for.  I have tried to talk with him about her but that whole "patient confidentiality" thing is rock fim with psychology.  He wouldn't even speak to me about ANYTHING!  I truly can't stand him but Mom refuses to see anyone else.  Why would she when she's getting exactly what she wants...not what she may need.

Trying new things is a struggle for us too.  Mom refuses to realize that there are so many things,  options, devices, etc... that make her life (and mine) easier.  She's currently in a manual wheelchair because of the hip fracture.  There's something wrong though because after approx. 3 months she is in horrible pain.  We go tomorrow for new x-rays.  I just know that a screw has worked itself loose or a fracture has happened again. Then ...more surgery.  Of course, my husband finally has some time off over the 4th, and we were hoping to get to our lakehouse (which hasn't even been opened up yet)....I fear that's not going to happen.  Anyway, I tried to get Mom to get one of those scooters.....but NO! "That's for old people"....Hello! 

Sorry to vent but glad there's a place for it. 

Hang in there everyone!

Sam

Hello all -

Good grief it sounds like we are all living in a parallel universe here.  There are so many similarities among us! The issue of "Doctor knows best...." is a constant battle with my Mom.  But alas, her doctor that rules her world is a psychologist and in my opinion a QUACK! He flirts with her which thrills her and gives her basicaly any medicine (aka Valium) that she asks for.  I have tried to talk with him about her but that whole "patient confidentiality" thing is rock fim with psychology.  He wouldn't even speak to me about ANYTHING!  I truly can't stand him but Mom refuses to see anyone else.  Why would she when she's getting exactly what she wants...not what she may need.

Trying new things is a struggle for us too.  Mom refuses to realize that there are so many things,  options, devices, etc... that make her life (and mine) easier.  She's currently in a manual wheelchair because of the hip fracture.  There's something wrong though because after approx. 3 months she is in horrible pain.  We go tomorrow for new x-rays.  I just know that a screw has worked itself loose or a fracture has happened again. Then ...more surgery.  Of course, my husband finally has some time off over the 4th, and we were hoping to get to our lakehouse (which hasn't even been opened up yet)....I fear that's not going to happen.  Anyway, I tried to get Mom to get one of those scooters.....but NO! "That's for old people"....Hello! 

Sorry to vent but glad there's a place for it. 

Hang in there everyone!

Sam

Hi Robb,

I too feel like I found a friend that understands the MOM issue... In your situation, who to talk to first... thats a tough one.  First, pray about it until  you know whats right in your heart.  If you have time constraints, then I would get out 2 sheets of paper.  Write your bosses name on the top of one draw a line down the center, then do the same thing for the second sheet of paper but headline it with MOM. Then on one half write Pro the other half write con on each paper.  this way you will truly know what is best.  One side will shine through for you and you will have your answer.

As always youre in my thoughts and prayers...

Sonni

Hi Robb,

I too feel like I found a friend that understands the MOM issue... In your situation, who to talk to first... thats a tough one.  First, pray about it until  you know whats right in your heart.  If you have time constraints, then I would get out 2 sheets of paper.  Write your bosses name on the top of one draw a line down the center, then do the same thing for the second sheet of paper but headline it with MOM. Then on one half write Pro the other half write con on each paper.  this way you will truly know what is best.  One side will shine through for you and you will have your answer.

As always youre in my thoughts and prayers...

Sonni

Dear Samantha,

You have to have a medical power of attorney to speak to her doctors. It's really not all that difficult to get one, especially since your mom already see's a shrink. You may need the assistance of an attorney but in the long run it's in her best interest and yours.

Fortunantly my mom agrees easily to let me see her doctors mainly because I'm just as or more stubborn than she is. My problem is STRESS and TIME OFF. I am her sole care taker. as you probably already figured out from the blogs.

Dear Samantha,

You have to have a medical power of attorney to speak to her doctors. It's really not all that difficult to get one, especially since your mom already see's a shrink. You may need the assistance of an attorney but in the long run it's in her best interest and yours.

Fortunantly my mom agrees easily to let me see her doctors mainly because I'm just as or more stubborn than she is. My problem is STRESS and TIME OFF. I am her sole care taker. as you probably already figured out from the blogs.

Dear Sonni,

I think that you are right i should continue to pray it through and make those list. My husband is home this week and she is doing the moeppy thing but hey what am I suppose to do?

I'm gonna spend at least a day or two with him. He hasn't been home but about 10 days in the last year!

Thanks, Robb

Dear Sonni,

I think that you are right i should continue to pray it through and make those list. My husband is home this week and she is doing the moeppy thing but hey what am I suppose to do?

I'm gonna spend at least a day or two with him. He hasn't been home but about 10 days in the last year!

Thanks, Robb

Hi Robb and Samantha,

First of all, Robb...Let your Mom mope, have a temper tantrum or whatever she decided to do...Stick to your guns and let Mom know you have another life as a wife and that means you have a responsibility to your husband.  I know you can do it , G/F...

Samantha, whomever is your Mom's primary caregiver that is the person who should be made power of attorney.  But that does not mean Dr's will be willing to talk to you.  Sometimes you need to be forceful and make known your Mom's needs.

For instance, one of my Mom's Dr's flat out told me that she doesn't need to talk to me, I am not her patient.  "Whoa, Excuse ME? I am her daughter, primary caregiver AND Power of Attorney. I know you have my mother's best interests at heart as do I but yes you do need to talk to me, because she cannot remember what symptoms she has nor can she remember her medication schedule. So please spare me from having to contact Patient Advocacy, and tell me what it is I need to do in order to give your patient and my mother the best of care."  All of a sudden, the doctor decided to talk to me.  Go figure. tee hee...

Without being my mothers power of attorney, I am rendered powerless. Nobody has to talk to you about your Mom's care, from the medical insurance to Medicare to her doctor(s). The doctors are not legally bound to tell you anything.

God  Be With You Both,

Sonni

Hi Robb and Samantha,

First of all, Robb...Let your Mom mope, have a temper tantrum or whatever she decided to do...Stick to your guns and let Mom know you have another life as a wife and that means you have a responsibility to your husband.  I know you can do it , G/F...

Samantha, whomever is your Mom's primary caregiver that is the person who should be made power of attorney.  But that does not mean Dr's will be willing to talk to you.  Sometimes you need to be forceful and make known your Mom's needs.

For instance, one of my Mom's Dr's flat out told me that she doesn't need to talk to me, I am not her patient.  "Whoa, Excuse ME? I am her daughter, primary caregiver AND Power of Attorney. I know you have my mother's best interests at heart as do I but yes you do need to talk to me, because she cannot remember what symptoms she has nor can she remember her medication schedule. So please spare me from having to contact Patient Advocacy, and tell me what it is I need to do in order to give your patient and my mother the best of care."  All of a sudden, the doctor decided to talk to me.  Go figure. tee hee...

Without being my mothers power of attorney, I am rendered powerless. Nobody has to talk to you about your Mom's care, from the medical insurance to Medicare to her doctor(s). The doctors are not legally bound to tell you anything.

God  Be With You Both,

Sonni

please please get a second opinion on the COPD

please please get a second opinion on the COPD

sheila,

thank you for your advice, but, we have had second, third and even fourth opinions on my moms COPD. While I am sure you have reason to advise me to get this done, I am also sure that you have read our conversations on this subject and discovered that we have been dealing with this desease for more than a dozen years.

I do appreciate your valueable advice though.

sheila,

thank you for your advice, but, we have had second, third and even fourth opinions on my moms COPD. While I am sure you have reason to advise me to get this done, I am also sure that you have read our conversations on this subject and discovered that we have been dealing with this desease for more than a dozen years.

I do appreciate your valueable advice though.

I am new to this post, and find the messages very helpful. My mom is in advanced stage of COPD, and I can indentify with many of the problems mentioned. I would also appreciate a specific COPD site.

Thanks,

Ellen T

I am new to this post, and find the messages very helpful. My mom is in advanced stage of COPD, and I can indentify with many of the problems mentioned. I would also appreciate a specific COPD site.

Thanks,

Ellen T

Dear Ellen T:

I serched for many weeks for a specific site for COPD. I was unable to find anything. So I ask the question here.

This is our site. We come together to share, vent, help one another through the most difficult areas of our lot in life.

My mom is in the "End Advanced Stages of her COPD. While her DR. has her as stable as it gets, she is haveing more bad days. She fell a week ago last friday. She tore her elbo up pretty good. (Her skin is very thin. From meds) Her elbo is not healing in fact it got very infected. Her dr had to cut the infection out and if it doesn't start to heal soon we're going to have to try something else.

COPD is an unpredictable disease. I say this because last year her exrays showed improvement. Now I'm told she is in the end stages of the disease.

Every minor surgery is cause to worry, every cough, every move......All we can do is watch and wait. Try to make her as comfortable as possible.

We are still making plans to go the coast for a week or so then to Wyoming later this summer. Mom loves to travel. So I take her as often as I can.

The only life that I have now is hers. I scrape out a few hours for myself at the end of the day. I make sure she is settled in then I retreat to my own home. It's not going to be long before we are forced to sell our small single wide and buy a house on the ground that will accomedate her needs. She is going to have to move in with us/me before it's all said and done. I refuse to place her in a facility.

It's alot of work and worry but I don't think I can have it any other way.

Best wishes

Robb

Dear Ellen T:

I serched for many weeks for a specific site for COPD. I was unable to find anything. So I ask the question here.

This is our site. We come together to share, vent, help one another through the most difficult areas of our lot in life.

My mom is in the "End Advanced Stages of her COPD. While her DR. has her as stable as it gets, she is haveing more bad days. She fell a week ago last friday. She tore her elbo up pretty good. (Her skin is very thin. From meds) Her elbo is not healing in fact it got very infected. Her dr had to cut the infection out and if it doesn't start to heal soon we're going to have to try something else.

COPD is an unpredictable disease. I say this because last year her exrays showed improvement. Now I'm told she is in the end stages of the disease.

Every minor surgery is cause to worry, every cough, every move......All we can do is watch and wait. Try to make her as comfortable as possible.

We are still making plans to go the coast for a week or so then to Wyoming later this summer. Mom loves to travel. So I take her as often as I can.

The only life that I have now is hers. I scrape out a few hours for myself at the end of the day. I make sure she is settled in then I retreat to my own home. It's not going to be long before we are forced to sell our small single wide and buy a house on the ground that will accomedate her needs. She is going to have to move in with us/me before it's all said and done. I refuse to place her in a facility.

It's alot of work and worry but I don't think I can have it any other way.

Best wishes

Robb

Hi Robb,

I'm sorry to hear your Mom is in the end stages of COPD. I've been offline for quite some time dealing with my own health issues. I've been thinking about you, and your family, and praying for you all.

I applaud you for making the tough decision about caring for your Mom yourself. It's a mighty courageous thing to do, caring for your parent at the end stage of life. I pray for your strength and courage at this time.  Will you be able to have hospice care for her? Or is that not an option?

The Dr has increased my Mom's med doses and while she is trying to make progress, she knocks herself down by trying to do too much (cooking, trying to walk for excersize, that kind of thing).  She is a renegade who wants to do what she wants, til she dang near falls flat on her face cause she feels great in the moment.  All told, she is doing fine. I wish your Mom were doing as well. Is your Mom healing from her fall and the infection?

I wish you and your family well and God Bless.

Hi Robb,

I'm sorry to hear your Mom is in the end stages of COPD. I've been offline for quite some time dealing with my own health issues. I've been thinking about you, and your family, and praying for you all.

I applaud you for making the tough decision about caring for your Mom yourself. It's a mighty courageous thing to do, caring for your parent at the end stage of life. I pray for your strength and courage at this time.  Will you be able to have hospice care for her? Or is that not an option?

The Dr has increased my Mom's med doses and while she is trying to make progress, she knocks herself down by trying to do too much (cooking, trying to walk for excersize, that kind of thing).  She is a renegade who wants to do what she wants, til she dang near falls flat on her face cause she feels great in the moment.  All told, she is doing fine. I wish your Mom were doing as well. Is your Mom healing from her fall and the infection?

I wish you and your family well and God Bless.

Hello:

 I am a parent with COPD.  I have two sons, 23 and 29.  I have had COPD for about 9 years,  I am 59 years old.  I recently had a short stay (3 days at the hospital) first time I had been hospitalized in almost 6 years.  When I was in the hospital 6 years ago it was touch and go for the first 2 and 1/2 months.  I was in a medically induced coma. 

I am on oxygen 24 hours a day.  I have arthitis in my back, hips and knees.  I am on a lot of medication.  I am so sorry that you don't understand that we with COPD do not want to have to depend on anyone.  I am still fairly independent, I do laundry, dust, vacuum, cook, go get pedicures, but there are some days when I just don't  feel very well, knowing that I can't go to the mall or grocery shopping without taking my oxygen or alone.  I

I understand how frustrating it is to have someone depend on you for everything,  Please, understand that I love being with my family, but I also need my space as much as they need theirs.

Good luck to you all and hope everyone is doing well.

Hello:

 I am a parent with COPD.  I have two sons, 23 and 29.  I have had COPD for about 9 years,  I am 59 years old.  I recently had a short stay (3 days at the hospital) first time I had been hospitalized in almost 6 years.  When I was in the hospital 6 years ago it was touch and go for the first 2 and 1/2 months.  I was in a medically induced coma. 

I am on oxygen 24 hours a day.  I have arthitis in my back, hips and knees.  I am on a lot of medication.  I am so sorry that you don't understand that we with COPD do not want to have to depend on anyone.  I am still fairly independent, I do laundry, dust, vacuum, cook, go get pedicures, but there are some days when I just don't  feel very well, knowing that I can't go to the mall or grocery shopping without taking my oxygen or alone.  I

I understand how frustrating it is to have someone depend on you for everything,  Please, understand that I love being with my family, but I also need my space as much as they need theirs.

Good luck to you all and hope everyone is doing well.

Hello:

 I am a parent with COPD.  I have two sons, 23 and 29.  I have had COPD for about 9 years,  I am 59 years old.  I recently had a short stay (3 days at the hospital) first time I had been hospitalized in almost 6 years.  When I was in the hospital 6 years ago it was touch and go for the first 2 and 1/2 months.  I was in a medically induced coma. 

I am on oxygen 24 hours a day.  I have arthitis in my back, hips and knees.  I am on a lot of medication.  I am so sorry that you don't understand that we with COPD do not want to have to depend on anyone.  I am still fairly independent, I do laundry, dust, vacuum, cook, go get pedicures, but there are some days when I just don't  feel very well, knowing that I can't go to the mall or grocery shopping without taking my oxygen or alone.  I

I understand how frustrating it is to have someone depend on you for everything,  Please, understand that I love being with my family, but I also need my space as much as they need theirs.

Good luck to you all and hope everyone is doing well.

Hello:

 I am a parent with COPD.  I have two sons, 23 and 29.  I have had COPD for about 9 years,  I am 59 years old.  I recently had a short stay (3 days at the hospital) first time I had been hospitalized in almost 6 years.  When I was in the hospital 6 years ago it was touch and go for the first 2 and 1/2 months.  I was in a medically induced coma. 

I am on oxygen 24 hours a day.  I have arthitis in my back, hips and knees.  I am on a lot of medication.  I am so sorry that you don't understand that we with COPD do not want to have to depend on anyone.  I am still fairly independent, I do laundry, dust, vacuum, cook, go get pedicures, but there are some days when I just don't  feel very well, knowing that I can't go to the mall or grocery shopping without taking my oxygen or alone.  I

I understand how frustrating it is to have someone depend on you for everything,  Please, understand that I love being with my family, but I also need my space as much as they need theirs.

Good luck to you all and hope everyone is doing well.

My husband has COPD.  He is 62.  I provide total care for him and work full time and then some.  I am a CPA and do taxes part time outside of my regular job.  I take care of EVERYTHING in our home.  I do get tired of no help at times.  My husband has always told me that he never wants me to put him in a nursing home.  He is not to that point yet, but there have been times when his behavior has made me threaten to do so.  I don't tolerate demands.  He's normally easy going and I go about my duties undeterred.  But, once he was on a medication that made him very grumpy.  I had to have my own hissy fit to calm that down and told him we were going to see his doctor.  Sure enough when he took him off the medicine he was some better (his grumpiness never totally goes away).  In fact, two years ago when I took my granddaughters to Disneyland, we brought him back a "grumpy" hat.  The grandkids call him grumpaw.  The thing that concerns me most is his nutrition.  He doesn't eat right and I don't have time to see that he does.  I would like to get Meals on Wheels to deliver lunch to him, but I've never been able to make that happen.  If I don't bring him food, he just waits until I do.  He eats snacks that he stores in his bedroom, but does no cooking at all, not even microwaving.  My second concern is his medication.  The doctor may prescribe something, but if it gives him a headache, makes him sleep all the time or he feels bad on it, he will just quit it.  No one really knows what medicine he actually takes except him.   I am gone all day and some evenings for church or other organizational meetings.  It is good that I only work 2.5 miles from home.

My husband has COPD.  He is 62.  I provide total care for him and work full time and then some.  I am a CPA and do taxes part time outside of my regular job.  I take care of EVERYTHING in our home.  I do get tired of no help at times.  My husband has always told me that he never wants me to put him in a nursing home.  He is not to that point yet, but there have been times when his behavior has made me threaten to do so.  I don't tolerate demands.  He's normally easy going and I go about my duties undeterred.  But, once he was on a medication that made him very grumpy.  I had to have my own hissy fit to calm that down and told him we were going to see his doctor.  Sure enough when he took him off the medicine he was some better (his grumpiness never totally goes away).  In fact, two years ago when I took my granddaughters to Disneyland, we brought him back a "grumpy" hat.  The grandkids call him grumpaw.  The thing that concerns me most is his nutrition.  He doesn't eat right and I don't have time to see that he does.  I would like to get Meals on Wheels to deliver lunch to him, but I've never been able to make that happen.  If I don't bring him food, he just waits until I do.  He eats snacks that he stores in his bedroom, but does no cooking at all, not even microwaving.  My second concern is his medication.  The doctor may prescribe something, but if it gives him a headache, makes him sleep all the time or he feels bad on it, he will just quit it.  No one really knows what medicine he actually takes except him.   I am gone all day and some evenings for church or other organizational meetings.  It is good that I only work 2.5 miles from home.

Hello AJ,

Oh, you sound stressed, and who can blame  you? He's relying on you for everything and frankly sounds like he needs a buddy.

Could you hire a part-time caregiver who can make him a midday meal and be sure his medicines would be taken care of? Maybe someone who would sit and play pinochle or chess with him, too - something to occupy him.

Here's some other information on caring for a person with COPD: http://www.caring.com/search?query=COPD  Lots of info about diet and meds in there.

Hello AJ,

Oh, you sound stressed, and who can blame  you? He's relying on you for everything and frankly sounds like he needs a buddy.

Could you hire a part-time caregiver who can make him a midday meal and be sure his medicines would be taken care of? Maybe someone who would sit and play pinochle or chess with him, too - something to occupy him.

Here's some other information on caring for a person with COPD: http://www.caring.com/search?query=COPD  Lots of info about diet and meds in there.

Hello momdukes!

Thanks so much for your perspective. We hear a lot from those giving care; it's fabulous to hear things from the other point of view. It sounds like there needs to be a happy medium, or a way for everyone to gauge how they're feeling - like a color code:Red is having a really bad day, yellow is feeling poorly but managing, green is a really good day, no worries. Wouldn't that be great for dealing with everyone around you, or to let others know? I know I have my days where nothing anyone does is going to make me happy, and other days where I do for others cheerfully and with energy.

I hope you can find a way to communicate both ways with your family so that you can feel secure that they are there when you need them, and that they are secure knowing you're ok on the days you're feeling well and that you'll ask for help on the days you're not.

Hello momdukes!

Thanks so much for your perspective. We hear a lot from those giving care; it's fabulous to hear things from the other point of view. It sounds like there needs to be a happy medium, or a way for everyone to gauge how they're feeling - like a color code:Red is having a really bad day, yellow is feeling poorly but managing, green is a really good day, no worries. Wouldn't that be great for dealing with everyone around you, or to let others know? I know I have my days where nothing anyone does is going to make me happy, and other days where I do for others cheerfully and with energy.

I hope you can find a way to communicate both ways with your family so that you can feel secure that they are there when you need them, and that they are secure knowing you're ok on the days you're feeling well and that you'll ask for help on the days you're not.

 Hi all,

Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, a safe place to vent some very touchy issues. Those of us who are careing for our parents often have unique issues. 

It's never easy tring to balance everthing. I have found that over the last nine months the biggest strian is on my marriage.  My husband works out of state, so this part is hard to handle on its own. Add the fact that I see no way of leaveing my mom.

I cannot hire anyone to do what I do. Home Health agencies cannot provide a driver. She would have to take the transit and sit for up to six hours waiting for their return. The transit is also very expensive.

 I would love to be able to hire a companion. A lady in good health and about her age with like interest. This would be such a blessing to have someone like this to come in for what we could afford for a few months a year. This way I could safely spend time with my husband without haveing to stess and constantly worry about her.

If her grandchildren would even bother to call or go see her once in awhile that would be a miracle in itself.

Anyway, I'm really glad that all of you have found this site and added your comments and advice. I have gone to several of the websites listed and found alot of good information. Thanks again and many Blessings.

robb4265

 Hi all,

Thank you for all of your wonderful advice, a safe place to vent some very touchy issues. Those of us who are careing for our parents often have unique issues. 

It's never easy tring to balance everthing. I have found that over the last nine months the biggest strian is on my marriage.  My husband works out of state, so this part is hard to handle on its own. Add the fact that I see no way of leaveing my mom.

I cannot hire anyone to do what I do. Home Health agencies cannot provide a driver. She would have to take the transit and sit for up to six hours waiting for their return. The transit is also very expensive.

 I would love to be able to hire a companion. A lady in good health and about her age with like interest. This would be such a blessing to have someone like this to come in for what we could afford for a few months a year. This way I could safely spend time with my husband without haveing to stess and constantly worry about her.

If her grandchildren would even bother to call or go see her once in awhile that would be a miracle in itself.

Anyway, I'm really glad that all of you have found this site and added your comments and advice. I have gone to several of the websites listed and found alot of good information. Thanks again and many Blessings.

robb4265

Robb4265, wonder if those grandkids would change their behavior if you told them you are spending their inheritance on caring for their grandparents.  Let them know that there will be nothing left for them.  Maybe they'd actually stop and think about something (or someone) besides themselves for once.  I have the same problem with my kids.  I have spent years helping them out.  Now, when I need someone to help me with my husband (who is there stepdad), they are non-existent.  Now THAT is frustrating!

LauraL, my hubby doesn't want anyone around.  He wants to be a hermit.  He only wants me around.  He doesn't want to be bothered with people.  AND he doesn't go anywhere unless I make him go to the doctor or occasionally I do get him to go out to eat with me.  Hopefully, they are going to provide him with a power chair soon so he can go places more comfortably.  Walking more than ten feet hurts!

Thanks for the great posts!

aj4372

Robb4265, wonder if those grandkids would change their behavior if you told them you are spending their inheritance on caring for their grandparents.  Let them know that there will be nothing left for them.  Maybe they'd actually stop and think about something (or someone) besides themselves for once.  I have the same problem with my kids.  I have spent years helping them out.  Now, when I need someone to help me with my husband (who is there stepdad), they are non-existent.  Now THAT is frustrating!

LauraL, my hubby doesn't want anyone around.  He wants to be a hermit.  He only wants me around.  He doesn't want to be bothered with people.  AND he doesn't go anywhere unless I make him go to the doctor or occasionally I do get him to go out to eat with me.  Hopefully, they are going to provide him with a power chair soon so he can go places more comfortably.  Walking more than ten feet hurts!

Thanks for the great posts!

aj4372

Hey aj,

The kids know that when moma goes everything comes to me. As for anything they get from us (parents of two, we raised my youngest brothers three. I should say helped momma raise them) With the way the country is today and knowing that it isn't going to get much better, not likely there will be alot left.

Any way they are from 18 to 27 years old. They think their own lives are so much more important than family. Oh well guess I problably wasn'st alot different when I was there age.

I know what you mean like your husband my mom just doesn't seem to want to get out unless I am with her at all times. She lives in a wonderful retirement/handicapped community. She does have several friends there. But like I said it is a retirement community. Most of their children don't bother to come and check on them unless the folks are sick.

There was one man who fell several months back. No one could find anyone to let them know he fell and was on his way to the hospital. From there he went to a nursing Home only to get sicker and died on his way back to the hospital. Everyone from the apartment staff to hospital and nursing home staff tried to find his family. No one ever came, his body went unclaimed. He was buried in a poppers grave.

So you see we are very fortunate to have each other. I really don't know how I'm going to handle looseing my mother. She is the only real connection that I have left to my family.

We do our best and deal the best we can.

AJ, have you ask your husbands dr. to get him a chair? That is how my mom got hers.

Best to all,

robb

Hey aj,

The kids know that when moma goes everything comes to me. As for anything they get from us (parents of two, we raised my youngest brothers three. I should say helped momma raise them) With the way the country is today and knowing that it isn't going to get much better, not likely there will be alot left.

Any way they are from 18 to 27 years old. They think their own lives are so much more important than family. Oh well guess I problably wasn'st alot different when I was there age.

I know what you mean like your husband my mom just doesn't seem to want to get out unless I am with her at all times. She lives in a wonderful retirement/handicapped community. She does have several friends there. But like I said it is a retirement community. Most of their children don't bother to come and check on them unless the folks are sick.

There was one man who fell several months back. No one could find anyone to let them know he fell and was on his way to the hospital. From there he went to a nursing Home only to get sicker and died on his way back to the hospital. Everyone from the apartment staff to hospital and nursing home staff tried to find his family. No one ever came, his body went unclaimed. He was buried in a poppers grave.

So you see we are very fortunate to have each other. I really don't know how I'm going to handle looseing my mother. She is the only real connection that I have left to my family.

We do our best and deal the best we can.

AJ, have you ask your husbands dr. to get him a chair? That is how my mom got hers.

Best to all,

robb

Hello -- I am a 44 yr old female in Ohio.  My mom has COPD -- I was in tears as I read these posts.   I am not alone.   In 2006 I helped my 96 yr old grandpa (mom's dad) pass, and the same year I helped my dad pass of cancer --and lost both of my inlaws.   It is a year in my life that is lost to depression and numbness.  I am now watching my mom die.  Mom controls my life with guilt and she knows my fear of losing her. 

Five years ago mom was put on a vent for 10 days -- she made it and has become pretty independent.   My husband (an angel ) has taken over her bills and household needs (shopping)  I help her shower, do her laundry, clean, Dr. apts, cooking and watch her medications

We have not been able to go on vacation- just get away.  The last trip out of town was to see my husband's mom before she passed (2006)  -- the stress of a full time demanding job- keeping my home - my husband's stressful job and trying to take care of my mom is .. well..  I am falling apart. Day in and day out. 

Friends are supportive, but do not understand.  My husband is the most wonderful man, but the care of my mom has stressed our relationship at times. 

I try to have my life, I ride horses and use to compete in dressage, but is it hard.  Mom always needs and wants and stresses our budget to the max. 

I am afraid of looseing her,  as my dad and grandpa are gone and it was just the 4 of us. 

I am at the end of my ropes at times and have feelings of "shuting down" emotionally .. numbness and hardness fills me and then I hate myself. 

I am in thoughts no one will read this, but I do feel better knwoing I am not alone.

Hello -- I am a 44 yr old female in Ohio.  My mom has COPD -- I was in tears as I read these posts.   I am not alone.   In 2006 I helped my 96 yr old grandpa (mom's dad) pass, and the same year I helped my dad pass of cancer --and lost both of my inlaws.   It is a year in my life that is lost to depression and numbness.  I am now watching my mom die.  Mom controls my life with guilt and she knows my fear of losing her. 

Five years ago mom was put on a vent for 10 days -- she made it and has become pretty independent.   My husband (an angel ) has taken over her bills and household needs (shopping)  I help her shower, do her laundry, clean, Dr. apts, cooking and watch her medications

We have not been able to go on vacation- just get away.  The last trip out of town was to see my husband's mom before she passed (2006)  -- the stress of a full time demanding job- keeping my home - my husband's stressful job and trying to take care of my mom is .. well..  I am falling apart. Day in and day out. 

Friends are supportive, but do not understand.  My husband is the most wonderful man, but the care of my mom has stressed our relationship at times. 

I try to have my life, I ride horses and use to compete in dressage, but is it hard.  Mom always needs and wants and stresses our budget to the max. 

I am afraid of looseing her,  as my dad and grandpa are gone and it was just the 4 of us. 

I am at the end of my ropes at times and have feelings of "shuting down" emotionally .. numbness and hardness fills me and then I hate myself. 

I am in thoughts no one will read this, but I do feel better knwoing I am not alone.

Hi Morgan:

I am so happy that you have found us.  I am 45 1/2 years old, I have been caring for my mother for the last 13+ years. I know what your mean about all the stress and feelings of lonelyness, guilt, and the worst DEPRESSION!

Yes, caring for a parent is extremly stressfull, It's so much more than it was to raise the kids. I am wondering if your mom controls you with guilt, what would she do if you countered her guilt with something like: Mom, My husband and I are going away for the week end. So and so will be here if you should need anything.

If she tries to tell you that you don't care what happens to her (a line I hear often) just let her know that without you and your husbands support and help she would most likely be placed in a nursing home or rehab facility. Don't let her bully you into backing out of your weekend together. Then just go, call often but, don't let her guilt you into coming home.

COPD is not an immeadiant death sentence. It can be controlled with the right meds, diet, and exercisie. Likely your mom is not as helpless as she is letting on. Expect her to do things on her own. This forces her to use her lungs. Folding her laundry, using a broom (electric is best),  dusting, etc.. this all helps her to force air into her lungs as well as getting a little exercise and help with the house. Let her do some of her own shopping, even if she uses a scooter she is still having to use her muscles and deep breathing. encourage her to walk as much as possible. Take her to the local senior center. there is often a world of help and advice at the senior center. Get in Home Health for her. you would be surprised at how much help they can be. Espescially when you need that precious time alone with your husband!

I really hope that some of this is helpful. There are alot of good web sites listed through out these pages, they are a really good sorce for help and ideas to help your mom.

There are also post her from people that have COPD and their insites are wonderful. These post humble me. and make me realize that I will always be momma's little girl first and wife and mother second. I know that's not the way it's suppose to be but this is what it is.

Good luck and many Blessings,

PS Please come back often this is a wonderful place to get advice, help and vent our frustrations.

robb

Hi Morgan:

I am so happy that you have found us.  I am 45 1/2 years old, I have been caring for my mother for the last 13+ years. I know what your mean about all the stress and feelings of lonelyness, guilt, and the worst DEPRESSION!

Yes, caring for a parent is extremly stressfull, It's so much more than it was to raise the kids. I am wondering if your mom controls you with guilt, what would she do if you countered her guilt with something like: Mom, My husband and I are going away for the week end. So and so will be here if you should need anything.

If she tries to tell you that you don't care what happens to her (a line I hear often) just let her know that without you and your husbands support and help she would most likely be placed in a nursing home or rehab facility. Don't let her bully you into backing out of your weekend together. Then just go, call often but, don't let her guilt you into coming home.

COPD is not an immeadiant death sentence. It can be controlled with the right meds, diet, and exercisie. Likely your mom is not as helpless as she is letting on. Expect her to do things on her own. This forces her to use her lungs. Folding her laundry, using a broom (electric is best),  dusting, etc.. this all helps her to force air into her lungs as well as getting a little exercise and help with the house. Let her do some of her own shopping, even if she uses a scooter she is still having to use her muscles and deep breathing. encourage her to walk as much as possible. Take her to the local senior center. there is often a world of help and advice at the senior center. Get in Home Health for her. you would be surprised at how much help they can be. Espescially when you need that precious time alone with your husband!

I really hope that some of this is helpful. There are alot of good web sites listed through out these pages, they are a really good sorce for help and ideas to help your mom.

There are also post her from people that have COPD and their insites are wonderful. These post humble me. and make me realize that I will always be momma's little girl first and wife and mother second. I know that's not the way it's suppose to be but this is what it is.

Good luck and many Blessings,

PS Please come back often this is a wonderful place to get advice, help and vent our frustrations.

robb

I was reading this thread and realized we had a new topic in here. I've started a thread about "Caregiving Stress over here.

I was reading this thread and realized we had a new topic in here. I've started a thread about "Caregiving Stress over here.

Hi Everyone,
My name is Melinda and I am 44 and I have a mom with COPD. First I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you. I know from personal experience the frustration of becoming your mother's keeper. I understand the guilt and the anger. I am very fortunate, I have a great husband who helps me with her and doesn't get upset about the time I have to devote to her. So at least I don’t have that issue. And I’m selfish enough to not let her guilt me out of taking trips. But it's still difficult. I spend so much of my time doing for her. I do her shopping, cleaning, handle all of her finances, handle all her medical claims and pretty much anything that pops up. The one theme that I'm seeing in all of your posts is how demanding the patient is to the caregiver. I struggle with that. I feel that I never do enough or do it right. I used to get angry with her and try to talk some sense into her, get her to just start moving, eating better, trying to take care of herself a little. But I've realized that she will do what she wants to do regardless of whether it's going to make her sicker. I know she sneaks cigarettes even though she's on Oxygen. I always tell her she shouldn't bother hiding it from me, she's hurting herself not me. The sad thing is that she is in pretty good shape. She's on Advair and Spiriva and hasn't been in the hospital for over a year. But she just won't do anything at all. She watches tv and plays on the computer all night and sleeps all day.

I get sad because she's isolating herself. She recently moved into a senior apartment. Not assisted living but a place with other seniors. There is a common room and there is a group of ladies who get together to talk, do puzzles, play dominos. The common room is practically outside mom's apartment and the ladies have been so welcoming. But she doesn’t go to the common room. She just isn’t interested in doing anything that she isn’t in control of. She has 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren within 5 miles of her and has an open invitation to dinner at my house every day but I can never get her to come. It’s always an excuse at the last minute. My sisters have given up. She’s only seen her youngest granddaughter a handful of times. She’s 4. It’s just sad. I know so many seniors who have no family and would give anything to be able to enjoy their grandkids. But my mom is so caught up in herself that she just can’t see anything else. That’s what really frustrates me. I can’t help but feel compassion for her. I want a better life for her. But what can I do? I can’t force her to live.

Thanks for listening. I don’t feel quite so alone knowing that you are out there. I wish you all peace and love and don’t forget that you deserve some time for yourselves!
 

Hi Everyone,
My name is Melinda and I am 44 and I have a mom with COPD. First I want to say that my heart goes out to all of you. I know from personal experience the frustration of becoming your mother's keeper. I understand the guilt and the anger. I am very fortunate, I have a great husband who helps me with her and doesn't get upset about the time I have to devote to her. So at least I don’t have that issue. And I’m selfish enough to not let her guilt me out of taking trips. But it's still difficult. I spend so much of my time doing for her. I do her shopping, cleaning, handle all of her finances, handle all her medical claims and pretty much anything that pops up. The one theme that I'm seeing in all of your posts is how demanding the patient is to the caregiver. I struggle with that. I feel that I never do enough or do it right. I used to get angry with her and try to talk some sense into her, get her to just start moving, eating better, trying to take care of herself a little. But I've realized that she will do what she wants to do regardless of whether it's going to make her sicker. I know she sneaks cigarettes even though she's on Oxygen. I always tell her she shouldn't bother hiding it from me, she's hurting herself not me. The sad thing is that she is in pretty good shape. She's on Advair and Spiriva and hasn't been in the hospital for over a year. But she just won't do anything at all. She watches tv and plays on the computer all night and sleeps all day.

I get sad because she's isolating herself. She recently moved into a senior apartment. Not assisted living but a place with other seniors. There is a common room and there is a group of ladies who get together to talk, do puzzles, play dominos. The common room is practically outside mom's apartment and the ladies have been so welcoming. But she doesn’t go to the common room. She just isn’t interested in doing anything that she isn’t in control of. She has 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren within 5 miles of her and has an open invitation to dinner at my house every day but I can never get her to come. It’s always an excuse at the last minute. My sisters have given up. She’s only seen her youngest granddaughter a handful of times. She’s 4. It’s just sad. I know so many seniors who have no family and would give anything to be able to enjoy their grandkids. But my mom is so caught up in herself that she just can’t see anything else. That’s what really frustrates me. I can’t help but feel compassion for her. I want a better life for her. But what can I do? I can’t force her to live.

Thanks for listening. I don’t feel quite so alone knowing that you are out there. I wish you all peace and love and don’t forget that you deserve some time for yourselves!
 

Thanks for that insight, Melinda. It can hurt so much to see a parent not take as good of care of themselves as they could, and I think it feels the same as watching a child not work to their potential because they "don't want to". But you're right - it's her life.

Thanks for that insight, Melinda. It can hurt so much to see a parent not take as good of care of themselves as they could, and I think it feels the same as watching a child not work to their potential because they "don't want to". But you're right - it's her life.

I also care for my Mom. She is on hospise right now but doing ok. Each day brings something new.

I also care for my Mom. She is on hospise right now but doing ok. Each day brings something new.

My Dad was just diagnosed with COPD last week after a brief hospital stay.  He is not interested in giving up smoking although my Mom was going to take his cigarettes away since this is one of the most critical treatment steps someone with COPD can take.  He also has seizures and osteoporosis in the back and knees.  Mom is the primary caregiver although she had a stent implant last March after a blocked artery was found and a heart attack upon arriving at the hospital for surgery.  I'm the filling in a care giving sandwich because I have a six year old son and my 74 year old parents who all need me.  I'd also like to spend time with my husband!  Mom is trying to get some help at home including some physical therapy to help Dad get stronger.

My Dad was just diagnosed with COPD last week after a brief hospital stay.  He is not interested in giving up smoking although my Mom was going to take his cigarettes away since this is one of the most critical treatment steps someone with COPD can take.  He also has seizures and osteoporosis in the back and knees.  Mom is the primary caregiver although she had a stent implant last March after a blocked artery was found and a heart attack upon arriving at the hospital for surgery.  I'm the filling in a care giving sandwich because I have a six year old son and my 74 year old parents who all need me.  I'd also like to spend time with my husband!  Mom is trying to get some help at home including some physical therapy to help Dad get stronger.

I'm 68 years old and was first diagnosed with COPD in January, 1998.  I live in a suburb of Denver (alt. 5280 - very bad for COPD), the home of National Jewish (very good).  The first pulmonologist that I saw (supposedly Denver's finest) told me that I had lost 49% of my lung capacity and there was nothing he could do for me.  My question to him was, "What am I supposed to do?  Go home and curl up on the couch and wait to die."  His response was something like, "If that's what you want."  I decided to go to National Jewish and see what they had to say.  I was given another (a) lung functions test, (b) a spirometry exam, (c) tested, walking normally  w/o oxygen  with a pulse oximeter on my finger, (d) oxygen levels tested while resting; and (e) a blood test where they take a blood sample from an artery deep in the underside of your forearm and this was just the first visit.  They then gave me physical, respiratory and occupational therapy in subsequent days.  I felt better immediately once I was on oxygen.  I was prescribed 3 different inhalers to be used daily and a rescue inhaler.  I'm a high volume oxygen user.  My meds have changed from inhalers to Advair 250/50 (and 500/50 during allergy season) and Spiriva.  When I get bronchitis (usually twice a year, spring and fall), I take Mucinex which thins the congestion and produces a productive cough.   I'm now on 5 liters with activity and 2-3 at rest.  I have never been hospitalized and until last year, I still had my 51% lung capacity.  I hadn't lost any ground.  The key, however, is exercise.  I'm not talking training for a marathon, walking at your normal speed and increase the time by 5 minutes per week.  The more walking, leg and arm strengthening,  you do, the better you feel and the more energy you have.  No COPD patient should attempt any exercise program without first obtaining their doctor's permission, but laying down all the time is the worst possible thing for COPD patients.  It causes fluid to form in the lungs.  Also, Nat'l Jewish makes me have a pneumococcal vaccination every 2 years, not the once every 5 years that Medicare pays for.   Now, for a bit of homeopathic advice.  Make sure you rinse/gargle with Listerine and use Sinus Rinse (rinse nasal passages)  before you leave the house.  Exercise, oxygen, medication, a pulmonologist and a can-do attitude can make for a healthier, happier  COPD patient.   Most of us have COPD because we smoked.  There's a lot of guilt attached to it, to think that WE were the cause of our contracting this bloody disease.  Get a pro-active doctor, not like my first one.  We all know that COPD is incurable (at the present time - we'll see what stem cell research has to say) but with effort, you can keep it from getting any worse and you definitely can make yourself feel better. 

I'm 68 years old and was first diagnosed with COPD in January, 1998.  I live in a suburb of Denver (alt. 5280 - very bad for COPD), the home of National Jewish (very good).  The first pulmonologist that I saw (supposedly Denver's finest) told me that I had lost 49% of my lung capacity and there was nothing he could do for me.  My question to him was, "What am I supposed to do?  Go home and curl up on the couch and wait to die."  His response was something like, "If that's what you want."  I decided to go to National Jewish and see what they had to say.  I was given another (a) lung functions test, (b) a spirometry exam, (c) tested, walking normally  w/o oxygen  with a pulse oximeter on my finger, (d) oxygen levels tested while resting; and (e) a blood test where they take a blood sample from an artery deep in the underside of your forearm and this was just the first visit.  They then gave me physical, respiratory and occupational therapy in subsequent days.  I felt better immediately once I was on oxygen.  I was prescribed 3 different inhalers to be used daily and a rescue inhaler.  I'm a high volume oxygen user.  My meds have changed from inhalers to Advair 250/50 (and 500/50 during allergy season) and Spiriva.  When I get bronchitis (usually twice a year, spring and fall), I take Mucinex which thins the congestion and produces a productive cough.   I'm now on 5 liters with activity and 2-3 at rest.  I have never been hospitalized and until last year, I still had my 51% lung capacity.  I hadn't lost any ground.  The key, however, is exercise.  I'm not talking training for a marathon, walking at your normal speed and increase the time by 5 minutes per week.  The more walking, leg and arm strengthening,  you do, the better you feel and the more energy you have.  No COPD patient should attempt any exercise program without first obtaining their doctor's permission, but laying down all the time is the worst possible thing for COPD patients.  It causes fluid to form in the lungs.  Also, Nat'l Jewish makes me have a pneumococcal vaccination every 2 years, not the once every 5 years that Medicare pays for.   Now, for a bit of homeopathic advice.  Make sure you rinse/gargle with Listerine and use Sinus Rinse (rinse nasal passages)  before you leave the house.  Exercise, oxygen, medication, a pulmonologist and a can-do attitude can make for a healthier, happier  COPD patient.   Most of us have COPD because we smoked.  There's a lot of guilt attached to it, to think that WE were the cause of our contracting this bloody disease.  Get a pro-active doctor, not like my first one.  We all know that COPD is incurable (at the present time - we'll see what stem cell research has to say) but with effort, you can keep it from getting any worse and you definitely can make yourself feel better. 

Hi--Just wanted to add a tidbit to the many wonderful responses you have received.  COPD is difficult to manage.  My father has it and was just in REHAB (now home at age 92).  They finally put him on a nebulizer (a breathing instrument with some medicine to open his bronchi/lungs) and it has helped him breathe better, AND work harder on his rehab exercises. You can ask your Mom's doctor about this, and whether it is covered by any of her insurance.  It is helping my Dad, and he is able to use the walker again (after not being to walk at all for many weeks).  Good luck--I hope your Mom appreciates all that you are doing for her.  If you have time, do aerobic exercise routinely (like walking 30 minutes, 4-5 times weekly) which will not only help you physically, but will help the depression.

Hi--Just wanted to add a tidbit to the many wonderful responses you have received.  COPD is difficult to manage.  My father has it and was just in REHAB (now home at age 92).  They finally put him on a nebulizer (a breathing instrument with some medicine to open his bronchi/lungs) and it has helped him breathe better, AND work harder on his rehab exercises. You can ask your Mom's doctor about this, and whether it is covered by any of her insurance.  It is helping my Dad, and he is able to use the walker again (after not being to walk at all for many weeks).  Good luck--I hope your Mom appreciates all that you are doing for her.  If you have time, do aerobic exercise routinely (like walking 30 minutes, 4-5 times weekly) which will not only help you physically, but will help the depression.

hi - I know this is an on-going thread, but I am new to "caring.com" and just found the discussion. My mom has congestive heart failure and COPD as well as arthritis in her hips and life-long stomach ulcers. She moved in with me a year ago, April 2008. Before that, she lived with my Sister and her 4 kids and husband in Vermont for a year. She had a heart attack, surgery, etc. in November, 06 and has required constant care since...she was never able to go back home. We are in Tennessee. I was in charge of cleaning out her house and doing everything here. I have taken care of her for years, although she didn't live with me. She has battled alcoholism and prescription drug abuse since the 70s, and I have always been there as her friend, daughter, and to an extent....as her mother.  She was absolutely beautiful when she was younger. She is only 63, but she looks 90. It is hard to see her like this, but it is what it is. I have to do everything for her....cleaning, laundry, preparing all meals, bathing (when I can get her in the tub!), brush her teeth, etc. IT's hard. I work full-time about 30 minutes away from home, so she is there by herself all day. I have 5 dogs that keep her company, and she has a cell phone to call me or 911 for emergencies. But she doesn't remember numbers. She doesn't remember much of anything.....except things that happened when she was a child. My sister lives in VT, so there is only me here to take care of her. She has 4 living sisters, but only one of them has ever even offered to assist with her care (took her to Dr. appt. once). I think they are actually still bitter with her about the alcoholism. They just don't get it. Anyway, it's tough. When she moved in, my boyfriend had also just moved in. So there were 3 of us and 5 dogs and 1 cat in my little 1,000 sq ft house. Basically, my mom moved into my "closet" room. We got engaged, and things were good...for a while. Eventually it got to be too much, and I broke up with my fiance and asked him to move out..... All of this is to say --- I believe that "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." I love my mom so much, and at times in the past, I hated not her -- but her disease (alcoholism). That turned into Congestive Heart Failure...and now she is just a shell of what/who she was. I try not to "pity" her or baby her too much. We have fun-- she watches "my" tv shows, which are now "hers" as well. We laugh -- a lot! The dogs are great entertainment --- and of course they love her unconditionally!!! I feel like she will not be around for many more years, and I want to make sure that I have no regrets when she is gone. I am doing the best I can. We are struggling financially, but I don't worry her with all of that stuff. I try to make her life as pleasant as possible. People say "put her in a home!" My dad, my  ex-fiance, my cousin, etc., they all say that. But they don't get it. This is my life and I am accepting it and learning to enjoy it. I will be 40 in October. I am single (divorced once, and broke off engagement), I have a decent job, I own my home, my mom lives with me, and I have 5 dogs/1 cat. Am I the epitome of an "old maid"? I don't think so. And it doesn't matter what others think. I guess all of this is just to say.....try to see the glass as half full, and put yourself in their place. I have no children, and I wonder what will hahppen to me. I will definitely get long-term insurance, but it seems so lonely. Hopefully I will have a husband, but who knows. Anyway, my mom could easily be a homeless person on the streets. Without her meds (she takes 13 different meds / day) and the care I give her, she would be dead. But she's not. She's here. God gave me a second chance to have my mom in my life, and I am going to live every day with her as if it might be our last. It's not exciting. I don't take her many places (she doesn't like to go out -- except to see the Dr. who she thinks is Handsome). But she is happy and content. And really, when it comes down to it, all we need is love and caring. And that's what she has -- lots of love from me and the pups and the occaisional visitor.... I don't date much - don't feel like "going out" much with my friends. I am usually tired. I myself have had 3 back surgeries, so in a way it's like the disabled taking care of the disabled. My mom says we are "Pete and RePeat" - haha! But I am trying to take care of myself, my mom, my dogs and my cat.....as best as I can. Really, it's all in God's hands. And sometimes you just have to say "Okay ---- you gotta take over because I don't know what to do, where to go, or how to get there...." and just let go of the reins. LET GO. Let God and Let Go.

hi - I know this is an on-going thread, but I am new to "caring.com" and just found the discussion. My mom has congestive heart failure and COPD as well as arthritis in her hips and life-long stomach ulcers. She moved in with me a year ago, April 2008. Before that, she lived with my Sister and her 4 kids and husband in Vermont for a year. She had a heart attack, surgery, etc. in November, 06 and has required constant care since...she was never able to go back home. We are in Tennessee. I was in charge of cleaning out her house and doing everything here. I have taken care of her for years, although she didn't live with me. She has battled alcoholism and prescription drug abuse since the 70s, and I have always been there as her friend, daughter, and to an extent....as her mother.  She was absolutely beautiful when she was younger. She is only 63, but she looks 90. It is hard to see her like this, but it is what it is. I have to do everything for her....cleaning, laundry, preparing all meals, bathing (when I can get her in the tub!), brush her teeth, etc. IT's hard. I work full-time about 30 minutes away from home, so she is there by herself all day. I have 5 dogs that keep her company, and she has a cell phone to call me or 911 for emergencies. But she doesn't remember numbers. She doesn't remember much of anything.....except things that happened when she was a child. My sister lives in VT, so there is only me here to take care of her. She has 4 living sisters, but only one of them has ever even offered to assist with her care (took her to Dr. appt. once). I think they are actually still bitter with her about the alcoholism. They just don't get it. Anyway, it's tough. When she moved in, my boyfriend had also just moved in. So there were 3 of us and 5 dogs and 1 cat in my little 1,000 sq ft house. Basically, my mom moved into my "closet" room. We got engaged, and things were good...for a while. Eventually it got to be too much, and I broke up with my fiance and asked him to move out..... All of this is to say --- I believe that "Life is what happens when you're making other plans." I love my mom so much, and at times in the past, I hated not her -- but her disease (alcoholism). That turned into Congestive Heart Failure...and now she is just a shell of what/who she was. I try not to "pity" her or baby her too much. We have fun-- she watches "my" tv shows, which are now "hers" as well. We laugh -- a lot! The dogs are great entertainment --- and of course they love her unconditionally!!! I feel like she will not be around for many more years, and I want to make sure that I have no regrets when she is gone. I am doing the best I can. We are struggling financially, but I don't worry her with all of that stuff. I try to make her life as pleasant as possible. People say "put her in a home!" My dad, my  ex-fiance, my cousin, etc., they all say that. But they don't get it. This is my life and I am accepting it and learning to enjoy it. I will be 40 in October. I am single (divorced once, and broke off engagement), I have a decent job, I own my home, my mom lives with me, and I have 5 dogs/1 cat. Am I the epitome of an "old maid"? I don't think so. And it doesn't matter what others think. I guess all of this is just to say.....try to see the glass as half full, and put yourself in their place. I have no children, and I wonder what will hahppen to me. I will definitely get long-term insurance, but it seems so lonely. Hopefully I will have a husband, but who knows. Anyway, my mom could easily be a homeless person on the streets. Without her meds (she takes 13 different meds / day) and the care I give her, she would be dead. But she's not. She's here. God gave me a second chance to have my mom in my life, and I am going to live every day with her as if it might be our last. It's not exciting. I don't take her many places (she doesn't like to go out -- except to see the Dr. who she thinks is Handsome). But she is happy and content. And really, when it comes down to it, all we need is love and caring. And that's what she has -- lots of love from me and the pups and the occaisional visitor.... I don't date much - don't feel like "going out" much with my friends. I am usually tired. I myself have had 3 back surgeries, so in a way it's like the disabled taking care of the disabled. My mom says we are "Pete and RePeat" - haha! But I am trying to take care of myself, my mom, my dogs and my cat.....as best as I can. Really, it's all in God's hands. And sometimes you just have to say "Okay ---- you gotta take over because I don't know what to do, where to go, or how to get there...." and just let go of the reins. LET GO. Let God and Let Go.

Welcome, TN. I'm sorry for the difficulties you are facing but you sound like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. :) Please let us know how things are going and please also feel free to start any discussion as you need. :)

~Laura

Welcome, TN. I'm sorry for the difficulties you are facing but you sound like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders. :) Please let us know how things are going and please also feel free to start any discussion as you need. :)

~Laura

My mom who is 45 was just diagnosed with very extreme COPD and Type II diabetes. She still continuously smokes and drinks and has no interest in quitting. The doctor has prescribed her over 15 different mediations which she is not taking as prescribed. She suffers from constant depression because of how sick she is. It is not at the point yet that I need to be her primary caregiver since she does have two friends living with her. I am so afraid that I am going to lose my mom before her time. I have two young children of my own to care for, and am not ready to lose my mom. She is the only parent I have left. Reading everyone’s response made a little more hopeful that my mom will live longer than I am expecting her too. Her doctor has given her a max of 5 years.

My mom who is 45 was just diagnosed with very extreme COPD and Type II diabetes. She still continuously smokes and drinks and has no interest in quitting. The doctor has prescribed her over 15 different mediations which she is not taking as prescribed. She suffers from constant depression because of how sick she is. It is not at the point yet that I need to be her primary caregiver since she does have two friends living with her. I am so afraid that I am going to lose my mom before her time. I have two young children of my own to care for, and am not ready to lose my mom. She is the only parent I have left. Reading everyone’s response made a little more hopeful that my mom will live longer than I am expecting her too. Her doctor has given her a max of 5 years.

I have a mother that has copd for the last 10 years, I have been taking care of her since then,paid bills, shopping,and taking her to her apts. My father got lung cancer in 06 and I moved into their home to take care of them both,my dad lasted almost a year and had to move her in to Ontairo as I had gotten married 16 months before my dad got sick,and moved to winnipeg. Now that she lives with me I find it harder as the years passes as her oxygen level had dropped and now she is on 4 liters and her breathing is getting worse she has no engery to do the littlest thing around the house,but she still here and that what matters the most,some days I wished that I could take off and not come back,but all I do is rememeber the time that i had with my dad before he died and was glad that i was there for him as well as i will be for her,because that what family does they love and help eachother Its going to be one of the hardest jobs you'll have to do and Im proud of every person that take this on.

I have a mother that has copd for the last 10 years, I have been taking care of her since then,paid bills, shopping,and taking her to her apts. My father got lung cancer in 06 and I moved into their home to take care of them both,my dad lasted almost a year and had to move her in to Ontairo as I had gotten married 16 months before my dad got sick,and moved to winnipeg. Now that she lives with me I find it harder as the years passes as her oxygen level had dropped and now she is on 4 liters and her breathing is getting worse she has no engery to do the littlest thing around the house,but she still here and that what matters the most,some days I wished that I could take off and not come back,but all I do is rememeber the time that i had with my dad before he died and was glad that i was there for him as well as i will be for her,because that what family does they love and help eachother Its going to be one of the hardest jobs you'll have to do and Im proud of every person that take this on.

YES! I do have a Mother with COPD. In 4/08 she had what we now know to be an exasperation and landed in the hosp for 1 week. She is now 77 (just turned) and at that time the Dr. said she had moderate COPD with severe air trapping. She was good after that and went about her normal business (hasn't been cleaning as well for years now) and then BAM she ends up back in the hosp with pneumonia, that was like 3 months ago. She was in just about a week and got out and then landed back in 1 week later with an exasperation.

Now she is on O2 24/7 and a nebulizer 4x a day as well as advair and proair. Ever since this last bout, she has not been the same. I have had to pretty much do everything for her. Sometimes she can't even get to the bathroom in time. Now my Mom and I are VERY close, so close we live next door to each other. I am single with no kids, almost 39 and together we have 7 small puppies that are our lives!

The most frustrating part of it all is that this disease is so hard to predict and really I am the type of person who just wants to know everything. I want to know how much longer we have together! I have not a clue and she is scared to death about how she is going to "go" and how horrible it might be for her. I want all of the answers and I am not able to find them. She also sleeps sitting up on the couch and has for months now. I just am so afraid my time with my Mom is almost over!

Then I hear some of the posts on here saying that their family member has had the COPD for years and I wonder if I could be that lucky to have her that much longer. Then reality hits and I wonder how hard it would be on her to live that much longer as she will keep getting worse because she is still smoking!

I am working a very stressful job full time, I am involved in my community, I am going to college to finish my 2nd degree and I am caring for my Mom. Yes it is hard and this weekend I have to miss a family members wedding because of it, but guess what so does she! I have to say as hard as it is for me, I think it is hard just seeing her like that more than it is hard because of what "I" have to do to care for her. I don't know, I think a lot of what we feel in response to something like this has a lot to do with your relationship with the person in question and other familial mitigating factors present. Bottom line, we all need to hang in there, pray for each other and be thankful for every moment and memory we have left together!

Thanks for all the posts! They have been truly helpful and I hope mine will help someone as well. :-) God Bless!

YES! I do have a Mother with COPD. In 4/08 she had what we now know to be an exasperation and landed in the hosp for 1 week. She is now 77 (just turned) and at that time the Dr. said she had moderate COPD with severe air trapping. She was good after that and went about her normal business (hasn't been cleaning as well for years now) and then BAM she ends up back in the hosp with pneumonia, that was like 3 months ago. She was in just about a week and got out and then landed back in 1 week later with an exasperation.

Now she is on O2 24/7 and a nebulizer 4x a day as well as advair and proair. Ever since this last bout, she has not been the same. I have had to pretty much do everything for her. Sometimes she can't even get to the bathroom in time. Now my Mom and I are VERY close, so close we live next door to each other. I am single with no kids, almost 39 and together we have 7 small puppies that are our lives!

The most frustrating part of it all is that this disease is so hard to predict and really I am the type of person who just wants to know everything. I want to know how much longer we have together! I have not a clue and she is scared to death about how she is going to "go" and how horrible it might be for her. I want all of the answers and I am not able to find them. She also sleeps sitting up on the couch and has for months now. I just am so afraid my time with my Mom is almost over!

Then I hear some of the posts on here saying that their family member has had the COPD for years and I wonder if I could be that lucky to have her that much longer. Then reality hits and I wonder how hard it would be on her to live that much longer as she will keep getting worse because she is still smoking!

I am working a very stressful job full time, I am involved in my community, I am going to college to finish my 2nd degree and I am caring for my Mom. Yes it is hard and this weekend I have to miss a family members wedding because of it, but guess what so does she! I have to say as hard as it is for me, I think it is hard just seeing her like that more than it is hard because of what "I" have to do to care for her. I don't know, I think a lot of what we feel in response to something like this has a lot to do with your relationship with the person in question and other familial mitigating factors present. Bottom line, we all need to hang in there, pray for each other and be thankful for every moment and memory we have left together!

Thanks for all the posts! They have been truly helpful and I hope mine will help someone as well. :-) God Bless!

My mom had COPD. She was diagnosed about 6 years ago, if I remember right. I sympathize with you caregivers as my sister and I were momma's main care givers. August 19,2009 she went into the hospital due to her breathing being really labored and was in for 2 days. She came home for one week and had to go back again, this time for 7 days. When she was there the last time, the doctor called me each day after he visited her. On September 1st, he told me he thought she had a couple months left, six at most. We brought her home on Friday and she was the best she had been in a long time, ate good, slept good, had more energy. Then on Wednesday it rained and she felt bad. Thursday she was worse again about like the last time she went into the hospital. Friday morning she was basically in a semi coma, not knowing what we were saying or doing. The hospice nurse came by and even he thought it was the meds they gave her to help her sleep at night, because of her renal artery disease, we all thought her kidneys were not getting all of it out of her system so he was wanted us to leave that pill off that night and he was going to go ahead and order the comfort kit. At 12:45pm on 09/11/09, one week after coming home from the hospital, she took her last breath and there was no bringing her back. She was only 67 years old. We were all shocked, the family, the hospice nurses and her doctors.

I tell you all this because I too got angry and frustrated at having to do things and having no "me time" and got tired of having to put off doing things at home and with my husband/kids/grandkids to do for momma. Although I know she isn't suffering anymore, I wish, as the song says "I could have one more day with you". So even though you get frustrated and angry....make the most of every day you have with them because you never know when it may be the last.

My mom had COPD. She was diagnosed about 6 years ago, if I remember right. I sympathize with you caregivers as my sister and I were momma's main care givers. August 19,2009 she went into the hospital due to her breathing being really labored and was in for 2 days. She came home for one week and had to go back again, this time for 7 days. When she was there the last time, the doctor called me each day after he visited her. On September 1st, he told me he thought she had a couple months left, six at most. We brought her home on Friday and she was the best she had been in a long time, ate good, slept good, had more energy. Then on Wednesday it rained and she felt bad. Thursday she was worse again about like the last time she went into the hospital. Friday morning she was basically in a semi coma, not knowing what we were saying or doing. The hospice nurse came by and even he thought it was the meds they gave her to help her sleep at night, because of her renal artery disease, we all thought her kidneys were not getting all of it out of her system so he was wanted us to leave that pill off that night and he was going to go ahead and order the comfort kit. At 12:45pm on 09/11/09, one week after coming home from the hospital, she took her last breath and there was no bringing her back. She was only 67 years old. We were all shocked, the family, the hospice nurses and her doctors.

I tell you all this because I too got angry and frustrated at having to do things and having no "me time" and got tired of having to put off doing things at home and with my husband/kids/grandkids to do for momma. Although I know she isn't suffering anymore, I wish, as the song says "I could have one more day with you". So even though you get frustrated and angry....make the most of every day you have with them because you never know when it may be the last.

We never know when a persons life might come to an end. So, you are right, make the most of it even though it might call for sacrifice on our part. You know, we might be in the same situation some day.........and need help, love and understanding.

We never know when a persons life might come to an end. So, you are right, make the most of it even though it might call for sacrifice on our part. You know, we might be in the same situation some day.........and need help, love and understanding.

I have COPD. My primry doc finaly sent me to a lung doc and they ran 4 test on me which was a Spirometry, Bronchodilator,Lung Volume Test, and Diffusion Capacity Measurements. From there he was able to tell how bad my COPD was and what kind of meds to put me on. So maybe if you push her doc. hard enough for her to go see a lung doc they will.

I have COPD. My primry doc finaly sent me to a lung doc and they ran 4 test on me which was a Spirometry, Bronchodilator,Lung Volume Test, and Diffusion Capacity Measurements. From there he was able to tell how bad my COPD was and what kind of meds to put me on. So maybe if you push her doc. hard enough for her to go see a lung doc they will.

Iam a 56 yr. old woman diagnosed in 1996 with emphysema.I now have COPD,emphysema with chronic bronchitis.I don't get colds I get bronchitis.I understand your frustration, but you need to hang in there with your parents because you may be there some day yourself.I really don't have support from my daughter, if its not about her she doesn't care.So I give you all cudos for helping your parent.I finally quit smoking a little over a year ago, so that should help me alot.But winter is coming & the cold air always bothers my breathing.Make sur that your parents get a flu shot every year and a pnumonia shot which is good for 15 yrs.I know when I get up in age my 2 sons will be there for me. Don't forget to take time for yourself so you don't get burnt out. Good Luck and lots of HUGS!!!!

Iam a 56 yr. old woman diagnosed in 1996 with emphysema.I now have COPD,emphysema with chronic bronchitis.I don't get colds I get bronchitis.I understand your frustration, but you need to hang in there with your parents because you may be there some day yourself.I really don't have support from my daughter, if its not about her she doesn't care.So I give you all cudos for helping your parent.I finally quit smoking a little over a year ago, so that should help me alot.But winter is coming & the cold air always bothers my breathing.Make sur that your parents get a flu shot every year and a pnumonia shot which is good for 15 yrs.I know when I get up in age my 2 sons will be there for me. Don't forget to take time for yourself so you don't get burnt out. Good Luck and lots of HUGS!!!!

My mother Jan. 2005 was med-flighted in resp. failure and was later diagnosed with COPD. It has been a long struggle this couple years with her being rushed to the hospital because she has either stopped breathing at home or in a store and has been vented so many times that this last time she almost didn't make it and ended up having to have a trach. It is not easy caring for a loved one with COPD but I wouldn't want my mother at 57 years old that she is in a nursing home so I do my best in caring for her and working 5-6 hours a day to have a little income coming into the house besides her disability checks. I love my job because it allows me to call and check up on mom and make sure she is doing okay and not short of breath. My main concern is her getting short of breath while I am not home and coming home and her not okay when I get home as its been in March when I had a feeling she wasn't well and called to ask her and all she could say is HELP. I was just thankful I was able to get the paramedics to her in time before I got to her so she could get helped and get bagged to the hospital and sent to a bigger hospital as the hospital where I live is not as advanced to care for someone with such needs. It is completely normal to feel you need your space for a while because of your loved one needing your assistance more then you could provide at times but they also would like to do on there own and im sure feel a burden at times. My mom keeps saying she thinks she is getting better and well enough to go back to work but I am afraid to let her. She has been a RNBSN for 24 years. COPD is a very sad disease and it is very difficult to watch a loved one (parent) to suffer from it. I don't know what I would do without my mother as I am only 24 years old and have lost my father when I was 8 years old and am the only child. I fear being alone and without my mom in my life. I find it hard to find a doctor that is not afraid to take care of my mom and be her "DOCTOR" because of how advanced her COPD is. This health care system is not fair at all.

My mother Jan. 2005 was med-flighted in resp. failure and was later diagnosed with COPD. It has been a long struggle this couple years with her being rushed to the hospital because she has either stopped breathing at home or in a store and has been vented so many times that this last time she almost didn't make it and ended up having to have a trach. It is not easy caring for a loved one with COPD but I wouldn't want my mother at 57 years old that she is in a nursing home so I do my best in caring for her and working 5-6 hours a day to have a little income coming into the house besides her disability checks. I love my job because it allows me to call and check up on mom and make sure she is doing okay and not short of breath. My main concern is her getting short of breath while I am not home and coming home and her not okay when I get home as its been in March when I had a feeling she wasn't well and called to ask her and all she could say is HELP. I was just thankful I was able to get the paramedics to her in time before I got to her so she could get helped and get bagged to the hospital and sent to a bigger hospital as the hospital where I live is not as advanced to care for someone with such needs. It is completely normal to feel you need your space for a while because of your loved one needing your assistance more then you could provide at times but they also would like to do on there own and im sure feel a burden at times. My mom keeps saying she thinks she is getting better and well enough to go back to work but I am afraid to let her. She has been a RNBSN for 24 years. COPD is a very sad disease and it is very difficult to watch a loved one (parent) to suffer from it. I don't know what I would do without my mother as I am only 24 years old and have lost my father when I was 8 years old and am the only child. I fear being alone and without my mom in my life. I find it hard to find a doctor that is not afraid to take care of my mom and be her "DOCTOR" because of how advanced her COPD is. This health care system is not fair at all.