(800) 973-1540
about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

I wish somebody, anybody had the diffinitive answer for you. I know I don't. I do know how much I empathize with you and wish I could offer that bright light of information. I do know if I do find it...I will share it. hugs.

about 4 years ago
Ranae1221 said...

Have you mentioned this to the doc? Could he maybe have some underlying depression? You mention he becomes angry because he is not in control of his life. A part of him realizes that there is something "not right" and he could have some depression going on.

Even if he doesn't know what he is doing when he calls names, it still hurts. Knowing logically that it is the disease doesn't stop your heart from hurting. And it doesn't make you a bad person for feeling the way you do. I hope that if you are able to talk to the doctor about what is going on, they can start looking at what may be going on and how to best treat it. Hugs to you!

about 4 years ago

Thanks for saying that... I so miss my best friend and husband but i feel like he is gone and my grief is huge. I hate the anger I feel when he rages at me and I seem to withdraw from him more and more. The doctors have tried anti depressents but nothing seems to work. He has had 3 open heart surgerys to correct atrial septical defects in his heart he also has diabetes so blood sugar swings seem to also be at the heart of the rages as well. I can not seem to overcome this grief and anger I feel and yes I do feel like a bad person. If you guys have any thoughts on how i can deal with this I am open to them ....hugs to you all !!!

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

I just purchased some yoga tapes and if I can open those &*@#!! packages without stomping the %&*@x things into the ground...I'll let you know if they help dealing with my anger! :)

about 4 years ago

love it let me know i will try anything

about 4 years ago
Ranae1221 said...

You mention the docs have tried antidepressants, have they given them enough time to really work? It can usually take up to 6-8 weeks for them to take effect. But often people will say they don't work just after a week or 2. Maybe its time he see a specialist, someone who specializes in depression or behavioral issues. My grandma was started on an antidepressant that also contained an antipsychotic medication for her mood swings. Its been a huge help for her.

And if blood sugars also contribute to his outbursts, then hopefully the doc can adjust medication to help control the blood sugars better.

about 4 years ago

we have been thru a rainbow prozac effexcor on and on of them seraquel worked for about 5 months then rages started again now he is on cymbalta but its too early to know yet what is grandmom on ?... the blood sugar spikes are crazy they now have him on 3 kinds of insulin one that is a long acting he takes at bedtime... wow we just cant seem to get a handle on this mess. vascular dementia is such a strange thing... tonight we went thru the full spectrum of abusive behavior... I so need to learn to block it but i cant... We do have an appointment finally with UT southwestens brain function neurology department. They have had success with your own stem cells into the damaged parts of the brain but he may or may not get excepted into their program . Tonight he yelled and yelled names threats to harm me and then he didnt remember he said any of it and he said i was crying to upset him ..if i say to him you said blah blah blah he says i am a liar and just trying to hurt him so I just have to leave the room or go outside to calm myself down .. how can i just listen to it and not react to it.. will I ever get to that point ??

about 4 years ago
Ranae1221 said...

My grandma is on Symbyax, its a combo of Zyprexa and Prozac. Its been great for her. If the Seroquel worked well for 5 months, I wonder if maybe the dosage just needed to be adjusted instead of stopped? However I know that Seroquel can also affect blood sugars and diabetes, so it may not have been a good med for him anyhow.

I am glad to hear you have an appointment with a neurology specialist. They should be able to help and give some suggestions.

Have you ever read the book "The 36 Hour Day"? I would highly recommend it. It is written for anyone caring for a person with Alzheimer's, but does also talk about other types of dementia. It has a chapter specifically for caring for a spouse, helps explain different behaviors and how to prevent them as well as deal with them. It is written to be very easy to understand (vs all those that use medical terms and can be confusing).

"how can i just listen to it and not react to it.. will I ever get to that point ??"

I was playing with my young niece once, and in her excitement, she whacked me with one of her toys. It hurt like heck! I knew she didn't mean to hurt me, and that she didn't know better, but that didn't stop it from stinging.

It doesn't matter that your husband has a disease or that he may not know what he is doing or saying, it still hurts. Will you get to a point that you don't react? Would you be human if hearing someone you love call you names didn't hurt?

I know the book I mentioned had some different suggestions on how to cope with aggressive behaviors. I don't recall any off the top of my head, but here a few sites with some suggestions:

http://www.answers4alzheimers.com/alzheimer_s_patients_and_verbal_abuse_how_to_deal_with_it.htm

http://www.strengthforcaring.com/manual/stress-relief-communicating/10-real-life-strategies-for-dementia-caregiving/

http://www.strengthforcaring.com/manual/stress-relief-communicating/managing-cognitive-impairment/

http://www.alz.org/living_with_alzheimers_aggression.asp

about 4 years ago

I have the book 36hr day.. now finding it is a real challenge.. he takes things and puts them in boxes so i am going to just go buy another one i guess. I have been told it is good and I do intend to read it . I really feel bad griping when you have so much on your back and I do admire you for dealing so logically with it. I wish I had your strength. I took care of my mom until 2008 when she passed away suddenly from septic shock She had a gallbladder attack and by the time we got her to the er she was in shock. The tried to remove it but before they got her to the OR she died. I miss her so much, she was 87 and had a good life but had lost her sight so she had to be cared for at home with me. God I miss her so much she was a rock for me ! Thanks for the links they are helping but I have to get control of me i guess before i can deal with this logically. My kids are in denial so I cant get help from them with their dad. But I really thank you for hearing my thoughts and anyone else out there who wants to weigh in please do so.

about 4 years ago

Last night was typical he seemed ok...jokes and laughing gave him his insulin night meds and then just a few worlds from me over nothing set him off broke lamp fan glasses bad words and just crazyness... I took the dog and went for a drive and when i got back home he said i'm sorry i dont know what comes over me...thats the first im sorry or even a memory of what he said. The doctors tell me the meds have nothing to do with it but i just dont believe that so Im looking into nature remedys...but back to the issues I just break down and cry and i cant stop. my inability to accept this illness has me so angry because i cant defend against it or know what to say to him before or after it starts. i love him but i cant seem to offer him affection without forcing myself and that makes me so sad those of u who know this behaivor give me your thoughts please I am open to any advice

about 4 years ago
Crmanag said...

I give you alot of credit for already dealing with what you have. It's very tough to have to adjust as this has happened to your husband. You say that you already have doctors appointments in place and other doctors are already experimenting with different medications to help him, but what about you? Have you looked into going to Care groups with individuals dealing with similar situations? Caregiver groups? Maybe if you were able to tell others your story you can get alot of feedback on how they deal with their situations, maybe getting out of the house for an hour and talking to others about your situation can help?

about 4 years ago
Lovey said...

I know just what you're going through. My son had a massive stroke and came to stay with me so I could care for him. His moods were exactly the same way. After almost having a nervous breakdown or exploding from anger for his lack of appreciation for all that people were helping him with I finally realized that I couldn't fix his problem...I had to fix me. i went to the Dr.and was prescribed antidepressants and anxiety medication. What a difference. I can now get up in the mornings and feel like I can do this. I am on trazadone...which helps me sleep, 40mg prozac, and klonopin for anxiety. What you're going through is HUGE. Don't feel like you have to be stronger or more tolerant or more forgiving...it's impossible. I tried until it almost destroyed me. I hope you can see a Dr. soon. I am a Christian and love to help people but this was too much to do without medication. This doesn't make you a weak person. You just need a little help. I also go to counseling once a week...basically to vent but it all helps to do a little something for myself. I'll pray for you. I know how very difficult this is. It's life changing but you don't want to put your health in danger by taking on too much for any human being to handle. I hope to see a post soon to say you're feeling better.

Been there...done that and now life is good again

about 4 years ago

I had a paradigm shift while reading several books, one of them was "Creating Moments of Joy", a great book, and also "He Used to Be Somebody". I realized that I was in this for the long haul, I am not about to leave my husband who has been ill now for almost 10 years and getting worse and so I had to find some way to make it through. I realized too that he could not change, he could not enter my world, so I had to enter his. And what difference did it make that he was wrong and I was right, and what difference did it make that his nonsense talk made no sense or that he called me by different names. I had to find a way to be happy and make him as calm and comfortable as I could because when he is content,I am content. Be good to yourself, read some good books, go ahead and cry occasionally for your lost husband but don't let him see you cry. They already feel out of control and who doesnt hate that feeling? And they already know they mess stuff up but dont know how to keep from doing it, no need to show them the mess, just say, wow, I cant believe I screwed that up! then clean it up and go on. You will now believe how much easier life becomes. I hope this helps, my prayers and thoughts are with you.

about 4 years ago
Dottie605 said...

I feel like I lost my best friend. Thank God my husband does't get mad.I wish I had an answer. This is the first time that I have written to anyone, about I feel like you might understand. I understand how you feel.My prayers are with you.

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about 4 years ago

Strokes can damage the part of the brain that filters what we say and do so that we 'aren't ourselves'. All of the above comments are so helpful. If you can get some counseling, you could find some release from your feelings of helplessness and anger. Caregivers need to take care of themselves, too. I see signs of beginning dementia in my husband and am trying to curb my impatience, preparing myself for a new role.

64px-hh6b80fd52d1
about 4 years ago

Ask your doc about depakote for helping dampen the rages. I have also found the wisdom from Alanon (a twelve step program) crosses over and helps me deal with dementia as well. Alanon literature is available in bookstores.

about 4 years ago

I attended Alanon for years, traveled around speaking at meetings. I have always said this world would be a better place if everyone attended either AA or Alanon, great wisdom for the masses.My husband and my dad were alcoholics, so I am a double winner. Now my dad is dead and my husband is lost to most of the world because of dementia. Was I bitter, yes, right at first but I love my husband, and want to keep him with me for as long as I can. Love is the answer, and anti-anxiety drugs help too.

about 4 years ago

I wanted you to know something about dementia, the disease does not follow a straight line, and if you meet one dementia patient, you have met one dementia patient. What works for one doesn't have any affect on the other one. Seroquel and lorezepam together has worked for my husband, today.. but who knows about tomorrow, and that took a lot of tweaking, and may need some more tweaking tomorrow. Also, when they become aggressive, it is a reaction to feeling helpless and out of control. That is why, if you can keep from reacting, and reassure him that everything is okay or ask him if you can help him.. then he will calm down. Just as you get angry and strike out when you feel threatened, they are doubly so. I wish we could sit down and talk, I feel your anger, your frustration and grief, I am with you girl, but just a few steps ahead in the game. Hang in there, love yourself and your husband. It is better than the alternative, my sister buried her husband this week. She wishes she could take care of him again.

about 4 years ago
Rockcrusher said...

I have read your posting. I have a wife with dementia since 1999. She has gone through the mood swings that your husband goes through and imediatelly forgets and professes her love to me. I get alot of support from caregiver meetings and talking to others. Not anyone has the exact same problem. I have found an adult day care that I send my wife too three times a week. (That is all I can afford) She gets alot of interreaction there. I have changed doctors several times to find medication that will help her. Right now she is on serquel and has changed doses as she progressed It is not a pretty future we observe, but if you don't have faith in a relgion, you need to start now.I don't know what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future. A glass of wine late at night don't hurt anything. Good luck gal, get involved with a care group.. Call you local Alheizmers group.

about 4 years ago

You guys have really helped me today and given me so much to think about/ Thank you all so much. I have lost my best friend Dottie like you have and I cant imagine how to get past that. I am in denial that he is slipping away and when he rages at me I still try to apply logic that he cant understand. He is early into this dementia but it is progressing at I an alarming rate , today he told the foot doctor that he and I had gone skating, I started to say "what" but I caught myself winked at the doc and said yep we had fun. That was the first time I could do that and I think I have all of you to thank for that. Lonely I will read those books and hope i can have the same insight as you seem to have. He goes through times of not sleeping and he goes around the house and takes things and puts them in boxes so "he can find them later" do any of you have this problem ? He is a horder he will go to junk stores and buy little things that are the obsession of the day, light houses, frames and I cant stop him because that seems to be the only time he feels normal, and if I try to direct his attention away from going to those stores he rages more.
We are not at the point yet that we can do day care so I dont get a break. Ive been looking for activities that he can do other then shopping . Rockcrusher I so admire the way you seem to be handling your wife II sure hope I get there soon.

about 4 years ago

Glad you could respond in that way, didn't it feel good? So much better than correcting, it didn't matter anyway... that is what I have to remember. I know what you mean about hoarding, that is kind of a symptom, my husband always wants to buy me something, cards particularly, in his mind it is always my birthday and he doesn't want to be caught without something for me. I let him buy it, he still has a credit card, sometimes I take it back later, he doesnt remember, and I cherish the cards because even though he can barely sign his name now, he always writes something sweet and endearing. I know one of these days he will not be able to do those things so each one is dear to me. Live and love to the fullest each day, don't kick yourself when you don't do it right, be easy with yourself and him. Thinking thoughts of understanding for you...

about 4 years ago

It did feel better to just agree rather then try to direct him back to reality. My spouse still has a card as well and lord if he gets loose he will buy strange things. He was a sculptor so he buys books on sculpting (i believe he is trying to learn again) he has gone through a picture frame frenzy so I have a 68 gal container filled with frames . It goes on and on but there will come a time that he cant go into a store and buy anything so I guess I just let it happenbecause the clock is ticking. I am working on my reactions thanks to all of you and your advice. I want to be able to show him affection and to not be so angry when he threatens me or calls me names but so far I can't do it. I have to just leave the house and walk and cry to get past it ... He forgets quickly and when i'm angry he just doesnt know why. Telling him why doesnt work at all so what do I do to get past the anger ! I just dont know

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

Try to tell yourself it is the disease, not him, and be angry at the disease. It won't always work - well, it doesn't always work for me, but I tell myself anyway...about a thousand times a day! But, HEY, that's down from 1,500 a day...that's progress isn't it?

Laugh often.

Stay connected. Hopefully here, but whatevers best for you. For me, I have to be around people who know exactly how this is, that can empathize, rattle my cage, or just make me LOL!

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

One more thing...don't try to "correct" all that's wrong. For me at first I felt that if I told her the right thing, showed her the right way, did the right thing, that somehow, someway everything would get better. It doesn't, it made her confused, sometimes angry, and me frustrated and angry.

I guess, two more things :-)

Be kind to yourself when you forget all of the above and try again next time.

about 4 years ago

you are right I must stop being so down on me and just keep telling myself its not him abusing me it is the condition but dang I find this soooo hard too do . My kids have no clue about all that I have to do just to get by and they have their own lives and families so I cant get help from them so I just have to suck it up and do this myself and I think thats part of my depression just being so alone and knowing there is no escape not even for one night. He is early in this dementia and can perform most of his daily tasks so the outside world just see him as slow but when the sun goes down the monster comes and it is so mean. We keep trying drug after drug on him, namenda makes him sick and mean, the patch makes him sick we have tried all strengths . Wow I hope the research hospital we are going to in Oct has something to help. Thanks again folks

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

okay, okay, this one last thing.

One day when my mother was ranting, slamming and name calling, I took her arm gently, looked her in the eyes and sternly said, "Ya? Well, I'm a bitch too, and damned good at it!!" She stopped...looked quizzical...and smiled.

You never know what's going to work.

about 4 years ago

i do that from time to time.... he says u are a mfen gd---- and i finished it for him with the b word... sometimes that stops him in his tracks so i do know that can work if i keep trying .. but like u said i do forget the rules and go right back to trying to apply logic to the world of crazy . then disappointment and sadness hits like a ton of bricks .... I think most of all I fear the future... I have had others tell me the early stages are so much worse then the full loss of the mind because we have hope that we cant leave behind because the hopelessness is to much to bear maybe that is true I dont know . Tonight is so hard he is rageing one second and talking to me in a normal fashion the next .. wow i cant keep up. He just busted a 4 pkg of light bulbs because he was angry I didnt come fast enough when he called how do you guys handle this behavior and stay sane

about 4 years ago

ok guys on the other side of the coin ... he has not progressed to the point that I can get help with him. We have 4 children 3 of them live far away except for one but she can't help me with much because she has a young family and worries of her own . She recently told me that she cant care for her dad over night because of his nite issues and I totally understand that. His brothers and sister provide only well wishes but no assistance other then that so I am alone in this fight . I am trying hard not to feel let down or resentful that i have no family member to share this with me. In the early stages of dementia how did you deal with never getting a day off from this stress. I have a part time job but when i go to work I spend every second thinking something is wrong at home so no relief there. Any ideas are welcome.

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

I have so been there. Have you talked to your Physician? That's where I started.

about 4 years ago

I have been through them all and I get the speech about brain damage from the stroke is not like the norm AZ or age dementia so I just have to deal with the the hours that his blood flow is not good enough for him to reason and I have to work through it myself. At somepoint they hope to find meds that work but so far nothing. So between 6pm and dawn I just have to work it out myself. My family thinks I can just get a caregiver and go about my business but I cant... insu will not pay until he as advanced in the vascular dementia or his heart quits. I can save up the money and hire someone but he will not understand a stranger rather then family and he may react in an aggresive manner i dont want hom restrained or a caregivver leave him alone and I am not available. Dang I am in the catch 22 and not one family member to help. In days gone by families banded together to care for the sick person but not now i guess. The research hospital in oct is my only hope I guess to tery and control the aggression. I have taken down all the ideas and meds u suggested and I plan to take them with me. Thanks again guys for hearing me

about 4 years ago
tounces said...

Lots of hugs to you. My husband was in a plane accident 4 years ago and got a severe traumatic brain injury. I know just what you mean about the yelling, anger. I can't tell you how many times I've cried, stormed out of the house, yelled at him like I never would have imagined. I do take Celexa and that definitely helps. Ask for anti-depression or anxiety medicine. I've been reading that you are trying to find answers from new doctors and medications to help. God bless you. He is so lucky to have you as his advocate. The notion that "it's just the disease" doesn't make it hurt any less. I have lunch with a friend whose husband has dementia problems. I so look forward to having lunch with her. We can be so honest with each other. Stand still right now. Feel my hug. I know just what you're going through. It's going to get better. You're going in the right direction.

about 4 years ago

Good morning, I was too busy to post over the weekend, he always comes in and wants my attention so I just wait until he is asleep or I come to work. I am still working full time, I have a full time caregiver with him at home since he cannot be left alone, would either wander off, have a severe anxiety attack since he us unable to dial a phone anymore or find his way home if he did walk out the door, unable to fix food for himself, has no clue where he is. It is very expensive having an agency but the caregiver we have had for the past two months is so good, she takes good care of him and is my housekeeper as well, does all the laundry, etc. It is a crying shame in this country that there is very little help, if you are unable to pay, I am not sure what you do. It is less expensive to keep a patient home and have respite care but the only way you can get any help is through Medicaid and put them in a nursing home, the most expensive care yet. You said it is too early to get any help, no this is the time you need to get him into a day care program, check to see if there are any county or state funded. I waited too late and my husband could never adjust or understand what was happening to him. The ones who go find friends there like them, there are activities and they get a sense of worth back. Is your husband able to work of function in any way? Get some respite care, don't rely on family, there is very little understanding from family or church, they don't know how to handle it, they are scared and just stay away. The main thing is to get out and have a life. I struggle with that, but you know, the more I do it, the better caregiver I am. One of the most fun days was when a friend and her husband came on a Sat. and the husband stayed with him and my friend and I went shopping and had such fun. Try it, ask someone to help, they may just be waiting to help but do not know what to do. One of the worst things that kept me feeling trapped and hopeless thinking I was all alone is believing I was the only one who could really take care of him correctly. I had to get over it and think about myself occasionally. Try it.

about 4 years ago
tounces said...

Lots of hugs to you. My husband was in a plane accident 4 years ago and got a severe traumatic brain injury. I know just what you mean about the yelling, anger. I can't tell you how many times I've cried, stormed out of the house, yelled at him like I never would have imagined. I do take Celexa and that definitely helps. Ask for anti-depression or anxiety medicine. I've been reading that you are trying to find answers from new doctors and medications to help. God bless you. He is so lucky to have you as his advocate. The notion that "it's just the disease" doesn't make it hurt any less. I have lunch with a friend whose husband has dementia problems. I so look forward to having lunch with her. We can be so honest with each other. Stand still right now. Feel my hug. I know just what you're going through. It's going to get better. You're going in the right direction.

about 4 years ago

Thank you for that... You are so lucky to have a friend to share with. I do the very same thing I get angry cry storm off yell at him and nothing seems to relieve this sadness. He never remembers what he did or me yelling at him . I so wish I could not remember as well but one of us has to stay on top of this. The vascular damage from the stroke is extensive and projected to get worse but I do hope for some research to help before it takes his mind fully. Tonight he told me he was so angry but he didnt know why and then he threw a few things. I am so tired and I needed the hug . Thanks for that. My doctor gave me wellburtian and he does nothing so I will take your advise and ask for a change. I am so sorry to hear of your spouses injury I can feel the sadness in your post as well. God bless

about 4 years ago

Hello Lonely My gym as a "class" for men like my spouse and I tried that with him. I had high hopes for that but something told me to go work out and wait. He thought I was gone and became angry left the gym and I fould him walking down the road.The next day I tried staying with him and letting him see I was not far away...again a very bad reaction. He functions well well with in reason he has lost the ability to do small repairs or figure out how to work things like his ipod . He can answer the phone but he does not . He has lost 4 cell phones in just a few months . I have locators on his wallet keys but I have to order more for things that he puts in boxes to keep them safe like his tv remotes. I am told there is a mens group that "meets" 2 days a week in a city nearby so I am looking into that. He knows whats going on and he is in denial that he needs care . He has hours that he is "normal" but when the the flow of blood slows he goes full into confusion and anger. Unfortunaly I do not have the excess funds to have a fulltime caregiver but I am working on that . You are right I must think of myself but its hard.Working for an airline gives me options so I can take him to a friends in another state as long as the flights are early he likes them and those are the best times for me because he goes with his friend just walking or fishing in their pond. I get a rest with that but I cant do that often and I fear the day he cant fly and that will be soon I think. Thanks so much for your advice I am hearing you all and getting better

about 4 years ago

Its 4am and he has raged for 3 hrs I didnt buy him rum. I usually buy a bottle and pour half out fill the other half with water so he thinks he is drinking like days gone by but this time he hid the bottle in some box and cant find it now. When I tried to help him look he became angry that i was touching his stuff and hit me. He went in the kitchen and began breaking things pouring out coke on the floor and screaming he was going to kill himself and me. I couldnt stop myself I cried, i yelled I went into his room and threw things breaking things myself. Why did I break like that I have been through this so much and normally I just leave but this time I broke. How do any of you remain sane when this happens to you? I dont know if I can wait till the oct appointment. When I call his doctor I am always told thats part of the brain damage. I cant see myself a year from now. I seem to be fading away an withdrawing more and more from life and from him. Advice welcome

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

Call the police. No if and or buts. This is for your benefit and his.

They will most likely put him on a 72 hour mental health evaluation hold and he will get the help he needs and you will be safe.

Do it now.

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

Also, make an appt with your own physician to talk about your depression.

huge hug...now do it!

about 4 years ago
tounces said...

jbdsta, that's just way too much for you to endure. Call the police. It will get you the help faster now than waiting for October. My heart goes out to you. Just dial the number.

about 4 years ago

jbdsta, I am so sorry you had to go through that, my husband has looked at me menancing like and told me I had to leave but never broke anything. I guess I was surprised that he is still drinking, that could have so much to do with his behavior, most of the drugs for anxiety/depression say do not drink alchohol. I would suggest that you do not buy anymore for him, it could kill him, especially with him having diabetes. He can't go get it himself can he, is he still driving? Did you call the police, is he in the hospital now? Unfortunately, the hospital is a terrible place for someone with dementia, they way over medicate and he will take a long time just getting over it. My husband had a hernia operation and that is when the dillusions/hallucinations really began and he is still not lucid. Please monitor what they do to him and advocate for him. I am glad you called the police if you did, you should never put yourself in harms way. Have you seen an elder care attorney and gotten the ball rolling for Power of Attorney, and gotten advise from him? That is so helpful, they can be a great resource for getting help. I got a referral to a great case manager who has cut through so much red tape for me to help me get care for him. I just said a prayer for you, stick in here, there are a lot of us who care.

about 4 years ago

Thanks guys.. we ended up at the er and he was in a fib his blood sugar bottomed at 64 so . The afib slowed the blood to the brain and the low sugar caused a dramatic shift in the ability to control himself at all. Wow what a day and night. What caused his stroke was 26 holes in the middle of his heart that he was born with, the doctor who did this said he'd only seen this in dead people. ... anyone else would be dead by now. He just keeps on ticking . No when the heart began the norm they gave him meds let him sleep and then sent us home so we didnt have to have him in the hospital. We got a new drug depakote, do any of you know this drug ? The said it should ward off the midnight to dawn nuttys. The drinking is a sham that his doctor set up for me to do to control the rages when he thinks he is not in control of his life. I buy a small bottle of rum add water to a large bottle so he is getting maybe a tsp of alchol in a glass. As the doctor said it is a ploy to keep him in his normal for now. I'm not sure thats good advice but he tells me it is of no harm to him. I will be covering this with the research nurologist. He most of the time forgets to drink so its just a matter of seeing the bottle. After the heart went back into normal beats he was normal again. Yikes now what next. He has done this before but last night was the worst. He also is on a night insulin lantanus and everytime i give that to him he seems to go crazy, the er doc said stop that for now and see how the blood sugar is in the am without it. Just give him the humalog mix and the sliding scale. Thanks for worrying about me I am good and looking to sleep tonight. Will let you all know how that goes and yes I called my doc about meds for me . I cant be crazy too right ! all is well right now but we shall see god I cant do that again for sure. Today he has no memory of that and he is happy as a lark ! Thanks for the prayers I think they might have worked

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

Wow, what a night for you, jbdsta! I'm so glad you are okay and hubby got help. What a trial! btw - I think it helps to be just a little bit crazy in all this. Huge hug!

about 4 years ago

its 10pm and no sign of nutty cross u fingers ya'll

about 4 years ago

Last night went well .. I woke up at 7am after sleeping all nite he seems a little groggy from the new meds i guess but unless i just slept throught it he didnt rage last night. Maybe it was the heartbeat that was causing it... I dont know but so far so good.

about 4 years ago
Frazzled said...

YAYYYYYYYY! Glad to hear last night went well, and SUPER glad you got a whole nights sleep.

almost 5 years ago

thanks frazzled.... hope tonight goes well too ! left him for 2 hrs to see some friends tonight and he was ok when I got back . I really need to get away from drowning in his issues. Work doesnt do it because I worry the whole time. I am working on "lies" to him because he cant compute the truth and what is his truth is not mine I guess. I told him I was supermarket shopping so he didnt get upset that I was out of sight for an hour or so. Its almost time for those meds again .. cross your fingers for another good nite. Do you ever feel that you are fading away as a person... i need time out just to remember there is life out there beyond the madness. Well lets see what happens tonight i will kiss that er doc if this works to control his manic times

almost 5 years ago
Frazzled said...

I've crossed my parts for another good night and a kiss for that ER doc!

I know exactly what you mean about losing sense of self in all this. I vowed today that would not happen, though I'm not sure how to accomplish it. Maybe it's another of those one day at a time things.

Here's to a nice quiet night!

almost 5 years ago
Autohrplayer said...

I also get told that I am not treating him very good, and he thinks sometimes I'm trying to poison him with the meds, but I just tell him I love him and get him a snack. I found out it doesn't do any good to get upset with him, as it isn't his fault he acts the way he does sometimes. He also thanks me for taking care of him, and feeding him such good meals. It all evens out. Now he is starting to sundown, and I am concerned about this. He is getting angry more often, and the Dr. put him on Xanax if he will take it. He has refused all medicines and vitamins, so when I took him to the Dr. she said he had to take his meds, but not his vitamins. I pray it works. I cry a lot by myself. I want my husband back, but know it isn't going to happen, so I trust in God and His wisdom. We all have to hang in there. It was for Better or Worse. We just didn't know how Worse it would get.

almost 5 years ago

Oh your words are my words... yes I go through these ""your little shoulders hold so much thanks for helping me " to anger bad nm calling I hate you on and on and that has gotten worse and worse. I so dread the sundowner time of day. My spouse will also refuse meds so i just say ok and then try in 30 mins because he doesnt remember he said no. He remembers nothing the doctors say... he will tell me im lying if i say "the doctor said blah blab" I get the doc to write it down on his letterhead and he reads it .. sometimes he will say.. oh ok i didnt remember that... to this is not real you made it up yourself...ugh Last nite the monster came about 130 but it was short lived and he didnt get out of control just bad names and so on then he went back to sleep on the couch. He is incontinent and he wet outside the depends thats what woke him . I found the best beautyrest mattress cover that is so soft and fluffy but the underside is a big plastic sheet so i put that on the bed and the couch because he likes to sleep on the couch but when i went to change the pad he got so mad at me yelling and so on... but that was the extent of the monster so Frazzled I cant say that this was a bad night just sort of normal. We have to try and remember there is life out there that is not connected to that illness but i find myself unable to think about anything else im a wreck aging daily dont take good care of me at all and i have to find a way to stop fading away. I guess we all have this . if he is just staring his madness at night try hard to find the right meds its the worst when the night monster creeps in .

almost 5 years ago
Frazzled said...

Sorry, jbdsta, maybe the meds will take some modification to be more consistant, but then again, maybe this is this best to be hoped for. I hope that's not the case. But you know as well as I that it doesn't pay to be overly optimistic. Optimistic, yes, but tinged with a heavy dose of reality.

I know what you mean about being unable to think of anything else. I think these illnesses create a vortex that sucks us into a vacuum. We swim constantly against it, trying to see light. I don't know, sometimes the thinking about get exhausting, do find that?

I have to find a way to keep my momentum in the morning (I'm a morning person) so I don't get so mired down during the day.

Well, haven't I been the cheery one!

As I always say (as do billions of others)...and this too shall pass..

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