Caring for a Parent

My sister and I are getting very worried about our mom. We also have a brother who may or may not agree with all this, we need to talk to him and find out. In addition to numerous other health problems, she has diabetes and is not taking care of herself. While I have to commend her for going to the gym and working with a trainer, she continues to eat/drink loads of sugar and then either lies about it or gives some lame excuse that "she's allowed a little" or "193 isn't a high blood sugar for me".

I live in NC, my sister lives in the same city as her in CA. She is currently at my house for a visit. Since she's been here (about a week) she nearly took a dive just stepping off a curb (lost her balance), fell while trying to sit on a bench that was too short for her, and frequently forgets to eat or take her meds. Not to mention she really shouldn't even be driving. Her vision is blurring, and she can't turn her neck more than 45 degrees in either direction. She's had a handful of fender benders that never seem to be her fault. She even hit a parked car once that "wasn't supposed to be there." Sigh.

At home, my uncle mentioned to my sister that he thought my mom was looking a little more disheveled than usual. Worst of all- about 3 or 4 months ago, she either passed out or fell in the middle of the street, broke her nose, laid there unconscious for 10 minutes, by dumb luck was spotted by a neighbor, and was taken to the hospital with a blood sugar of 25. She almost DIED right then and there. The doctor at the ER was of the opinion that she should not be living alone from then on. She would not even consider accepting any help, and even though we did discuss the issue between the three of us by phone, but none of us was willing to act at that point (too afraid to confront her I guess), and she went home as usual.

It was brought to my attention today- what would happen if she were to fall into a diabetic coma? If that were to happen would state law in CA allow us to decide what we think is best for her?

We have tried to bring this up in the recent past but she immediately shuts down and changes the subject. She is terrified of losing her independence and in serious denial about her ability to care for herself. We want to be sensitive to her feelings of course, but she is not cooperating at all. I am just waiting to get the phone call that she's fallen or been in a car accident or worse. None of us are really in the position to take her in. My sister has a very busy full-time job. I am raising two small children, one of which has special needs and demands extra time and attention. My brother and uncle are both facing their own medical problems. Not to mention that it would be impossible to care for someone who refuses to care for herself.

I guess we are pretty sure she will tell us all to go hell and then what? Will we be forced to get a lawyer and declare her incompetent? She is sharp as a tack- except when it comes to her health. We just don't know what to do. Do you guys (especially doctors, lawyers, but all are welcome) have any thoughts?

Not sure which is most stressfull, Doctor's aprehensive answering questions? or Finding the best specialized experienced person willing to consider reviewing your parents symptoms? So many nursing homes dealing with multiple scenarios; Think they would be more informative to those of us caring for our parents at home.,

Full body weakness, scary. narcalepsy apeared on google in my search; seemed like a faint sort of,only doba therapy for rgidity of the leg, says can cause sudden fatique

Hello everyone,reached the stage now where I could use advice from others like me. My relative has been having weaknes that began late last year,. wasn't sure if it was side effect from doba therapybut is has been a struggle for feeding. Been able to get the morning pancakes in but a little past noon, sleeeep.., Found a good recliner and been tackling herbal suppliments carnatine lipoc acid and b12, small improvement,. Now am hit with the fact that I may need to consider a peg tube procedure, ?Reluctant only because they still have smily face in their wake time and so coperative eating from me,.. Sadly not sure what to do; and how to handle their reaction when the energy returns? any suggestions? PS like many of you my sibling picked arguement enough times til I boxed in alone doing it all.,..

I live with my mother along with my husband. We moved to Florida from N.J.. I have many issues with siblings out of state who don't support me much, or not at all. They try to find fault with our job. They're not here but they seem to think they're the experts. Does anyone here have the same problems??? I've been constantly tired, waking up in the night, and don't eat enough at all.

My Mother has dementia. I've cared for her for 4 years in my home. Prior to that my older sister had her living in their home for about 2. My Mother has never had, what I would call a positive attitude. She was a wretched Mother as we were growing up. Everything centered around her. Her day, her emotions, her everything. However, I've been coping. Lately, she is going through a weird stage. She is openly flirting with my husband of 30 years. I'm not jealous, but, he feels uncomfortable and it is embarassing when he makes some stupid gesture at him. Like touching his arm and batting her eyes at him. She will do this in public, like at a restaurant. Is this normal for people with dementia. It seems that this condition makes people look foolish. I'm at a point where I don't want to take her out in public. If it's not my husband it's a male waiter. Any advice?

I need help with what some people may refer to as an attitude adjustment towards my mother's caregiving. I am trying to do the right thing, but my heart is not in it. My family had been dysfunctional while we kids were growing up. Our father was abusive and we never felt we had mother on our side. Now that she is in her 80's she has trouble taking care of some needs but doesn't qualify for government assistance. My sister and I can't afford to pay for any care, and I have been trying to help out. I am finding myself stressed and short of patience because my mother is rude and demanding. Sometimes she begrudingly says thank-you. My sister doesn't help enough because she is resentful of our old family life.

Wondering what you do to relax and control your stress? The last two months I have been so stressed and wound up that I have a very difficult time relaxing. I did start a very low dose of anti anxiety medication this week, but I don't want to rely on it long term. Any advice would be appreciated.

I brought my dad to live with me nearly a year ago. As his health deteriorates he is really hard on me, lashing out, depressed etc. He can also be very loving and docile. Recently he told his sister I was forcing him into medical care and not spending time or leaving him alone too much etc. It isn't the case and I feel totally betrayed. On one hand I understand that dad is just depressed and in pain, but on the other hand it is so hurtful. It is also humiliating when he says things that are not true to other people like his sister. I am put in a position to literally defend myself against the imaginary. For him it is a release, but for me the impact is hurtful personally and to my relationships with family. I really don't know how to deal with this.

To Sandy and Gpj from needs2u The 2nd psa results for Henry and had gone from 0.30 to 0.37 post prostate surgery. The surgeon wants to set an appointment to see an oncologist. I guess I will have more to share after the visit.