Help I am so confused my Mom was diagnosed last week with terminal lung cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes and brain.
My Mom started having an extremely bad headache, nausea, vomiting, and confusion so I took her to the emergency room Wednesday and after seven hours of waiting she was so frustrated and sick she wanted to leave saying we could come back in a few days if she was not feeling better. I started the endless task of trying to research the symptoms to have an idea of what was going on with her since she has never been sick except for a cold a few times. Anyway, Friday she was worse so I took her back to the hospital and this time I was going to do whatever I had to in order to get her seen fast since everything I found on the internet seemed to indicate some kind of stroke. I ran in begging for help saying I think my Mom is having a stroke so they did take her right back to a room. They did a cat scan and informed me she had a brain bleed and I needed to call my family in and make the necessary arrangements because she was not a candidate for surgery and there was nothing they could do and would pass away at any moment. I CAN not begin to explain the horror I felt in that moment. It was as if my mind shut down and everything seemed to be in slow motion. About an hour later the doctor came back in and said the results from the lung x-ray indicated she actually had lung cancer that spread to the brain and it was not actively bleeding now and would probably not die at any moment like they originally thought. We’ll of course I was extremely relieved to hear that but at the same time horrified at the newly discovered cancer not to mention very pissed off they jumped to a conclusion without having all the facts since I had called all my family telling them she probably would not live through the night. She was admitted to the hospital for more tests and Sunday the oncologist said she had terminal lung cancer that has spread to the lymph nodes and brain. The doctor said she has around 23 tumors in her brain and was not a candidate for surgery and all that could be done was radiation to shrink them and chemotherapy. I am so confused because I keep getting such conflicting information from the doctors and can’t seem to find a good source of information or advice on her particular cancers. She has taken this like a trooper and continues to amaze me everyday with her strength and courage to face this while I feel like I am falling apart and don’t want her to know how scared I am. She is having memory problems, cannot write or type, and keeps saying that people don’t look right and the doctors say that may improve. However, I want to know the reality of what we are facing in order to make the best decisions for care, finances, and everything else. It is so hard to wrap my head around all of this since my Dad just passed away August 20th from a long series of heath problems and I was his caregiver for many years. I feel like I am loosing my mind. Any help will be greatly appreciated!! Thanks, Kim
Hi Kim! ((((HUGS)))) what a difficult week you have had!
Getting so much conflicting information is stressful. My advice would be to get a hold of her actual doctor and make him or her have a sit-down discussion with you with the exact information and the exact possibilities. Explain just as you have to us the conflicting information and that you need a clear, precise-as-possible diagnosis and prognosis so that you and your family can work on how to proceed.
Hang in there; I'm so sorry for your loss of your father and now this with your mother. Let us know how things are going.
Oh God, Kim! My mind is racing just reading your post, no less living it. huge hugs I wholeheartedly agree with the advice Laura gave you. My father-in-law had lung cancer that spread to his brain and with chemo and radiation, he lived for months with some good times. I'm hopeful for you that you've got some time left with you mom that will allow you to enjoy each other and get everything in order.
I'll be thinking about you!
Oh my goodness!! Huge ((HUGS)) to you! You sound like you are doing everything possible for your mom right now- I love how you got her immediate attention the 2nd time around at the hospital by running in and saying you thought she may be having a stroke. I would have done the same thing! I cannot imagine how much your mind is swirling with all the information that is out there- it's definitely overwhelming :( Please keep us updated and come here anytime to vent!
Lisa
So sorry for your mom Kim.. I hope she recovers soon. You must be sure that death could never happen unless life of a certain person ends.. Sickness never marks the end of life but it is just a cause that might or might not lead to death. So, have a good faith in GOD, and you will be fine as life goes and never stops, had we accept that or denied it. We have no choice other than to accept whatever happens to us by GOD. Even doctors, who cure others, die.. just because their life ended up thence. Don't afraid to face life challenges.. Be strong enough and ready to deal with fate and reality. Big HUGZ to you
hi kim first let me tell you how sorry i am about everything i know exactly how you feel you want to stay strong for your mom but you are hurting to. My mom was pasted away a month ago she was living with lung cancer for 6 months. when we first found out about the cancer it was stage 3 they told us the same thing they didnt have much hope actually there were suparise that my mom was even walking on her own. it sounded carzy to me she went to the doctor because she had a cough not because we ever thought she had cancer. we did chemo and raditation two rounds of it. they told my mom she would have 6 months she lived 6 months and 2 days. i didnt want to face what was going to happen i didnt make any plans for her death. i just lived with it day to day. We fought some days it hard to see the person that you love in pain and not be able to do much to help. my advice to you tell her everyday that you love her and make those plans because your mind wont be right when the time comes. no matter how much you know that her time is near you will never be ready to say goodbye. stay strong and talk you anyone that will listen.
I was so thankful to see your email --- someone else who just went through a similar thing! My mother-in-law has had COPD for 7 years and was diagnosed with lung cancer a few weeks ago - Stage 3A. Did your Mom do radiation and chemo? My mother-in-law starts that this week and I am really concerned for her, since her health is already poor. I know everyone reacts differently to radiation/chemo treatment. Would be interested in knowing what your experience was with your Mom.
hi kim first let me say i am glade i could be of any help you seem to be alot like me i wanted to know as much as i could so i would be able to help even if it was the smallest thing. And yes everyone reacts differently. My believe always was be prepared for the worst but expect the best. So the 1st round did not effect her to much she was tried and not very hungry. I had her take a nap during the day for about 1hour if she slept any longer she would not sleep at night(just like a baby) i also gave her smaller meals but alot more make sure it all healthy food. I noticed that the more rounds we did the hard it got the nause, pain and ever some swollening. the area where the radition was given stay what i could only decribed as burned it was not painful and they gave her some medication to apply to the area. Do you know if your mother-in-law is going to have a pick line or a port. This is also important to keep clean and dry. I hope i have been of some help. And remember to stay strong and i will pray for you.
I know how scared, frustrated, tired and worried you are regarding your Mom. I, too, took extremely good care of my Mom and then my Father recently with Stage IV Liver Cancer. How is your Mom now?
I am curious as to how you are doing due to going through similar tings.
Regards, Terilyn
Hi Kim,
Very sorry to hear about your mother. I recently went through something like this with my sister. She had breast cancer that had spread to her lungs and brain. She was also a type 2 diabetic.
You should speak with your doctor and radiologist about her treatment.
Our experience was not a good one. They told us that, in her case, she would live about 7 months with radiation and chemo and about 6 months without it. After her first radiation treatment she was not able to speak or walk.
If I had it to do over again I would not opt for the treatment, but make sure she was as comfortable as possible and enjoy together whatever time she has left. Only God knows what that would be.
I wish you and your mother only the best.
Kimmie~ Reading your story blew me away. My mama fell two years ago on Mother's Day in a parking lot. She complained about pain to her back and after a visit to the emergency room- she emerged with a diagnosis of lung cancer, too. Her cancer was quite progressive and within four months she died. I'm so sorry for your mama's diagnosis. This time in your life will make you muster up all the courage inside of you. THe blessings that will come from it will be plentiful, yet painful. I will pray for your strength and also for your mama's health so they can make her comfortable.
Dear Kim;
I lost my mother in the same way...lung cancer which had spread to her brain. She had turned 80 just before Thanksgiving, passed January 2 in the year 2002.
We cared for her at my daughter's house, as it is in town near a hospice center, the hospital, etc. She decided not to have chemo...wanted to live out her remaining time as clear minded as possible, and she did.
We rang in the New Year with her...although she had slipped in and out of conciousness by then, she was caught tapping her foot to the time of some music we played for her.
Her doctor told us...sometimes God heals a person by "taking them home, and giving them a brand new resurrected body...minus the cancer..." That helped us a lot. Just knowing where she was going, there would be no more pain and sorrow.
We miss her...but know that she was able to enjoy her life right up to the last few minutes of it. If not physically, at least emotionally she was happy.
Be strong. God is with you, and my prayers also. Strength to you...
i know what you are going though.my grandma raised me and know she has small cell lung cancer that has spread to her liver and all they can do is give her chemo to make her live longer they gave her 4to 6 months and it's been so hard her hair fell out the other day anf we all lost it it's so hard i understand
Kim,
There has been so much great advice in these posts so I really don't have much to add. If you don't wish to persue progressive treatment, I hope you consider hospice care. They provide such wonderful support.....nurses, aides, chaplains, social workers, volunteers... I pray that you both find peace through God's grace and know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Hi Kim,
I'm very sorry about your mom's illness and understand deeply what you're going through now, because I went through the same hard time last few months due to the loss of my father to lung cancer. I'm stretching my arms out from VA to you and give you a big hug, hugs. I'll pray for your mom and you.
I can share with you about my experience. My father's diagnosis and death were unexpected to me and my family. When he was diagnosed as terminal lung cancer in April, my heart was very heavy... At a panic, sad, confused moment, I knew one thing is a must, i.e. making his terminal days as joyful as he used to be, and providing the highest quality of life for him as we can, because I knew him enough that this is the best thing for him. My dad strove to live a long life and help others. He was always inspired by the longevity of some people and their ability to survive... All my siblings agreed with my decision and worked together in every way. To cut a long story short, we accomplished our goal, he passed on peacefully.
Another major issue for lung cancer patients is their diet. Their appetite, esp. their taste seemed changed and strange. Offering a wide variety of food is critical. I don't know how much time and many people can devote to this for your mom. For time-efficiency, you can cook relatively big amount (not huge, just more than one meal), of course, the dish that she liked, and store them in small meals.
If you have any questions or want to talk, feel free to contact me at Support@CancerPreventionDaily.com, or 571-431-6896.
Take care,
Hui
Hi, KIM and I'd like to thank Bundle-love4-World on your and our behalf since what he's just said is what should virtually be done in respect of cancer and all terminally ailed patients. They really are in a need for a special care. They need to act spoiled, naughty and childish; and, in equivalent, they but expect a sort of kind maternal responses and no "NOs" at all for such demands of theirs. We must stretch our line of patience to as long as they feel satisfied. They must always be happy. That's the least we could do for some one we are cheating that he is to stay with us while preparing his coffins. Deeper inside, we must be fooling ourselves. We are waiting some guests to depart, no matter what kind of love we are feeding him up with.
Words cannot express how much I appreciate everyone’s support, advice, prayers, and kind words. I am so sorry it has taken me so long to write this but since Mom was diagnosed, I don’t think I have stopped to breath until a couple of days ago. The reality of it all has finally hit me very hard and I am still trying to find a way to accept this horrible diagnosis and it is not easy. I am trying very hard to be positive and upbeat everyday but sometimes I just want to scream and cry at the top of my lungs. Her actual diagnosis is non small-cell adenocarcinoma of the lung with brain and lymph nodes metastases. She has around 23 tumors in her brain so that was the cause of the headaches that led to the diagnosis of lung cancer. The Doctor told me the cancer has spread so fast that if we had not gone to the hospital she would not have made it past 3 to 4 weeks. She just finished radiation and we start chemo next week. She has taken all of this like the amazing woman she has always been and that I will miss terribly. I will post more when I am in a bit more positive and upbeat mood. I know there are so many things that I am very grateful for. However, I am just having one of those days where I cannot get passed being very pissed off in general. I wish I knew how to deal with this better. Please continue to send any advice!!!
Then by all means, allow yourself to be pissed off, scream and cry. There's nothing wrong with that. Once you allow yourself to feel grief (and that's what it is, anticipatory grief), you'll better be able to deal...make some decisions, be there for your mother, and so on. Take care of yourself so you can help take care of her.....many hugs and prayers.
dear kim , i lost my mom on 5/10/2009 she han non small cell lung cancer which went into remission only to be told 15 months later mom had 3 tumours on her brain, we never did get straight answers from anyone , so my only advice is to keep asking those questions , i will be thinking of you and your mom, hugs and prayers for you both.
Hi Kim. The only thing I can tell you is to do some research into the effects these treatments can cause on the body. Find and read the stories of cancer patients or families of cancer patients who have written about their experiences of the downside to these treatments because it's not something widely talked about for obvious reasons. I had posted links to stories about people with cancer who have caused their cancers to go into remission using non-toxic methods(of course I mean the methods highly documented with wide success), even when they were given up as terminal from their doctors. But the moderators deleted my posts and claimed I was "advertising for my own self-interests", so the only thing I can say is research on the effects these treatments cause on the body not just on cancer. Don't give up even if the doctors gave a horrible diagnosis, because I know for a fact and have also read about cancer patients who where told the same thing only to find a way to make their cancers go into remission. The key is to treat the CAUSE of the cancer not just to undergo treatments that treat the symptoms and signs. If you remember recently in the news Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen was again diagnosed with cancer even after he was treated with cancer 25 years ago. That would be my advice. Just as Mollybow said, "keep asking those questions." The doctors are only doing what they know and where taught to do. You have to research the rest. But don't loose heart because it's never too late even when the doctors tell you.
My father-in-law was diagnosed a few months ago with stage four lung cancer with mets to the brain. He too experienced a severe brain bleed, though this was post diagnosis. The doctors there did the same thing by telling us that it was a stroke and he doesn't have much longer only to correct themselves minutes later. Anyway, he has been on a radiation and chemo treatment plan. The chemo was extremely hard for him to handle and put him in the hospital for a week after his second treatment. He had become leukopenic which is a very low white blood cell count. His immune system was completely wiped out. I finally saw him as a cancer patient: weak, vulnerable, bald, emaciated and in pain. I had to leave the room to cry so as not to upset him. At this point he has been out of the hospital and discontinued chemo for now. He is finally gaining weight. He has finished his first round of radiation. My biggest question has been, 'Is it worth such an extremely diminished quality of life for 1, maybe 5 more on this Earth?" He has six months to a year to live, say the doctors and he is terrified to try chemo again. As your mother's caregiver, you have the right to answers and to know all the options. Find out what the side effects of the treatments are and whether that will be more mentally and physically traumatic for her.
I know how frustrating and scary and uncertain this process is. I wish you, your mom, and your family all the best. I will be thinking of you:)
my daughter age 54 had the same thing stage 4 lung cancer that mastisized to the brain she was giving radiation to shrink the brain tumors which it did, then she went on chemo and she went downhill from there i agree with raquel about quality of life on chemo when there is no cure, my daughter passed away last month after only five treatments. i know how you feel and my prayers are with you and your family .my daughter died with-in three months of learning her conditon.
Thanks so much for the information and support. It means so much and renews my faith in the human spirit. Mom was suppose to go on chemo two weeks ago but she fell and busted her head open and had to have 6 stitches. It was 3:00 in the morning and she was trying to go to the restroom. They put the chemo off but she starts tomorrow. She is going to be on Alimta. Does anyone know anything about it? Also, I am so confused about the term "rounds of chemo", every time I ask about it the Dr. just says he will discuss that with us on the first day of treatment. I keep asking them about the quality of life issue and the say the same response they always say which is "everyone reacts differently" so I don't know what to do. Also, I have read so many great things about Hospice and how a person does not have to be on their death bed to use them. I called them and told them about my Mom and informed them she was terminal but since she is in treatment she does not qualify. She has went down hill so fast in every way including her memory. Does anyone know if that is normal?
HOSPICE IS SO VERY GOOD AND THE PEOPLE SO NICE BUT THEY DON'NT TAKE YOU IF YOU ARE HAVING CHEMO OR RADIATION, AS FAR AS CHEMO MY DAUGHTER HAD A SERIES OF THEM THE FIRST WEEK 3 WHICH TOOK 10 HOURS THE NEXT WEEK TWO THEN THE THIRD WEEK ONE AND THEN THEY START ALL OVER AGAIN SHE ALSO HAD TROUBLE WITH HER MEMORY, AND SHE WAS SICK FROM THE FIRST CHEMO TO THE END. BUT LIKE THE DOCTOR SAID EVERY ONE IS DIFFERANT. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
Edith, I am so sorry about your daughter. I cannot think of anything worse than having to watch a loved one suffer. It is the most helpless feeling in the whole world. I cannot stop second guessing myself. Mom is so fragile and sick now that the thought of chemo scares me to death. I hate to ask you this but if you had it to do over again, would you have gone the chemo route? Also, did your daughter fully understand that she was "terminal"? What I mean by that is my Mom understands that it is terminal but I don't think she understands the full scope of exactly what that means. I don't want to go to far trying to explain it because I don't want to scare her or make here loose the will to live. However, she might have a different opinion about the chemo if she fully understood. I am going to ask the Dr. tomorrow to fully explain it all to her and maybe that will help. Also, to say that Mom is having memory problems is putting it lightly. She REALLY cannot remember things that she just said and doesn't understand the basics. She cannot write anymore and it breaks my heart because she is a writer. She cannot spell or read well at all. Is there anything that I can do to help her in that area? One last question, when your daughter was first diagnosed, what did they tell you about life expectancy? God bless you!!
MY DAUGHTER CHOOSE TO HAVE THE CHEMO AS I THINK SHE WAS IN DENIAL ABOUT HER PROGNOSIS,WE DID NOT WANT HER TO HAVE THE CHEMO AS WE KNEW THE QUILITY OF LIFE WOULD NOT BE THE SAME,AND IT WAS DOWN HILL FROM THE FIRST TREATMENT AND SHE COULD NOT EAT OR DRINK SHE HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITOL FOR I V'S AS SHE WAS DEHYDRATED.AS FOR MEMORY SHE HAD SOME BUT SHE COULD'T GO ON THE COMPUTER OR READ WHICH SHE LOVED.THEY DO NOT TELL YOU EXPECTANCY AS THEY KEEP SAYING EVERY ONE IS DIFFERANT.GOD BLESS
My wife has been battling lung cancer for three years now. To make a long story short it mastisized to the brain, and we have been dealing with this for about 20 months. She has had radiation on different tumors at least seven times, and each time she had very little side effects. Then in July she had to have two tumors removed from her cerebellum. She did quite well after the surgery, but now a tumor has returned in the same area. Unfortunately we can no longer due radiation, or surgery because she would not have any quality of life, her oncologist said that there was one more chemo that she could try, but it would only have an 8 to 10 percent chance of doing any good. One thing you must understand with chemo and the brain is the blood brain barrier. In other words very little will get to the brain through the blood stream accept your body’s own cells, until after something else breaks that barrier. Radiation or surgery. This is why the chemo that my wife took after her lung surgery did not get to the tumors in her brain.
The good lord will make you strong enough to handle everything that comes your way. God bless you all, and have a Merry CHRISTMAS.
Hi Kim, My heart goes out to you!My Mom had lung, brian and bone cancer. She was given 8 weeks to live. I brought her into my home and with the help of my hubby and son, and a Higher power, she lived 13 months. But the confusion of hospital visits and emergency's were there all the time. Every Doctor had a different conclusion on what was wrong and the miracle treatment they could offer her. Chemo and radiation for me , was a last resort! It is a posion that kills so many good things, the body needs to fight the chaos already tearing the body down. The one thing to remember through all of it, you do the best you can, we are only human after all. And caring for a parent who is terminal, is one of the hardest things we will do in our lives!I wish I could give you a huge hug! And tell you just how blessed you will be ! I know it does not make it any easier. If you ever need to talk or just unload on a caring ear, please email me! Hugs to you .
Blessings Dori
Kimmie..
On Sept. 16th 2009..I took my 58 year old Mother to the ER. For a weak right hand..She was also complaining of a little headache and tired.. A CT Scan showed a few brain tumors, next day we were told lung cancer, traveled to brain.. My Mom made the choice not to have treatment..We took her home with us on Sept. 21st..It was wonderful, she played with all the kids, chased the dogs, ate very well..No sign at all of being sick.. On Sept. 23rd, she woke, had coffee, we chatted and chatted.. A little headache kicked in, that turned into a BIG headache..The Dr. contacted Hospice to come to my home, they did, they were ANGELS..They medicated my Mom..The one thing she did NOT want was ANY pain..I told them to medicate her to the point that she doesnt feel ANYTHING AT ALL..It was my promise to her, even if it meant not having a chance to talk with her anymore..They did as I asked..She suffered a very short time before Hospice came, once they arrived, her suffering was over..My Mother deserved to die peacefully..Painfree!! My Mother died Sept 23rd..It was the worse day of my life, I cannot even explain the pain..It is Hell!! I cry almost every single day, I wish I knew how to let go..I just wish I could see her, if only for ONE minute.. Hold your Mom, Kiss her, tell her how much you love her.. But Kimmie..Do not allow her pain please.. I had to "Let" Her go, I would much rather suffer here in missing her, then watch her suffer in pain..
Hello Everyone,
This is going to be very hard to write but I wanted to give you an update on my Mom. Last week she was doing pretty good. I mean she was able to walk, even though her feet were so swollen she had to have help. One thing for sure is the steroids increased her appetite she enjoyed food like I have never seen so she was still eating very well. She was talking a lot especially about Christmas and her upcoming birthday which is January 2. She was having some memory and confusion problems but overall I thought she was doing as well as to be expected. Anyway, Monday morning when I went to check on her she was unresponsive so I called her Doctor and of course he was no help as usual. So much advice I received from all of you was about Hospice and how great they are so I called them and they were here within two hours and by far they are the most compassionate, helpful, caring people I have ever met. They have a ten bed in patient facility here and they were trying so hard to get here in there because she was at the point she was in transition to die they said. They were not able to admit her that day but the next morning they called and sent an ambulance to pick her up. I think they were really trying to help both of us because I told them I was my dad's caregiver for years and he just passed away on August 20th and my Mom was diagnosed September 2nd and I guess it was a little more obvious than I thought how tired I was and how much my heart was breaking that they have been there for me in a way I could have never imagined. Anyway, they called this morning and said to come on in because she was showing the signs that death was near so I went out there and laid in the bed with her and talked to her even though I am not sure she could here me but she didn't pass away then. She is such a fighter but the reality is that she will pass anytime now. I know it is selfish but I just hope it is not on Christmas day. I want to thank each and every one of you for all your support, prayers, hugs, and kind words because I don't think I could have made it through this without them. I am not sure how I will be able to go on with my life without my precious parents and I am praying that God will somehow help me through it.
Thanks again,
Kim
Kimmie--I'm so sorry for your pain and impending loss. I lost my father on 16 Dec 09 and Christmas was very difficult even though he didn't die on Christmas Day. I don't think the holidays will ever be the same for me ever again. You are in my prayers.
This is for m24. I was very interested in your reply regarding non toxic treatments. I had a piece of my lung removed in April 2007. ..didnt require chemo or radiation at that time........then in July they found a spot just below where they did the cutting. I was so upset......didnt see my family doctor until the following march 2008. Since he was quitting practice I was going to need a new doctor. He had me do a ct scan and xray. Informed me that spot had enlarged to grape size....and ct scan showed spots on liver and other lung. Well I decided to do nothing. Went to the new doctor in April and she wanted more tests done, told her I only needed her for renewing prescriptions or pain meds when needed...since I have no insurance and wont be eligible til April 1st 2010 with Medicare. I just purchased a used oxygen machine as I cant see renting one for 250. per month since I only use it at night right now. I have been using alternative things such as herbs to kill canceer cells and healthy foods to boost immune system. Dont know if it is doing any good or not. Guess time will tell. Been doing this for probably over a year. People talk of Hospice.......but that takes money. We dont qualify for any programs because they say we make too much money. Husband is retired and I am on disability (Had a 2 year wait for Medicare which is April 1st)I do a lot of praying and hope it is helping. Really dont want to leave just yet. I certainly can understand the stories I have read, they are heart breaking no matter what side you are on. Is there any way I can get the info needed for the right research to do? Thank you and HUGS to you m24.
It is with a very heavy heart that I say my Mom passed away at 2:30 in the morning of December 28th. It is taking me a long time to just write a few words because they somehow escape me. I just stare at the computer screen but nothing is happening. It took me a day and a half to write her obituary. One thing for sure is that the physical pain from this makes me want to scream and hit something and the emotional pain makes me feel like crawling in a corner somewhere and never stop crying. One minute logic sets in and I know I must make all the arrangements since I am an only child but the next minute I feel crazy. I say the strangest things and go between some state of complete terror that something else may happen to a zombie that cannot function at all. The thought of having to go through her things when I still have not finished my dads yet makes me want to throw up. Sorry, I wish I had brighter and more hopeful words but I just don't. However, I wanted to thank every single one of you for your support because looking back now I don't know what I would have done without it.
Kimmie.. My deepest Sympathies to you..I know how difficult this is..I too lost my Mom Sept.23,2009.. This is a very rough road Kimmie, please talk, talk, talk that is the only advice I can give, since I am still very deep in the mourning process.. I am so sorry dear friend, I hope our Moms become very close friends and they help guide us through this together.. xo Love Dawn
Kimmie, I am so, so sorry.
I will admit, I felt very much the same way when my father died. My crying jags happened mostly in the shower and I would beat on the walls to let the anguish out. What you are feeling is normal, and proves the love.
(((Hugs))) My best wishes to you all.
Deepest sympathies and grief for your great loss.. Be as strong as you used to be all the past time beside your mom. She needs you feel good and she mmight feel how you are, so please try to be good to yourself and do please her where she is. You did not spare any possible effort to make her feel better. But, this is the rule of life that ends us up in death.. So, cheer up.. and we all here your sisters and brothers.. I am reachable via my yahoo messenger: royalitat@yahoo.com Although we are geographically detached, but we may try to share sentiments with each other.
I am so sorry about your mom. I feel the same way. My dad was diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer in the 4th stage it has spread to some lymph nodes. He has been given 8 months to a year to live. He had radiation and is on his 2nd round of chemo. he has recently come down with pneumonia and we found out he has COPD on top of everything. I have been doing research on the internet for survival rate and treatment options. Our big problem is my dad does not have medial to cover treatment and the state keeps denying him. It really is a horrible situation. All I can say is try contacting the American Cancer research foundation, Fred Hutchinson foundation and try Googling anything with her specific type of cancer and or symptoms. I have found them to be filled with information I have asked his doctors. You and your mother are in my thoughts.
Dear Kimmie- I am so sorry for your loss, but be aware that due to your post I have received information that will be healful for me and my Mother as we fight her NSCAC lung cancer. At 85 years old, I could not see putting her through the major lung removal surgery that was being prescribed. I found a 2nd opinion lung cancer doctor who happened to be the CEO of Karmanos in Detroit. After meeting with us, he recommended radiation not surgery.
Mom has been a trouper and went through 39 radiation treatments and was doing well, until she fell and broke her hip in June. She has been suffering with memory issues for a couple of years, but her MRI still shows no brain mets. We saw one Onocologist who wanted her to go on chemo, again I couldn't see putting an 85 year old through hair and nail loss particularly since she has always had her nails and hair done her whole life.
Well after the radiation cool down period, we found the tumor was still there, Mom finished 3 cyberknife treatments in December, so we are waiting for another CT scan in a couple more weeks.
What I have found, over the last 13 months we have been fighting this silent killer, is the medical industry operates on standard protocols and averages of statistic, rarely do they step back and look at the individual. Some days I cry thinking I will have caused my Mother to die from this prognosis because I didn't follow the standard protocols, but other days I realize her outcomes would have been more debilitating. As for alternative supplements, you bet I have filled her med box with them. She curses me for all the pills she has to take, but I figure she has the last 13 months, without any apparent mets, in part due to the antioxes I have been providing.
I thank everyone for the Hospice input, my greatest fear is that when Mom gets to that stage she will suffer with pain, it is good to know there will be an option that will help eliminate this situation.
I had a sorority sister pass away before Christmas and when her husband was asked how he felt, he said "cheated", I have similar feelings, after retiring from 35 years of work I was looking forward to having some "fun" time with my Mother, instead we have spent the time fight this crappy disease.
I didn't mean to make this post about me, but I needed to let you know that your loss will help me and others so it is not without value.
Not to sound cliché, one day at a time. Don't tackle your Mom or Dad's personal affects alone. Ask a friend or even the Hospice group for input on how to handle it. You may also find it allows you some relief from your grief. I had a friend tell me that even after 5 years, she thinks of her Dad everyday. Gone but not forgotten.
Love-DV
Kimmie, My thoughts and prayers are with you...it is so hard, but i will not say i know how you feel because i don't. i know what is helping me through the loss of my mom back in april is every day i pray for go to give me the peace that surpasses all understand.. i don't know why or how i make it through each day but i do...God knows how you feel and when you do not know what else to do , just rest in his arms... I have a picture of my mom in my room where i get ready for work each day and talk to her every morning and every chance i get. i pray for peace for you.. i'm hear if you need a listening ear as so is all the other wonderful people on this web site... oh i agree with everyone Hospice workers are angels.... better than alot of the doctors...
to Pjoly- Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. I haven't been here in a while. I don't think I can say much specifically, because a lot of my posts were deleted since it was assumed I was advertising. And that's part of why I haven't been here. I think more people need to be educated on alternative treatments. I understand that a lot of those treatments are false treatments. But I'm referring to the ones that work and have documented success from the patients themselves. The only thing I can suggest is to google Dr. Johanna Budwig. I believe she died in 2003 at 92 . She was a qualified german pharmacologist, chemist and physicist with a doctorate in physics who studied and treated numerous cancer patients at all stages, so she not some obscure quack who doesn't know what she's doing. She used a certain essential nutrient combination that you can buy in a regular health store (maybe a grocery store)to treat cancer patients and they are not expensive. She doesn't sell products so this isn't an advertisement. They are everyday food items that people eat, the difference is in blending them together before you eat it which seems to produce the amazing results according to cancer survivors. All you need to do is just research her and determine for yourself weather you think it will be helpful. None of the things she said is harmful, in fact, it's good nutrients for the body. I implore the moderator to not delete my post.
I also wanted to say to Kimmie, I am so heartbroken to hear of your loss. But I believe that God's messengers will be sent to comfort you and give you strength. It's always hard for me to hear that yet another person has died from this disease. I'm always reminded of a friend of mine who went to the emergency for a sinus infection ended up being diagnosed with cancer. They convinced her to go through the regular treatments and within on week it had spread to her brain cutting off her sight and she passed away quickly afterward. In just one week while having the treatments.
My dearest Kimmie I kmow what you are going through myself. lost my beloved mother too. I do know the pain you are feeling. Feb 12 2009 my mom took her last breath. I know she is not suffering any more but it dose not make it any easier to cope with the pain. I hear you when you say you want to scream and I just do not want to stop. My mom was my very best friend to and we did everything together it took me this long to sit here and write about it. I never thoght cancer would have touched ny life this much. It gets easier some days and other days it seems like it just happened all over again, Hang in there you are in my prayers and thoughts and may you find peace soon, Keep talking about your wonderful mother and she will live on in those who knew her and those who will get to through you.
We went through similar with my dad. He passed of lung cancer in aug 2000. he was throwing up alot of blood and they left him in the hall at the hospital and hadnt even admitting him after 6 hours. After i through a fit and demanded since they werent busy they do something now they admitted him and found out he had lung cancer and was bleeding so bad he would have drawn in his own blood. Kemo and radiation were the only things that could stop the bleeding. he died 6 months later.
It seems the Dr never can get together on anything these days.The best you can do as far as how to help mom is go by her cues. I kept a notebook on my dad and took care of him from day one until he died. I have even written a book thats out world wide about what he and I went through called " By the Grace Of God" This is a very hard time for you and your mom ( and family) she needs you more then ever now. Im here if you need someone to talk to. Penny Clark Babson [Edited by Caring staff]
Penny, shame on you..You should not be advertising on these sites.. The site you are asking others to go to for comfort is a "psychic" Taking advantage of those who are in desperate situations and who are emotional is cruel..I reported you..
With all your experience you claim to have,you should have been aware that it was "Chemo" Not "Kemo" That your father went through, I sure hope that correction was picked up in the book your selling.
