Hi, my name is Arlene and I am caring for my mother at my home. She has stage 4 colon cancer and it has also spread to her liver. I am married and have three children, one teenager and the other two are out of the home. I have been taking care of Mom for a year now and I am exhausted, mentally and physically. I feel so all alone and scared of what's ahead. I get very little help from my brothers. I feel like I don't have a life, which I know sounds selfish, but my brothers go to work and have little time to spend with us and have their own families. When they do have extra time they do things with their families while I am always at home caring for Mom. I would do this for the rest of my life if I knew she would be ok but I am watching her health deteriorate and I am scared to death!
My Husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer for 21 months now. For awhile (up until around 18 months) he would get better and then worse, and things would look up again. However, over the past 3 months a steady down hill trend has started.
From day one mets were found in his liver, lungs and lymph nodes. Over the past 3 months, all medication and scans have been stopped. The Dr indicated on the last visit that mets have prob started to travel to his brain. We are thankful for each day we have with my Husband, but I can understand what you mean, its very physically and emotionally exhausting. I have lost, me. Somewhere in this long process of putting all of my focus on my Hubby, I lost me. Like you I would do this for the rest of my life to keep my Husband with me. I would do anything. However, I have started trying to remember who I am, and who I was before all of this started.
My Husbands parents and brother come and go with no help. They have offered no consistant support for my kids and me.
We struggle, but have learned to take things one day at a time.
Keep your chin up, and try to stay positive. Some day your siblings may regret not having this time with their Mom.
ArleneAC, my sister was also diagnoised with Stage 4 Colon/rectal cancer that had spread to her liver 2 1/2 years ago. I live 4 hours away from her but my mom who is 83 (and in good health) has moved in with her and has been her caregiver now for the last 7 months. I've watch the toll it is taking on my mom and feel helpless. I make a point to visit for a couple of days every month but have a job and until recently had a teenage daughter still at home. When I do visit, my sister sleeps most of the time but at least I am able to spend some time with my mom and give her some support. I don't think many people realize how caregivers need support from family and friends and need a break from the stress of dealing with being a caregiver. I love my sister, she has become my best friend and I hate seeing what this terrible disease is doing to her. I've never known anyone who has gone thru this so I can understand how scary this must be for you.
I'm so sorry you are not getting help from your brothers. Have you asked your brothers to help by staying with mom so you can get a break once in a while? I'm sure your mom is very grateful to have a daughter who loves her and is showing her everyday how much she cares for her mom.
