When my husband was first diagnosed as stage 4 non small cell lung cancer, a cancer that spread to his spine and his adrenal gland, the two of us were in shock. I was having groin pain at the time and the shock was so bad I found it difficult to walk across the floor. Fortunately some one asked my husband when we went away for radiation treatment for him, who was helping me. As we were not at home, I was referred to a social worker who only deals with cancer patients and their families. He let me talk, cry, vent and then he gave me insight and active feedback. He said I was grieving as though my husband was already dead. I was, I cried even in my sleep. He said to postpone the grieving and strive to live in the moment. Take each day and make the most of the time we spend together, even if we don't do anything and just are. I do now. Don't blame the doctors who said my husband was fine, God who didn't let me down as I had 48 happy years of marriage to date, and myself for not insisting he get a routine xray. (I did suggest but not insist. I heard him cough but it wasn't a bronchial or croupy cough) Not to expect major changes: we try not to argue over little things but do from time to time now that we are spending more time together as he hesitates about going out into crowds. Get over it and move on...don't stay upset.You are under STRESS. Try new things, like meditation or gentle yoga at home, play games like Scrabble together. Nothing rocket science about these tips but they do take the edge off our stress and for now I am able to be myself, only stronger and my husband is happier because he doesn't have to worry about my mental health, and we can focus on his needs more. And don't believe that your loved one is a bleak statistic; you need to have a positive outlook and put aside the numbers. I read extensively and many people have been told they have only a short time to live, and yet are still living. I do hope these words help others as the concern and support of others has really comforted me. I also posted updates of my husband's condition on Facebook; it saves me time writing letters and emails which I still do but more infrequently.

When my husband was first diagnosed as stage 4 non small cell lung cancer, a cancer that spread to his spine and his adrenal gland, the two of us were in shock. I was having groin pain at the time and the shock was so bad I found it difficult to walk across the floor. Fortunately some one asked my husband when we went away for radiation treatment for him, who was helping me. As we were not at home, I was referred to a social worker who only deals with cancer patients and their families. He let me talk, cry, vent and then he gave me insight and active feedback. He said I was grieving as though my husband was already dead. I was, I cried even in my sleep. He said to postpone the grieving and strive to live in the moment. Take each day and make the most of the time we spend together, even if we don't do anything and just are. I do now. Don't blame the doctors who said my husband was fine, God who didn't let me down as I had 48 happy years of marriage to date, and myself for not insisting he get a routine xray. (I did suggest but not insist. I heard him cough but it wasn't a bronchial or croupy cough) Not to expect major changes: we try not to argue over little things but do from time to time now that we are spending more time together as he hesitates about going out into crowds. Get over it and move on...don't stay upset.You are under STRESS. Try new things, like meditation or gentle yoga at home, play games like Scrabble together. Nothing rocket science about these tips but they do take the edge off our stress and for now I am able to be myself, only stronger and my husband is happier because he doesn't have to worry about my mental health, and we can focus on his needs more. And don't believe that your loved one is a bleak statistic; you need to have a positive outlook and put aside the numbers. I read extensively and many people have been told they have only a short time to live, and yet are still living. I do hope these words help others as the concern and support of others has really comforted me. I also posted updates of my husband's condition on Facebook; it saves me time writing letters and emails which I still do but more infrequently.