Assisted Living

I recently had to place my mother in a memory care facility. My father passed away and he was caring for her at home. It has been 3 months and she still continues to get angry with me and asks me when I will take her home. They tell me this is common but she calls several times a day demanding that I come and get her. Has anyone else had this problem? She already takes antipsychotics and antidepressents. Thanks!

What are the expectations with a memory care facility that IS SECURED however a resident makes it past an alarm and down three flights of stairs before being stopped? I am not happy nor comfortable with this situation but no one at the facility offers credence to my concern. Should I be able to relocate him and expect a rebate on rent unused? They say that I must give a 30 day notice but I am terrified. If it is secured why did this happen?

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My father has dementia and behavioral issues (for at least 7-8 years) and recently started new medication which seems to have helped with his anger. When things came to a head at the Assisted Living (AL) facility he lives in, I was unprepared for what it took to manage through the situation. I know now, after the fact, that some of the distress was due to communication, but ultimately I have been concerned that my father could be "kicked out" of AL although I have been assured to the contrary. The community my dad lives in offers Independent Living, Assisted Living, an Alzheimer's Unit (but only for those with end-stage disease), and a Skilled Nursing Unit. What do you do with anger? My father spent a week in a nearby VA hospital (where he goes for all medical treatment) where he was started on the new medication. I was told my father needed to be stabilized on medication and off of one-one supervision before he could return to AL. If he had not been able to return to AL because of his behavior, and the Alzheimer's Unit is only for those with end-stage disease - what was I supposed to do with my father? When I called someone other than the Director of Resident services, the response I received was that AL was his home and that staff should be expected to manage his care in that setting - they tout their specialy care with Alzheimer's Disease. It was also suggested that I might have to hire a one-one sitter in AL if necessary. My dad transitioned well coming back "home" so a sitter was not needed. So, I have some questions. What is the best way to manage the anger associated with Alzheimer's? Can a resident be asked to leave AL? Is medication the only answer? If you medicate to the point the person can no longer function in AL - then where do they go? I didn't get any concrete answers from the Director of Resident Services, other than that residents sometimes need to be stabilized in a hospital setting and can then return to AL. This still leaves me wondering about what may happen to my father if he leaves the facility for stabilization again and would fail to meet their AL criteria. Part of why we chose this facility was its continuum of care (including Alzheimer's) and that they take Medicaid (vs. forcing a resident to move out to a facility that does when a care community does not take Medicaid). Any thoughts?

Congratulations to the Caring Stars of 2013 -- America's best assisted living and Alzheimer's care communities this year! http://www.caring.com/bestseniorcare

This annual recognition program is based on ratings and reviews that senior residents, family members, and eldercare experts post in Caring.com's Senior Care Directory. Established in 2012 when 120 assisted living communities were honored, this year there are 383 Caring Stars in 40 states -- and the program was expanded to include memory-care communities, given the nation's growing focus on the need for quality Alzheimer's care. Peruse the state-by-state list of winners here: http://www.caring.com/articles/caringstars2013

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My mom had to.be placed in an assisted living facility because of her dementia. I hated that she had to go because we always talked about it, & I always said that she was IN her old folks home with me at our home. But when the Dementia kicked in more, & I couldn't take off work as I needed to for her (she started walking down the street looking for me, & I would be in my room), she had to go into a place where she would be safe. It's hard to see her in there in the first place, but when she is so delusional, thinking that the people there were trying to kill her, which they weren't, it just makes it hard to go visit. It isn't isolated to the facility, either. I met up with my brother & sister at The Cattle Company restaurant, & she was so paranoid the whole time. It is so hard to watch my once-strong mama be reduced to be entangled in this dreadful disease...peace be to all affected.

Have you used Caring.com's senior care directory to find an assisted living or memory care community for your loved one? Did you use consumer ratings and reviews in the directory to help you identify and select the right care community for your loved one? If you answered yes to one or both of these questions, we'd love to chat with you about our Caring Stars program recognizing assisted living service excellence. The program helps identify the best assisted living communities in the country based on consumer ratings and reviews, and we often hear from family caregivers who share how valuable reviews on Caring.com were to them in their search. If that's you too, please get in touch with our team by emailing moderators@caring.com (or sending your info to me via a hug/prayer here on this page under my profile avatar). Thank you!

I would really like to chat with someone about starting an ALF from scratch. I've done a lot of research, but just have a few questions. This project is more along the lines of an "idea" that could potentially be established in the future. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

My dad has moderate Alzheimers and no longer has much of a short term memory. He lives alone and no longer drives. We have 6 hours of respite care a week but are there most of the other times. He forgets to take his meds that I have separated into dated pill containers, or takes more than one day's worth. He forgets to eat, or eats only sweets. He doesn't take regular showers and stays in his pajamas and in bed most of the day. He refuses to go into assist. living. We are scheduled to move him in on Oct. 13. When we talk about it with him he says he will commit suicide.

The doctor and senior care coordinator have agreed that it is time for him to be in asst. living. We are planning to have my sister take dad to lunch and we move his furnishings in. The stress of this decision is killing me. Is it time? Are we doing the right thing? I rationalize saying that he will have 3 nutritious meals a day, encouragement to shower and do activities. All his housekeeping and laundry will be done for him. Then when we visit him it will be to play games, watch a movie, have a meal etc. HELP!