New person
Hi,
I am looking after elderly parents. My dad has dementia, my mom suffers from anxiety. I have been doing this now for the past 5 years. I live with them. Sometimes I need a break!!!!!! My mom is constantly needy, my father is always treating my mom badly. He gets in this slammin rage. He thinks that everyone is out to get him. He doesn't trust anyone. He thinks that our next door neighbour, who is our cousin, is stealing things from his backyard. He's always trying to make a everyone angry. He has yelled at my mom and me to get out of the house. We have no where to go, mom is on very low income. From the beginning they never got along, but they stayed together because of the kids. I don't know what to do any more. I can't go to work, because i'm afraid of what might happen if there is no one here. I can't leave the house really, unless my mom comes with me. My mom has a hard time walking and moving around. We've tried to apply for some assistance, but we don't get it because I am there. Does anyone have any advice for me?
New person
Hi,
I am looking after elderly parents. My dad has dementia, my mom suffers from anxiety. I have been doing this now for the past 5 years. I live with them. Sometimes I need a break!!!!!! My mom is constantly needy, my father is always treating my mom badly. He gets in this slammin rage. He thinks that everyone is out to get him. He doesn't trust anyone. He thinks that our next door neighbour, who is our cousin, is stealing things from his backyard. He's always trying to make a everyone angry. He has yelled at my mom and me to get out of the house. We have no where to go, mom is on very low income. From the beginning they never got along, but they stayed together because of the kids. I don't know what to do any more. I can't go to work, because i'm afraid of what might happen if there is no one here. I can't leave the house really, unless my mom comes with me. My mom has a hard time walking and moving around. We've tried to apply for some assistance, but we don't get it because I am there. Does anyone have any advice for me?
Welcome first of all. I know things can be tough and reaching out to others in the same boat is the beginning to your sanity check. Good on you for venting and taking care of you. It might not feel like it now, but you will need those moments as time goes on....
Were either of your parents veterans? If so they might be eligible for Veterans benefits. I take care of my Grandfather (88) and it's really been a life saver for me and my family. If so, I can give you more info. If not, well, there are alot of other options out there. Good luck to you and your family!
Welcome first of all. I know things can be tough and reaching out to others in the same boat is the beginning to your sanity check. Good on you for venting and taking care of you. It might not feel like it now, but you will need those moments as time goes on....
Were either of your parents veterans? If so they might be eligible for Veterans benefits. I take care of my Grandfather (88) and it's really been a life saver for me and my family. If so, I can give you more info. If not, well, there are alot of other options out there. Good luck to you and your family!
Try this site: http://www.benefitscheckup.org/
You enter your parents demographics and answer a few questions, and it will tell you what some services in your area are that they may qualify for. Its a free site through the Council on Aging.
Try this site: http://www.benefitscheckup.org/
You enter your parents demographics and answer a few questions, and it will tell you what some services in your area are that they may qualify for. Its a free site through the Council on Aging.
Welcome, you've come to the website that has helped me the absolute most. I also live with and take care of my Mother who has dementia. I am sure people have been telling you to take care of yourself, take a break etc..bless their hearts but unles you are doing what we are doing they don't get it. I have not gone anywhere for 2 years alone and I am at my wits end and must do something.
Here are places I have turned: 1. Eldercare.gov 2. Medicare.gov Caregiver Exchange and Caregiving Resources to help the family. 3. Today's Caregiver.
Todays Caregiver has links to Support Groups throughout the Nation. I have found 3 groups to help me. Some provide daycare, some provide respite and they all provide support and information.
Check out medicare, I have been told as a caregiver under certain circumstances you can be paid, I don't know for sure.
These are great resources but also try your local churches. Mine (Catholic) has volunteers to visit and do some chores. Catholic Community Services has some good programs. Also try your local Senior Center. They have meals on wheels programs and other services.
Take care and remember we are all here to help and be helped, so Thank you. Imelda
I find I get the most useful info from reading this website and asking others. The best advice given me was here. I was told now is the time for a break, now while my mother is still active because soon enough there might just be the time where she will be bed ridden, crippled, very ill etc...and it will be doubly hard to get a break when it is doubly needed. So I needed to find a way to get respite before it was too late for me. That put into perspective for me and now I am getting some breaks.
Welcome, you've come to the website that has helped me the absolute most. I also live with and take care of my Mother who has dementia. I am sure people have been telling you to take care of yourself, take a break etc..bless their hearts but unles you are doing what we are doing they don't get it. I have not gone anywhere for 2 years alone and I am at my wits end and must do something.
Here are places I have turned: 1. Eldercare.gov 2. Medicare.gov Caregiver Exchange and Caregiving Resources to help the family. 3. Today's Caregiver.
Todays Caregiver has links to Support Groups throughout the Nation. I have found 3 groups to help me. Some provide daycare, some provide respite and they all provide support and information.
Check out medicare, I have been told as a caregiver under certain circumstances you can be paid, I don't know for sure.
These are great resources but also try your local churches. Mine (Catholic) has volunteers to visit and do some chores. Catholic Community Services has some good programs. Also try your local Senior Center. They have meals on wheels programs and other services.
Take care and remember we are all here to help and be helped, so Thank you. Imelda
I find I get the most useful info from reading this website and asking others. The best advice given me was here. I was told now is the time for a break, now while my mother is still active because soon enough there might just be the time where she will be bed ridden, crippled, very ill etc...and it will be doubly hard to get a break when it is doubly needed. So I needed to find a way to get respite before it was too late for me. That put into perspective for me and now I am getting some breaks.
Hello, livingwithparents, and welcome!! I'm so glad you came here; this is a great place and I think it's just what you need.
What concerns me is your father's rage and paranoia; I know some of this is due to the dementia (and how far along is he?), but this is dangerous for you and your mom (like you don't know that!). Has your father been formally diagnosed with dementia? That can help with finding care and also legal issues. There are lots of good articles and posts on this site that discuss a lot of the things you are going through and are full of helpful information. Please check them out when you've got a minute, and do come back; we're here for you. God bless you.
Hello, livingwithparents, and welcome!! I'm so glad you came here; this is a great place and I think it's just what you need.
What concerns me is your father's rage and paranoia; I know some of this is due to the dementia (and how far along is he?), but this is dangerous for you and your mom (like you don't know that!). Has your father been formally diagnosed with dementia? That can help with finding care and also legal issues. There are lots of good articles and posts on this site that discuss a lot of the things you are going through and are full of helpful information. Please check them out when you've got a minute, and do come back; we're here for you. God bless you.
Medication, medication, medication. I've been taking care of my husband with Alzhiemer's for ten years. Many years before I cared for my father-in-law, also with Alzheimer's. My husband's brother and sister also both died with the illness. So when my husband began showing symptoms I got medical help immediately. He was a "cowboy" - in other orders he had guns and ready to use them! I got rid of everything dangerous in our home and after a few trials and errors we found medications that allows him more contentment, and few violent episodes. My advice is to find a doctor that specializes in this kind of problem. I can enjoy my husband's company most of the time. Still trying when answering the same question fifty times a day. Needs help dressing and still thinks people are stealing from us. Distraction does help. I get him to play cards with me after each meal. They can't help the way they are - try to focus on how confusing it would be to never know if what you think is real or not! I'm so proud of my husband and his efforts to be normal. Remembering that it will get worse, I try to focus on the sweet times we do have. I wish you well. Two patients can try our patience!
Medication, medication, medication. I've been taking care of my husband with Alzhiemer's for ten years. Many years before I cared for my father-in-law, also with Alzheimer's. My husband's brother and sister also both died with the illness. So when my husband began showing symptoms I got medical help immediately. He was a "cowboy" - in other orders he had guns and ready to use them! I got rid of everything dangerous in our home and after a few trials and errors we found medications that allows him more contentment, and few violent episodes. My advice is to find a doctor that specializes in this kind of problem. I can enjoy my husband's company most of the time. Still trying when answering the same question fifty times a day. Needs help dressing and still thinks people are stealing from us. Distraction does help. I get him to play cards with me after each meal. They can't help the way they are - try to focus on how confusing it would be to never know if what you think is real or not! I'm so proud of my husband and his efforts to be normal. Remembering that it will get worse, I try to focus on the sweet times we do have. I wish you well. Two patients can try our patience!
Hi 'living with parents':
I have to agree with 'beat breast cancer',about your dad's rage. Has he ever threatened to hit, or actually hit your mom? If he has you should be able to find a social service agency in your local area. You probably qualify for family counseling services which can point you in the right direction and provide your mom and yourself with financial assistance.
Also, does your father receive treatment for his dementia and/or take any medication (memory drugs like Aricept comes to mind) to help him remember things. If he does have dementia, and it's possible he does, (signs of violence, paranoia from his next door neighbor, depression as he trys to yell and push people close to him away; as a smokescreen to his real feelings.) He may need more help than you can give him. I am not sure.
I applaud your caring and supportive attitude for your parents , five years and it sounds as if you can't leave the house without taking your mom with you. How does she travel? Cane? Rolling Walker?
My question is what agency disqualified you from any assistance because you live there? You also mentioned you can't get to work, have you stopped working in order to take care of your parents? I have only been taking care of my dad for almost a year now. He has dementia because the doctors told me when he had hip replacement surgery, when he recovered his memory was affected. He can't really do anything himself including: going to and form the bathroom, changing himself, walks with a rolling walker or wheel chair for doctor's appointments, he can't make his own meals but he can feed himself, shave with assistance. He's happy just being in the house watching sports and reading the newspaper. My sister does come to visit at night, weekends; otherwise I am taking care of him 24/7.
I would call the State Welfare Assistance, Medicare, or insurance provider if you have insurance, Social Security also has services. Please reply back with more information on your problems and do you have anyone else who can relieve you and your mom, sisters, brothers, relatives, neighbors, etc. How did you manage to do what your doing for the past five years?
Nameste.
Mc Huggs :) George Stamas
Hi 'living with parents':
I have to agree with 'beat breast cancer',about your dad's rage. Has he ever threatened to hit, or actually hit your mom? If he has you should be able to find a social service agency in your local area. You probably qualify for family counseling services which can point you in the right direction and provide your mom and yourself with financial assistance.
Also, does your father receive treatment for his dementia and/or take any medication (memory drugs like Aricept comes to mind) to help him remember things. If he does have dementia, and it's possible he does, (signs of violence, paranoia from his next door neighbor, depression as he trys to yell and push people close to him away; as a smokescreen to his real feelings.) He may need more help than you can give him. I am not sure.
I applaud your caring and supportive attitude for your parents , five years and it sounds as if you can't leave the house without taking your mom with you. How does she travel? Cane? Rolling Walker?
My question is what agency disqualified you from any assistance because you live there? You also mentioned you can't get to work, have you stopped working in order to take care of your parents? I have only been taking care of my dad for almost a year now. He has dementia because the doctors told me when he had hip replacement surgery, when he recovered his memory was affected. He can't really do anything himself including: going to and form the bathroom, changing himself, walks with a rolling walker or wheel chair for doctor's appointments, he can't make his own meals but he can feed himself, shave with assistance. He's happy just being in the house watching sports and reading the newspaper. My sister does come to visit at night, weekends; otherwise I am taking care of him 24/7.
I would call the State Welfare Assistance, Medicare, or insurance provider if you have insurance, Social Security also has services. Please reply back with more information on your problems and do you have anyone else who can relieve you and your mom, sisters, brothers, relatives, neighbors, etc. How did you manage to do what your doing for the past five years?
Nameste.
Mc Huggs :) George Stamas
Medicare will pay for about 10 days of in-patient diagnostic services for an elderly person showing the symptoms you describe. Look for a hospital's "Autumn Life Center" or someting similar. My mother was admitted (in 2008) to such a program through a referral from staff at her independent living apartment. I'm sure a doctor could give you a referral. This service will include a doctor and a social worker to advise you. The doctor will evaluate the person and prescribe medication. This will give you and your mother a short break and perhaps some time to evaluate whether any changes need to be made in your father's care.
Medicare will pay for about 10 days of in-patient diagnostic services for an elderly person showing the symptoms you describe. Look for a hospital's "Autumn Life Center" or someting similar. My mother was admitted (in 2008) to such a program through a referral from staff at her independent living apartment. I'm sure a doctor could give you a referral. This service will include a doctor and a social worker to advise you. The doctor will evaluate the person and prescribe medication. This will give you and your mother a short break and perhaps some time to evaluate whether any changes need to be made in your father's care.
How in the world do you get your parents to do this???? My mother will not, absolutely not go to the doctors, Medicine, I don't think so..... My kingdom for an answer to this dilemia.
How in the world do you get your parents to do this???? My mother will not, absolutely not go to the doctors, Medicine, I don't think so..... My kingdom for an answer to this dilemia.