Dearest Wayne,..I am so sorry..Believe me, I know the pain that you are going through, I lost my Mom on Sept 23,2009 and the hurt and pain at times are soooo hard to handle..When I am at my weakest, I come here and I read and listen to others, and I dont feel so alone.. I dont like this feeling either, it is very hard..But I know we can learn to find ways to carry on until we all reunite again in Gods Kingdom.. Stay strong friend Dawn

Dearest Wayne,..I am so sorry..Believe me, I know the pain that you are going through, I lost my Mom on Sept 23,2009 and the hurt and pain at times are soooo hard to handle..When I am at my weakest, I come here and I read and listen to others, and I dont feel so alone.. I dont like this feeling either, it is very hard..But I know we can learn to find ways to carry on until we all reunite again in Gods Kingdom.. Stay strong friend Dawn

I just found this an im glad that i can share with other people who know what im going thru. I watched my mother suffer so. It was hard. I loved her an i tryed everyday to help her. The residents who was there i still go an check on them an cut up with them it helps them just to see somebody come an see them. There are some residents who have no one. Thanks for your comments. wayne

I just found this an im glad that i can share with other people who know what im going thru. I watched my mother suffer so. It was hard. I loved her an i tryed everyday to help her. The residents who was there i still go an check on them an cut up with them it helps them just to see somebody come an see them. There are some residents who have no one. Thanks for your comments. wayne

Thank you too Wayne..God Bless and have wonderful Easter!

Thank you too Wayne..God Bless and have wonderful Easter!

Hi, Wayne. I just wanted to suggest that you might look for a grief support group in your area. There are some online, but if you can find one that meets in person, I think it could be extremely helpful to you right now. I just finished a 13 week class called GriefShare that was invaluable. I'm sorry for the loss of your parents, especially your mother so recently and I'll add my prayers for the healing of your heart.

Hi, Wayne. I just wanted to suggest that you might look for a grief support group in your area. There are some online, but if you can find one that meets in person, I think it could be extremely helpful to you right now. I just finished a 13 week class called GriefShare that was invaluable. I'm sorry for the loss of your parents, especially your mother so recently and I'll add my prayers for the healing of your heart.

Wayne, God knows your hurt and pain, and he also knows of your great love for your parents. If your parents were still alive, would they want you to still be grieving for them? Or would they wish for you to continue on with your life, carrying on the torch for them, with the legacy that they left for you, living your life with meaning and purpose. You might also find comfort in helping others who are now going through what you have. You could be a great support to them....

Wayne, God knows your hurt and pain, and he also knows of your great love for your parents. If your parents were still alive, would they want you to still be grieving for them? Or would they wish for you to continue on with your life, carrying on the torch for them, with the legacy that they left for you, living your life with meaning and purpose. You might also find comfort in helping others who are now going through what you have. You could be a great support to them....

I went to a grief support group- for people who have lost parents- it was very helpful though painful. You sound like a wonderful daughter and should take comfort in that- I know for me I am a little lost about what to do now since caretaking was a primary role for years- so I am just taking it one day at a time-

I went to a grief support group- for people who have lost parents- it was very helpful though painful. You sound like a wonderful daughter and should take comfort in that- I know for me I am a little lost about what to do now since caretaking was a primary role for years- so I am just taking it one day at a time-

I love you mom an dad. With all my heart. People who were not good to you mom will have to answer to a higher power someday want they mom. They may be just like you mom someday. We'll just have to leave it at that want we mom. Rest in peace dad an mom.

I love you mom an dad. With all my heart. People who were not good to you mom will have to answer to a higher power someday want they mom. They may be just like you mom someday. We'll just have to leave it at that want we mom. Rest in peace dad an mom.

Wayne, you are a wonderful, loving son and believe me the Lord will deal with those who hurt others, your mom and dad are in a happy place, I hope you too find peace..

God Bless Dawn

Wayne, you are a wonderful, loving son and believe me the Lord will deal with those who hurt others, your mom and dad are in a happy place, I hope you too find peace..

God Bless Dawn

Your so right Dawn.Thats sounds real to me. nothing fake about that statement. God bless you Dawn i'll be ok i'll be fine. I think im stronger then i think strong like my parents. God bless fr wayne

Your so right Dawn.Thats sounds real to me. nothing fake about that statement. God bless you Dawn i'll be ok i'll be fine. I think im stronger then i think strong like my parents. God bless fr wayne

This memorial day i feel so sad losing my mother. Im glad tho i had her for the time i did, an my Dad. I WANT TO WISH EVERYONE ON HERE A VERY GOOD MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND AN HONOR YOUR LOVED ONES. So sorry to you all for your losses. As i grieve over my parents i hope everyone here can find peace. (Peace in your heart an know god is with us).

This memorial day i feel so sad losing my mother. Im glad tho i had her for the time i did, an my Dad. I WANT TO WISH EVERYONE ON HERE A VERY GOOD MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND AN HONOR YOUR LOVED ONES. So sorry to you all for your losses. As i grieve over my parents i hope everyone here can find peace. (Peace in your heart an know god is with us).

Wayne-

I have lost a husband and both my parents. The pain is like an open wound that slowly heals with time, but will leave a scar forever. It does get easier. Meantime, try to take care of yourself and grieve at your pace. I believe that God helps us as we mourn. Memorial Day weekend is very difficult for me. I shall keep you, and the others who posted here, in my prayers. We might not know one another, BUT we can pray for and support one another.

May you find the peace you are searching for. May God bless you-

Wayne-

I have lost a husband and both my parents. The pain is like an open wound that slowly heals with time, but will leave a scar forever. It does get easier. Meantime, try to take care of yourself and grieve at your pace. I believe that God helps us as we mourn. Memorial Day weekend is very difficult for me. I shall keep you, and the others who posted here, in my prayers. We might not know one another, BUT we can pray for and support one another.

May you find the peace you are searching for. May God bless you-

Thank you RPH. May god bless you . Thanks for your kindness. wayne

Thank you RPH. May god bless you . Thanks for your kindness. wayne

Wayne I am truly sorry you are going thru such heart ache pain. And it is real pain. I too have lost both my parents so I can relate. Now I am facing my daughter's illness. SHe has cancer. I simply have a hard time breathing, it hurts so much. I too know that God promises to not let us have more than we can bare, I pray for your endurance. You take care and you are a good man to take care of your Mom like you do. Keep in mine you are doing all you can and I know she appriecates it. Hang in there. Your friend, Maxine

Wayne I am truly sorry you are going thru such heart ache pain. And it is real pain. I too have lost both my parents so I can relate. Now I am facing my daughter's illness. SHe has cancer. I simply have a hard time breathing, it hurts so much. I too know that God promises to not let us have more than we can bare, I pray for your endurance. You take care and you are a good man to take care of your Mom like you do. Keep in mine you are doing all you can and I know she appriecates it. Hang in there. Your friend, Maxine

Thank you ibemaxie for the kind words you gave me. God bless you Sorry about your parents also. I pray you will be alright an god bless you. I hope only the best for you an i hope things go good for you. Take care of yourself. I wish you strength an god's comfort for you. Blessings for you always. Your bud always wayne.

Thank you ibemaxie for the kind words you gave me. God bless you Sorry about your parents also. I pray you will be alright an god bless you. I hope only the best for you an i hope things go good for you. Take care of yourself. I wish you strength an god's comfort for you. Blessings for you always. Your bud always wayne.

I truly know your pain. I lost my wife of 32 years to leukemia ten months ago. Since my parents have both been gone for years, she was my life and we did everything together. Now, I feel like I am alone and many of our "friends" have gone away since her passing and I feel deserted. If not for my two dogs(kids),mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I don't know what I would do. Please hang on to the memories of the good times and have faith in God to carry you thru. Even though you may feel sad when you recall the happy times, somehow having those memories to cherish combined with your faith may put a tear in your eye but they are a very good medicine for your soul. God Bless you and please accept a hug and prayer from me.

I truly know your pain. I lost my wife of 32 years to leukemia ten months ago. Since my parents have both been gone for years, she was my life and we did everything together. Now, I feel like I am alone and many of our "friends" have gone away since her passing and I feel deserted. If not for my two dogs(kids),mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I don't know what I would do. Please hang on to the memories of the good times and have faith in God to carry you thru. Even though you may feel sad when you recall the happy times, somehow having those memories to cherish combined with your faith may put a tear in your eye but they are a very good medicine for your soul. God Bless you and please accept a hug and prayer from me.

I too lost my father 8 years ago, then my husband 7 years ago and now ive been caring for my mom for the last 5 years. I do think it will be extra hard to move on when she dies, since my every waking moment has evolved around her for so long. As it was for you too.I know for now i will love and enjoy her and I will think of you and keep you in my parayer. I will tell my mom to give them a hug when she get to heaven.

I too lost my father 8 years ago, then my husband 7 years ago and now ive been caring for my mom for the last 5 years. I do think it will be extra hard to move on when she dies, since my every waking moment has evolved around her for so long. As it was for you too.I know for now i will love and enjoy her and I will think of you and keep you in my parayer. I will tell my mom to give them a hug when she get to heaven.

I lost my dad 12 years ago, and my mom last month. She had a stroke and only lived in the nursing for 3 months. I was hoping she could recover but the nursing home doctor loaded her up with fluid to address a dehydration problem and she died of respiratory arrest. I went to the nursing home everyday and practically lived there. I was hoping she could live on, and I could have spent as many years as you did caring for her--but she died. Kudos to you for being so dedicated. It is hard, so like you, my whole life revolved around taking care of my mother. Now there is just emptiness. I try to remind myself that my mom is no longer suffering. I fed her a little icecream a couple of days before she died, and she was so happy to finally eat something, although she was strictly NPO. When she died, I gave her mouth-to-mouth resusitation because she was DNR, but could not revive her. We can only treasure the memories of loving care given to console ourselves. At least we were there for them. My sister did not even come to see her as my mom was dying.

I lost my dad 12 years ago, and my mom last month. She had a stroke and only lived in the nursing for 3 months. I was hoping she could recover but the nursing home doctor loaded her up with fluid to address a dehydration problem and she died of respiratory arrest. I went to the nursing home everyday and practically lived there. I was hoping she could live on, and I could have spent as many years as you did caring for her--but she died. Kudos to you for being so dedicated. It is hard, so like you, my whole life revolved around taking care of my mother. Now there is just emptiness. I try to remind myself that my mom is no longer suffering. I fed her a little icecream a couple of days before she died, and she was so happy to finally eat something, although she was strictly NPO. When she died, I gave her mouth-to-mouth resusitation because she was DNR, but could not revive her. We can only treasure the memories of loving care given to console ourselves. At least we were there for them. My sister did not even come to see her as my mom was dying.

Im so sorry. that is such a painfull thing to have happen. i know she is missed. Embrace the day you gave here the ice cream,it sounds like that was special to her and brought her a little last minute joy.Thank God you were able to be there for her in her last days, this is what Jesus would do. Your sister missed out on a once in a live time experience. To help someone be greated by angels and taken then off to the greatestes adveture for all of etunity is awsome. You were there. You are blessed too at that moment.

Im so sorry. that is such a painfull thing to have happen. i know she is missed. Embrace the day you gave here the ice cream,it sounds like that was special to her and brought her a little last minute joy.Thank God you were able to be there for her in her last days, this is what Jesus would do. Your sister missed out on a once in a live time experience. To help someone be greated by angels and taken then off to the greatestes adveture for all of etunity is awsome. You were there. You are blessed too at that moment.

Wayne,

You are not alone. I too, have had so many losses. In May 1993 - March 1994, there were 5 deaths on my side of the family. The worse of all was our 17 year old son (June 1993) in an auto accident - not his fault, just wrong place, wrong time. My Dad kept saying my son was "all by himself" and I truly believe my Dad wished himself to die - he was gone in January 1994 (6 months after my son).

My brother and I took care of our Mom since Dec. 2003 when she told us she had cancer. We would alternate trips so she wasn't alone. We lived in 3 different states. In April 2005, my brother and I (while comparing our phone conversations with Mom) realized she was "snowballing" and it was time to get to her. We were there for the last month of her life - May 2005. Even though the doctor said - 3-4 months - it was only 18 days!

Angels came to take her in her sleep - we discovered Memorial Day 2005. Mom deserved to be taken in her sleep and on Memorial Day! She wasn't "just a Mom" but one of the best friends any one could ask for in their lives.

Sadly, March 2007, my brother (11 months younger than me) passed away unexpectedly. Now - I'm the "last of my childhood family". As Mom would tell me - I was her "emotional child". No kidding!

My husband (36 years married), and my daughter (age 32) with my 2 Grandsons, have just left me alone. My husband moved out last year (Nov) on our b'days - 29th & 30th. I had asked him to leave weeks earlier - his disposition was changing - starting yelling at me about his problems at work. I was gone for my b'day with a girl friend and came home only to be completely devasted.

Our daughter didn't appreciate (probably over a year ago now) that I told her I didn't appreciate her "driving and drinking with my two grandsons in the car". She had come over and smelled of beer. I didn't scold her in front of her sons. I'm lucky if she gives me the boy's sports schedules. Sometimes my husband (probably will soon be ex) will forward the schedule. But I reached out to my ex-son-in-law (we always could talk even as they were going through their divorce). If he remembers, which is 80% of the time - he will send me the schedule along with the map to where the games are being played.

I can't tell you how many times suicide has been "sounding good to me". My heart is broken, I'm all alone, and my Grandsons probably have no idea what is going on other than "Granny not here anymore". This weekend, I just found out is my daughters weekend with the boys. I'm seriously thinking of driving over (40 minute drive one way) and just parking my car down the street so I can watch them play outside. I know she doesn't give them notes I mail to them - she won't even return my calls or emails.

Both my husband and daughter feel I'm "obessed" over trying to get Mom's estate finalized correctly. Since my brother passed away before closing Mom's Estate (He was the Executor)- no one knows how to read my Mother's Will or do her wishes expressed in the Will. They closed my Mom's Estate and I'm still fighting it. It was a promised my brother and I made to Mom, "her Will and wishes will be done"!

I'm so sorry for "unloading on you". For some reason, you have helped me and I needed you to know. That's all I intended to do but instead, look what I did - unloaded on you!

My prayers are with you - I know how you feel. It really is a "monkey on our backs that just seems to never go away".

I have been so lost for so long and pray God will help me - some days I hear his words, some days - nothing. I'm so glad I'm in counselling but after 4 years - my life isn't getting any better or easier. I just wake up every day telling myself what my Mom told to me during her last month of life - "Find some Joy in Today - if you can't find it - Make it"!! Some days, that doesn't work any more. I'm greatful for my best friend, but even she is getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. Thank you God, for giving us this website!

Sending prayers and hugs.

Wayne,

You are not alone. I too, have had so many losses. In May 1993 - March 1994, there were 5 deaths on my side of the family. The worse of all was our 17 year old son (June 1993) in an auto accident - not his fault, just wrong place, wrong time. My Dad kept saying my son was "all by himself" and I truly believe my Dad wished himself to die - he was gone in January 1994 (6 months after my son).

My brother and I took care of our Mom since Dec. 2003 when she told us she had cancer. We would alternate trips so she wasn't alone. We lived in 3 different states. In April 2005, my brother and I (while comparing our phone conversations with Mom) realized she was "snowballing" and it was time to get to her. We were there for the last month of her life - May 2005. Even though the doctor said - 3-4 months - it was only 18 days!

Angels came to take her in her sleep - we discovered Memorial Day 2005. Mom deserved to be taken in her sleep and on Memorial Day! She wasn't "just a Mom" but one of the best friends any one could ask for in their lives.

Sadly, March 2007, my brother (11 months younger than me) passed away unexpectedly. Now - I'm the "last of my childhood family". As Mom would tell me - I was her "emotional child". No kidding!

My husband (36 years married), and my daughter (age 32) with my 2 Grandsons, have just left me alone. My husband moved out last year (Nov) on our b'days - 29th & 30th. I had asked him to leave weeks earlier - his disposition was changing - starting yelling at me about his problems at work. I was gone for my b'day with a girl friend and came home only to be completely devasted.

Our daughter didn't appreciate (probably over a year ago now) that I told her I didn't appreciate her "driving and drinking with my two grandsons in the car". She had come over and smelled of beer. I didn't scold her in front of her sons. I'm lucky if she gives me the boy's sports schedules. Sometimes my husband (probably will soon be ex) will forward the schedule. But I reached out to my ex-son-in-law (we always could talk even as they were going through their divorce). If he remembers, which is 80% of the time - he will send me the schedule along with the map to where the games are being played.

I can't tell you how many times suicide has been "sounding good to me". My heart is broken, I'm all alone, and my Grandsons probably have no idea what is going on other than "Granny not here anymore". This weekend, I just found out is my daughters weekend with the boys. I'm seriously thinking of driving over (40 minute drive one way) and just parking my car down the street so I can watch them play outside. I know she doesn't give them notes I mail to them - she won't even return my calls or emails.

Both my husband and daughter feel I'm "obessed" over trying to get Mom's estate finalized correctly. Since my brother passed away before closing Mom's Estate (He was the Executor)- no one knows how to read my Mother's Will or do her wishes expressed in the Will. They closed my Mom's Estate and I'm still fighting it. It was a promised my brother and I made to Mom, "her Will and wishes will be done"!

I'm so sorry for "unloading on you". For some reason, you have helped me and I needed you to know. That's all I intended to do but instead, look what I did - unloaded on you!

My prayers are with you - I know how you feel. It really is a "monkey on our backs that just seems to never go away".

I have been so lost for so long and pray God will help me - some days I hear his words, some days - nothing. I'm so glad I'm in counselling but after 4 years - my life isn't getting any better or easier. I just wake up every day telling myself what my Mom told to me during her last month of life - "Find some Joy in Today - if you can't find it - Make it"!! Some days, that doesn't work any more. I'm greatful for my best friend, but even she is getting tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. Thank you God, for giving us this website!

Sending prayers and hugs.

THERE ARE SICK ONES ALL OVER THAT WOULD LOVE TO JUST KNOW YOU ARE THERE. READ, SING EVEN DANCE FOR AND WITH THEM TO LIGHTEN THEIR LOAD TOO. RIGHT NOW MY HUSBAND IS GOING BLIND FROM HIGH BLOOD SUGAR AND MY DAUGHTER HAS CANCER. WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WILL LEAD. I HAVE TO HAVE THE FUNNY FACE AND SING LIKE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG BUT INSIDE I AM REALLY CRYING HARD. BUT I KNOW IT WOULD ONLY ADD TO THEIR PAIN. WAYNE HANG IN THERE AND HOPEFULLY SOMEONE WILL FILL YOUR LIFE SOON WITH LAUGHTER. I WILL PRAY FOR THAT FOR YOU.

MAXINE

THERE ARE SICK ONES ALL OVER THAT WOULD LOVE TO JUST KNOW YOU ARE THERE. READ, SING EVEN DANCE FOR AND WITH THEM TO LIGHTEN THEIR LOAD TOO. RIGHT NOW MY HUSBAND IS GOING BLIND FROM HIGH BLOOD SUGAR AND MY DAUGHTER HAS CANCER. WE DON'T KNOW WHERE IT WILL LEAD. I HAVE TO HAVE THE FUNNY FACE AND SING LIKE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG BUT INSIDE I AM REALLY CRYING HARD. BUT I KNOW IT WOULD ONLY ADD TO THEIR PAIN. WAYNE HANG IN THERE AND HOPEFULLY SOMEONE WILL FILL YOUR LIFE SOON WITH LAUGHTER. I WILL PRAY FOR THAT FOR YOU.

MAXINE

God bless you all on here. Miss you Mom and Dad i love you. nov 10.2011.

God bless you all on here. Miss you Mom and Dad i love you. nov 10.2011.

To all of us who reference this website - how lucky can we be to have caring people to help support us during the hardest of times! I don't know why I reply anonymously before - probably wasn't paying attention. It seems that happens a lot to me!

After losing my 17 yr old son, my Dad 6 months later - Mom called in Dec 2003 to tell me she had cancer. Both my brother and I were so proud and honored to be there for our Mom. She wasn't just "Mom" but a best friend too! My brother was a Respitorary Therapist and would help Mom with her breathing treatments. He was so concerned about "are you sure you can handle this, Sis?" "Hey Bro - with your help, we can both get through it together!" My "Good Morning Sunshine" at 6:30am after my brother took Mom a half cup of coffee (just for the smell)and with my coffee cup in hand, my brother looked up at me with tears flowing down his cheeks. "She's gone, Sis - she's gone!" I was immediately in denial - "she's right here, what do you mean"? He got up out of the chair next to her bed and let me sit there while he called the hospice nurse we had just called that Friday. This was on Monday. After the entire month - Mom passed on Memorial Day 2005 - How perfect for my Mom!

Mom never lost her sense of humor - I loved to watch my brother dance her to wherever he was taking her. I was there for "dignity" and my brother was for "strength". Mom was 5'9" tall, I'm 5'0", my brother was 6' tall. We would have some really good talks with Mom, shared laughter - sometimes it hurt me and my brothers sides and he would fall out of the chair laughing so hard. I cherish those memories - it was a promise we made to Mom 20 years prior - "We would be there for her - no nursing home - she would be in her own home, her own bed, see her own doctors, etc." My brother and I both expressed the love we had for our Mom and how neither he nor I forgot our promise to Mom! Mom's last words to me the night before when I told her I was going to bed and asking if she needed anything, "No Angel, I'm just fine - I love you my Angel"! "Ditto Mom - very, very much - see you in the morning!"

We have an older sibling that couldn't find the time in her "social calender" to come see our Mom! Nor would she bring her 4 kids for Mom to see one more time! She did the same thing with our Dad in '94! She will have to answer when the time comes! Of course, I "ruined her cruise with the news of my son"!

Twenty months after Mom's passing, my "bro" (as I called him for years, he called me "sisssster") had surgery for bladder cancer at age 49! We are only 11 months apart and always very close! He always told me if he was having a procedure done! He would tell me to "send you instant karma to me, initial it with loving care"! That's a song from the band "Yes". There is also another favorite of ours on the same album - "All Good People"! As you can probably tell, we were brought up in a very positive atmosphere at home!

My brother was doing great - harrassing his co-workers at the hospital he worked at as well as being a patient! He didn't call me about this last surgery - no "instant karma" sent! The night before being discharged from the hospital, he went into a coma with multi-organ failure. When my husband was called and he immediately came home with our daughter and her then husband - I knew something very bad was going on! While my husband was explaining about my brother and that he was now in a coma, our daughter was making flight reservations. We were there within 10 hours! We live in the midwest - he lived in San Diego!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked in his room at the hosiptal in the ICU unit. I started yelling (never a yeller before!) at him about him "not calling and letting me know and look what has happened!" The next day, some of his co-workers took my daughter and I to go see where he worked - the special care nursery. We were able to hold and feed these tiny little babies and rock them to sleep. Later that afternoon, the doctors (7-8 of them) took us to a room to discuss my brother's situation. After the 3rd or 4th one - I said "Stop - what are you telling me, pick a time?" Remember, they worked with my brother for over 15 years! I don't know how they all maintained their composure, but they informed us that they didn't believe he would make it through the weekend, this was on a Thursday. I called my husband and he was there the next day. The following day, after deciding with the doctors and knowing my brother (he always said, "if I ever get cancer, I'm walking through the desert until I can't walk any more!" - it was decided to disconnect on Saturday morning (the next day).

While we were taking our time to get ready to go to the hospital, knowing what we were having to do, the phone rang and we were told to "get there immediately, his heart is failing"! I allowed them to disconnect my brother so we could say our "good-byes". I was the last to speak to him. I said, "It's okay Bro - go have coffee with Mom and Dad and you and Charles (son) play the music so they can dance the night away". I also apologized for yelling at him and told him it was okay - I'm okay for you to go see Mom, Dad and Chuck! The nurse walked in and said, "he just passed". I knew he was waiting to hear that I was okay and could manage being the "sole survivor" - none of us counted the oldest sibling!

I still miss all of them so very much! I light a candle by their picture for them on their birthday and for their new birthday - the day they joined God in Heaven! I suffered so much that I ended up going through panic attacks, having heart problems, etc at age 50! Now, we have found a right frontal lobe brain lesion which effects memory, concentration and focusing on tasks.

On October 4th, my husband of 37-1/2 years served me with divorce papers! Fine, I'm alone in this world, he can't handle what might be "down the road"! I didn't know we got to pick which vow we wanted to honor and when! I still have those "down" days - had a major panic attack at my attorney's office yesterday and passed out! I guess I have finally reached my "breaking point". After all, Mom always called me "her emotional child"!

With God's help, I've made it this far! I'm so glad to visit this website from time to time. I'm thankful for my best friend - we have been friends since I lost my son and she lost her brother about the same time. We have helped each other through losing our parents and last year, she lost her husband.

Prayers & Hugs for All!!!!! It hasn't gotten easier for me, I'm still just coping! Still finding my "Joy for Today" - sometimes it isn't there but I don't stop looking!

To all of us who reference this website - how lucky can we be to have caring people to help support us during the hardest of times! I don't know why I reply anonymously before - probably wasn't paying attention. It seems that happens a lot to me!

After losing my 17 yr old son, my Dad 6 months later - Mom called in Dec 2003 to tell me she had cancer. Both my brother and I were so proud and honored to be there for our Mom. She wasn't just "Mom" but a best friend too! My brother was a Respitorary Therapist and would help Mom with her breathing treatments. He was so concerned about "are you sure you can handle this, Sis?" "Hey Bro - with your help, we can both get through it together!" My "Good Morning Sunshine" at 6:30am after my brother took Mom a half cup of coffee (just for the smell)and with my coffee cup in hand, my brother looked up at me with tears flowing down his cheeks. "She's gone, Sis - she's gone!" I was immediately in denial - "she's right here, what do you mean"? He got up out of the chair next to her bed and let me sit there while he called the hospice nurse we had just called that Friday. This was on Monday. After the entire month - Mom passed on Memorial Day 2005 - How perfect for my Mom!

Mom never lost her sense of humor - I loved to watch my brother dance her to wherever he was taking her. I was there for "dignity" and my brother was for "strength". Mom was 5'9" tall, I'm 5'0", my brother was 6' tall. We would have some really good talks with Mom, shared laughter - sometimes it hurt me and my brothers sides and he would fall out of the chair laughing so hard. I cherish those memories - it was a promise we made to Mom 20 years prior - "We would be there for her - no nursing home - she would be in her own home, her own bed, see her own doctors, etc." My brother and I both expressed the love we had for our Mom and how neither he nor I forgot our promise to Mom! Mom's last words to me the night before when I told her I was going to bed and asking if she needed anything, "No Angel, I'm just fine - I love you my Angel"! "Ditto Mom - very, very much - see you in the morning!"

We have an older sibling that couldn't find the time in her "social calender" to come see our Mom! Nor would she bring her 4 kids for Mom to see one more time! She did the same thing with our Dad in '94! She will have to answer when the time comes! Of course, I "ruined her cruise with the news of my son"!

Twenty months after Mom's passing, my "bro" (as I called him for years, he called me "sisssster") had surgery for bladder cancer at age 49! We are only 11 months apart and always very close! He always told me if he was having a procedure done! He would tell me to "send you instant karma to me, initial it with loving care"! That's a song from the band "Yes". There is also another favorite of ours on the same album - "All Good People"! As you can probably tell, we were brought up in a very positive atmosphere at home!

My brother was doing great - harrassing his co-workers at the hospital he worked at as well as being a patient! He didn't call me about this last surgery - no "instant karma" sent! The night before being discharged from the hospital, he went into a coma with multi-organ failure. When my husband was called and he immediately came home with our daughter and her then husband - I knew something very bad was going on! While my husband was explaining about my brother and that he was now in a coma, our daughter was making flight reservations. We were there within 10 hours! We live in the midwest - he lived in San Diego!

I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked in his room at the hosiptal in the ICU unit. I started yelling (never a yeller before!) at him about him "not calling and letting me know and look what has happened!" The next day, some of his co-workers took my daughter and I to go see where he worked - the special care nursery. We were able to hold and feed these tiny little babies and rock them to sleep. Later that afternoon, the doctors (7-8 of them) took us to a room to discuss my brother's situation. After the 3rd or 4th one - I said "Stop - what are you telling me, pick a time?" Remember, they worked with my brother for over 15 years! I don't know how they all maintained their composure, but they informed us that they didn't believe he would make it through the weekend, this was on a Thursday. I called my husband and he was there the next day. The following day, after deciding with the doctors and knowing my brother (he always said, "if I ever get cancer, I'm walking through the desert until I can't walk any more!" - it was decided to disconnect on Saturday morning (the next day).

While we were taking our time to get ready to go to the hospital, knowing what we were having to do, the phone rang and we were told to "get there immediately, his heart is failing"! I allowed them to disconnect my brother so we could say our "good-byes". I was the last to speak to him. I said, "It's okay Bro - go have coffee with Mom and Dad and you and Charles (son) play the music so they can dance the night away". I also apologized for yelling at him and told him it was okay - I'm okay for you to go see Mom, Dad and Chuck! The nurse walked in and said, "he just passed". I knew he was waiting to hear that I was okay and could manage being the "sole survivor" - none of us counted the oldest sibling!

I still miss all of them so very much! I light a candle by their picture for them on their birthday and for their new birthday - the day they joined God in Heaven! I suffered so much that I ended up going through panic attacks, having heart problems, etc at age 50! Now, we have found a right frontal lobe brain lesion which effects memory, concentration and focusing on tasks.

On October 4th, my husband of 37-1/2 years served me with divorce papers! Fine, I'm alone in this world, he can't handle what might be "down the road"! I didn't know we got to pick which vow we wanted to honor and when! I still have those "down" days - had a major panic attack at my attorney's office yesterday and passed out! I guess I have finally reached my "breaking point". After all, Mom always called me "her emotional child"!

With God's help, I've made it this far! I'm so glad to visit this website from time to time. I'm thankful for my best friend - we have been friends since I lost my son and she lost her brother about the same time. We have helped each other through losing our parents and last year, she lost her husband.

Prayers & Hugs for All!!!!! It hasn't gotten easier for me, I'm still just coping! Still finding my "Joy for Today" - sometimes it isn't there but I don't stop looking!