Here is my situation: I have been married for 9 years-this April. I have a 4 year old daughter. I have my 89 year old grandmother living with us. My husband and I were married 1-2 years when Grandma invited us to live in her basement apartment rent free, in exchange for yard work and other minor help she might need. We lived there for 6-7 years. During that time Grandma went from being mostly able to take care of herself to needing somebody there all the time to make sure she ate, took pills, didn't drive, helped her when she would fall etc. I could see that she was needing more and more help so I approached my family (aunt, uncle, parents) and suggested that my husband, daughter and I stay with Grandma and take care of her, while we were there we would make the neccisary repairs on the house and Grandma could stay in her home-like she wanted. We would, of course need to do some remodeling in the basement since it was a one room apartment-which gets cozy when you have a child. What we wanted in return was a chance to buy her house-many years down the road- at a price we could afford. To make a very long story short-my aunt and uncle said no. So my husband and I knew we needed to find a home because we needed more room, so we looked and finally found one and moved in about 6 months ago. Miraculously it is already set up for the elderly with support bars in the bathrooms etc. We knew Grandma couldn't live alone any more and convinced her to move in with us-besides she feels like my daughter is her own and it would kill her to live away from her. My husband made the offer-which was very kind of him since she is not His grandmother, and because he is getting tired of seeing my parents every day (this has not changed) . She has been living with us for about 6 months now, I am happy to have her here, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard. Some days I just want to bang my head against a wall, and others I am okay with whatever comes my way. Grandma lives with us, not in her own apartment or anything, and she can't hear much, she can't see much, and she doesn't remember much either. She has a tendency to make up stories if something is a bit off in her routine-generally they involve family members ploting against her and trying to move her to a nursing home. She is very paranoid about everybody-usually somebody is mad at her (in her mind) or is lying to her about (insert topic here-usually her health) she doesn't eat enough-which my mom constantly reminds about (out of concern), she doesn't drink enough, she does get her pills however. :) I am not the only one that works with her, my parents take her shopping and deal with her finances and answer all her medical questions over and over and over and over....well you know. As I mentioned, I also have a 4 year old daughter who also needs a normal ammount attention-I teach her preschool in the morning too. Well my husband has just informed me that he can no longer handle having my family always here. He feels that Grandma isn't really our responsibility but my parent's and aunt's and uncle's responsibility. He has informed me that having Grandma here and always around and alwyas a concern is wearing him down and he doesn't want her here any more. He pointed out that we can't go anywhere without having a grandma-sitter -ie. my parents- available to help and if we should ,heaven forbid, decide to go on vacation my parents have to stay with Grandma. If my parents come with us, which they need to do if we go to the cabin- the only vacation we can afford-we have to cause a monumental upturning of lives to have my aunt and uncle take her for a few days. He has also pointed out that my constant care of Grandma is taking time away from my daughter and that he and I never do anything together, sometimes it feels like we don't even see each other for more than dinner. I don't think I am That involved with grandma, but if he is feeling that way there must be some truth to it. We are thinking of having another baby soon and he feels that when I get pregnant I should inform my family that Grandma has to go since I will not have enough time to take careof her, the house, my daughter, my husband, a new baby, and myself. He is concerned that we do not have enough bedrooms to put another person in. He would like to just finally have some time with it just being "us" our little family without someone from my family always being there. I think he is a saint for putting up with so much for so long and I respect him for being honest with me. But now I am torn. My Aunt can't/won't take Grandma because she and my uncle work all day long and there is no one to watch Grandma, besides she admits she doesn't have the patience to handle Grandma-and I agree. My uncle can't take her because my aunt homeschools 4 of their 6 children and he is very busy doing stuff, he also lacks the patience needed. My dad/parents are the only logical solution, but my mom works all day and spends all her time taking care of my dad-who is in bad health-and Grandma, and I honestly think that taking Grandma full time would literally kill her with the added stress. She has stated that if she were to take Grandma-which she plans on doing eventually-she would have to quit her job, which wouldn't be a great idea since they are already getting help just to "stay above water." And everybody has already promised Grandma that they aren't putting her in a rest home. I think my husband has a very good point on everything, but I just don't know what to do. I feel like I owe Grandma, she would do the same for me, and she practically raised me. I think I could handle taking care of Grandma, but I don't want to lose my husband trying-which he has informed me, may happen. I just don't know what to do. If you are still reading this, thank you, I know this is ridiculously long. If you have any advice I would appreciate it.