need to let off some steam!
I have posted here before, it's probably been at least a year or two ago. My mom lives with us. She is 85 and has been legally blind for 10 years. She is almost totally blind now and extremely hard of hearing. She is sweet, kind, generous and thankful. I have nothing to complain about and yet I feel like I could just flip out. I am weary of having to fix meals for someone who can't do it for themselves, 3 times a day. I have to take care of all her affairs,doctor appointments, hair cuts, pedicures, manicures, shop, clean, wash and iron...everything for her. Thankfully except for showering, she can take care of her own hygiene. My husband is wonderfully supportive, helps out too and even cares for her a couple times a year so I can go away for a few days. I am due for a 4 day trip in 2 weeks. I should be fine. I am not.
I don't want to vent with my adult children, or my husband, because they are already doing all they can. I just need to 'talk' to some faceless people who understand how this feels. I find myself wondering, how long will she live? Isn't that awful? One day she'll be gone and I know I will hate myself for having thought these things.
We are American but live in Europe and have for 24 years. Amazingly enough mom was given residency too. We have a great social network, her insurance is excellent. She only has a little money left in the US and because the dollar is so weak I hesitate to have her bring more money over here so that we can hire someone to regularly help me out. But I am considering it. I feel like I have to have someone who will come regularly, fix her meals, shower her, and let me pretend for a day that I have my life back.
Thanks for 'listening'!
need to let off some steam!
I have posted here before, it's probably been at least a year or two ago. My mom lives with us. She is 85 and has been legally blind for 10 years. She is almost totally blind now and extremely hard of hearing. She is sweet, kind, generous and thankful. I have nothing to complain about and yet I feel like I could just flip out. I am weary of having to fix meals for someone who can't do it for themselves, 3 times a day. I have to take care of all her affairs,doctor appointments, hair cuts, pedicures, manicures, shop, clean, wash and iron...everything for her. Thankfully except for showering, she can take care of her own hygiene. My husband is wonderfully supportive, helps out too and even cares for her a couple times a year so I can go away for a few days. I am due for a 4 day trip in 2 weeks. I should be fine. I am not.
I don't want to vent with my adult children, or my husband, because they are already doing all they can. I just need to 'talk' to some faceless people who understand how this feels. I find myself wondering, how long will she live? Isn't that awful? One day she'll be gone and I know I will hate myself for having thought these things.
We are American but live in Europe and have for 24 years. Amazingly enough mom was given residency too. We have a great social network, her insurance is excellent. She only has a little money left in the US and because the dollar is so weak I hesitate to have her bring more money over here so that we can hire someone to regularly help me out. But I am considering it. I feel like I have to have someone who will come regularly, fix her meals, shower her, and let me pretend for a day that I have my life back.
Thanks for 'listening'!
Hi nancyc,
Thank you very much for sharing with the community. I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be difficult for you.
Have you considered hiring in home care for a few days or hours a week? For your situation, that sounds like it could be very helpful, and take a little pressure off. If you'd like to learn more about in home care, or even search for providers in your area you can do so in our directory, here: http://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care
I hope that helps, and please feel free to come and vent any time you'd like.
If you have any additional questions you can always get in touch with me at moderators@caring.com
Take care, Emily | Community Manager
Hi nancyc,
Thank you very much for sharing with the community. I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be difficult for you.
Have you considered hiring in home care for a few days or hours a week? For your situation, that sounds like it could be very helpful, and take a little pressure off. If you'd like to learn more about in home care, or even search for providers in your area you can do so in our directory, here: http://www.caring.com/local/in-home-care
I hope that helps, and please feel free to come and vent any time you'd like.
If you have any additional questions you can always get in touch with me at moderators@caring.com
Take care, Emily | Community Manager
thanks emily, i appreciate your encouragement. i'm working on getting someone to come in 1x a week, but she is a medical student doing an internship in a different part of the country for another 2 weeks. after that she is looking forward to earning a wee bit of money and i fully intend to let her do stuff for mom. i really am thankful for this site and the opportunity to vent when i need to. nancy
thanks emily, i appreciate your encouragement. i'm working on getting someone to come in 1x a week, but she is a medical student doing an internship in a different part of the country for another 2 weeks. after that she is looking forward to earning a wee bit of money and i fully intend to let her do stuff for mom. i really am thankful for this site and the opportunity to vent when i need to. nancy
Nancy, your feelings are normal. Don't beat yourself up please. I'm an aid at an assisted living facility, working with memory care residents. I love my job and the people I care for are my family too. It's not wrong to feel guilty, or angry at times. You sound as if you need to get home assistance. This if fine. Check out caregiver.rrg, or caregiving.org, or strengthforcaring.com. These sights may help you more than you can know. God bless you. I'd love to help you.
Nancy, your feelings are normal. Don't beat yourself up please. I'm an aid at an assisted living facility, working with memory care residents. I love my job and the people I care for are my family too. It's not wrong to feel guilty, or angry at times. You sound as if you need to get home assistance. This if fine. Check out caregiver.rrg, or caregiving.org, or strengthforcaring.com. These sights may help you more than you can know. God bless you. I'd love to help you.
Thanks for the encouragement. I admire your work with those who need assisted living. I am not sure where to get help, as I mentioned several months ago, I don't live in the US, so references that are based in the states are not likely to be of help to me. Fortunately, mom is able to cooperate with me in her shower. Truth be told, we only do it once a week. I practically get in with her to wash her hair, and then she manages to do her body. I stay in the bathroom and help her get out. Because she is blind and practically deaf and one of course doesn't not wear hearing aids when showering, talking with her is impossible. We manage ok though. I hope to get some time away with my husband next year. We didn't manage this year and it has been 12 mos. since we were last on holiday. It really challenges a marriage too. My husband used to be much more patient and kind while I was struggling with being cranky. Now he is starting to act cranky too. Mostly he just avoids her. She can't see us, and even when we stand right next to her, quite often she can't hear what we've said so we have to repeat it, sometimes many times until she gets it. Communication with normal people is so spontaneous....talking whilst going about other things. I have to stop everything and go and stand right near her in order for her to hear me. I don't talk to her very much during the day, I just don't feel like I have the time. I guess this is enough for now. Thanks so much for the help! God has blessed me with a loving family, and gives me the strength I need when I humble myself enough to ask for it!
Thanks for the encouragement. I admire your work with those who need assisted living. I am not sure where to get help, as I mentioned several months ago, I don't live in the US, so references that are based in the states are not likely to be of help to me. Fortunately, mom is able to cooperate with me in her shower. Truth be told, we only do it once a week. I practically get in with her to wash her hair, and then she manages to do her body. I stay in the bathroom and help her get out. Because she is blind and practically deaf and one of course doesn't not wear hearing aids when showering, talking with her is impossible. We manage ok though. I hope to get some time away with my husband next year. We didn't manage this year and it has been 12 mos. since we were last on holiday. It really challenges a marriage too. My husband used to be much more patient and kind while I was struggling with being cranky. Now he is starting to act cranky too. Mostly he just avoids her. She can't see us, and even when we stand right next to her, quite often she can't hear what we've said so we have to repeat it, sometimes many times until she gets it. Communication with normal people is so spontaneous....talking whilst going about other things. I have to stop everything and go and stand right near her in order for her to hear me. I don't talk to her very much during the day, I just don't feel like I have the time. I guess this is enough for now. Thanks so much for the help! God has blessed me with a loving family, and gives me the strength I need when I humble myself enough to ask for it!
Love is not suppose to hurt, but at times it does. Venting to faceless careing people helps. Those shoes have been walked in by many. Just so many in the do not know it----that was not put on them. We love and we do what we can. YES, we need a break. Very often there is NO ONE there for US. SAD. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, as the ole saying goes. YOUR thoughts are NORMAL. NAN C
Love is not suppose to hurt, but at times it does. Venting to faceless careing people helps. Those shoes have been walked in by many. Just so many in the do not know it----that was not put on them. We love and we do what we can. YES, we need a break. Very often there is NO ONE there for US. SAD. KEEP ON KEEPING ON, as the ole saying goes. YOUR thoughts are NORMAL. NAN C
My situation is very similar to yours. My husband is 84 years old and totally blind. He lost his sight quite suddenly 10 years ago. He is quite hard of hearing (even with hearing aids) and now is in the mid stage of dementia. I had surgery a few months ago for colorectal cancer and am now on Chemo. Life has been complicated. Our children have been wonderful but I don't want to be a burden on them. I try hard to stay patient but sometimes it is difficult. I am to the point of finding help but I just haven't done it yet. Caregiving is a difficult job!!!!
My situation is very similar to yours. My husband is 84 years old and totally blind. He lost his sight quite suddenly 10 years ago. He is quite hard of hearing (even with hearing aids) and now is in the mid stage of dementia. I had surgery a few months ago for colorectal cancer and am now on Chemo. Life has been complicated. Our children have been wonderful but I don't want to be a burden on them. I try hard to stay patient but sometimes it is difficult. I am to the point of finding help but I just haven't done it yet. Caregiving is a difficult job!!!!
four years ago my husband Jack's death, who was nearly 98 when he died, I a widow. He taught at the Buffalo Law School until he was 92 and remained alert much of the time until he went into a Hospice in Port Orange. I had to do all of the things that you are doing for your mother but I asked for and also hired as much help as I felt I needed. It was still very, very hard. When he died I did not feel guilty that I took time for myself because I knew that my promise to him that he would stay at home as long as he knew me, and he did!!!!His pension was enough so that I on two occasions had him go for a month for respite care. Both facilities were very good and he enjoyed himself since we set up his room as close to what he enjoyed at home as possible and made clear to all the caretakers what he enjoyed and how much he could do by himself. I urge you to get any of your mother's money as soon as possible so that you can have two consecutive days to do whatever will give you joy, allow you to rest your body, you mind and your soul. You are already an angel, you do not have to become a martyr. That will never be on your tomb stone! Have your husband read this and quickly find someone who not only needs the money but is a compassionate caring person who will enjoy caring for your kind and loving mother. Clarice Lechner-Hyman at [email address removed]
four years ago my husband Jack's death, who was nearly 98 when he died, I a widow. He taught at the Buffalo Law School until he was 92 and remained alert much of the time until he went into a Hospice in Port Orange. I had to do all of the things that you are doing for your mother but I asked for and also hired as much help as I felt I needed. It was still very, very hard. When he died I did not feel guilty that I took time for myself because I knew that my promise to him that he would stay at home as long as he knew me, and he did!!!!His pension was enough so that I on two occasions had him go for a month for respite care. Both facilities were very good and he enjoyed himself since we set up his room as close to what he enjoyed at home as possible and made clear to all the caretakers what he enjoyed and how much he could do by himself. I urge you to get any of your mother's money as soon as possible so that you can have two consecutive days to do whatever will give you joy, allow you to rest your body, you mind and your soul. You are already an angel, you do not have to become a martyr. That will never be on your tomb stone! Have your husband read this and quickly find someone who not only needs the money but is a compassionate caring person who will enjoy caring for your kind and loving mother. Clarice Lechner-Hyman at [email address removed]
I haven't vented here in a long time and I have paid for it. I presently am diagnosed with low seratonin and cortisol levels AND a major depressive episode (episode is so weird a word but I guess it lets you know it will end) I spent the last 3 years keeping mom alive through 9-10 life threatening illnesses and operations. She kept making it through. The last two early this year I seriously was ok if she didn't make it through the operations....and she did. So then rehab came and home again and then the falls started. This woman who will be 80 tomorrow fell 7 different times and didn't break anything. But she has had bad knees PRIOR to any other health issue and the last fall was on the worst knee when she fell out of bed because the aide left her bedrail down because mom asked her to...GRRR(yes I have fulltime help thank God because of Long term health care insurance I MADE her buy 13 years ago)Obviously new aide was hired.
So I don't have to do a lot of the things all of you have to do which is good because I can't. I physically, emotionally and mentally am spent. Since there have been no emergencies or life threatening anythings for a few months my body literally collapsed from the three years of non stop stress. The mental and emotional toll of my mother living with us (she has lived with me for over 22 years) has almost killed me.
I can't stand being near her. First we never liked each other and have always had a distant relationship so that underlies everything. Now since so many health issues and her permanent dialysis she has started losing her mental faculties as well. It TAKES something to be in her world when she says non sensical or completely fabricated things. I used a lot of energy being there...so much so that I no longer be with her on a regular basis. So I spend a lot of time in my room. I can't sleep at night I sleep sometimes much of the day. My adult son recently said I was just a shell that his mom was gone and as much as that hurt when he said that the truth is he is right.
Thank GOD for my husband because he works, comes home takes care of me and my mom as the aide leaves at 7 most evenings. So I am throwing my mom an 80th birthday party on Sunday (she has dialysis tomorrow) and there is a HUGE part of me that is wishing that this will be the last birthday and then that makes the guilt rise up and slap me around. No win there.
The worst part is that I have lost friends, family stays away, the isolation sucks. I sound whiny I know I don't even have the energy to get angry anymore and vent. But thanks for letting me be here with you and I know that people who read this understand as only another caregiver can.
TAKE CARE OF YOU OR YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO DIES FIRST!
I haven't vented here in a long time and I have paid for it. I presently am diagnosed with low seratonin and cortisol levels AND a major depressive episode (episode is so weird a word but I guess it lets you know it will end) I spent the last 3 years keeping mom alive through 9-10 life threatening illnesses and operations. She kept making it through. The last two early this year I seriously was ok if she didn't make it through the operations....and she did. So then rehab came and home again and then the falls started. This woman who will be 80 tomorrow fell 7 different times and didn't break anything. But she has had bad knees PRIOR to any other health issue and the last fall was on the worst knee when she fell out of bed because the aide left her bedrail down because mom asked her to...GRRR(yes I have fulltime help thank God because of Long term health care insurance I MADE her buy 13 years ago)Obviously new aide was hired.
So I don't have to do a lot of the things all of you have to do which is good because I can't. I physically, emotionally and mentally am spent. Since there have been no emergencies or life threatening anythings for a few months my body literally collapsed from the three years of non stop stress. The mental and emotional toll of my mother living with us (she has lived with me for over 22 years) has almost killed me.
I can't stand being near her. First we never liked each other and have always had a distant relationship so that underlies everything. Now since so many health issues and her permanent dialysis she has started losing her mental faculties as well. It TAKES something to be in her world when she says non sensical or completely fabricated things. I used a lot of energy being there...so much so that I no longer be with her on a regular basis. So I spend a lot of time in my room. I can't sleep at night I sleep sometimes much of the day. My adult son recently said I was just a shell that his mom was gone and as much as that hurt when he said that the truth is he is right.
Thank GOD for my husband because he works, comes home takes care of me and my mom as the aide leaves at 7 most evenings. So I am throwing my mom an 80th birthday party on Sunday (she has dialysis tomorrow) and there is a HUGE part of me that is wishing that this will be the last birthday and then that makes the guilt rise up and slap me around. No win there.
The worst part is that I have lost friends, family stays away, the isolation sucks. I sound whiny I know I don't even have the energy to get angry anymore and vent. But thanks for letting me be here with you and I know that people who read this understand as only another caregiver can.
TAKE CARE OF YOU OR YOU WILL BE THE ONE WHO DIES FIRST!
I have a 29 year old daughter who suffered 5 strokes during November and December,2009, January,February,and March, 2010. As a result of her strokes her left hand and leg was paralized. She's had physical therapy in three different hospitals and I as well do the therapy at home as I have seen it done. It has been a daily struggle getting her to do physical therapy at home. She is very forgetful and I have to constantly take care of her as though she is 5 yrs old. I work 6 days a week and when i get home i bathe her and do therapy with her. She has improved but the improvement has been painstaking and I have been doing this for almost 2 yrs. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but I refuse to give up until she is able to walk and use her hand. I just dont want something to happen to me and she is placed in a home. I dont know what to do to motivate her and to get her to put effort in her recovery.
I have a 29 year old daughter who suffered 5 strokes during November and December,2009, January,February,and March, 2010. As a result of her strokes her left hand and leg was paralized. She's had physical therapy in three different hospitals and I as well do the therapy at home as I have seen it done. It has been a daily struggle getting her to do physical therapy at home. She is very forgetful and I have to constantly take care of her as though she is 5 yrs old. I work 6 days a week and when i get home i bathe her and do therapy with her. She has improved but the improvement has been painstaking and I have been doing this for almost 2 yrs. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but I refuse to give up until she is able to walk and use her hand. I just dont want something to happen to me and she is placed in a home. I dont know what to do to motivate her and to get her to put effort in her recovery.
I read your story and my question to you is: "How would you feel being legally blind at your present age?.Not being independent but depending on someone else (spouse,children or other relatives/friends)to care for your every daily needs(grooming,doctor appts & financial affairs)& they too can't wait till you kick the bucket!!?--Your husband & immediate family lives have done a 360 & they are with you 24/7." It seems to me that you have childhood issues with your mother & you have yet to "FORGIVE" her for!!!! Write a letter to your mom - Place everything in that letter & Fold it up & Burn It!!!! The day you burn the letter --Becomes A New Beginning with Your Mother-- Celebrate Your Mom EveryDay she has Breath. You Need To Organized Yourself!! Purchase the Following:(1)100ct.Heavy Guage Sheet Protectors;(2)Large LooseLeaf Binders(www.blueskying.com)-(3)Wall Calendar(Large)-Everyone in hshld places their Activities & Appts( use pencil);(4)Weekly/Monthly Planners(10 5/8"x8 1/2")<Medical-Mom(Docotor Appts,& Rx Refills)Your Household Appts & Rxs;Spa Planner(manicure,pedicure,hair, & massage/therapy appts)>. Try this method for three months Jan/Feb/March 2012. Dec 2011 get things organize & set up your Calendar December 2011 & January 2012. The Hvy Guage Sheet Protectors are used in the Indv. Planners-Place one(1)for each month. Keep your mother papers separate from yours.Her binder is to place all her medical,personal & financial pappers-power of atty.) I worked for 20 years and last June,2010 my City-Job Downsize!! W/4Days to pack up-get my financial/medical cvrg affairs in order/still working in my position & leave on the Fourth Day.On the Fifth Day sold my co-op & move back home w/my mother who suffers w/Alz. There is no handbook on how to care for our parents. But Thank Be To God we have a Savior who knows how much we can bear & he places people and websites for us to speak to others who is going thru. LOVE Your Mom while you Can. She can't help the way she is now & this thing has no medication nor cure.
You will have your good & bad days -But You Must Remember that Your Mother Cared for You. Leave all the "Passed Junk Alone". Enjoy this precious time with her. I love my mother with all my heart and I cherish each day she wakes up. There are days when she doesn't know what state(location).I walk her through. I prepare all her meals. I bake every Wed her favorite dessert - "2 Layers Triple Chocolate Cake. Thanksgiving Day I made dinner. She was Happy when one of the preacher from our church came to Bless Our Home, the Food & Especially Her!!
I read your story and my question to you is: "How would you feel being legally blind at your present age?.Not being independent but depending on someone else (spouse,children or other relatives/friends)to care for your every daily needs(grooming,doctor appts & financial affairs)& they too can't wait till you kick the bucket!!?--Your husband & immediate family lives have done a 360 & they are with you 24/7." It seems to me that you have childhood issues with your mother & you have yet to "FORGIVE" her for!!!! Write a letter to your mom - Place everything in that letter & Fold it up & Burn It!!!! The day you burn the letter --Becomes A New Beginning with Your Mother-- Celebrate Your Mom EveryDay she has Breath. You Need To Organized Yourself!! Purchase the Following:(1)100ct.Heavy Guage Sheet Protectors;(2)Large LooseLeaf Binders(www.blueskying.com)-(3)Wall Calendar(Large)-Everyone in hshld places their Activities & Appts( use pencil);(4)Weekly/Monthly Planners(10 5/8"x8 1/2")<Medical-Mom(Docotor Appts,& Rx Refills)Your Household Appts & Rxs;Spa Planner(manicure,pedicure,hair, & massage/therapy appts)>. Try this method for three months Jan/Feb/March 2012. Dec 2011 get things organize & set up your Calendar December 2011 & January 2012. The Hvy Guage Sheet Protectors are used in the Indv. Planners-Place one(1)for each month. Keep your mother papers separate from yours.Her binder is to place all her medical,personal & financial pappers-power of atty.) I worked for 20 years and last June,2010 my City-Job Downsize!! W/4Days to pack up-get my financial/medical cvrg affairs in order/still working in my position & leave on the Fourth Day.On the Fifth Day sold my co-op & move back home w/my mother who suffers w/Alz. There is no handbook on how to care for our parents. But Thank Be To God we have a Savior who knows how much we can bear & he places people and websites for us to speak to others who is going thru. LOVE Your Mom while you Can. She can't help the way she is now & this thing has no medication nor cure.
You will have your good & bad days -But You Must Remember that Your Mother Cared for You. Leave all the "Passed Junk Alone". Enjoy this precious time with her. I love my mother with all my heart and I cherish each day she wakes up. There are days when she doesn't know what state(location).I walk her through. I prepare all her meals. I bake every Wed her favorite dessert - "2 Layers Triple Chocolate Cake. Thanksgiving Day I made dinner. She was Happy when one of the preacher from our church came to Bless Our Home, the Food & Especially Her!!
Hey nancyc- Page#2
The Weekly/Monthly Planner size is 10 1/2" x8"/266mm x203mm spiral planner.
ZeeBo
Hey nancyc- Page#2
The Weekly/Monthly Planner size is 10 1/2" x8"/266mm x203mm spiral planner.
ZeeBo
I too know how you feel. My mom has alzheimers. She can still walk with a walker(which I am thankful) I still have to do everything else. She has already realized that I am the mom and she is the child (she told me this one day). I have a bad back (which I think started when my daugter, who have cerbral palsy). Mom has fallen several times but has never hit the floor. Somehow I always end up on the bottom. I guess it is protecting her like you would your child. I weigh about 130 lbs and she weighs around 180 pounds. I am now having to get cervical blocks in my neck. Cause mom doesnt get hurt but I do. If someone could wish theirself dead-she would. She tells me at least once a day "take me out behind the barn and shoot her to keep from being a burden on my dad and myself". I have got to where I tell her " first we dont have a barn anymore 2nd I cant dig a hole that deep, and 3rd does she want me to go to prison for killing her. This seems to help for alittle while and then it starts again. I used to feel guilty for asking God to go ahead and take her. I dont want her to suffer and cant stand the thoughts of her being bed ridden. She has always been a very very Christian woman and witnessed to everyone that asked or would work it into their conversation. I dont understand why this has happened to her. I ask God just about every day for him to take her so she doesnt have to suffer anymore. She has been dreaming about her parents and her brother and his wife being in heaven hand in hand. She wants to be with them but they turn and leave her. Someone asked me if I had a friend to take me for my block. I got to thinking--the only friends I have are from the ballpark where my son plays baseball. I dont have any close friends anymore. My life is with my mom. I know she took care of me and I feel its my responsibility to help her--which doesnt make me mad at all. I just feel like I am trapped. I am divorced now and have a 11 yo son living with me. Am I giving my son all that I am suppose to as a parent??? I do not feel guilty about wanting her to go to a special place. She will be herself again and never be in any pain. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL GUILITY OR ALONE IN YOUR THOUGHTS!
I too know how you feel. My mom has alzheimers. She can still walk with a walker(which I am thankful) I still have to do everything else. She has already realized that I am the mom and she is the child (she told me this one day). I have a bad back (which I think started when my daugter, who have cerbral palsy). Mom has fallen several times but has never hit the floor. Somehow I always end up on the bottom. I guess it is protecting her like you would your child. I weigh about 130 lbs and she weighs around 180 pounds. I am now having to get cervical blocks in my neck. Cause mom doesnt get hurt but I do. If someone could wish theirself dead-she would. She tells me at least once a day "take me out behind the barn and shoot her to keep from being a burden on my dad and myself". I have got to where I tell her " first we dont have a barn anymore 2nd I cant dig a hole that deep, and 3rd does she want me to go to prison for killing her. This seems to help for alittle while and then it starts again. I used to feel guilty for asking God to go ahead and take her. I dont want her to suffer and cant stand the thoughts of her being bed ridden. She has always been a very very Christian woman and witnessed to everyone that asked or would work it into their conversation. I dont understand why this has happened to her. I ask God just about every day for him to take her so she doesnt have to suffer anymore. She has been dreaming about her parents and her brother and his wife being in heaven hand in hand. She wants to be with them but they turn and leave her. Someone asked me if I had a friend to take me for my block. I got to thinking--the only friends I have are from the ballpark where my son plays baseball. I dont have any close friends anymore. My life is with my mom. I know she took care of me and I feel its my responsibility to help her--which doesnt make me mad at all. I just feel like I am trapped. I am divorced now and have a 11 yo son living with me. Am I giving my son all that I am suppose to as a parent??? I do not feel guilty about wanting her to go to a special place. She will be herself again and never be in any pain. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL GUILITY OR ALONE IN YOUR THOUGHTS!
bwildbillyjoe: I understand how you feel, it is helpful being able to come in here and share our negative and confused thoughts. Sometimes we feel much better, and it isn't necessary but other times we feel as if we are going to explode and then it is such a blessing to be able to vent a little to others. I too feel like the mom to my mother. When we are fortunate enough to get away for a few days she is like a little child saying how much she is going to miss me. The poor dear. I don't think it is wrong to ask God to take our parent when they are suffering, but it is His decision about when they go. I will pray for you tonight. I feel less guilty these days, the guilt comes and goes, but I hope you will be able to get some help with your mom and be able to go and have some fun with your son. You have a double burden. My children are adults. Bless you, and hang on to God...He won't let go of you!
bwildbillyjoe: I understand how you feel, it is helpful being able to come in here and share our negative and confused thoughts. Sometimes we feel much better, and it isn't necessary but other times we feel as if we are going to explode and then it is such a blessing to be able to vent a little to others. I too feel like the mom to my mother. When we are fortunate enough to get away for a few days she is like a little child saying how much she is going to miss me. The poor dear. I don't think it is wrong to ask God to take our parent when they are suffering, but it is His decision about when they go. I will pray for you tonight. I feel less guilty these days, the guilt comes and goes, but I hope you will be able to get some help with your mom and be able to go and have some fun with your son. You have a double burden. My children are adults. Bless you, and hang on to God...He won't let go of you!
I completely understand how you feel. I am a single mother of a 12 year old who is defiant and not doing well in school. I work a full time stressful job. I live with my 80 year old mother who is on oxygen full time and we just found out both her carotid arteries are clogged. The right side is 70% clogged. They can't do surgery because of her poor health. My father is in a nursing home, but that doesn't absolve me of responsibility. I still have to meet him at doctor appointments and the nursing home is always calling and complaining because my dad acts out. He gets upset and uses foul language and has been caught walking around naked. He has dementia and is losing his mind. You would think the nursing home staff would understand this, yet they call me like I am supposed to do something about it. The hardest part is watching them both decline. I have never had a good relatioinship with my mother and I find it very hard to live under the same roof with her. She is in complete denial about how bad her health is. She never has anything to talk about other than complaining and talking badly about others or telling me how I should be living my life. She is nearly incompetent to manage her affairs. She once almost mailed out $6000 to a complete stranger. She won't admit that she is losing her mind. I too have had thoughts about when is she going to die. How much longer am I supposed to deal with this? What if she lives another 5-10 years? I have no life. I hate the situation I am in and resent that those around me don't do more for themselves. I am tired of dealing with my parents negative moods. I wish I could run away and never come back. I am just too nice and too responsible to do that. I am an only child so there is no one else to help out. My own health is now decling. I have Fibromyalgia and just tested positive for Lupus. How much more can a person take. Oh and by the way, my mother doesn't want anyone to come in to the home to help out. The house is filthy and she is a bit of a pack rat. Not too bad, but the house is very cluttered which drives me crazy. I find myself dreaming of what it would be like to have no family! To be entirely free of these burdens and responsibilities. I am deeply resentful at the loss of my own life as a result of others, but I just don't see another way unless I am so cold hearted as to abandon my family. My life could be so much more. I don't even have the energy to date. I do believe it is helpful to vent, so if you would like to share e-mails I would be more than happy to listen to you if you want to listen to me. God Bless you and may you find some happiness and relief soon.
I completely understand how you feel. I am a single mother of a 12 year old who is defiant and not doing well in school. I work a full time stressful job. I live with my 80 year old mother who is on oxygen full time and we just found out both her carotid arteries are clogged. The right side is 70% clogged. They can't do surgery because of her poor health. My father is in a nursing home, but that doesn't absolve me of responsibility. I still have to meet him at doctor appointments and the nursing home is always calling and complaining because my dad acts out. He gets upset and uses foul language and has been caught walking around naked. He has dementia and is losing his mind. You would think the nursing home staff would understand this, yet they call me like I am supposed to do something about it. The hardest part is watching them both decline. I have never had a good relatioinship with my mother and I find it very hard to live under the same roof with her. She is in complete denial about how bad her health is. She never has anything to talk about other than complaining and talking badly about others or telling me how I should be living my life. She is nearly incompetent to manage her affairs. She once almost mailed out $6000 to a complete stranger. She won't admit that she is losing her mind. I too have had thoughts about when is she going to die. How much longer am I supposed to deal with this? What if she lives another 5-10 years? I have no life. I hate the situation I am in and resent that those around me don't do more for themselves. I am tired of dealing with my parents negative moods. I wish I could run away and never come back. I am just too nice and too responsible to do that. I am an only child so there is no one else to help out. My own health is now decling. I have Fibromyalgia and just tested positive for Lupus. How much more can a person take. Oh and by the way, my mother doesn't want anyone to come in to the home to help out. The house is filthy and she is a bit of a pack rat. Not too bad, but the house is very cluttered which drives me crazy. I find myself dreaming of what it would be like to have no family! To be entirely free of these burdens and responsibilities. I am deeply resentful at the loss of my own life as a result of others, but I just don't see another way unless I am so cold hearted as to abandon my family. My life could be so much more. I don't even have the energy to date. I do believe it is helpful to vent, so if you would like to share e-mails I would be more than happy to listen to you if you want to listen to me. God Bless you and may you find some happiness and relief soon.