Hi!   How frustratiing!  Maybe this will help.... I recently came across the neat link to eldercare resources[eldercare.gov].  It is a list of the local resource contacts for anywhere in the country.  You fill in the info about who its for  (relative) and the city state or zipcode for them, then try the link for "Aging and Disability Resource".  This will give you the local area agency on aging for where your parents live.  Call them up or visit their website, and ask for a case worker who can talk to you about local options.  They can do an assessment of your parents and make recommendations for local services.  They are really knowledgeable and can be helpful.  (Be sure to be persistant if needed.!)

Let me know how it works out!

Hi!   How frustratiing!  Maybe this will help.... I recently came across the neat link to eldercare resources[eldercare.gov].  It is a list of the local resource contacts for anywhere in the country.  You fill in the info about who its for  (relative) and the city state or zipcode for them, then try the link for "Aging and Disability Resource".  This will give you the local area agency on aging for where your parents live.  Call them up or visit their website, and ask for a case worker who can talk to you about local options.  They can do an assessment of your parents and make recommendations for local services.  They are really knowledgeable and can be helpful.  (Be sure to be persistant if needed.!)

Let me know how it works out!

Rebecca gave you a wonderful resource, but I would also contact their doctor(s) for an evaluation and a referral as well. If they have a good relationship with their doctors, they may be more inclined to listen to their advice.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Rebecca gave you a wonderful resource, but I would also contact their doctor(s) for an evaluation and a referral as well. If they have a good relationship with their doctors, they may be more inclined to listen to their advice.

Good luck and keep us updated!

Maybe a little counseling for you would help you to better relate to your parents.   Seeing things from a different point of view and learning to use a little psychology on your parents will help. Good luck, it will eventually all work out

Maybe a little counseling for you would help you to better relate to your parents.   Seeing things from a different point of view and learning to use a little psychology on your parents will help. Good luck, it will eventually all work out

I agree with Kimberly about getting help for yourself.  I cared for my bedridden mother for four and a half years.  It wasn't my mother who was the problem it was me and others in the family.  Even though mother ended up on Hospice, there was absolutely no one to help me.  I went to the websites mentioned above, but there was no help for me to deal with everything.

Caregivers are the most stressed and we are ignored.  Mother passed away in April of this year and I still need help.  I witnessed her passing (which was the most amazing process) because she was in the home.  I had quit my job to care for mother in the home so there was no financial resources for me.  What I did to help me get through this "for mother's sake" was doing a lot of praying.

Yes, please seek help in any way you can. 

God bless

I agree with Kimberly about getting help for yourself.  I cared for my bedridden mother for four and a half years.  It wasn't my mother who was the problem it was me and others in the family.  Even though mother ended up on Hospice, there was absolutely no one to help me.  I went to the websites mentioned above, but there was no help for me to deal with everything.

Caregivers are the most stressed and we are ignored.  Mother passed away in April of this year and I still need help.  I witnessed her passing (which was the most amazing process) because she was in the home.  I had quit my job to care for mother in the home so there was no financial resources for me.  What I did to help me get through this "for mother's sake" was doing a lot of praying.

Yes, please seek help in any way you can. 

God bless

Hi Vicky,   So sorry about your mother.  It is an amazing transition process though isn't it!   When my mom went a year ago april, I felt like she was 'released' from her suffering and her energy was flying around the room in ecstasy.  And interestingly, that I felt inspired, somehow she'd given me a gift of energy- like an opening had been created for me to explore something new or in a new way in my own life.  A very special time now for you!   

What suggestions do you have for how we can find help for ourselves?  Cause you are right - its so important!

Hi Vicky,   So sorry about your mother.  It is an amazing transition process though isn't it!   When my mom went a year ago april, I felt like she was 'released' from her suffering and her energy was flying around the room in ecstasy.  And interestingly, that I felt inspired, somehow she'd given me a gift of energy- like an opening had been created for me to explore something new or in a new way in my own life.  A very special time now for you!   

What suggestions do you have for how we can find help for ourselves?  Cause you are right - its so important!

Some suggested me seeing a professional.  I knew it would cost money that I did not have and all a professional could do was listen.  So, I vented to an aunt, my children, and nurses.  I knew they could help in any other way.

I knew I needed to get out and be with people, but I did not know of anyone who would want to be around me.  Unless, they were in the same boat and would understand.  I did not have the resources to have someone come in and stay with mother while I went out.  I hear of all the services through the nursing service, but there was no service for caregivers. 

It comes down to just prayer and being at peace with what I was doing for mother would be rewarded later.  Taking deep breaths and adjusting my mental attitude toward the care of mother.  It was about her not me.  Man, I would get so tired of changing dirty pads over and over every day.  Just like taking care of my children all over again.  I do know I should have exercised and eaten better.  But, I was just too tired.  You know what I mean?

Be at "peace" with yourself.

Some suggested me seeing a professional.  I knew it would cost money that I did not have and all a professional could do was listen.  So, I vented to an aunt, my children, and nurses.  I knew they could help in any other way.

I knew I needed to get out and be with people, but I did not know of anyone who would want to be around me.  Unless, they were in the same boat and would understand.  I did not have the resources to have someone come in and stay with mother while I went out.  I hear of all the services through the nursing service, but there was no service for caregivers. 

It comes down to just prayer and being at peace with what I was doing for mother would be rewarded later.  Taking deep breaths and adjusting my mental attitude toward the care of mother.  It was about her not me.  Man, I would get so tired of changing dirty pads over and over every day.  Just like taking care of my children all over again.  I do know I should have exercised and eaten better.  But, I was just too tired.  You know what I mean?

Be at "peace" with yourself.

I sure do. It's like our internal resources are all focused on the other and feels like nothing leftover.  I would have energy to read a trashy novel maybe, but that's about it. I think the value of reaching out to others is that they can help pull you out.... force you to take a walk with them, or eat a good meal. This whole process has given me such compassion for other people  - now sometimes I go drag my neighbor out even though she protests because I just know she needs a little change of scenery.

I sure do. It's like our internal resources are all focused on the other and feels like nothing leftover.  I would have energy to read a trashy novel maybe, but that's about it. I think the value of reaching out to others is that they can help pull you out.... force you to take a walk with them, or eat a good meal. This whole process has given me such compassion for other people  - now sometimes I go drag my neighbor out even though she protests because I just know she needs a little change of scenery.

You know that is another problem some caregivers have and that is no friends.  I worked for many years and some would introduce me as their friend, but once I quit to care for mother they forgot my name.  So, to me those were not friends, just co-workers. 

My son asked us to move in with him so mother could be in the living room.  She was the center of mine and his life.  She was able to look out into the back yard and watch the birds and squirrels.  Sad thing is we did not know any of the neighbors and never met them.  Mother's friends were elderly and could not get out to come see her. 

You are a blessing to your neighbor and she knows this.  I will be moving next month to live closer to my oldest daughter.  She lives in another state and the town is very small.  I am looking forward to getting a job and truly making friends. 

The town where mother is buried sent me a book "Come Unto Me" and I was so surprised.  Never have I ever seen such kindness from strangers.  This is what I am looking for.  A town where kindness is the norm.  Kindness and caring for others is not the norm in my current town.  So I am going to get a change in scenery. 

You know that is another problem some caregivers have and that is no friends.  I worked for many years and some would introduce me as their friend, but once I quit to care for mother they forgot my name.  So, to me those were not friends, just co-workers. 

My son asked us to move in with him so mother could be in the living room.  She was the center of mine and his life.  She was able to look out into the back yard and watch the birds and squirrels.  Sad thing is we did not know any of the neighbors and never met them.  Mother's friends were elderly and could not get out to come see her. 

You are a blessing to your neighbor and she knows this.  I will be moving next month to live closer to my oldest daughter.  She lives in another state and the town is very small.  I am looking forward to getting a job and truly making friends. 

The town where mother is buried sent me a book "Come Unto Me" and I was so surprised.  Never have I ever seen such kindness from strangers.  This is what I am looking for.  A town where kindness is the norm.  Kindness and caring for others is not the norm in my current town.  So I am going to get a change in scenery.