Worried about/frustrated with dad
As a caregiver, I'm becoming burnt out--and I'm also worried about & frustrated (to an extent) with my dad. My mom died last month, and I'm worried about how my dad's coping with things (he'll be 80 this year). I'm currently helping him sell his house (which is too much for him to maintain) so he can downsize and get a small senior apartment close to me (he currently lives about 1/2 hr. from me).
He's able to live independently and his mind is still sharp (although he's becoming more physically feeble), but the years he's spent inactive is catching up with him. When my mom was alive, he depended on her for company--as a very quiet, passive man, he never went anywhere (except for work), had any hobbies whatsover, no friends, etc. (Even my relationship with him was always kinda strained & formal, because he never really had anything to say!) So now that my mom's gone, he has nothing to do on top of the grief. I suggest things like reading the paper, going for drives, catching up on TV shows, etc.--but he just shrugs at my suggestions & doesn't really do anything. A couple weeks ago, he started on anti-depressants also; but there's not that much of a change yet. He had the option of staying down South near/with his sister & niece for a while; we thought it might be good for him & me--but he's kind of back & forth on that also (he's mainly hesitant because his HMO doesn't cover visits down there).
I worry about his state & know there's only so much I can do; he has to want to do things himself. But I'm also frustrated because he is (and always has been, seemingly) so helpless. He let my mom take care of EVERYTHING (bills, finances, rental tenants, etc.) and I've had to come in and practically pick up the pieces with all that because he didn't know anything & now I'm doing it all, also. I have my own family (husband and toddler) that I even find myself getting snippy with when they've done nothing--because I'm frustrated & worn-out over him. And lastly, I'm still dealing with some resentment issues over him not being there emotionally (due to his passivenes) for me as a child in ways that I really needed him. Part of me at times thinks, "Oh, so you need me now? Where were you when I needed you?" I call and/or visit at least once a day, but I don't always look forward to contact because there's always SOMETHING--a complaint, a letter that came in the mail he wants me to handle, etc.
I love my dad & I'm doing the best I can (no siblings), but sometimes it's a bit much.
Worried about/frustrated with dad
As a caregiver, I'm becoming burnt out--and I'm also worried about & frustrated (to an extent) with my dad. My mom died last month, and I'm worried about how my dad's coping with things (he'll be 80 this year). I'm currently helping him sell his house (which is too much for him to maintain) so he can downsize and get a small senior apartment close to me (he currently lives about 1/2 hr. from me).
He's able to live independently and his mind is still sharp (although he's becoming more physically feeble), but the years he's spent inactive is catching up with him. When my mom was alive, he depended on her for company--as a very quiet, passive man, he never went anywhere (except for work), had any hobbies whatsover, no friends, etc. (Even my relationship with him was always kinda strained & formal, because he never really had anything to say!) So now that my mom's gone, he has nothing to do on top of the grief. I suggest things like reading the paper, going for drives, catching up on TV shows, etc.--but he just shrugs at my suggestions & doesn't really do anything. A couple weeks ago, he started on anti-depressants also; but there's not that much of a change yet. He had the option of staying down South near/with his sister & niece for a while; we thought it might be good for him & me--but he's kind of back & forth on that also (he's mainly hesitant because his HMO doesn't cover visits down there).
I worry about his state & know there's only so much I can do; he has to want to do things himself. But I'm also frustrated because he is (and always has been, seemingly) so helpless. He let my mom take care of EVERYTHING (bills, finances, rental tenants, etc.) and I've had to come in and practically pick up the pieces with all that because he didn't know anything & now I'm doing it all, also. I have my own family (husband and toddler) that I even find myself getting snippy with when they've done nothing--because I'm frustrated & worn-out over him. And lastly, I'm still dealing with some resentment issues over him not being there emotionally (due to his passivenes) for me as a child in ways that I really needed him. Part of me at times thinks, "Oh, so you need me now? Where were you when I needed you?" I call and/or visit at least once a day, but I don't always look forward to contact because there's always SOMETHING--a complaint, a letter that came in the mail he wants me to handle, etc.
I love my dad & I'm doing the best I can (no siblings), but sometimes it's a bit much.
