Is it the dementia or is he just lying?
My father was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. He has rapidly gotten worse. I find some of his behviors confusing and really want to know if other people are dealing with this. PLEASE respond so I know i'm not going crazy.
My father constantly eats my snacks. I know it doesn't sound like a big thing but when you buy something special for yourself and someone just helps themselves to it it is really aggravating. Here is what I don't understand. I am not leaving the snacks out. I am hiding them in a room he doesn't go into. He has taken to searching for these snacks, eating them and then hiding the evidence. When confronted about it he denies eating them. My confusion is if he is claiming not to be able to remember anything why is he able to go through all of these steps without a problem? Hiding the evidence takes a logical thought process. I don't understand.
Another example is last weekend he was sent down the street with my 10 year old nephew to go get a soda at the local variety store. The variety store has been there for 20 + years. He was unable to locate it. He came back saying everything was closed, which could not be the case. He obviously didn't walk far enough. The next day however he walked to the new Walgreens, which is in the same area as the variety store, and picked up a new flashlight for himself. The Walgreens has been open for two weeks! How can he find a brand new store but can't find the 20 year old store? Is he playing us? HELP!!!
Is it the dementia or is he just lying?
My father was diagnosed with dementia 2 years ago. He has rapidly gotten worse. I find some of his behviors confusing and really want to know if other people are dealing with this. PLEASE respond so I know i'm not going crazy.
My father constantly eats my snacks. I know it doesn't sound like a big thing but when you buy something special for yourself and someone just helps themselves to it it is really aggravating. Here is what I don't understand. I am not leaving the snacks out. I am hiding them in a room he doesn't go into. He has taken to searching for these snacks, eating them and then hiding the evidence. When confronted about it he denies eating them. My confusion is if he is claiming not to be able to remember anything why is he able to go through all of these steps without a problem? Hiding the evidence takes a logical thought process. I don't understand.
Another example is last weekend he was sent down the street with my 10 year old nephew to go get a soda at the local variety store. The variety store has been there for 20 + years. He was unable to locate it. He came back saying everything was closed, which could not be the case. He obviously didn't walk far enough. The next day however he walked to the new Walgreens, which is in the same area as the variety store, and picked up a new flashlight for himself. The Walgreens has been open for two weeks! How can he find a brand new store but can't find the 20 year old store? Is he playing us? HELP!!!
Whew, you know, I wonder the same thing about my mom sometimes. I know she is forgetful, alot. But there are many, many times that she is just really quite 'with it'. Sometimes it is very hard to tell when you have seen instances of 'forgetful' AND 'knowing quite well'. Sometimes, we just have to guess (it is not easy to try to do) but there are other times... There are times when she will get a totally confused look on her face that she actually shows the 'strain' of trying to figure it out. Other times, she will laugh 'appropriately' at a joke or when we say something to just lighten things up or kidding with her. Mom has always been one who loves to be pampered and taken care of. And she has always been fairly lazy - like she would sit in the living room watching tv and tell one of us kids to "get me a Pepsi". She had no problem complaining about her aches and pains, and this is NOT saying that she didn't have them, but if she wanted to do something, nothing would stop her. This gives you a little of how my mother is.
Much depends on what kind of person they have always been, because it stays with them. Has he always had a somewhat defiant streak in him? Not want to do something unless it was his idea? Had an 'I'll show you' mentality? I'm probably not being very helpful here I know, but I think it's all fairly individual. Mom can be fine and dandy, but when time to do her exercises and walking, after a short time, she has an exaggerated look of pain on her face and is huffing and puffing. (now she can normally walk 5 - 7 rounds from kitchen thru bath room thru bedroom, front room and back to kitchen) It is not a big walk around. But when she just doesn't 'want to' she acts like she can barely make it around once and is dragging and looking longingly at her chair as she walks by. :-) she'll walk very slowly, barely lift her feet, etc. I am reasonably sure in those situations, that she is faking the drama. If she just walks it like she knows how, then she gradually wears out.
Well, I won't continue to bore you with my mom, but maybe it will help you figure out your dad. Also, as I have told others before, mom gets UTI's fairly often, and since they can appear the same as senility, we always check with an over-the-counter test strip if it is a consistent thing.
OH, you are not going crazy.
Whew, you know, I wonder the same thing about my mom sometimes. I know she is forgetful, alot. But there are many, many times that she is just really quite 'with it'. Sometimes it is very hard to tell when you have seen instances of 'forgetful' AND 'knowing quite well'. Sometimes, we just have to guess (it is not easy to try to do) but there are other times... There are times when she will get a totally confused look on her face that she actually shows the 'strain' of trying to figure it out. Other times, she will laugh 'appropriately' at a joke or when we say something to just lighten things up or kidding with her. Mom has always been one who loves to be pampered and taken care of. And she has always been fairly lazy - like she would sit in the living room watching tv and tell one of us kids to "get me a Pepsi". She had no problem complaining about her aches and pains, and this is NOT saying that she didn't have them, but if she wanted to do something, nothing would stop her. This gives you a little of how my mother is.
Much depends on what kind of person they have always been, because it stays with them. Has he always had a somewhat defiant streak in him? Not want to do something unless it was his idea? Had an 'I'll show you' mentality? I'm probably not being very helpful here I know, but I think it's all fairly individual. Mom can be fine and dandy, but when time to do her exercises and walking, after a short time, she has an exaggerated look of pain on her face and is huffing and puffing. (now she can normally walk 5 - 7 rounds from kitchen thru bath room thru bedroom, front room and back to kitchen) It is not a big walk around. But when she just doesn't 'want to' she acts like she can barely make it around once and is dragging and looking longingly at her chair as she walks by. :-) she'll walk very slowly, barely lift her feet, etc. I am reasonably sure in those situations, that she is faking the drama. If she just walks it like she knows how, then she gradually wears out.
Well, I won't continue to bore you with my mom, but maybe it will help you figure out your dad. Also, as I have told others before, mom gets UTI's fairly often, and since they can appear the same as senility, we always check with an over-the-counter test strip if it is a consistent thing.
OH, you are not going crazy.
It is very true that the manifestation of ALZ will differ from hour to hour or day to day. My mother's neurologist explained to me that it takes every ounce of energy for the ALZ patient to try to "stay with us" in our world mentally and when their body is fighting a UTI, a cold, or any little affliction, the manifestations of their ALZ will definitely worsen because their body has to divert some of their energy to fighting the affliction. I also found that after a major affliction, like pneumonia, she would "bounce back" but never all the way back to where she was before she became ill with the pneumonia. Oh, and as for your father getting lost, this was the first major sign for us of the dementia. My mother had lived in the same town for over 50 years and suddenly became lost when going somewhere she had always gone. Also, food is one of the things they can become possessive over...Try sharing your snacks with him.
It is very true that the manifestation of ALZ will differ from hour to hour or day to day. My mother's neurologist explained to me that it takes every ounce of energy for the ALZ patient to try to "stay with us" in our world mentally and when their body is fighting a UTI, a cold, or any little affliction, the manifestations of their ALZ will definitely worsen because their body has to divert some of their energy to fighting the affliction. I also found that after a major affliction, like pneumonia, she would "bounce back" but never all the way back to where she was before she became ill with the pneumonia. Oh, and as for your father getting lost, this was the first major sign for us of the dementia. My mother had lived in the same town for over 50 years and suddenly became lost when going somewhere she had always gone. Also, food is one of the things they can become possessive over...Try sharing your snacks with him.
http://www.alzfdn.org/AboutAlzheimers/symptoms.html
The above link will give you a good description of symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease which is one type of Dementia.
Dementia is a progressive and degenerative disorder of the brain characterized by multiple cognitive deficits that include impairment in memory.
This is another good description of Dementia... http://www.epigee.org/mental/dementia.html
When your father goes for a walk with your nephew, remember that the nephew has to be the guardian, not the other way around.
http://www.alzfdn.org/AboutAlzheimers/symptoms.html
The above link will give you a good description of symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease which is one type of Dementia.
Dementia is a progressive and degenerative disorder of the brain characterized by multiple cognitive deficits that include impairment in memory.
This is another good description of Dementia... http://www.epigee.org/mental/dementia.html
When your father goes for a walk with your nephew, remember that the nephew has to be the guardian, not the other way around.
I don't know if other caregivers would agree with this, but it seems to me that there is, for some people, a stage in dementia where this happens a lot - the mixed perception of their skills and impairments. For me, that was the period that involved a LOT of arguing with my father, because I thought he was still capable of reasoning through things. In a weird way, it helps when they get worse because we stop expecting them to be able to do things that they cannot consistently do. I liked herdaugh's explanation of the mental effort it takes for a person with dementia to stay in this world.
I don't know if other caregivers would agree with this, but it seems to me that there is, for some people, a stage in dementia where this happens a lot - the mixed perception of their skills and impairments. For me, that was the period that involved a LOT of arguing with my father, because I thought he was still capable of reasoning through things. In a weird way, it helps when they get worse because we stop expecting them to be able to do things that they cannot consistently do. I liked herdaugh's explanation of the mental effort it takes for a person with dementia to stay in this world.
My mom eats everything in sight and says she hasn't eaten all day. I cannot ask any question (where did you put such and such, how did the glass get broken, did you put something down the toilet to cause it to overflow)...she denies any involvement in everything. Yes, it is the disease, yet...my mother has always denied responsibility for everything her whole life so hearing her deny everything now frustrates at time feels like another lie, but it's truly her perception now. There's only me, the cat, and her in the house. I blame the cat now for everything, makes it feel better. Knowing it is her brain not working doesn't always help my feeling that she is lying like normal. It is really hard as a caregiver to give up on the relationship of the past, problems and all and move completely into understanding at all times the brain is not working. I try hard. I walk away a lot.
It is like having a 2yr old in the house. Stop thinking that a person with dementia has the ability to be normal all the time. It is a disease of the brain, the brain not working. Nothing is normal any more and it will get worse. I personally hide food and put it out in small quantities that are appropriate for my mom to eat. One day she ate 6 pounds of grapes because I had cleaned them and left them out on the counter rather than hiding them in the back of the frig. She will do the same thing with bananas or cookies. Last week she got in the frig and threw out half pound of chicken breast I had just cooked. She wrapped it up in a paper towel, put it in a bag and hid it in the bottom of the trash. Why? She said it wasn't her and my brain just couldn't figure that one out. I went into the garage and vented, to myself.
I cannot change how she thinks or reacts. Lie or truth..there is no such thing to her now. She is still stubborn, mean, nasty, and will do as she pleases. As her disease progresses, some of these behaviors are getting worse, as is typical with Alzheimer's. I as her caregiver have to deal which usually means ignore. I frequently have to remind myself to be the caregiver, not the frustrated daughter who wants to go live where mom can't find me.
It is a lot easier not to try to understand why, but to understand how the disease works and give the best care you can or get help when you can't. Good luck. I hope this gets easier for you.
My mom eats everything in sight and says she hasn't eaten all day. I cannot ask any question (where did you put such and such, how did the glass get broken, did you put something down the toilet to cause it to overflow)...she denies any involvement in everything. Yes, it is the disease, yet...my mother has always denied responsibility for everything her whole life so hearing her deny everything now frustrates at time feels like another lie, but it's truly her perception now. There's only me, the cat, and her in the house. I blame the cat now for everything, makes it feel better. Knowing it is her brain not working doesn't always help my feeling that she is lying like normal. It is really hard as a caregiver to give up on the relationship of the past, problems and all and move completely into understanding at all times the brain is not working. I try hard. I walk away a lot.
It is like having a 2yr old in the house. Stop thinking that a person with dementia has the ability to be normal all the time. It is a disease of the brain, the brain not working. Nothing is normal any more and it will get worse. I personally hide food and put it out in small quantities that are appropriate for my mom to eat. One day she ate 6 pounds of grapes because I had cleaned them and left them out on the counter rather than hiding them in the back of the frig. She will do the same thing with bananas or cookies. Last week she got in the frig and threw out half pound of chicken breast I had just cooked. She wrapped it up in a paper towel, put it in a bag and hid it in the bottom of the trash. Why? She said it wasn't her and my brain just couldn't figure that one out. I went into the garage and vented, to myself.
I cannot change how she thinks or reacts. Lie or truth..there is no such thing to her now. She is still stubborn, mean, nasty, and will do as she pleases. As her disease progresses, some of these behaviors are getting worse, as is typical with Alzheimer's. I as her caregiver have to deal which usually means ignore. I frequently have to remind myself to be the caregiver, not the frustrated daughter who wants to go live where mom can't find me.
It is a lot easier not to try to understand why, but to understand how the disease works and give the best care you can or get help when you can't. Good luck. I hope this gets easier for you.
for the past 4 months I have been caring for my father in law; we moved him from one state to another after his wife died. he was diagnoised and started alzh med's over 5 years ago; there has been no decline in his condition since he started the medications. his behaviors are all most of you have described, the food only eating what is out, in proper quantities due eating excessive amounts. lack of bathing; not using soap; doesn't change his clothes (I sometimes can get away with laying out clean clothing while he is in the bathroom) I'm not ready to assit him with his bathing; I'm having trouble enough with inappropriateness; mostly verbal for now. he doesn't know which day of the week it is, etc.. my question is: if he was diagnoised over 6 years ago why has there been no decline? and a bigger question I now have: with his abusive wife out of the picture and he is living in a whole new state and home he has nver been to: why is he learning? he is learning his way around, no I would still not let him go for a walk along, but he knows if I take a different route somewhere. he discribes the usual route turn for turn, never askes or recalls the names. He has all new doctors now; he can recongize them, their offices, the secertaries? dues to the abuse he stopped life outside of work except his one liner sense of humor (negative and insulting but as oneliners go; they can be funny if you don't have to listen to them all day. Am I experience a few good days before the candle starts going out? he doesn't have the far away look the most of the other alzh people I have worked with, Family members on my own side. he doesn't know the day of the week let alone the year most of the time. but he always said once he retired he wasn't going to bother. that was 17-20 years ago. he struggles to find things, moves them all the time, searching his wallet over and over, it this learning that has me puzzled. so confused.
for the past 4 months I have been caring for my father in law; we moved him from one state to another after his wife died. he was diagnoised and started alzh med's over 5 years ago; there has been no decline in his condition since he started the medications. his behaviors are all most of you have described, the food only eating what is out, in proper quantities due eating excessive amounts. lack of bathing; not using soap; doesn't change his clothes (I sometimes can get away with laying out clean clothing while he is in the bathroom) I'm not ready to assit him with his bathing; I'm having trouble enough with inappropriateness; mostly verbal for now. he doesn't know which day of the week it is, etc.. my question is: if he was diagnoised over 6 years ago why has there been no decline? and a bigger question I now have: with his abusive wife out of the picture and he is living in a whole new state and home he has nver been to: why is he learning? he is learning his way around, no I would still not let him go for a walk along, but he knows if I take a different route somewhere. he discribes the usual route turn for turn, never askes or recalls the names. He has all new doctors now; he can recongize them, their offices, the secertaries? dues to the abuse he stopped life outside of work except his one liner sense of humor (negative and insulting but as oneliners go; they can be funny if you don't have to listen to them all day. Am I experience a few good days before the candle starts going out? he doesn't have the far away look the most of the other alzh people I have worked with, Family members on my own side. he doesn't know the day of the week let alone the year most of the time. but he always said once he retired he wasn't going to bother. that was 17-20 years ago. he struggles to find things, moves them all the time, searching his wallet over and over, it this learning that has me puzzled. so confused.
My experience with over 10 years of caring for both my parents with Alzheimer's (my father died in 2002) is that the degree of decline and the speed of decline varies. After all, it is part of the brain not functioning and that decline can be different in each person. Also other health problems can make it worse. My dad steadily and rapidly declined but he had multiple surgeries in his late 70s and other health issues.
My mom who is soon to be 90yrs old is taking her time in her decline. She may well die from some other disease before the Alzheimer's gets her to bed ridden stage. She will be ok one day and can't find her way out of a box the next. It is very frustrating if you are the type of person trying to keep control of the situation. It is what it is on the day it is. I have found when I try to figure out the behavior and try to "fix" it or control things, I'm the one primarily stressed and that quickly makes my mom worse for a few days. For mom, routine is key and me being stable.
If you read enough on the disease and posts from caregivers, you will find most learn to "pick your battle". I can get my mom to shower with a lot of help from me maybe if I'm lucky once every 3 weeks now. By then she stinks. When I think it becomes a health issue for her, I become a little more pushy about it. Recently her not eating has caused me to think how important is a couple days of missed meals.
My father was very abusive verbally and physically and eventually that along with other health problems made us put him into a nursing home before he hurt himself or my mom. Google Alzheimer's Caregiver and other issues and you will find tons of sites that post files and articles about the disease and how to deal with these behavior problems, including searching this site. This site has some good article on behavior issues if you use the search feature. Good luck....it is not easy and eventually will get worse.
My experience with over 10 years of caring for both my parents with Alzheimer's (my father died in 2002) is that the degree of decline and the speed of decline varies. After all, it is part of the brain not functioning and that decline can be different in each person. Also other health problems can make it worse. My dad steadily and rapidly declined but he had multiple surgeries in his late 70s and other health issues.
My mom who is soon to be 90yrs old is taking her time in her decline. She may well die from some other disease before the Alzheimer's gets her to bed ridden stage. She will be ok one day and can't find her way out of a box the next. It is very frustrating if you are the type of person trying to keep control of the situation. It is what it is on the day it is. I have found when I try to figure out the behavior and try to "fix" it or control things, I'm the one primarily stressed and that quickly makes my mom worse for a few days. For mom, routine is key and me being stable.
If you read enough on the disease and posts from caregivers, you will find most learn to "pick your battle". I can get my mom to shower with a lot of help from me maybe if I'm lucky once every 3 weeks now. By then she stinks. When I think it becomes a health issue for her, I become a little more pushy about it. Recently her not eating has caused me to think how important is a couple days of missed meals.
My father was very abusive verbally and physically and eventually that along with other health problems made us put him into a nursing home before he hurt himself or my mom. Google Alzheimer's Caregiver and other issues and you will find tons of sites that post files and articles about the disease and how to deal with these behavior problems, including searching this site. This site has some good article on behavior issues if you use the search feature. Good luck....it is not easy and eventually will get worse.
Thank you for your reply and for the other replies. It helps to know I am not going crazy. It has taken me to just try to remind myself his brain does not work like mine. There is no reasoning with him. No getting an explaination for an action. I really did not think someone was capable of doing all this sneaky stuff but having read the replies and done some research I have found this to be a common thing they do. The food thing drives me crazy. I try not to let it. The other day I hid a candy bar in the freezer behind the frozen peas. He'll never look there. He found it! My own fault I should have put it in the down stairs freezer or hidden it not at eye level. To know i'm not going nuts and i'm not alone really makes me feel sooo much better. Thanks!
Thank you for your reply and for the other replies. It helps to know I am not going crazy. It has taken me to just try to remind myself his brain does not work like mine. There is no reasoning with him. No getting an explaination for an action. I really did not think someone was capable of doing all this sneaky stuff but having read the replies and done some research I have found this to be a common thing they do. The food thing drives me crazy. I try not to let it. The other day I hid a candy bar in the freezer behind the frozen peas. He'll never look there. He found it! My own fault I should have put it in the down stairs freezer or hidden it not at eye level. To know i'm not going nuts and i'm not alone really makes me feel sooo much better. Thanks!
Another comment from me -one who knows about my special food disappearing. I changed the door knob on a linen closet to a keyed lock knob on the outside and hide the key. I put all drugs (even Tylenol and aspirin) and anything else that has potential harm if taken into that closet and keep it locked at all times. I also have a large free standing wood cabinet that has two doors on it and a lock. I put all my special food and anything I don't want mom to eat into that locked cabinet. I then only put a controlled amount out where she can find it. I have removed all glass drinking glasses and now only have pretty plastic (like used for picnics). The dishes are Corel so they don't break easily. I have installed an auto flushing devise on her toilet since she was clogging it by only remembering to flush it every so often. I also have a overflow detection device on that toilet just in case. I have open-door alarms so I know when she's opening an outside door. I have installed a special caller ID database on the telephone so I can see all outgoing calls and can control what incoming calls can cause the phone to ring in the house.
Try to get creative rather than frustrated over and over. I locked my food up after mom ate several boxes of granola bars in one day and became sick. I ask friends that raised young children how to childproof the house and that has really helped my frustration level and kept mom safe.
None of it's personal towards us the caregiver. And yes, it is a constant challenge. Get one thing working and something else happens that you have to deal with, it never stops. I like to remind myself that Alzheimer's is parts of the brain dying and not working, not the person doing something to me. It is very difficult to change roles and become your parent's parent.
Another comment from me -one who knows about my special food disappearing. I changed the door knob on a linen closet to a keyed lock knob on the outside and hide the key. I put all drugs (even Tylenol and aspirin) and anything else that has potential harm if taken into that closet and keep it locked at all times. I also have a large free standing wood cabinet that has two doors on it and a lock. I put all my special food and anything I don't want mom to eat into that locked cabinet. I then only put a controlled amount out where she can find it. I have removed all glass drinking glasses and now only have pretty plastic (like used for picnics). The dishes are Corel so they don't break easily. I have installed an auto flushing devise on her toilet since she was clogging it by only remembering to flush it every so often. I also have a overflow detection device on that toilet just in case. I have open-door alarms so I know when she's opening an outside door. I have installed a special caller ID database on the telephone so I can see all outgoing calls and can control what incoming calls can cause the phone to ring in the house.
Try to get creative rather than frustrated over and over. I locked my food up after mom ate several boxes of granola bars in one day and became sick. I ask friends that raised young children how to childproof the house and that has really helped my frustration level and kept mom safe.
None of it's personal towards us the caregiver. And yes, it is a constant challenge. Get one thing working and something else happens that you have to deal with, it never stops. I like to remind myself that Alzheimer's is parts of the brain dying and not working, not the person doing something to me. It is very difficult to change roles and become your parent's parent.
love your suggestions. I just put a lock on my bedroom door last weekend. I put a cat door in as well so the cat can come and go as he pleases but I don't have to worry about my father in law coming after my husband leaves for work. I haven't felt the need to lock cubboards or the refreigerator (yet).. :,)
love your suggestions. I just put a lock on my bedroom door last weekend. I put a cat door in as well so the cat can come and go as he pleases but I don't have to worry about my father in law coming after my husband leaves for work. I haven't felt the need to lock cubboards or the refreigerator (yet).. :,)
A few weeks ago my mother and I went to home depot because it was time to start locking things up. We curently have 3 tool boxes locked with pad locks. One for the dog food, one for the cat food and one for meltable snacks like swedish fish. My father was going through a 5 lb bag of cat food in a week. He just kept feeding them, but the dogs were the ones eating it all. Locking it up made a huge difference.
Then I cleaned out a cabinet on my back porch. We bought a small amount of chain and a tiny lock and hid the key. This is where we have put our food like the tuna and chips that if we leave out he will eat. He can eat 5 cans of tuna in 2 days. So the food I want to have and that I bought for myself is locked up. Anything out is fair game. He can help himself. He goes through 2-3 loaves of bread in a week. It's insane. The house rule is though when it's gone it's gone. If you eat it it in a day i'm not buying more until the next time I go shopping.
I also found out from home depot that you can drill into the side of the fridge. There aren't any wires or anything harmful you will hit. So you can put a hasp type lock on the fridge. I was planning on doing that to the fridge in our cellar. I'm going to wait until I see food disappearing from there first. I don't think he knows i'm keeping things there.
Please know to those reading this who may not be experiencing this type of behavior he is being very well fed. There is plenty to eat in the house. But as the woman said about the grapes, if you leave it out they will eat it.
A few weeks ago my mother and I went to home depot because it was time to start locking things up. We curently have 3 tool boxes locked with pad locks. One for the dog food, one for the cat food and one for meltable snacks like swedish fish. My father was going through a 5 lb bag of cat food in a week. He just kept feeding them, but the dogs were the ones eating it all. Locking it up made a huge difference.
Then I cleaned out a cabinet on my back porch. We bought a small amount of chain and a tiny lock and hid the key. This is where we have put our food like the tuna and chips that if we leave out he will eat. He can eat 5 cans of tuna in 2 days. So the food I want to have and that I bought for myself is locked up. Anything out is fair game. He can help himself. He goes through 2-3 loaves of bread in a week. It's insane. The house rule is though when it's gone it's gone. If you eat it it in a day i'm not buying more until the next time I go shopping.
I also found out from home depot that you can drill into the side of the fridge. There aren't any wires or anything harmful you will hit. So you can put a hasp type lock on the fridge. I was planning on doing that to the fridge in our cellar. I'm going to wait until I see food disappearing from there first. I don't think he knows i'm keeping things there.
Please know to those reading this who may not be experiencing this type of behavior he is being very well fed. There is plenty to eat in the house. But as the woman said about the grapes, if you leave it out they will eat it.
I explain to people unfamiliar with AL about how hard it is for an AL patient to concentrate the story of my younger son. He went to a Spanish immersion school. His father was a native speaker and I did my best; hearing Spanish was nothing new. Even so, when he got home from a morning of kindergarten he would say, "Mama, I am so tired. I had to think in Spanish all morning." There is a difference in my MIL when she is having a moment of clarity. The problem we have had is not food but beer. She is a alcoholic and the last year before coming to live with us she was drinking even more because she could not remember how many she had. That first year she lived with us, we had to reduce her to a couple a day (down from 6-9), the second year from one to then one non-alcoholic beer. We put a copy of the "prescription" for only one beer taped on both frigs. She would constantly look for the unrefrigerated ones. We could not believe that she could find them hidden in cabinets in odd rooms, in boxes hidden in the garage or my husband's shop. She would rip off the "prescriptions" and hide them in unbelievable places. We had to put a small frig in the shop and put a strap around it.
She is limited to only one even though it is non-alcoholic because she would not eat if she could have all the coffee and beer she wanted. Even after four years she still sometimes will get up during the night looking for a beer. It was amazing to see how the brain could function for a purpose but the same person was found using nail polish remover for facial toner. The verbal abuse I went through over her beer was only the "preview of coming attractions" as I think about other AL behavior.
I explain to people unfamiliar with AL about how hard it is for an AL patient to concentrate the story of my younger son. He went to a Spanish immersion school. His father was a native speaker and I did my best; hearing Spanish was nothing new. Even so, when he got home from a morning of kindergarten he would say, "Mama, I am so tired. I had to think in Spanish all morning." There is a difference in my MIL when she is having a moment of clarity. The problem we have had is not food but beer. She is a alcoholic and the last year before coming to live with us she was drinking even more because she could not remember how many she had. That first year she lived with us, we had to reduce her to a couple a day (down from 6-9), the second year from one to then one non-alcoholic beer. We put a copy of the "prescription" for only one beer taped on both frigs. She would constantly look for the unrefrigerated ones. We could not believe that she could find them hidden in cabinets in odd rooms, in boxes hidden in the garage or my husband's shop. She would rip off the "prescriptions" and hide them in unbelievable places. We had to put a small frig in the shop and put a strap around it.
She is limited to only one even though it is non-alcoholic because she would not eat if she could have all the coffee and beer she wanted. Even after four years she still sometimes will get up during the night looking for a beer. It was amazing to see how the brain could function for a purpose but the same person was found using nail polish remover for facial toner. The verbal abuse I went through over her beer was only the "preview of coming attractions" as I think about other AL behavior.
Mom was always a good person and wouldn't tell a lie for anything. At 85, she's told some pretty horrible lies and has pitted her kids against one another. When confronted a couple of years ago when I first caught her in a huge lie, she denied it. I realized it was dementia and warned my sisters to just ignore it if she said anything bad that someone else in the family supposedly said or did. I WARNED them and told them to ignore it. They didn't listen, and the damage that's been done cannot be repaired. Mom realizes she's cause the fighting---and it's taken a HUGE toll on her mentally AND physically. I don't blame mom. I blame my sisters for making a big deal out of some things that weren't even true and they should've ignored.
Please be kind to your elderly parent if he/she lies to you---no matter how big or small the lie is. Just let it go.
Mom was always a good person and wouldn't tell a lie for anything. At 85, she's told some pretty horrible lies and has pitted her kids against one another. When confronted a couple of years ago when I first caught her in a huge lie, she denied it. I realized it was dementia and warned my sisters to just ignore it if she said anything bad that someone else in the family supposedly said or did. I WARNED them and told them to ignore it. They didn't listen, and the damage that's been done cannot be repaired. Mom realizes she's cause the fighting---and it's taken a HUGE toll on her mentally AND physically. I don't blame mom. I blame my sisters for making a big deal out of some things that weren't even true and they should've ignored.
Please be kind to your elderly parent if he/she lies to you---no matter how big or small the lie is. Just let it go.
Wow! Sounds just like my mom. I've been searching for support. I had to know if I was a bad person for thinking she's faking. My mom's always been spiteful and mean and in pain. She exaggerates the pain when she doesn't want to do what she is told or is challenged to do something for herself. But when she wants something own her own, she can 'endure' the pain. Wow, I am going to keep reading these post... I need all the help I can get... I'm burnt out!!!
Wow! Sounds just like my mom. I've been searching for support. I had to know if I was a bad person for thinking she's faking. My mom's always been spiteful and mean and in pain. She exaggerates the pain when she doesn't want to do what she is told or is challenged to do something for herself. But when she wants something own her own, she can 'endure' the pain. Wow, I am going to keep reading these post... I need all the help I can get... I'm burnt out!!!
Bless you. I have ALZ and am still at an earlier stage, but I'm a 3rd generation patient. I hope my family can keep your outlook. They are patient with me, sometimes more so than I am with myself. I'll have to pass on the locks and baby-izing the house to take care of me later. Thanks for your advice!
Bless you. I have ALZ and am still at an earlier stage, but I'm a 3rd generation patient. I hope my family can keep your outlook. They are patient with me, sometimes more so than I am with myself. I'll have to pass on the locks and baby-izing the house to take care of me later. Thanks for your advice!
Applicable notes . Thanku :)
Applicable notes . Thanku :)
Bless your heart Chris Ballard! My family and I have built on an apartment onto our house for my mother-in-law with ALZ. Today my son is at a wrestling tournament but instead of being there cheering him on, we are at home trying to unplug my mother-in-laws toilet of who knows what she has put down there. I love my mother-in-law dearly, and that is why she is living with us. However it really can take a toll on a family. My daughter is a freshman, and my son is a sophamore in high school, and although they love here dearly, she almost always finds a way to embarress them in front of their friends. She will call any black children that we have over negros, and if we take her to a movie, or to a music performance she will absolutly out of the blue spout off a profanity. Now keep in mind this lady in her healty days wouldn't have said poo, to save her soul! It is like this strange different person has invaded her body! I want to know if anyone knows of anything that you can put in the toilet to prevent her from flushing things down it. She takes her depends and picks it into a million pieces and then flushes that down, but God forbid she should flush her toilet paper down. Dirty toilet paper we find all over her apartment. It's like if she is alone for anytime at all she just looks for things to tear apart. All of this being said, on Christmas my son and I were playing a video game around mid night, and he started crying all of a sudden, and said he was going to go over and wake up Grandma and tell her how much he loves her, because today was just a really good day for her. I truly know I am blessed with a wonderful family, and I know my father-in-law would be so happy to know how well she is being taken care of, but on days like today, I need some extra advise, and some extra prayers!
Bless your heart Chris Ballard! My family and I have built on an apartment onto our house for my mother-in-law with ALZ. Today my son is at a wrestling tournament but instead of being there cheering him on, we are at home trying to unplug my mother-in-laws toilet of who knows what she has put down there. I love my mother-in-law dearly, and that is why she is living with us. However it really can take a toll on a family. My daughter is a freshman, and my son is a sophamore in high school, and although they love here dearly, she almost always finds a way to embarress them in front of their friends. She will call any black children that we have over negros, and if we take her to a movie, or to a music performance she will absolutly out of the blue spout off a profanity. Now keep in mind this lady in her healty days wouldn't have said poo, to save her soul! It is like this strange different person has invaded her body! I want to know if anyone knows of anything that you can put in the toilet to prevent her from flushing things down it. She takes her depends and picks it into a million pieces and then flushes that down, but God forbid she should flush her toilet paper down. Dirty toilet paper we find all over her apartment. It's like if she is alone for anytime at all she just looks for things to tear apart. All of this being said, on Christmas my son and I were playing a video game around mid night, and he started crying all of a sudden, and said he was going to go over and wake up Grandma and tell her how much he loves her, because today was just a really good day for her. I truly know I am blessed with a wonderful family, and I know my father-in-law would be so happy to know how well she is being taken care of, but on days like today, I need some extra advise, and some extra prayers!
I am the patient. In a way it may be a blessing at a given point on both sides. It's so frustrating for us when we get confused or don't understand instructions. And speaking for myself, I think that I may sometimes think I told someone something accurately, but I obviously didn't. My husband and our daughter deal with me pretty well. Our son is more impatient with me, but of course he always apologizes for getting cranky with me. In a way, I think it'd be better to be on that other side, but I'm thankful for each day that I have where I know I'm at least still partially "me". And I know they are, too. Everyone is very helpful. They know if I need help with something that I really need it. I'm sure you did, or do, too. Bless your heart. We wouldn't put you in this position if we could help it. I hope this helps a little.
I am the patient. In a way it may be a blessing at a given point on both sides. It's so frustrating for us when we get confused or don't understand instructions. And speaking for myself, I think that I may sometimes think I told someone something accurately, but I obviously didn't. My husband and our daughter deal with me pretty well. Our son is more impatient with me, but of course he always apologizes for getting cranky with me. In a way, I think it'd be better to be on that other side, but I'm thankful for each day that I have where I know I'm at least still partially "me". And I know they are, too. Everyone is very helpful. They know if I need help with something that I really need it. I'm sure you did, or do, too. Bless your heart. We wouldn't put you in this position if we could help it. I hope this helps a little.
Thank you again Chris, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate "the patients" perspective. I continually remind my self that my mother in law wouldn't in a million years have ever acted the way that she often acts now. I try to remind my kids of this also. When my father-in-law passed, he left her weathly enough that she could have lived like a queen, traveling, shopping, doing things that she so enjoyed, but this disease has robbed her of so many things, that I am determined not to allow it to rob her of her dignity. She really doesn't enjoy going out, or leaving the house much, but I'm also determined to continue to take her to the kids sporting activities, and to football games, and to movies, etc... (I just have to be apologetic sometimes for her behavior) Chris do your old friends come to visit you often? That is the only thing that I don't know about. Her old friends were pretty upper class. They were the same friends who called me (early on in her disease) to ask me to let her know that she couldn't go with them to card club anymore, because she was forgetting how to play. (Keeping in mind that if the shoe was on the other foot, she probably would have called their daughter or daughter in law and asked them not to come if they were the ones who had ALZ.) Sometimes though I think they only want to come around now to see her so that they have something to gossip about later! My husband thinks it's good for her to see them, but she wants me to stay with her durning their entire visit, because she has no idea who they are, or what to talk to them about. Would you please let me know your thoughts on this? Thank you!
Thank you again Chris, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate "the patients" perspective. I continually remind my self that my mother in law wouldn't in a million years have ever acted the way that she often acts now. I try to remind my kids of this also. When my father-in-law passed, he left her weathly enough that she could have lived like a queen, traveling, shopping, doing things that she so enjoyed, but this disease has robbed her of so many things, that I am determined not to allow it to rob her of her dignity. She really doesn't enjoy going out, or leaving the house much, but I'm also determined to continue to take her to the kids sporting activities, and to football games, and to movies, etc... (I just have to be apologetic sometimes for her behavior) Chris do your old friends come to visit you often? That is the only thing that I don't know about. Her old friends were pretty upper class. They were the same friends who called me (early on in her disease) to ask me to let her know that she couldn't go with them to card club anymore, because she was forgetting how to play. (Keeping in mind that if the shoe was on the other foot, she probably would have called their daughter or daughter in law and asked them not to come if they were the ones who had ALZ.) Sometimes though I think they only want to come around now to see her so that they have something to gossip about later! My husband thinks it's good for her to see them, but she wants me to stay with her durning their entire visit, because she has no idea who they are, or what to talk to them about. Would you please let me know your thoughts on this? Thank you!
Your mother-in-law is very lucky to have you and your family! It's not everyone that gets their own apartment, and it's wonderful that she's been given the opportunity to take care of herself. I also know I'll be well-taken-care of until they have to throw in the towel. After having lived thru our Mom's Alz., I know realistically I will be placed in a home. It may be that you need to take turns just being at home, and go do something special for yourself. Pat yourself on the back! And know that God is doing the same! And, yes, I feel He even understands your frustration! My family will keep me with them as long as possible, and I know will come to visit me, altho, it's a little harder at that point, when it comes to that. Does she ever have time periods where she's lucid, doesn't leave the messes? Or is this an every day thing now. It's wonderful that your son cares as much as he does! I know my "kids", grands, and even my little great-grand will be a part of my life as long as is humanly possible. I haven't checked into it yet, and I suppose I should for future reference, but one of the churches here at least used to have one day a week, Friday, where it was like an adult day care for Alzheimer's patients. You might check around your area and see if there's anything like that. I may, sooner than later, because if there are others at my stage, we could be supportive of each other til we just couldn't anymore. No great ideas, but hope I helped a little!
Your mother-in-law is very lucky to have you and your family! It's not everyone that gets their own apartment, and it's wonderful that she's been given the opportunity to take care of herself. I also know I'll be well-taken-care of until they have to throw in the towel. After having lived thru our Mom's Alz., I know realistically I will be placed in a home. It may be that you need to take turns just being at home, and go do something special for yourself. Pat yourself on the back! And know that God is doing the same! And, yes, I feel He even understands your frustration! My family will keep me with them as long as possible, and I know will come to visit me, altho, it's a little harder at that point, when it comes to that. Does she ever have time periods where she's lucid, doesn't leave the messes? Or is this an every day thing now. It's wonderful that your son cares as much as he does! I know my "kids", grands, and even my little great-grand will be a part of my life as long as is humanly possible. I haven't checked into it yet, and I suppose I should for future reference, but one of the churches here at least used to have one day a week, Friday, where it was like an adult day care for Alzheimer's patients. You might check around your area and see if there's anything like that. I may, sooner than later, because if there are others at my stage, we could be supportive of each other til we just couldn't anymore. No great ideas, but hope I helped a little!
I am so grateful I found this discussion. My mom (who is 78, with Alzheimer's) has been exhibiting so many of these behaviors. EATING: She scarfs -- particularly sweets. Half a jar of strawberry jam at a time; a pound of sliced turkey in two days (or one); cookies and chocolate disappear overnight. Yet she can't remember what she ate 15 minutes ago. It's like the neurological switch that signals "Full Stomach" is broken.
Her balance is getting worse -- she fell flat onto her bottom after standing up from her seat on the sofa. She just keeled. Then she forgot how she fell.
She also hides things, and makes up stories. She insists on cleaning (she is OCD about cleaning) - but when she cleans, she destroys all sorts of stuff. She vacuums and smashes stuff. Dusts figurines off the the shelf and they shatter on the floor. And then tells me -- THE DOG DID IT. (Poor dog.) It's when she runs into the pellet stove etc that I get terrified. She is argumentative and NEVER WRONG and stubborn as heck. I love her -- and it's SO hard to watch her turn into someone else -
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Memere's Daughter
I am so grateful I found this discussion. My mom (who is 78, with Alzheimer's) has been exhibiting so many of these behaviors. EATING: She scarfs -- particularly sweets. Half a jar of strawberry jam at a time; a pound of sliced turkey in two days (or one); cookies and chocolate disappear overnight. Yet she can't remember what she ate 15 minutes ago. It's like the neurological switch that signals "Full Stomach" is broken.
Her balance is getting worse -- she fell flat onto her bottom after standing up from her seat on the sofa. She just keeled. Then she forgot how she fell.
She also hides things, and makes up stories. She insists on cleaning (she is OCD about cleaning) - but when she cleans, she destroys all sorts of stuff. She vacuums and smashes stuff. Dusts figurines off the the shelf and they shatter on the floor. And then tells me -- THE DOG DID IT. (Poor dog.) It's when she runs into the pellet stove etc that I get terrified. She is argumentative and NEVER WRONG and stubborn as heck. I love her -- and it's SO hard to watch her turn into someone else -
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
Memere's Daughter
I much belatedly was reading thru all the posts again, and I noticed you'd asked about old friends. No, most do not, they say they will, but most of them do have terribly busy lives, working 8 hrs a day, plus homes to take care of. BUT I think, too, that since they don't call or come by often they're afraid of what they're gonna find. But I can still carry on a conversation. They might be surprised, for the most part. But I try not to let that get me down. I do have a couple of old friends that the computer keeps me close to, and I do have one friend who finds time in her very full schedule to come to the house and cut my hair for me, and we catch up on each other. She's young enough to be my daughter, so that's really sweet of her. But she's not afraid of me. Yes, I do have spacey days, but whole days are rare. And with my mom, she knew you loved her even if she couldn't put a name to your face or figure out where you lived. And she was that way til the end. She, blessedly was not a terrible patient, either. I hope I have her graciousness as time goes on! Well, as usual I talk a lot, be sure to do something nice for yourself! Chris
I much belatedly was reading thru all the posts again, and I noticed you'd asked about old friends. No, most do not, they say they will, but most of them do have terribly busy lives, working 8 hrs a day, plus homes to take care of. BUT I think, too, that since they don't call or come by often they're afraid of what they're gonna find. But I can still carry on a conversation. They might be surprised, for the most part. But I try not to let that get me down. I do have a couple of old friends that the computer keeps me close to, and I do have one friend who finds time in her very full schedule to come to the house and cut my hair for me, and we catch up on each other. She's young enough to be my daughter, so that's really sweet of her. But she's not afraid of me. Yes, I do have spacey days, but whole days are rare. And with my mom, she knew you loved her even if she couldn't put a name to your face or figure out where you lived. And she was that way til the end. She, blessedly was not a terrible patient, either. I hope I have her graciousness as time goes on! Well, as usual I talk a lot, be sure to do something nice for yourself! Chris
Memer's Daughter, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it. If your mom could think, I expect she'd be sorry, too. I was lucky with my mom, she had a very even disposition nearly all of the time. In fact she'd help the nurse aide in the home fold towels for the group. She liked to be helpful, which, I understand your mom is trying to do, too. The main thing I really wanted to say is to do something you enjoy doing every day, even if it's a few minutes of solitude in the back yard, weather permitting, in the bathtub, shopping, whatever. My husband putters in his carport, shines on a car, things he enjoys doing by himself, too. Take care!
Memer's Daughter, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time of it. If your mom could think, I expect she'd be sorry, too. I was lucky with my mom, she had a very even disposition nearly all of the time. In fact she'd help the nurse aide in the home fold towels for the group. She liked to be helpful, which, I understand your mom is trying to do, too. The main thing I really wanted to say is to do something you enjoy doing every day, even if it's a few minutes of solitude in the back yard, weather permitting, in the bathtub, shopping, whatever. My husband putters in his carport, shines on a car, things he enjoys doing by himself, too. Take care!
Dear Weimsandchis - Your children will cherish those "good days" for the rest of their lives. Bless you. My parents lived with us for the last ten years, until my mom died of cancer in June 2010, and my dad's dementia subsequently went downhill so quickly that we had to move him to a nursing home a few months later. You will know if/when it is time to move your parent. For us, it became a safety issue for dad and our kids (ages 9, 13 & 15). We had to be gone from the home daily for our kids' practices and activities. Dad lost interest in going with us, and all the running around was also too much for him physically. Then he developed other behaviors that caused us to be concerned for our children. I know my mom -- and my dad, if he was in his right mind -- would want my husband and me put our kids' safety and needs first, over theirs. Still, the move was a difficult decision. You may eventually have to make a similar decision, and my prayers are with you if that happens. Trust your instincts. And know that your children are better people for the time your parent has lived with you all.
Dear Weimsandchis - Your children will cherish those "good days" for the rest of their lives. Bless you. My parents lived with us for the last ten years, until my mom died of cancer in June 2010, and my dad's dementia subsequently went downhill so quickly that we had to move him to a nursing home a few months later. You will know if/when it is time to move your parent. For us, it became a safety issue for dad and our kids (ages 9, 13 & 15). We had to be gone from the home daily for our kids' practices and activities. Dad lost interest in going with us, and all the running around was also too much for him physically. Then he developed other behaviors that caused us to be concerned for our children. I know my mom -- and my dad, if he was in his right mind -- would want my husband and me put our kids' safety and needs first, over theirs. Still, the move was a difficult decision. You may eventually have to make a similar decision, and my prayers are with you if that happens. Trust your instincts. And know that your children are better people for the time your parent has lived with you all.
Thank you 3Generations. The one thing that I find interesting, is that so many people (even from my church) didn't think we should bring my mother-in-law to live with us. I knew from the moment we made the decision that our lives would take a different turn. But I truly believe that it is the experiences that you have in life that make you into the person that you become. I pray that this decision will make my children realize how precious life really is. I think that because of this experience they have learned how to be more compassionate, caring, and loving. I don't believe that they feel that they have had to "give up" anything because of the decision that we made. I have no regrets and I don't believe that later in life they will either. I do know that "time" is more precious to us all. We are very concious of the time that we spend with our kids, especially at night, and when they get home from school. We try to have a window of time for each of our 2 "teenagers" when we "listen" to how their day went. I try very hard to make that time uninterrupted. My house could be falling down around me, but I try very hard to stay focused only on how their day went. I am so very thankful for this forum. I am glad to be reminded that others have gone before you, are walking with you, and will come behind you, but that we all have something in common and can learn from, and lean on each other. Blessings to you and your family!
Thank you 3Generations. The one thing that I find interesting, is that so many people (even from my church) didn't think we should bring my mother-in-law to live with us. I knew from the moment we made the decision that our lives would take a different turn. But I truly believe that it is the experiences that you have in life that make you into the person that you become. I pray that this decision will make my children realize how precious life really is. I think that because of this experience they have learned how to be more compassionate, caring, and loving. I don't believe that they feel that they have had to "give up" anything because of the decision that we made. I have no regrets and I don't believe that later in life they will either. I do know that "time" is more precious to us all. We are very concious of the time that we spend with our kids, especially at night, and when they get home from school. We try to have a window of time for each of our 2 "teenagers" when we "listen" to how their day went. I try very hard to make that time uninterrupted. My house could be falling down around me, but I try very hard to stay focused only on how their day went. I am so very thankful for this forum. I am glad to be reminded that others have gone before you, are walking with you, and will come behind you, but that we all have something in common and can learn from, and lean on each other. Blessings to you and your family!
I have always believed that choices are put in our path for a reason--that does not mean that it will be easy or for how long it is the right path to follow. Having a support network makes all the difference. Without it we all burn out. This is an isolating disease for both the patient and the care giver. As their world begins to shrink--so does ours. My 88 year old MIL has lived with us for four years. She sleeps more and more as the disease progresses. She is up and down throughout both day and night. This means you rarely sleep deeply yourself. She is irritated by noise so the house has to be relative quiet. You rarely can take her out since she gets tired quickly and refuses to use her walker or a wheel chair thus you both are housebound. She can not be left alone because you never know when she will become anxious or put herself in danger. Some people seem to have personality changes (as she seemed in stages 1 and 2) but now her old personality is intensified. Even in moments of clarity, she is in denial that there is anything wrong with her. It is like dealing with a toddler who thinks she is an adult. Your communication with them is in shorter and simpler sentences. It becomes difficult to shift gears and think differently when you DO have the opportunity to leave the house. Your ability to read their body language and facial expressions become acute. There are times that distractions, none of the little white lies or usual tricks work and you have to just insist that they shower, stop something dangerous, take meds, eat a few bites etc. etc. etc. While I might be able to distract her when she get angry or anxious she still seems to hold these emotions on the back burner for some time even though she can't remember why. My husband has returned to work and is gone for 3-4 days and then home for a couple of days. Our conversations each night are always about her. Caring for her has become our world. Sometimes she seems like a spirit drifting through the house--she is there but not really connected. This site is my support network--thank you all for sharing.
I have always believed that choices are put in our path for a reason--that does not mean that it will be easy or for how long it is the right path to follow. Having a support network makes all the difference. Without it we all burn out. This is an isolating disease for both the patient and the care giver. As their world begins to shrink--so does ours. My 88 year old MIL has lived with us for four years. She sleeps more and more as the disease progresses. She is up and down throughout both day and night. This means you rarely sleep deeply yourself. She is irritated by noise so the house has to be relative quiet. You rarely can take her out since she gets tired quickly and refuses to use her walker or a wheel chair thus you both are housebound. She can not be left alone because you never know when she will become anxious or put herself in danger. Some people seem to have personality changes (as she seemed in stages 1 and 2) but now her old personality is intensified. Even in moments of clarity, she is in denial that there is anything wrong with her. It is like dealing with a toddler who thinks she is an adult. Your communication with them is in shorter and simpler sentences. It becomes difficult to shift gears and think differently when you DO have the opportunity to leave the house. Your ability to read their body language and facial expressions become acute. There are times that distractions, none of the little white lies or usual tricks work and you have to just insist that they shower, stop something dangerous, take meds, eat a few bites etc. etc. etc. While I might be able to distract her when she get angry or anxious she still seems to hold these emotions on the back burner for some time even though she can't remember why. My husband has returned to work and is gone for 3-4 days and then home for a couple of days. Our conversations each night are always about her. Caring for her has become our world. Sometimes she seems like a spirit drifting through the house--she is there but not really connected. This site is my support network--thank you all for sharing.
I can relate to everything you just said. My Mother has dementia and she eats constantly. Every time I turn around she is eating crackers, chips, all kinds of food and just wants to keep cooking for us. She thinks that if she cannot cook for us she is not needed. I wish I had more answers for you but I don't even have them for myself. I just wonder if I need to start thinking about putting my Mother into a home or hospice care. I feel your pain and your anguish. Contact me and we can talk about this together.
FrustratedMember
I can relate to everything you just said. My Mother has dementia and she eats constantly. Every time I turn around she is eating crackers, chips, all kinds of food and just wants to keep cooking for us. She thinks that if she cannot cook for us she is not needed. I wish I had more answers for you but I don't even have them for myself. I just wonder if I need to start thinking about putting my Mother into a home or hospice care. I feel your pain and your anguish. Contact me and we can talk about this together.
FrustratedMember
Chris, I have been following your posts with interest. I believe that I will be another 3rd generation AD patient. I have done alot of the preliminary research and my health history stacks the chance to the not "if" but "when" status. I am soon 55, and I need to know what signs I can look for that will indicate early stages and a good time to start the aricept. I am also caring for my 75 yr old mother with moderate stages of AD and continue the research from a care takers point of view. Any help you can give would be great.
Chris, I have been following your posts with interest. I believe that I will be another 3rd generation AD patient. I have done alot of the preliminary research and my health history stacks the chance to the not "if" but "when" status. I am soon 55, and I need to know what signs I can look for that will indicate early stages and a good time to start the aricept. I am also caring for my 75 yr old mother with moderate stages of AD and continue the research from a care takers point of view. Any help you can give would be great.
Dear Azna. I hate it for my kids that they could be yet another generation. I had two things that happened that scared me the most. I worked in a call center, doing mostly customer care, receivables issues. In a call center you never know what the calls are going to be, so that was something that'd cause me to panic. Also it's a daily learning experience, and I could no longer learn at all. If I hadn't gotten on Disability when I did (first time out), I don't know what I would've done, I was down to working 2 hrs a day as it was. Shortly I discovered I also couldn't remember how to crochet, couldn't understand the pattern at all of something I'd made before. Then I knew. I was an avid crocheter, and I do miss it, but I've started reading (mysteries that hold my interest). Some books I just throw out. There's no sense in trying to read the same pages over and over to see what it meant. At work I had a lot of cheat sheets. I just had a wonderful supervisor that I was up front with from the day I got the diagnosis. She may have been the first one I told. I can remember going back to work and just burst out crying when I told her. She may have been one in a million. She was a year older than me, and knew what a good employee I had been before I started getting sick. Anyway, sorry, I can't write a short reply. You also have days when your head feels foggy, I called those my muzzy days. It's kinda like when you're getting sick and you can't think as well as you usually can. I hope that helps a little. You may have years to go before you get it. I've learned with Alzheimer's, it doesn't hurt to live in the present, with little bits of past and future thrown in. But I look for Blessings every day, and find them.
Dear Azna. I hate it for my kids that they could be yet another generation. I had two things that happened that scared me the most. I worked in a call center, doing mostly customer care, receivables issues. In a call center you never know what the calls are going to be, so that was something that'd cause me to panic. Also it's a daily learning experience, and I could no longer learn at all. If I hadn't gotten on Disability when I did (first time out), I don't know what I would've done, I was down to working 2 hrs a day as it was. Shortly I discovered I also couldn't remember how to crochet, couldn't understand the pattern at all of something I'd made before. Then I knew. I was an avid crocheter, and I do miss it, but I've started reading (mysteries that hold my interest). Some books I just throw out. There's no sense in trying to read the same pages over and over to see what it meant. At work I had a lot of cheat sheets. I just had a wonderful supervisor that I was up front with from the day I got the diagnosis. She may have been the first one I told. I can remember going back to work and just burst out crying when I told her. She may have been one in a million. She was a year older than me, and knew what a good employee I had been before I started getting sick. Anyway, sorry, I can't write a short reply. You also have days when your head feels foggy, I called those my muzzy days. It's kinda like when you're getting sick and you can't think as well as you usually can. I hope that helps a little. You may have years to go before you get it. I've learned with Alzheimer's, it doesn't hurt to live in the present, with little bits of past and future thrown in. But I look for Blessings every day, and find them.
I can't imagine the thoughts and fears of thinking that you too might have inherited this time bomb. My 87 year old MIL was diagnosed 5 years ago. When I met her 6 years ago I knew, as did 2 other DILs, that it was more than grieving the loss of her husband. Her 9 children were too afraid to admit that there was something more wrong. One of her older sisters died a few months ago from ALZ. My husband (the oldest) and I look at his siblings and wonder does the genetics of this disease also follow those who are physically like one parent or the other. We also worry about the children of one brother who is so much like his mom and her family in appearance and personality but also his 3 daughters. They are so much like there grandmother. More importantly their mother's mother and grandmother both had this horrible disease. The genetic dice are stacked against them. Bless you all
I can't imagine the thoughts and fears of thinking that you too might have inherited this time bomb. My 87 year old MIL was diagnosed 5 years ago. When I met her 6 years ago I knew, as did 2 other DILs, that it was more than grieving the loss of her husband. Her 9 children were too afraid to admit that there was something more wrong. One of her older sisters died a few months ago from ALZ. My husband (the oldest) and I look at his siblings and wonder does the genetics of this disease also follow those who are physically like one parent or the other. We also worry about the children of one brother who is so much like his mom and her family in appearance and personality but also his 3 daughters. They are so much like there grandmother. More importantly their mother's mother and grandmother both had this horrible disease. The genetic dice are stacked against them. Bless you all
It's Chris, I'm the patient. It's really sad how much time a child of an Alzheimer's patent wastes worrying about getting the disease. When you've actually got it you learn to live in the now rather than in the future. I've heard that it runs more so in women than men. Your husband may not have it. I know my daughter worries when she forgets where she put something. I truly wish she didn't, but have been there, so I understand and I worried, too. But it did no good to worry. I was either going to get it, too, or not, and as we all know at this time there's no cure, altho I've stayed fairly much the same as when I was put on the meds that I've been taking to slow down the process, at least I still feel the same as when I was first diagnosed.
It's Chris, I'm the patient. It's really sad how much time a child of an Alzheimer's patent wastes worrying about getting the disease. When you've actually got it you learn to live in the now rather than in the future. I've heard that it runs more so in women than men. Your husband may not have it. I know my daughter worries when she forgets where she put something. I truly wish she didn't, but have been there, so I understand and I worried, too. But it did no good to worry. I was either going to get it, too, or not, and as we all know at this time there's no cure, altho I've stayed fairly much the same as when I was put on the meds that I've been taking to slow down the process, at least I still feel the same as when I was first diagnosed.
understood, thank you.
understood, thank you.