How are you doing, taking care of her? Are you overwhelmed? Burned out? Are you getting any breaks? Are there behaviors difficult to take care of? Is there a concern about safety?

Why do people feel you should place your mom? What reason do they give?

I heard it explained once, that when a parent tells us "don't ever put me in a nursing home", what they are asking is that we do our best to take care of them. And at times, then best way to take care of them and the most loving thing to do is to find a facility. And by placing them, that doesn't mean you stop caring for them or are giving up any responsibility. You will still be visiting, you likely will be involved with going to her doctor appointments, you will still be making sure she receives the care she needs and deserves.

How are you doing, taking care of her? Are you overwhelmed? Burned out? Are you getting any breaks? Are there behaviors difficult to take care of? Is there a concern about safety?

Why do people feel you should place your mom? What reason do they give?

I heard it explained once, that when a parent tells us "don't ever put me in a nursing home", what they are asking is that we do our best to take care of them. And at times, then best way to take care of them and the most loving thing to do is to find a facility. And by placing them, that doesn't mean you stop caring for them or are giving up any responsibility. You will still be visiting, you likely will be involved with going to her doctor appointments, you will still be making sure she receives the care she needs and deserves.

We are doing alright taking care of her. There are times that it can be overwhelming, but life in general can be overwelming at times also. But we takes things one day at a time, which seems to help to be able to handle things easier. We don't get too many breaks. At first there were behaviors that were hard to handle, but now that I am understanding the disease more it is getting easier to handle. As for safety, there are no concerns for her safety or ours. Now, when she gets frustrated we have her go in and lay down and relaxe with listening to her music. When different people tell me that it is time to put her in a home, they never really give a reason. Also how do you know how to pick a facility that will take proper care of her. Because with her having alzheimer's she won't be able to tell me if something has happened to her or that she isn't being taken care of properly.

We are doing alright taking care of her. There are times that it can be overwhelming, but life in general can be overwelming at times also. But we takes things one day at a time, which seems to help to be able to handle things easier. We don't get too many breaks. At first there were behaviors that were hard to handle, but now that I am understanding the disease more it is getting easier to handle. As for safety, there are no concerns for her safety or ours. Now, when she gets frustrated we have her go in and lay down and relaxe with listening to her music. When different people tell me that it is time to put her in a home, they never really give a reason. Also how do you know how to pick a facility that will take proper care of her. Because with her having alzheimer's she won't be able to tell me if something has happened to her or that she isn't being taken care of properly.

It sounds to me like you are doing good with caring for her. Maybe the next time someone tells you you should place her, ask them why they feel that way.

Are you receiving any help at home? It may be worth looking into services through your local Area Agency on Aging. They can provide services free of charge, anything from respite to housekeeping to home delivered meals.

As for how to find a facility when/if its time, I would recommend starting to look now. You want to have a plan B in place in case it ever becomes needed. Don't wait until an emergency, because then you will have to place her wherever you can find a bed, not really knowing what is available.

Find what facilities are in the area. You can check Medicare.gov and look at Nursing Home Compare. This will list the facilities in your area as well as their recent state inspection results. Then tour the facilities. Maybe 1 a week or 1 every few weeks. Show up unannounced. Take a list of questions; here is a good list of things to ask for and look for from the Alzheimer's association:

http://www.alz.org/wv/documents/Visitinganursinghome.pdf

Your mom may not be able to tell you if she is being taken care of, but there are signs that you will be able to see. When you visit, is she clean? Free of bad smells? Does she seem like herself, or has she become withdrawn, more than normal? Is she losing weight? And so on.

It sounds to me like you are doing good with caring for her. Maybe the next time someone tells you you should place her, ask them why they feel that way.

Are you receiving any help at home? It may be worth looking into services through your local Area Agency on Aging. They can provide services free of charge, anything from respite to housekeeping to home delivered meals.

As for how to find a facility when/if its time, I would recommend starting to look now. You want to have a plan B in place in case it ever becomes needed. Don't wait until an emergency, because then you will have to place her wherever you can find a bed, not really knowing what is available.

Find what facilities are in the area. You can check Medicare.gov and look at Nursing Home Compare. This will list the facilities in your area as well as their recent state inspection results. Then tour the facilities. Maybe 1 a week or 1 every few weeks. Show up unannounced. Take a list of questions; here is a good list of things to ask for and look for from the Alzheimer's association:

http://www.alz.org/wv/documents/Visitinganursinghome.pdf

Your mom may not be able to tell you if she is being taken care of, but there are signs that you will be able to see. When you visit, is she clean? Free of bad smells? Does she seem like herself, or has she become withdrawn, more than normal? Is she losing weight? And so on.

Thank you very much for all the information you have given me. It helps very much. I was beginning to have doubts about my choices. What gets me is everyone that is so quick to give advise are the same ones that don't come around to visit and haven't seen here in over 2 years or more.Thank you again.

Thank you very much for all the information you have given me. It helps very much. I was beginning to have doubts about my choices. What gets me is everyone that is so quick to give advise are the same ones that don't come around to visit and haven't seen here in over 2 years or more.Thank you again.

Does your mother live alone in her own home, or does she live with you?

You say that there are no concerns for your mother's safety. That prompts me to ask: Is your mother a "fall-risk"? Does she get around okay? Does she use a walker or other mobility aid? Does she always use it...or do you catch her trying to "do without it"?

Is your mother capable of handling her personal daily care? Does she bathe? Can she handle her own toileting?

If she lives alone...does she keep spoiled food in the fridge? Does she answer the door to strangers? Does she give unknown phone callers personal information? Does she still try to cook?

There are lots of safety issues that don't have to do with driving or wandering away. I'm not trying to be mean. I am dealing with my own difficult choices, and these are the things I am considering. I know this is a difficult time of decision. And it's one that is full of emotion (and potential guilt). My questions are meant to help you decide what is best for your mother. And for you too, in the long run. I feel for you. Good luck with making your decision.

Does your mother live alone in her own home, or does she live with you?

You say that there are no concerns for your mother's safety. That prompts me to ask: Is your mother a "fall-risk"? Does she get around okay? Does she use a walker or other mobility aid? Does she always use it...or do you catch her trying to "do without it"?

Is your mother capable of handling her personal daily care? Does she bathe? Can she handle her own toileting?

If she lives alone...does she keep spoiled food in the fridge? Does she answer the door to strangers? Does she give unknown phone callers personal information? Does she still try to cook?

There are lots of safety issues that don't have to do with driving or wandering away. I'm not trying to be mean. I am dealing with my own difficult choices, and these are the things I am considering. I know this is a difficult time of decision. And it's one that is full of emotion (and potential guilt). My questions are meant to help you decide what is best for your mother. And for you too, in the long run. I feel for you. Good luck with making your decision.

My mother has been living with me for 3 1/2 years. No she isn't a fall risk, and doesn't need a walker yet. we have to remind her to take a bath, but as for going to the bathroom by herself she does. We do make sure that she is washing her hands after. She doesn't get her own food, we get it for her. she won't answer the door when someone knocks. Answering the telephone is out, because she doesn't like to talk on the phone. And she wants nothing to do with cooking. I appreciate all the questions because they make you think. Have you been through this also? Thank You

My mother has been living with me for 3 1/2 years. No she isn't a fall risk, and doesn't need a walker yet. we have to remind her to take a bath, but as for going to the bathroom by herself she does. We do make sure that she is washing her hands after. She doesn't get her own food, we get it for her. she won't answer the door when someone knocks. Answering the telephone is out, because she doesn't like to talk on the phone. And she wants nothing to do with cooking. I appreciate all the questions because they make you think. Have you been through this also? Thank You

From what you've told us here, it sounds to me like your mom is doing fine living with you. And this is coming from someone who believes nursing homes and assisted living are good options that, in my opinion, many caregivers refuse to look at because of weird family dynamics and just plain feelings of guilt and martyrdom. But from what you've told us here...you don't fit in that category.

If you can deal with the caregiver stresses...and if your mother is as happy as she can be...then it sounds to me that her living with you is a good situation.

I think it's important that you try to stay realistic and realize and accept if that changes. But as long as it's working for BOTH of you, then that's wonderful. I highly recommend in-home services, to help alleviate stress on you....AND to give your mom some more socialization. (in our state, Illinois, we can get a "senior companion" who is just there to visit and socialize, a "home-maker"' who is there to help pick up and can even do a few personal care things for Mom, and physical therapists and visiting nurses, if that is needed.) You should check with your state's department on aging to see what help you may qualify for. (These things are all free in our state...and probably in yours, too) These things can give you some rest and personal time...and they are good for your mom, as well. (helping prevent burn-out on your part)

I would also look into adult day care, although we haven't done that yet. I've heard good things about that on this board.

From what you've told us here, it sounds to me like your mom is doing fine living with you. And this is coming from someone who believes nursing homes and assisted living are good options that, in my opinion, many caregivers refuse to look at because of weird family dynamics and just plain feelings of guilt and martyrdom. But from what you've told us here...you don't fit in that category.

If you can deal with the caregiver stresses...and if your mother is as happy as she can be...then it sounds to me that her living with you is a good situation.

I think it's important that you try to stay realistic and realize and accept if that changes. But as long as it's working for BOTH of you, then that's wonderful. I highly recommend in-home services, to help alleviate stress on you....AND to give your mom some more socialization. (in our state, Illinois, we can get a "senior companion" who is just there to visit and socialize, a "home-maker"' who is there to help pick up and can even do a few personal care things for Mom, and physical therapists and visiting nurses, if that is needed.) You should check with your state's department on aging to see what help you may qualify for. (These things are all free in our state...and probably in yours, too) These things can give you some rest and personal time...and they are good for your mom, as well. (helping prevent burn-out on your part)

I would also look into adult day care, although we haven't done that yet. I've heard good things about that on this board.