Mom's Life Partner
My 82 year old mother has stage 4 COPD. She just went through an event that caused her to stay in the hospital and on a respirator for 10 days. She is recovering in a rehab hospital, and she wants to go back home when she is out of the rehab hospital. Her life partner of 30 years has been taking care of her. I think he is burnt out, but won't admit it. He will need in home health care worker to come every day to help out my mom. My mom has been paying her life partner a couple of thousand a month for about a year for rent and food and utilities. I told him we may have to adjust the money he gets monthly to pay for the in home health care worker. I told him to discuss it with my mom. However, he got very angry and told me that my brothers and I could care for our mom (we live 2 hours away from them). I don't want to think he's taking care of my mom because of the money, but I wonder what his motivation is. He's younger than my mother and in good health. Any advice on how to handle this situation?" I could move her to our area and put her in residential care, but I think that would be like her getting a divorce. Not sure what to do.
Mom's Life Partner
My 82 year old mother has stage 4 COPD. She just went through an event that caused her to stay in the hospital and on a respirator for 10 days. She is recovering in a rehab hospital, and she wants to go back home when she is out of the rehab hospital. Her life partner of 30 years has been taking care of her. I think he is burnt out, but won't admit it. He will need in home health care worker to come every day to help out my mom. My mom has been paying her life partner a couple of thousand a month for about a year for rent and food and utilities. I told him we may have to adjust the money he gets monthly to pay for the in home health care worker. I told him to discuss it with my mom. However, he got very angry and told me that my brothers and I could care for our mom (we live 2 hours away from them). I don't want to think he's taking care of my mom because of the money, but I wonder what his motivation is. He's younger than my mother and in good health. Any advice on how to handle this situation?" I could move her to our area and put her in residential care, but I think that would be like her getting a divorce. Not sure what to do.
What does your mother want?
What does your mother want?
Average cost of a home health care worker is $21.00 an hour. For a straight 40 hour week that would be $3,528 a month gross pay. Do you or mom contribute to worker's comp for him? Contribute to Social Security? You're getting a damned good deal.
Average cost of a home health care worker is $21.00 an hour. For a straight 40 hour week that would be $3,528 a month gross pay. Do you or mom contribute to worker's comp for him? Contribute to Social Security? You're getting a damned good deal.
Her life partner's compensation will be in addition of the $4280 we will pay for professional health care worker to come in 8 hours everyday. I also agree with you that the $2000 he gets seems like a good deal to take care of my mom, however, he considers himself to be the equivlent of a husband to my mom, and I didn't think you had to pay husbands to take care of you. I guess for some, you do. And yes, my mom wants him to take care of her, probably at any cost. She is very attached to him and is very dependent on him at this time. So even though I think there is something wrong with this ethically, it is what it is. Bottom line, I want my mom to be happy during the time she has left on this earth.
Her life partner's compensation will be in addition of the $4280 we will pay for professional health care worker to come in 8 hours everyday. I also agree with you that the $2000 he gets seems like a good deal to take care of my mom, however, he considers himself to be the equivlent of a husband to my mom, and I didn't think you had to pay husbands to take care of you. I guess for some, you do. And yes, my mom wants him to take care of her, probably at any cost. She is very attached to him and is very dependent on him at this time. So even though I think there is something wrong with this ethically, it is what it is. Bottom line, I want my mom to be happy during the time she has left on this earth.
Consider it her part of maintaining a household and stay with your bottom line.
Consider it her part of maintaining a household and stay with your bottom line.