I moved back home 10 years ago to take care of my parents. My mother had a stroke and my father had cancer,dementia. My father died 5 years ago and now I take care of my mother and I also work full time. She can get around fine but very slowly and I come home and make lunch. I work near by. I have 2 bulging discs degenerative disc disease and arthritis in my spine. So now I am addicted to pain pills. I have had physical therapy for my back and had cortizone shots and had the nerves burnt off along my spine. I also tore my meniscis. I just can not stop the pills. If I do stop I get sick and then who cares for my mother. I do not want to go into treatment right now because they would put my mother in a nursing home and I promised my dad that would not happen. I was able to keep him up until 1 week before he died in the hospital. I just need help right now but do know what to do.
Hi Yebel,
I don't envy your position! It must be so hard to take care of both yourself and your mother with your pain levels.
But, first, you really need to take care of yourself if you want to be an effective caregiver for your mother. If I can suggest, do find help for yourself and look into an in-home caregiver for your mother (and perhaps yourself) until you are back on your feet without your addicting pain pills. I know that sounds daunting, but it all begins with one step.
good luck, and let us know how things are going!
Hi yebel,
It really sounds like you've got your hands full with your own health before even adding in your caregiver duties.
Something I've realized is that promising to keep a parent out of a longterm care facility is one we can't really make. Sometimes the care needed far exceeds our ability, no matter how much we try, to give it. It's not a measure of failure. Sometimes, it's just necessary. In this case, it sounds like your mom would need to be in assisted living, rather than a nursing home. In assisted living, there is a fair level of independence with lots of safety nets if additional care or safety measures are needed.
I'm definitely no expert on pain killer addiction, especially since yours stems from definitely health issues that are unbelievably painful. I've had two back surgeries myself and you have my sympathy. But I think you absolutely should talk to your doctor about the addiction and steps that can be taken to kick it. I'm afraid for your safety and your mom's. You can NOT provide responsible and proper care to her if you're under the influence no matter how genuine your intentions. Think about how you'd feel if you administered your mom medications in amounts that had a consequence.
Putting your parent in a longterm care facility is not the end of the world. But I'm pretty sure your mom would feel like it was the end of her world if something happened to you, with regard to the addiction.
Talk to your doctor and find out what rehabilitation would be like for yourself. Explain your situation. As for options and alternatives. I'm really hopeful something can work out for the both of you.
Hi Yebel,
First, I applaud your bravery and honesty in posting- it's not easy admitting an addiction. In addition to the great advice Missy and Laura gave, I would also suggest the option of respite care for your mom while you sought care for yourself. Respite care will offer temporary caregiving services while you are away. There are many short-term rehab centers that could really help with your addiction while not keeping you away from your mom for too long. You can check with your local Area Agency on Aging to find respite-care services in your area. You can also click here:
http://www.caring.com/local/area-agency-on-agings
to look up one by state.
Please keep us updated on how you're doing! You sound like a great daughter and your mom is lucky to have you.
Lisa
I want to thank you ladies for responding to my problem. I am still trying to figure things out. Your suggestions are appreciated and I will look into them. I will also keep you updated.
Alot of people assume that it must be the daughter taking care MOM but I am her son. Even her Doctors are are always saying how unusual it is that son is the one taking care of her. That always makes me feel very good. I am looking into programs for myself to help my addiction I will keep you updated. Just knowing people like you 3 are out there helps me very much.
Thank you my name is Dan
