My mother is 81 and has beginning dementia and incontinence. She is putting ads in the personals for love with younger men (55-60 years old) and going out with anyone who shows up at her apartment. She is also sexually active with them. I was in the process of getting guardianship of her on her dr.'s recommendation so I could get her into an assisted living facility.
When I came to tell her I received guardianship, she ran away to her old home town about 3 hours away from where I live. She is staying with a friend and says she isn't coming back to my city. I am willing to compromise and let her go in assisted living in her old town but she won't hear of it. She knows then she won't be able to have her male visitors.
Her old apartment is getting ready to throw her out because of several rule violations and the management there also recommends assisted living for her.
She was trying to move to her old city and get an apartment on her own but there are few friends and no family in that town anymore. As well as my sister and I not wanting her to be in apartment all by herself with no support system if something goes wrong.
What do I do. Have the police go with me and make her come back to the assisted living in my town, or let her have the apartment in her old town and wait until something really bad happens?
You are her guardian now. Do what is best for her or you are not caring for her....you may be responsible for her actions if something happens. Love her enough to make her angry. She'll get over it. No dates, too!
My heart goes out to you with your situation. You may have to "trick" her to get her to go with you. Offer a 3 day weekend outing with you somewhere. Talk about nothing, old days, new adventures, hobbies, what it was like to grow up....anything. Gain her confidence that things are ok. Tricking is a little under handed, but you don't want to go to jail for her behavior IF you have guardianship. It sounds as if her "sexual urges" have been pushed maybe by medications (?). If it happens to men, why not women? After you gain her trust, just tell her how much you love her and want her to be safe, then take her back to the assisted living. They may have to move her to another part of their facility and put a bracelet on her for her safety. When there on mental changes going on, "tricking them" is not deceit, it is called love. The best to you!
Dear Melody, If your mother is running away, she is in need of a locked/secure facility and is beyond "assisted living". I work in an assisted living facility and we are not responsible for people leaving -- they are considered "independent" and only need "assistance" with administration of pills, bathing, etc. Any time a resident/client wanders from the facility (as it happens a lot), their family is called and told that they can not longer stay because we are not responsible for them. Last winter we had a woman who walked out after supper and was going to walk to church downtown -- it was below zero. She fell on main street and luckily someone was driving by and called 911. She was okay, but broke her nose and is now very happy in the nursing home, where there are a lot of activities to keep her busy. She wears an alarm band on her wrist so any time she gets near an exit door, an alarm goes off and staff is on the alert. You want your mother safe, so you have to take away her independence.
