How do I talk to my dad about moving his mother?
In June or July of 2009 (can't pinpoint, it's been a loooong time!) my grandma's back broke due to osteoporosis.(sp?) She had a back surgery called kyphon on July 21st to try and fix it. She ended up with a staph infection and spent from August into the end of September in the hospital and a rehab hospital. She walked into the hospital for surgery and came out with a walker and barely able to stand on her own. She cannot get up by herself, bathe herself, or even dress herself. Her legs give out and she falls all of the time. She fell and hit her head about 3 weeks ago.
My dad, his girlfriend, and I are her only caretakers. My dad and I have full time jobs and his girlfriend has a part time job. She needs someone to stay overnight. I was going about 3 - 4 times a week and staying all day on Saturdays. I've just bought my first home and am getting married next year. I've cut down my care time with her to 2 nights and on Saturdays because my dad was becoming way dependant on me and the idea of me moving in with her was thrown around because I don't have children. She's starting to become mean.
My grandma fell last week in the hour between when I went to work and when the next person came to fill in time. She broke her arm and had to have pins and a tension bar put in a few days ago. She told me it was my fault because I left. I have to work to live!!! I am terrified to care for her and don't know if I can bring myself to do things like clean her up after she goes to the bathroom. I am not a nurse, just a granddaughter in her early 20s.
My grandma is never going to improve. She's slowly getting worse and with the arm break it takes 2 people to care for her at a time. I don't know how to tell my dad I don't think I can help anymore. How do I approach him about possibly moving her into a nursing home? She is now beyond our care. Dad is only 50 and had a stroke last year and I am very concerned about the toll this is taking on him. Can someone please help me? Even if it's just telling me you have been here. I'm always depressed and I find myself resenting my family.
How do I talk to my dad about moving his mother?
In June or July of 2009 (can't pinpoint, it's been a loooong time!) my grandma's back broke due to osteoporosis.(sp?) She had a back surgery called kyphon on July 21st to try and fix it. She ended up with a staph infection and spent from August into the end of September in the hospital and a rehab hospital. She walked into the hospital for surgery and came out with a walker and barely able to stand on her own. She cannot get up by herself, bathe herself, or even dress herself. Her legs give out and she falls all of the time. She fell and hit her head about 3 weeks ago.
My dad, his girlfriend, and I are her only caretakers. My dad and I have full time jobs and his girlfriend has a part time job. She needs someone to stay overnight. I was going about 3 - 4 times a week and staying all day on Saturdays. I've just bought my first home and am getting married next year. I've cut down my care time with her to 2 nights and on Saturdays because my dad was becoming way dependant on me and the idea of me moving in with her was thrown around because I don't have children. She's starting to become mean.
My grandma fell last week in the hour between when I went to work and when the next person came to fill in time. She broke her arm and had to have pins and a tension bar put in a few days ago. She told me it was my fault because I left. I have to work to live!!! I am terrified to care for her and don't know if I can bring myself to do things like clean her up after she goes to the bathroom. I am not a nurse, just a granddaughter in her early 20s.
My grandma is never going to improve. She's slowly getting worse and with the arm break it takes 2 people to care for her at a time. I don't know how to tell my dad I don't think I can help anymore. How do I approach him about possibly moving her into a nursing home? She is now beyond our care. Dad is only 50 and had a stroke last year and I am very concerned about the toll this is taking on him. Can someone please help me? Even if it's just telling me you have been here. I'm always depressed and I find myself resenting my family.
Hi Kimberly,
When a loved one's care exceeds your abillity to provide it, something HAS to be done to protect everyone. Professional care protects your grandmother from getting hurt and it protects you, your dad and his girlfriend from injury, also, in lifting her and such. Nurses and aides go through training on how to do it properly.
I've found when you talk about the care needed and how it can better be provided elsewhere, you'll do better than stressing, "I'm worried about your health, Dad" because he may be likely to get defensive and say "I'm fine! This is my mother!" You know?
Hi Kimberly,
When a loved one's care exceeds your abillity to provide it, something HAS to be done to protect everyone. Professional care protects your grandmother from getting hurt and it protects you, your dad and his girlfriend from injury, also, in lifting her and such. Nurses and aides go through training on how to do it properly.
I've found when you talk about the care needed and how it can better be provided elsewhere, you'll do better than stressing, "I'm worried about your health, Dad" because he may be likely to get defensive and say "I'm fine! This is my mother!" You know?
I did try to approach him the day before her surgery about taking the next step. She has openly said she doesn't want someone who isn't family in the house and she doesn't want to go to a nursing home because she doesn't want her things to be gone. My dad nearly flew off the handle at my suggestion of discussing a new path. He didn't want to discuss the discussion! Maybe there is a way I can approach my grandma and tell her she has got to start making some new decisions because she is still mentally competent.
Thank you for your support, Missy. It's nice to have someone voice the concerns in my head.
I did try to approach him the day before her surgery about taking the next step. She has openly said she doesn't want someone who isn't family in the house and she doesn't want to go to a nursing home because she doesn't want her things to be gone. My dad nearly flew off the handle at my suggestion of discussing a new path. He didn't want to discuss the discussion! Maybe there is a way I can approach my grandma and tell her she has got to start making some new decisions because she is still mentally competent.
Thank you for your support, Missy. It's nice to have someone voice the concerns in my head.
You're welcome! That's why we're here.
It's really tough when you have the caregivee saying, "I don't want too!" I wonder if what drives that is fear of the unkonwn. Like maybe would she be amenable to someone in the house who isn't family if a family member is there too? Perhaps you could baby step this and hire someone to just help with the care in home for just a few hours while a family member is in attendance while everyone gets familliar and comfortable with each other.
If your dad is unwilling to discuss, maybe the best bet for you, personally, would be to set limits (I can only be here for these hours on these days), stick to them (I know you need more from me, but I must work) and always remind your dad that you're concerned and open to talking about it whenever he's ready (I'm afraid for you. Let's find alternatives together that everyone is comfortable with trying).
I'm anxious to hear what others have to say. I'm glad you joined us!
You're welcome! That's why we're here.
It's really tough when you have the caregivee saying, "I don't want too!" I wonder if what drives that is fear of the unkonwn. Like maybe would she be amenable to someone in the house who isn't family if a family member is there too? Perhaps you could baby step this and hire someone to just help with the care in home for just a few hours while a family member is in attendance while everyone gets familliar and comfortable with each other.
If your dad is unwilling to discuss, maybe the best bet for you, personally, would be to set limits (I can only be here for these hours on these days), stick to them (I know you need more from me, but I must work) and always remind your dad that you're concerned and open to talking about it whenever he's ready (I'm afraid for you. Let's find alternatives together that everyone is comfortable with trying).
I'm anxious to hear what others have to say. I'm glad you joined us!