69+ - What do people my age do during the day when there is no family -in a new state where the community is not overly friendly - how to friends
"I have been a caregiver for my parents from 1994 till mid 2008 when my last parent died. The past year I have had a series of illnesses and moved to another state. I have no family. I never had problems making friends before, but it seems that I don't seem able to find women who I can identify with. Seems the years I should have been making new friends were those where my responsibilities were elsewhere. I don't play cards, can't golf or play tennis (Physical reasons), am not particularly interested in shopping. What do women around 70 do during the day - I was getting information for seniors and their families on benefits, agencies, in home care, etc., but it is a very personal issue and people are reticent about discussing these issues. I worked on a web site putting together a great deal of info to help these people get through a difficult time, no charge an had the site posted.
My question is what do average people my age do during the day - I am not ready to go back into hospice yet, although I am good at it. I cannot work and there is only so much gardening to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I just feel lost."
69+ - What do people my age do during the day when there is no family -in a new state where the community is not overly friendly - how to friends
"I have been a caregiver for my parents from 1994 till mid 2008 when my last parent died. The past year I have had a series of illnesses and moved to another state. I have no family. I never had problems making friends before, but it seems that I don't seem able to find women who I can identify with. Seems the years I should have been making new friends were those where my responsibilities were elsewhere. I don't play cards, can't golf or play tennis (Physical reasons), am not particularly interested in shopping. What do women around 70 do during the day - I was getting information for seniors and their families on benefits, agencies, in home care, etc., but it is a very personal issue and people are reticent about discussing these issues. I worked on a web site putting together a great deal of info to help these people get through a difficult time, no charge an had the site posted.
My question is what do average people my age do during the day - I am not ready to go back into hospice yet, although I am good at it. I cannot work and there is only so much gardening to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. I just feel lost."
Garu - I'm 60, so I am a little younger, but I found myself in a similar situation when my wife was ill, and after she passed away.
I think you need to figure out what you enjoy first. A good place to look for things to try, and people to try them with, is meetup.com. I started exercising - just walking - then I started hiking in the hills nearby when I needed something tougher. I joined some hiking groups at meetup.com - I love the hiking, and have met some good friends.
On meetup.com, you can search for groups in your area. There are active groups, such as hiking, walking, and dancing, political groups, religious groups, etc. Just about all of this is free.
While my wife was ill, I got a lot of help from a couple of local support groups - but, afterward, I was just burned out about caring giving, and thinking about my wife's particular health issues. You might want to continue with caring giving - but try some other things as well.
Good luck. Dan
Garu - I'm 60, so I am a little younger, but I found myself in a similar situation when my wife was ill, and after she passed away.
I think you need to figure out what you enjoy first. A good place to look for things to try, and people to try them with, is meetup.com. I started exercising - just walking - then I started hiking in the hills nearby when I needed something tougher. I joined some hiking groups at meetup.com - I love the hiking, and have met some good friends.
On meetup.com, you can search for groups in your area. There are active groups, such as hiking, walking, and dancing, political groups, religious groups, etc. Just about all of this is free.
While my wife was ill, I got a lot of help from a couple of local support groups - but, afterward, I was just burned out about caring giving, and thinking about my wife's particular health issues. You might want to continue with caring giving - but try some other things as well.
Good luck. Dan
Hi there, I have joined a Water aerobics class at the Senior Citizens center. There are other things to do at the Senior Citizen center as well. Call the Chamber of Commerce and see what is available for your age group. Volunteer! Let us know if any of these things worked for you. I know it is tough making new friends in any community. I have been caregiving so long I've lost about all my friends. My caregiving has been ongoing with aging parents, an addict daughter, her children, my husband, etc. There is no rest in sight. I'm burned out!
Sandy
Hi there, I have joined a Water aerobics class at the Senior Citizens center. There are other things to do at the Senior Citizen center as well. Call the Chamber of Commerce and see what is available for your age group. Volunteer! Let us know if any of these things worked for you. I know it is tough making new friends in any community. I have been caregiving so long I've lost about all my friends. My caregiving has been ongoing with aging parents, an addict daughter, her children, my husband, etc. There is no rest in sight. I'm burned out!
Sandy
Be patient. Go to church or temple. Sign up to do a volunteer job, especially in the kitchen. That's what I did. Good Luck!
Be patient. Go to church or temple. Sign up to do a volunteer job, especially in the kitchen. That's what I did. Good Luck!
All the other posts are right on...find what you missed doing during your caregiving years...I haev my own personal 'bucket list' for when my husband is no longer here.
All the other posts are right on...find what you missed doing during your caregiving years...I haev my own personal 'bucket list' for when my husband is no longer here.
I have been in the same position. Do you knit or crochet? Or have a desire to learn? Many churches or temples have groups that knit or crochet items that are then donated to various groups or individuals. We do prayer shawls which are given to members of the parish that are very ill; hats and scarfs for the homeless. They will also teach you to knit or crochet. Many yarn shops have groups that gather once a week to knit/crochet.
For a while I worked with Meals on Wheels (known as Mobile Meals here) deliveing meals once of month.
Animals shelters are always looking for people to help socialize dogs and take them for walks.
I have been in the same position. Do you knit or crochet? Or have a desire to learn? Many churches or temples have groups that knit or crochet items that are then donated to various groups or individuals. We do prayer shawls which are given to members of the parish that are very ill; hats and scarfs for the homeless. They will also teach you to knit or crochet. Many yarn shops have groups that gather once a week to knit/crochet.
For a while I worked with Meals on Wheels (known as Mobile Meals here) deliveing meals once of month.
Animals shelters are always looking for people to help socialize dogs and take them for walks.
You seem a very articulate person and one who can use a computer.There are several safe social sites online as well as special interest groups for gardeners, senior advocates, etc.
Even without family, if you enjoy young people, you can communticate with someone who needs a penpal - say a military service person or a child in foster care - who would benefit from a new friend.
Otherwise, choose any field of interest you enjoy (or once enjoyed) and you are likely to find an online communtiy of like minds.
You seem a very articulate person and one who can use a computer.There are several safe social sites online as well as special interest groups for gardeners, senior advocates, etc.
Even without family, if you enjoy young people, you can communticate with someone who needs a penpal - say a military service person or a child in foster care - who would benefit from a new friend.
Otherwise, choose any field of interest you enjoy (or once enjoyed) and you are likely to find an online communtiy of like minds.
I agree, if you are on the web then you have the world at your disposal! Lots of chat groups. also try dailystrength.com I am sure there is a support group there and you can journal your thoughts and share if you like or don't like. Also, if you have a decent computer you can try www.secondlife.com Create a free account and install. This will take you to people from all over the world and you can make your own representation of yourself on how YOU want to look! Virtual worlds can be pretty fun. You walk, talk, type and teleport all over the user created worlds. Go dancing in nightclubs, play Tringo, shop, tour, fly, it's endless and if you want to look like your 20 again (Most of us do) you can have a hay day! Personally I like it better than RL (Real Life). You can own virtual property, buy and sell, make things to sell, or use. Setup that beach front property and set up a beautiful home. Anything is possible in SecondLife!
I agree, if you are on the web then you have the world at your disposal! Lots of chat groups. also try dailystrength.com I am sure there is a support group there and you can journal your thoughts and share if you like or don't like. Also, if you have a decent computer you can try www.secondlife.com Create a free account and install. This will take you to people from all over the world and you can make your own representation of yourself on how YOU want to look! Virtual worlds can be pretty fun. You walk, talk, type and teleport all over the user created worlds. Go dancing in nightclubs, play Tringo, shop, tour, fly, it's endless and if you want to look like your 20 again (Most of us do) you can have a hay day! Personally I like it better than RL (Real Life). You can own virtual property, buy and sell, make things to sell, or use. Setup that beach front property and set up a beautiful home. Anything is possible in SecondLife!
Hi! I am in a similar position; getting older, not able to easily do some of the more physical activities-hiking, canoing, biking--I used to do & w/o many friends(some because they can't do much at all, some because they are gone). Thanks to my (deceased) husband, I have a lot of family, but they are a young family--too young to do anything with or even to have much to talk about except their kids. Here are some of things I've tried, w/varing success: >The local college has classes for elders-I have found one class in poarticular that I really enjoy the group(comparative religions) & I usually enroll in one or 2 other each "semester"(usually 6-8 weeks in the spring & in the fall)classes that look interesting, but if I go & they are not what I expected--I drop out--it is only $20 registration each semester & $10 a class. >The state Fish & Wildlife sponsers bi-annual weekends for women interested in learning "outdoorsy" things at the State Parks--I go mostly to meet people I may enjoy. >I got a little dog (at just over 10lbs., he is much easier to handle than the horses & used to work with) & have been envolved in dog-training classes--even took him to a dog-training "camp" in Va.! >I would be careful that any "volunteer" activities I committed to were things & not only enjoyed--but I really found FUN--& cultivate being able to say "No." & also quiting if it becomes tedious. I volunteered to work at the World Equesterian Games this Fall (I live in KY). >Even though I live in the boonies, I've been buying a season pass to a concert-series which I usually attend with a work-aquaintance who lives in the city a couple of hours away--I stay over in the winter after the concert so I don't have to worry with bad roads. Have you ever been involved in your local (EVERY state & county has one--it is through the Agriculture Extension Office) Home Extension Homemakers' group? Sometimes there is a Master Gardeners Group, & they would be aware of crafters & hobby groups too. All this will keep you busy but as for finding real friends, the kind you can call & have a heart-to-heart with, it will take more time & work to develop. Think about those kind of friends you've had in the past--it took years...; right? But this is a start & even if it never really gets to that level with any one person(s), you will have met some interesting people & have had a lot of fun trying. Susan - aRedneckAngel@hotmail.com
Hi! I am in a similar position; getting older, not able to easily do some of the more physical activities-hiking, canoing, biking--I used to do & w/o many friends(some because they can't do much at all, some because they are gone). Thanks to my (deceased) husband, I have a lot of family, but they are a young family--too young to do anything with or even to have much to talk about except their kids. Here are some of things I've tried, w/varing success: >The local college has classes for elders-I have found one class in poarticular that I really enjoy the group(comparative religions) & I usually enroll in one or 2 other each "semester"(usually 6-8 weeks in the spring & in the fall)classes that look interesting, but if I go & they are not what I expected--I drop out--it is only $20 registration each semester & $10 a class. >The state Fish & Wildlife sponsers bi-annual weekends for women interested in learning "outdoorsy" things at the State Parks--I go mostly to meet people I may enjoy. >I got a little dog (at just over 10lbs., he is much easier to handle than the horses & used to work with) & have been envolved in dog-training classes--even took him to a dog-training "camp" in Va.! >I would be careful that any "volunteer" activities I committed to were things & not only enjoyed--but I really found FUN--& cultivate being able to say "No." & also quiting if it becomes tedious. I volunteered to work at the World Equesterian Games this Fall (I live in KY). >Even though I live in the boonies, I've been buying a season pass to a concert-series which I usually attend with a work-aquaintance who lives in the city a couple of hours away--I stay over in the winter after the concert so I don't have to worry with bad roads. Have you ever been involved in your local (EVERY state & county has one--it is through the Agriculture Extension Office) Home Extension Homemakers' group? Sometimes there is a Master Gardeners Group, & they would be aware of crafters & hobby groups too. All this will keep you busy but as for finding real friends, the kind you can call & have a heart-to-heart with, it will take more time & work to develop. Think about those kind of friends you've had in the past--it took years...; right? But this is a start & even if it never really gets to that level with any one person(s), you will have met some interesting people & have had a lot of fun trying. Susan - aRedneckAngel@hotmail.com
Almost every community has a "Newcomers Club". Go on line and type in Newcomers or Welcome Wagon plus your town and see what comes up. If you don't golf or swim or play cards...there is always LUNCH! Good luck.
Almost every community has a "Newcomers Club". Go on line and type in Newcomers or Welcome Wagon plus your town and see what comes up. If you don't golf or swim or play cards...there is always LUNCH! Good luck.
I've really found all of the suggestions made very helpful & worthwhile.
I am "blessed" with a triple "problem": (1) My elderly mother is still living, so it makes it nearly impossible for me to, physically, go much of anywhere.
(2) I still work full time (have a hired caregiver during the day), so it's not much, but that's my temporary "social network".
(3) Five years ago, my husband died, and every friend I had (except for another widow) dropped me as friend like a hot potato--could no longer relate to me.
I've really found all of the suggestions made very helpful & worthwhile.
I am "blessed" with a triple "problem": (1) My elderly mother is still living, so it makes it nearly impossible for me to, physically, go much of anywhere.
(2) I still work full time (have a hired caregiver during the day), so it's not much, but that's my temporary "social network".
(3) Five years ago, my husband died, and every friend I had (except for another widow) dropped me as friend like a hot potato--could no longer relate to me.
I know what you mean Garu. I'm 72, took care of my Mom for 9 1/2 years until she passed away in 2008. My husband divorced me, so I came into a Senior High Rise. I volunteer downstairs in the morning at the Senior center for the Lunch Program then spend the rest of the day in my apartment on the computer. My kids put together one for me to try the year after my Mom died because I had no friends, lost them when I was always busy with my Mom so my first thing I did was fill out for a Pen Pal. I received about 8 letters from as far away as England. Ten years later I'm still writing to 4 of the ladies, in fact I took my first plane ride to visit the one in Maine. You have to get yourself involved with things like the Senior Center. Get into a hobbie, mine is still Counted Cross Stitch and reading about the Amish People. These people will show you how things can be very simple yet interesting. Start a new life for yourself, you alone can do that, just make up your mind you will try something new and go on from there. Good luck, e-mail me, I'd love to be friends with you. psm.0823@verizon.net
I know what you mean Garu. I'm 72, took care of my Mom for 9 1/2 years until she passed away in 2008. My husband divorced me, so I came into a Senior High Rise. I volunteer downstairs in the morning at the Senior center for the Lunch Program then spend the rest of the day in my apartment on the computer. My kids put together one for me to try the year after my Mom died because I had no friends, lost them when I was always busy with my Mom so my first thing I did was fill out for a Pen Pal. I received about 8 letters from as far away as England. Ten years later I'm still writing to 4 of the ladies, in fact I took my first plane ride to visit the one in Maine. You have to get yourself involved with things like the Senior Center. Get into a hobbie, mine is still Counted Cross Stitch and reading about the Amish People. These people will show you how things can be very simple yet interesting. Start a new life for yourself, you alone can do that, just make up your mind you will try something new and go on from there. Good luck, e-mail me, I'd love to be friends with you. psm.0823@verizon.net
YES, there are so many good ideas in the response to this post.I think she needs to focus on What she likes about herself and what she wants to improve or enjoy.Maybe this person really likes to be by herself most of the time but still gets lonely from time to time.I am almost seventy and am very grateful that I have a lot of things that still interest me.There are so many groups out there that aren't demanding although most groups rely on volunteers to keep going.Should be a senior center around where she lives and some of these older folks are quite a lot of fun.Maybe she needs to reach out and try something really new to her,just for the fun of it.
YES, there are so many good ideas in the response to this post.I think she needs to focus on What she likes about herself and what she wants to improve or enjoy.Maybe this person really likes to be by herself most of the time but still gets lonely from time to time.I am almost seventy and am very grateful that I have a lot of things that still interest me.There are so many groups out there that aren't demanding although most groups rely on volunteers to keep going.Should be a senior center around where she lives and some of these older folks are quite a lot of fun.Maybe she needs to reach out and try something really new to her,just for the fun of it.
Hello all, It sounds like we just made us a group of emailing buddies. I just got back from my mom and dad's - - I'm nearly as old as they are now. LOL
Dad just got out of the hospital and is in bed. When he went in it was for MRSA and the hospital stay nearly killed him. He lost 14 pounds since Thursday (taking the fluid off him). He is a kidney patient and has COPD (on oxygen 24-7). Mom followed me around and made herself some bread and milk (she has dementia). I brought back roast, potatoes, okra and cobbler from the Deli and dad some 7 up and popsicles and chicken noodle soup.
Now I am off to my part-time job which will be over soon as school ends this year and then I plan to try to get some rooms cleaned out and up around here.
Also a Google Group is nice to get involved with in your community. I belong to one for this area. I also email lots of folks on the Internet then there is Seniorsmeet.com if you are looking for a friend.
Take care all,
Sandy
Hello all, It sounds like we just made us a group of emailing buddies. I just got back from my mom and dad's - - I'm nearly as old as they are now. LOL
Dad just got out of the hospital and is in bed. When he went in it was for MRSA and the hospital stay nearly killed him. He lost 14 pounds since Thursday (taking the fluid off him). He is a kidney patient and has COPD (on oxygen 24-7). Mom followed me around and made herself some bread and milk (she has dementia). I brought back roast, potatoes, okra and cobbler from the Deli and dad some 7 up and popsicles and chicken noodle soup.
Now I am off to my part-time job which will be over soon as school ends this year and then I plan to try to get some rooms cleaned out and up around here.
Also a Google Group is nice to get involved with in your community. I belong to one for this area. I also email lots of folks on the Internet then there is Seniorsmeet.com if you are looking for a friend.
Take care all,
Sandy
I have found this exchange most interesting!thank you for the topic and all the great replies
I have found this exchange most interesting!thank you for the topic and all the great replies
Thank you for the topic; very important for us at our age especially the ones who are widows and widowers. I am a widow and 68 years old, retired, so I spend my time gardening, facebook, internet, reading and praying. I visit my children and get involve with my grand kids; then, I go back home. I live in Northern Virginia and my children are in Ohio. I don't really have a best friend anymore - she passed away in 2006 (I took care of her for 2 years - she had cancer; I wish I could find another best friend like I had; it is not easy to find one. I do have friends I see sometimes for lunch or dinner or coffee chat. I have lots of facebook friends. Maybe you can do the same. We can be facebook friends; my e-mail deanaurora@hotmail.com
Thank you for the topic; very important for us at our age especially the ones who are widows and widowers. I am a widow and 68 years old, retired, so I spend my time gardening, facebook, internet, reading and praying. I visit my children and get involve with my grand kids; then, I go back home. I live in Northern Virginia and my children are in Ohio. I don't really have a best friend anymore - she passed away in 2006 (I took care of her for 2 years - she had cancer; I wish I could find another best friend like I had; it is not easy to find one. I do have friends I see sometimes for lunch or dinner or coffee chat. I have lots of facebook friends. Maybe you can do the same. We can be facebook friends; my e-mail deanaurora@hotmail.com
well...a senior center or just talkin gto your grand chirlden sometimes will be very heplfull:)...live a happy life
<3 taylor
well...a senior center or just talkin gto your grand chirlden sometimes will be very heplfull:)...live a happy life
<3 taylor
This has nothing to do with our conversations = Your placing it here is not only inappropriate, but insures I would never visit this site of yours --
Thanks to the others who took the time to give valuable advise and were not self serving
This has nothing to do with our conversations = Your placing it here is not only inappropriate, but insures I would never visit this site of yours --
Thanks to the others who took the time to give valuable advise and were not self serving
Volunteer at an animal shelter. They need help in every county in the USA. The other volunteers care more about animals not designer clothes. They are caring people and will openly accept you for your help whether it is manning the phone, walking the lonely pets, or just visiting with the pets. If the walking part doesn't work for you there will be a variety of tasks and often when their day is done the volunteers go for coffee or dessert. Many volunteers can't take the pet home because of living arrangements or because they live in an apartment. They make the best volunteers and EVRYONE WINS !
Got to a church, any church volunteer, if they have a food bank or a thrift store or child care center or need newsletters stuffered or mailings stamped. They will be some you ENJOY more than others find the right one for you. Nearly, EVERY CHURCH has a few pains in the neck but look beyond them. the aniaml people are fine
Also the Local public library can use a variety of help and you have the beneifit of being their with the books Cds computers etc. and the people another EVERYBODY WINS!
Volunteer at an animal shelter. They need help in every county in the USA. The other volunteers care more about animals not designer clothes. They are caring people and will openly accept you for your help whether it is manning the phone, walking the lonely pets, or just visiting with the pets. If the walking part doesn't work for you there will be a variety of tasks and often when their day is done the volunteers go for coffee or dessert. Many volunteers can't take the pet home because of living arrangements or because they live in an apartment. They make the best volunteers and EVRYONE WINS !
Got to a church, any church volunteer, if they have a food bank or a thrift store or child care center or need newsletters stuffered or mailings stamped. They will be some you ENJOY more than others find the right one for you. Nearly, EVERY CHURCH has a few pains in the neck but look beyond them. the aniaml people are fine
Also the Local public library can use a variety of help and you have the beneifit of being their with the books Cds computers etc. and the people another EVERYBODY WINS!