How Do I Juggle them??
So, my Nana and my Mom's side, had pancreatic cancer back in 06, she survived, got cancer again,survived, she's in hospice care, and has been on hospice for about 2 years now off and on, she's in the hospital due to diabetic shock after having her pancreas removed... her health just keeps going down, the doctors don't pay attention to what medications shes on, they're very very bad about that... at the same time, my Grandpa on my Dad's side was diagnosed with final stage lung cancer just 3 days ago, and he was given 1 - 6 months... he's in the hospital right now but my aunt is pushing for in-home/facility hospice care, not the hospital. I'm not sure exactly how to balance both of them out between hospital visits/ emotionally- right now I'm more worried for my Grandpa only because he's been givin a 'time', my Nana was too at one point a long time ago and she proved the doctors wrong- and she keeps doing so.. but the thought of losing both of them in short periods of time, and possible my papa too.... I can't even GRASP that mentally... that just all seems like way too much to take on... What can I do? Is there anything I CAN do? Any suggestions?
My best advice to you is to breathe. I'm so sorry your family is going through all of this at one time. I'm praying for you that it brings everyone closer together. In the meantime, spend as much time enjoying your Nana and Papa as possible. Two years in and out of hospice makes your Nana sound like a tough lady who isn't quite ready to give up the fight yet. Who knows...maybe you have longer with her that you think.
And your Papa, my father-in-law was given 6 months to live and he ended up lasting 13 months, I believe. At the time, he lived about 5 hours from us and we went up there every weekend to just enjoy him. It was tough. It cost a ton of money in travel expenses. It made me meglect other aspects of our lives, but I don't regret one second of it. When he passed, I knew he did so knowing we loved him and embraced him while he was with us.
One question - have you talked to the hospice organizations that are caring your grandparents about their services for the family? They often have support groups and grief counseling (before and after losing a loved one). Maybe that's something you would want to consider trying. It's the type of thing that if you don't get anything out of it, stop going. No committment.
huge hugs to you I know you and your family must just be beside yourselves. :-(
We're doing the best that we can-- it's alot to take in, I'm going to see my Grandpa this afternoon I got a call and, now he is not expected to last past this week... I hate it for my own selfish reasons but I'm hoping he will at least be at peace.. I'll see him as much as I am able to... Nana is okay for now lol she is a very very strong stubborn woman which is good =-D
I just keep looking at the sky and praying... I think the only thing I can do is pray to God.. and trust him.
No I havent talked to the hospice organization yet- My other grandpa deals with them for nana and my grandpa on my dads side ( the one in the hospital) his daughter is coming out to make arrangements... I know I have a referral for depression to a psychologist so maybe that will help.
How did you guys get through it all?? Does it eventually get better/easier? Thank you so much.. hugs
Wow, HLR, what you are going through is incredible!! It must be terrible being torn back and forth between your two loved ones. I agree, you must just be with both grands as much as you can and make sure they know you love them. Don't worry about trying to fully believe in their mortality; you need that energy for the now, the later will come soon enough. Reminisce with them, be with them, and just think of what is now. At the same time, make sure you take time and care for yourself. Make time to decompress and not think about what's going on (yes, you can and should!). With all the stress, you need a break sometimes. Get into nature, read a book, go bowling, whatever will take your mind off things for just a little while. You'll be able to be with them rested and ready for whatever comes. Are the doctors who aren't paying attention to your Nana's meds hospital docs, or are they her doctors? Maybe you (or whoever is dealing with her care in the family) could speak to the hospital ombudsman; disregarding a patient's conditions and medications is going to make things worse, and she doesn't need that, as you know. If they're hospital doctors, maybe talking to her physician about this problem will help. God bless you all and give you all strength for this road you're walking. Keep posting; we're here for you.
My prayers are with you and your family. You are doing as much as you can for both of your grandparents, and they know that. I believe, from my own experience with close family deaths, that there is an understanding and awareness that becomes present in the dying that cannot be explained by the living. Your presence, regardless of the amount of time, is what matters to them. They knew how much you loved them when they were vital and healthy, and that is not forgotten just because they are approaching the end of life. Talk to them about your love for them, and the memories that will stay with you all of your life. One of our greatest fears of death is that we will be forgotten and your letting them know that they will never be forgotten will give them great comfort and help to ease their fear. Talk to each of them about the other grandparent and tell them how they are doing. That way if you cannot be there as much with one they will know that you must be with the other. There will be no quilt pushing from them, because they both know how hard this situation is for you. Infact they would help YOU if they could. Your love is great and remember Jesus said that of all the commandments the greatest of these is love. So love them, hold them in your arms, lie with them, talk to them, kiss their hands, checks, forheads anything you feel comfortable with knowing that your physical touch tells them so much about how you feel, even when they cannot respond.
What a blessing it is for them to have you for a granddaughter, and how we all hope our grandchildren will care so much when our time is up.
Thank you guys so much- it means alot to me that you are here...
My Grandpa passed away May 6th at 2am, in his sleep... with his daughter and his goddaughter by his sides. He had a long battle with COPD... and from that, lung cancer got him. He's VERY missed... we had his memorial yesterday, he didnt' want a funeral- he didn't want a viewing.. and, I got his hat and his marines handkerchief :)) May he rest in peace...
as for nana, shes in the nursing home- the hospital gave her sedatives my grandpa wanted to know why she was so out of it and what they were treating her for and they said pancreatic cancer and that all they could do was make her comfortable even though like-- she's been in remission for 7 years now from that, they were trying to kill her off....
