excessive hounding of questions - Help!
Hi I care for my mom who has moderate alzheimer's. She and my dad (who has dementia) came to live with me a yr ago. Every time I enter a room or make any move she jumps on me saying, "can I help?", "everything ok?" or "Are you ok?" with this worried tone of voice. After a yr of this I realize that my nerves are almost shot and I cringe everytime I hear her coming. I'm also a stay at home mom to a 4 yr old! What can I do to get her to stop this excessive hounding of these questions? Should I not respond to them? I would love to hear other caregivers solutions to simular situations. I find I just want to hide in my room all day - which is impossible. Help, before I blow my top! I'm getting so burned out with this and it's more stressful for me than I thought!"
excessive hounding of questions - Help!
Hi I care for my mom who has moderate alzheimer's. She and my dad (who has dementia) came to live with me a yr ago. Every time I enter a room or make any move she jumps on me saying, "can I help?", "everything ok?" or "Are you ok?" with this worried tone of voice. After a yr of this I realize that my nerves are almost shot and I cringe everytime I hear her coming. I'm also a stay at home mom to a 4 yr old! What can I do to get her to stop this excessive hounding of these questions? Should I not respond to them? I would love to hear other caregivers solutions to simular situations. I find I just want to hide in my room all day - which is impossible. Help, before I blow my top! I'm getting so burned out with this and it's more stressful for me than I thought!"
Is she on any kind of medication to calm her?
Is she on any kind of medication to calm her?
Repeating is common. As the disease progresses it gets worse. My mom drives me crazy. I now understand the "yes dear" from a husband. I seldom really listen to my mom after years of this. I find it best to answer but a short answer, keep it simple and easy on yourself because the question or comment will come right back again in 5 seconds. You cannot "make" her brain work any better, you cannot give an answer and expect it to stop this. The brain is not working. She's not doing it on purpose to irritate. It is far easier for you to accept it and find a way to deal. I find being in the car the worse. I tune my mom out after about the 4th time and start saying "sure" "ok", "yes" without even hearing what she said or asked. The only problem with that is once in awhile mom will say something I need to be hearing and by the time I really listen, she has forgotten what she said.
If you start medicating for everything you may just cause another worse problem. If she is overly upset to point of severely agitated, that is one thing. It is far easier for you to change. Think about how you respond to your 4 yr old, I'm sure it's with patience and kindness even though you are screaming inside. Good Luck
Repeating is common. As the disease progresses it gets worse. My mom drives me crazy. I now understand the "yes dear" from a husband. I seldom really listen to my mom after years of this. I find it best to answer but a short answer, keep it simple and easy on yourself because the question or comment will come right back again in 5 seconds. You cannot "make" her brain work any better, you cannot give an answer and expect it to stop this. The brain is not working. She's not doing it on purpose to irritate. It is far easier for you to accept it and find a way to deal. I find being in the car the worse. I tune my mom out after about the 4th time and start saying "sure" "ok", "yes" without even hearing what she said or asked. The only problem with that is once in awhile mom will say something I need to be hearing and by the time I really listen, she has forgotten what she said.
If you start medicating for everything you may just cause another worse problem. If she is overly upset to point of severely agitated, that is one thing. It is far easier for you to change. Think about how you respond to your 4 yr old, I'm sure it's with patience and kindness even though you are screaming inside. Good Luck
HI VICKIE, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THIS SITE. BUT I WANTED TO EXTEND MY ARMS FOR THE HUG. IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS FIGHT TO LIVE AND SURVIVE. I PRAY AND ASK GOD TO GIVE ME MORE STRENGTH AND PATIENCE. MY GRAND MOTHER IS 96 AND THIS WHAT SHE ALSO DOES. IT'S TIME WHEN I DO ATTEMPT TO BLOCK HER OUT. SHE HAS COME TO THE POINT WHERE SHE CALLS MY NAME COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE, AND THEN SINGS IT..COOOOOOOKIE. UNTIL I ANSWER. SO I FEEL YOU.
HI VICKIE, THIS IS MY FIRST TIME ON THIS SITE. BUT I WANTED TO EXTEND MY ARMS FOR THE HUG. IT TOOK ME A WHILE TO KNOW THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN THIS FIGHT TO LIVE AND SURVIVE. I PRAY AND ASK GOD TO GIVE ME MORE STRENGTH AND PATIENCE. MY GRAND MOTHER IS 96 AND THIS WHAT SHE ALSO DOES. IT'S TIME WHEN I DO ATTEMPT TO BLOCK HER OUT. SHE HAS COME TO THE POINT WHERE SHE CALLS MY NAME COOKIE, COOKIE, COOKIE, AND THEN SINGS IT..COOOOOOOKIE. UNTIL I ANSWER. SO I FEEL YOU.
Thank you all for your posts. It helps to know I'm not alone in all, which is very easy to do. Frazzled - she is taking Seraquel and is on the Exelon Patch. These do help keep her calm, but it doesnt help with the hounding questions. Hugs to all of you!
Thank you all for your posts. It helps to know I'm not alone in all, which is very easy to do. Frazzled - she is taking Seraquel and is on the Exelon Patch. These do help keep her calm, but it doesnt help with the hounding questions. Hugs to all of you!
Vicki in Wonderland, I smiled when I read how you asked that question about your mother repeating questions. My dad used to ask, "Where's my shoes?" Constantly! I thought if I ever heard that question again, I'd strangle the person who asked it. (Caregiving certainly tests us to the extreme.) Well, guess what? It became the title of one of my best-selling books: "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's. My guess is, your mom wants to feel useful knowing that she is losing her abilities and this is how she responds.
Vicki in Wonderland, I smiled when I read how you asked that question about your mother repeating questions. My dad used to ask, "Where's my shoes?" Constantly! I thought if I ever heard that question again, I'd strangle the person who asked it. (Caregiving certainly tests us to the extreme.) Well, guess what? It became the title of one of my best-selling books: "Where's my shoes?" My Father's Walk through Alzheimer's. My guess is, your mom wants to feel useful knowing that she is losing her abilities and this is how she responds.
My mother does the same thing. She is also in early stages of dementia. Very forgetful. I know my mother wants to be helpful and hates it that she forgets and has to depend on someone else. Thus she is trying to be in charge or helpful by asking :where are you going, what are you doing, what are you looking for. I just answer the questions just like I would if she were a friend or my sister. I realize this is part of the disease and aging process. I also spoke with my doctor for me and received medication that helped me cope. Mother's doctor also put her on antidepressants and that helped some.
My mother does the same thing. She is also in early stages of dementia. Very forgetful. I know my mother wants to be helpful and hates it that she forgets and has to depend on someone else. Thus she is trying to be in charge or helpful by asking :where are you going, what are you doing, what are you looking for. I just answer the questions just like I would if she were a friend or my sister. I realize this is part of the disease and aging process. I also spoke with my doctor for me and received medication that helped me cope. Mother's doctor also put her on antidepressants and that helped some.
It's funny.... I'm the caregiver, but I'M the one always asking my father "are you ok" "do you need something" It probably drives HIM nuts!
It's funny.... I'm the caregiver, but I'M the one always asking my father "are you ok" "do you need something" It probably drives HIM nuts!
Hi there... Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all have a night out together? My mother does the same thing, although I don't really see signs of alzheimers or dimentia. She's also been a very helpful person, but does like to be in control, thus the problem! I like being in control also and, as much as I love my mother, couldn't wait to get away from her when I was 18! She is constantly asking me questions, or relaying some awful story about her friends and their messed up families, or their poor health, or the problems of John & Kate..... And, although she is in pain, she talks about it ALL THE TIME! "I hurt, I ache".... I feel sympathetic, I truly do, but it's very difficult to hear from the time I rise until the time I go to bed! I gets very depressing and, no matter what the occasion, she has to talk about all her illnesses, the neighbor's illnesses - it's all gloom and doom! Even at dinner tonight for my son's 21st birthday! I kept trying to change the subject, but she didn't really join in the conversations that I was trying to have with my son and husband. I pray for patience too and do keep in mind that I may be the same way some day, but hopefully not :) hugs to you! I know it has to be tough, especially with a 4 year old! Hang in there sweetie! Blessing are coming your way!
Hi there... Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all have a night out together? My mother does the same thing, although I don't really see signs of alzheimers or dimentia. She's also been a very helpful person, but does like to be in control, thus the problem! I like being in control also and, as much as I love my mother, couldn't wait to get away from her when I was 18! She is constantly asking me questions, or relaying some awful story about her friends and their messed up families, or their poor health, or the problems of John & Kate..... And, although she is in pain, she talks about it ALL THE TIME! "I hurt, I ache".... I feel sympathetic, I truly do, but it's very difficult to hear from the time I rise until the time I go to bed! I gets very depressing and, no matter what the occasion, she has to talk about all her illnesses, the neighbor's illnesses - it's all gloom and doom! Even at dinner tonight for my son's 21st birthday! I kept trying to change the subject, but she didn't really join in the conversations that I was trying to have with my son and husband. I pray for patience too and do keep in mind that I may be the same way some day, but hopefully not :) hugs to you! I know it has to be tough, especially with a 4 year old! Hang in there sweetie! Blessing are coming your way!
My question is regarding Seraquel. My mother is in an Alzheimer's wing of an AL facility. She was recently seen by a neuropsychologist. She is currently on Namenda and the Excelon patch. This doctor is recommending Seraquel as a mood stabilizer. My mom also asks tons of questions, and is very fidgity at times. She has also gotten angry but not to a point where she would hurt herself or anyone else. We all get angry! Every link I have read about using seraquel with the elderly and dementia says "NO" not recommended yet they seem to think it would help. Any thoughts, ideas are welcome.
My question is regarding Seraquel. My mother is in an Alzheimer's wing of an AL facility. She was recently seen by a neuropsychologist. She is currently on Namenda and the Excelon patch. This doctor is recommending Seraquel as a mood stabilizer. My mom also asks tons of questions, and is very fidgity at times. She has also gotten angry but not to a point where she would hurt herself or anyone else. We all get angry! Every link I have read about using seraquel with the elderly and dementia says "NO" not recommended yet they seem to think it would help. Any thoughts, ideas are welcome.
I read this article in Parade this weekend, and it made me think of this thread. I found it very interesting, and it made sense!
http://www.parade.com/health/2010/11/21-unlocking-the-silent-prison.html
I read this article in Parade this weekend, and it made me think of this thread. I found it very interesting, and it made sense!
http://www.parade.com/health/2010/11/21-unlocking-the-silent-prison.html