Worrying about my dad
Hi There, I lucked onto this site after being Dr X and doing a ton of research about Congestive Heart Failure. Though my Dad has not yet been diagnosed with CHF, it is my extreme worry that he soon may be. My dad is the most amazing mand in the entire world and the thought of a disease that could kill him being even in the picture breaks my heart. My dad has been overweight for some time with edema in his legs. In December of 08 he was held up at gun point and that changed his life,he started to lose weight and take better care of himself. Over the last 6 months he has repeated issues of fluid in his lungs (most recently 2 liters in one) and being tired. The doctors have said it is not CHF as his echocardiogram is okay. I guess I am more frustrated because I have done my research, there are additional tests and things that should be done and could have been done then. Has anyone ever been in this situation, feeling like you are just waiting for something terrible to happen? I want to be positive, truly I do, but I am not quite sure how to do that. Sorry for the long post!
Hey there,
Welcome to Caring.com! I'm really glad you found us.
I can't comiserate more in the "waiting for something terrible to happen" category. I lost my dad a few months ago, but he had complicated health issues. (CHF not being one of them, so he's no comparison to your dad) As new symptoms would arise, I'd google them, get info and grill my mom about doctor appointments, "why didn't they do this test?" and "did they mention xyz?" "Why?". She must have wanted to strangle me. Now, as much as I try to remain calm, I do the same with her. Just tonight we were at an appointment about knee replacement surgery for her and my mind was just racing.
Something I've learned is to go to appointments with your dad and ask questions. In fact, I'm upfront about what I read on the internet and talk to the doc. In some cases, it's led to additional testing and in others I've minimally gotten more information from the doctor that helped me understand this or that. Tonight's question was regarding replacing both knees at one time and why that's not a good option for Mom. I left there satisfied.
Hope something I've said helped. It's tough seeing our parents age and deal with health issues.
My husband had CHF before he passed away. As a diagnosis, it doesn't do much for the patient, except explain away some symptoms. The symptoms are treated separately. As for talking with the Dr., you need to go to appointments with elders, or people with cognitive difficulties, as a second set of ears will catch different things from the person with the actual problem. Plus, if you don't bring up things, the Dr's are unable to know all that is going on with the patient - they only see them for a short period in a controlled environment. Be proactive, as you have been on the internet, and have conversations with the Dr's. Take care, and be involved, yet still allow for your father to be involved with his healthcare - it's a delicate balance between helping and controlling.
Both posts are helpful. We need to advocate for those who need it. Parents or others. It is smart to learn about the condition. It is also smart to be assertive, not aggressive. It maybe that sometimes we have to change doctors. Some doctors are secure and caring and open to education even from the patient. I hired such a doctor. In Australia it is s till easier to change the doctor when we need to. Yet many patient keep stuck with bad doctors. I advocate for some patients and friends and sometimes I had to insist for tests or speak my mind and voice my concerns. We need to use a language that minimise provoking defensiveness from the practitioners. They have egos as we have and are not too happy if lectured to. They are to answer our questions so we understand. They also to say they don't know when they don't know. This is a measure of a better doctor. A second or even third opinion is necessary and can even be life-saving. Be well!
Thank you all for your insight and support. As I suspected, my dad was diagnosed with CHF, from my understanding his heart is in good shape expect that it will not expand back out. He will potentially be having open heart surgery in the next few days to relieve that issue. His blood pressure is already down and has been limiting his salt intake to very little. I guess now, I just dont know what to do. You hear failure in a diagnosis and automatically thing immediate terrible things. How can I learn not to worry and help my dad too?
You are already half way there: certain words or terminology sounds scary. You realised that. The doctor to explain will minimise the waste of our fear. Or learning a bit more about the terminology often lessens our worry. Your love and concern for your dad cause anxiety but worry is not the same as concern. I see it this way: worry makes us fret, suffer, but does not help much the other person. Our heart, feelings dominate. Concern engages our brain too and we can be loving and practical including our self. You done all you could in practical research. You can not be responsible for his total management. You look out for him, I sense you want to take on more of the burden that is not yours. Actually you DO KNOW how to be positive: your actions shows that! I don't like the word "positive" as it sounds like a magical state of mind. I have seen some people feeling positive while neglecting their parent.- Not like you. It is important you get support for yourself as I sense it takes a lot out of you worrying about your dad. You do your bit, the doctors and nurses do their bit, allow yourself to trust in the good outcome. This is not trying to kid yourself, but realistic hope. You will radiate this towards your father too and help him with his anxiety. He will sense it. I wish your dad speedy recovery and for you the joy when it is over!
Be well! May your God go with you!
