I need a 15-20 year plan for destitute mother
My 67-year-old mother is destitute. My husband and I bought her an apartment and subsidize not only her rent, but also her food and household needs. She doesn't really do the math on that. My sister helps a little, but she is currently jobless and generally unwilling to discuss our mother's situation or future. Now Mom is talking about moving to "save" her money (and thereby, theoretically, reduce financial pressures on my sister). Since my sister can't be relied upon in an emergency, this can only mean that any costs to rescue Mom from a bad situation in future will be born by me--and I've done it too many times before. So . . . Do you have good advice on financial, legal, or familial arrangements we should be making now to reduce our long-term financial burden and guard against my mother's irrational behaviors? Ideally the arrangements or process of making them would also draw my sister into a partnership with us.
I need a 15-20 year plan for destitute mother
My 67-year-old mother is destitute. My husband and I bought her an apartment and subsidize not only her rent, but also her food and household needs. She doesn't really do the math on that. My sister helps a little, but she is currently jobless and generally unwilling to discuss our mother's situation or future. Now Mom is talking about moving to "save" her money (and thereby, theoretically, reduce financial pressures on my sister). Since my sister can't be relied upon in an emergency, this can only mean that any costs to rescue Mom from a bad situation in future will be born by me--and I've done it too many times before. So . . . Do you have good advice on financial, legal, or familial arrangements we should be making now to reduce our long-term financial burden and guard against my mother's irrational behaviors? Ideally the arrangements or process of making them would also draw my sister into a partnership with us.
See about getting her SSI and Medicaid and Food Stamps, if you haven't already. She won't get much, maybe 700.00 a month in SSI and 150 a month in food stamps, but it's better than nothing.
We ended up bringing DH's mom to live with us as she's sick and also broke. It was cheaper than subsidizing another household. We don't rely on his brother either, because we can't.
See if you can get Mom to put you on her bank accounts, so you can see where the money goes. Get a POA for her too, so you can take charge of her financial affairs if you need to as well.
See about getting her SSI and Medicaid and Food Stamps, if you haven't already. She won't get much, maybe 700.00 a month in SSI and 150 a month in food stamps, but it's better than nothing.
We ended up bringing DH's mom to live with us as she's sick and also broke. It was cheaper than subsidizing another household. We don't rely on his brother either, because we can't.
See if you can get Mom to put you on her bank accounts, so you can see where the money goes. Get a POA for her too, so you can take charge of her financial affairs if you need to as well.
The tough part is your mom may be thinking emotionally and not logically. I am the caregiver and the one who pays for everything with my grandparents. There are a few in the family who will verbally profess they will do anything for them when they come to a family gathering (that I arranged to get them to come). They never call or visit. One who does stop by every so often seems to have been working on their thinking. My grandfather who has dementia thinks that individual is the person who is doing the most. Lucky my grandmother knows my family sees them everyday and who does the shopping, doctors, rent etc.
I think a Power of Attorney and a well planned discussion of duties and commitments of expenses with your parents and sister would be a good start. Make your sister admit that she can't help in the areas (do not embarrass her) that you do. Set up back up plans when one party needs help.
The elderly are always fearful of money issues and just as concerned about being a burden on their family. Conversations and hugs will get you though their fears.
Of course use all the resources described in a previous post.
The tough part is your mom may be thinking emotionally and not logically. I am the caregiver and the one who pays for everything with my grandparents. There are a few in the family who will verbally profess they will do anything for them when they come to a family gathering (that I arranged to get them to come). They never call or visit. One who does stop by every so often seems to have been working on their thinking. My grandfather who has dementia thinks that individual is the person who is doing the most. Lucky my grandmother knows my family sees them everyday and who does the shopping, doctors, rent etc.
I think a Power of Attorney and a well planned discussion of duties and commitments of expenses with your parents and sister would be a good start. Make your sister admit that she can't help in the areas (do not embarrass her) that you do. Set up back up plans when one party needs help.
The elderly are always fearful of money issues and just as concerned about being a burden on their family. Conversations and hugs will get you though their fears.
Of course use all the resources described in a previous post.