I'm scared- just needing a place to vent
I've lived with my grandparents for the last 4 years. Grandma is blind and has been disabled since I was a kid. Grandpa has always been in ok health and been the caregiver for grandma. Over the last 4 years, his health has continued to slowly decline. This year, his age seems to have finally caught up with him. He will be 85 this December.
In the last 6 months, grandpa has continued to get weaker, shorter of breath, and just not feeling well. In the last 2 months, everything seems to have just blown up. He was in the hospital 3 times, including a few days in the ICU. He has been in an Acute Rehab Facility for some physical therapy for 2 weeks, and will be coming home tomorrow.
He is coming home needing to be on 4 liters continuous oxygen and still get very short of breath with any activity. The lung doctor told us last week that he won't get any better. He has too many medical issues that are all playing into each other. He could have several more years. But basically, his body is slowly beginning to fail. His heart is causing strain on the lungs, his lungs causing strain on the heart, his heart causing swelling and the water pills causing a strain on his kidneys.
I want him to be home, but I have to admit, I am scared. I can't even tell you what I am scared of. Scared of not being able to do it all? Granted I've taken care of him for a few years. But he's had such a huge change the last month.
I also work full time, and recently took almost a month off because of his hospitalizations. I'm scared about getting behind again. And then I think how selfish that is. This is my grandpa, the best guy I know! So what if I get behind in work?
I'm scared I'm in over my head. That maybe I'm not the right person for this.
I'm scared that if I make the wrong decision, or don't explain it 'just right' to grandpa, something bad will happen.
I'm scared that this is the beginning of the end. And I am not ready for that. I'm scared that he has had enough of the hospitals and doctors and procedures (which his heart doc says he needs another stent put in and I don't think grandpa is going to agree to do that) and I don't know that I'm ready for that.
I'm scared.....
I'm scared- just needing a place to vent
I've lived with my grandparents for the last 4 years. Grandma is blind and has been disabled since I was a kid. Grandpa has always been in ok health and been the caregiver for grandma. Over the last 4 years, his health has continued to slowly decline. This year, his age seems to have finally caught up with him. He will be 85 this December.
In the last 6 months, grandpa has continued to get weaker, shorter of breath, and just not feeling well. In the last 2 months, everything seems to have just blown up. He was in the hospital 3 times, including a few days in the ICU. He has been in an Acute Rehab Facility for some physical therapy for 2 weeks, and will be coming home tomorrow.
He is coming home needing to be on 4 liters continuous oxygen and still get very short of breath with any activity. The lung doctor told us last week that he won't get any better. He has too many medical issues that are all playing into each other. He could have several more years. But basically, his body is slowly beginning to fail. His heart is causing strain on the lungs, his lungs causing strain on the heart, his heart causing swelling and the water pills causing a strain on his kidneys.
I want him to be home, but I have to admit, I am scared. I can't even tell you what I am scared of. Scared of not being able to do it all? Granted I've taken care of him for a few years. But he's had such a huge change the last month.
I also work full time, and recently took almost a month off because of his hospitalizations. I'm scared about getting behind again. And then I think how selfish that is. This is my grandpa, the best guy I know! So what if I get behind in work?
I'm scared I'm in over my head. That maybe I'm not the right person for this.
I'm scared that if I make the wrong decision, or don't explain it 'just right' to grandpa, something bad will happen.
I'm scared that this is the beginning of the end. And I am not ready for that. I'm scared that he has had enough of the hospitals and doctors and procedures (which his heart doc says he needs another stent put in and I don't think grandpa is going to agree to do that) and I don't know that I'm ready for that.
I'm scared.....
I know your fear well and send you a huge hug knowing that's not much comfort.
I have to say that few of us are ready for the end, but the end will come whether we are ready or not.
Does his heart doctor really think he can withstand another procedure? Talk candidly with him/her about that. My biggest fear was/is causing more pain, more discomfort. I'm no fan of giving anyone...even myself...more years if they are going to be bad years. See if you can talk to Hospice. They are geared to providing quality of life and you can rest easy knowing Grandpa had the best to offer.
I hope I haven't given you more fear. When my father was actively dying I just kept asking myself, what would he want.
I know your fear well and send you a huge hug knowing that's not much comfort.
I have to say that few of us are ready for the end, but the end will come whether we are ready or not.
Does his heart doctor really think he can withstand another procedure? Talk candidly with him/her about that. My biggest fear was/is causing more pain, more discomfort. I'm no fan of giving anyone...even myself...more years if they are going to be bad years. See if you can talk to Hospice. They are geared to providing quality of life and you can rest easy knowing Grandpa had the best to offer.
I hope I haven't given you more fear. When my father was actively dying I just kept asking myself, what would he want.
Thinking of you as you bring him home today! It must be really hard to see the one who helped with the caregiving become the one who needs it most. Who is there during the day - do you have assistance from any home health aides? It seems like Hospice might be the most appropriate choice at this point - no more 911, hospitals, dragging out to the doctor. That is what we did for my grandmother years ago, and now my father-in-law. We just keep asking ourselves, what would he have wanted? I don't know your grandfather, but it seems like staying near you and his wife is familiar surroundings would be the most comforting option. But only if you can provide it without burning yourself out.
I understand your fears about work - I am also on a leave of absence and concerned about how it will affect my job. I hear often that my staff and colleagues are frustrated at the workload without me, and it makes me feel terrible. There is nothing selfish in being concerned about your work - your grandfather is nearing the end of his life, and you want to be there for him, but you also have the rest of your life to need to make a living.
Hope it goes as smoothly as possible as you adjust to the new order of things this week. Let us know -
Thinking of you as you bring him home today! It must be really hard to see the one who helped with the caregiving become the one who needs it most. Who is there during the day - do you have assistance from any home health aides? It seems like Hospice might be the most appropriate choice at this point - no more 911, hospitals, dragging out to the doctor. That is what we did for my grandmother years ago, and now my father-in-law. We just keep asking ourselves, what would he have wanted? I don't know your grandfather, but it seems like staying near you and his wife is familiar surroundings would be the most comforting option. But only if you can provide it without burning yourself out.
I understand your fears about work - I am also on a leave of absence and concerned about how it will affect my job. I hear often that my staff and colleagues are frustrated at the workload without me, and it makes me feel terrible. There is nothing selfish in being concerned about your work - your grandfather is nearing the end of his life, and you want to be there for him, but you also have the rest of your life to need to make a living.
Hope it goes as smoothly as possible as you adjust to the new order of things this week. Let us know -
Good luck today!
This is how I handled my fears and stress about work and the duel roll.
I retired at 58 - small pension, no health care, no SS (COBRA too expensive and no one else will have me) but other advantages; home and car paid for and mother's small SS check. For me to cut back on anything by essentials - though basic cable and internet I consider essential for two basically now homebound adults - wasn't/isn't difficult.
Is it for anyone? Oh, heck no. Would I recommend it? I don't know. Would I do it again? In a heart beat.
For me, the stress of constant leaves or days missed, plus letting down my internal customers and co-workers, was too much combined with caring for someone with dementia and hearing loss who will NOT see a doctor. Her not willing (more than not willing actually - violent) to see a doctor and not wanting anyone in the house put any other options in the nightmare catagory. Her hearing loss prevented me from checking up by phone multiple times a day because half the time she didn't hear the phone. Then I would panic - Has she wandered off? Fallen? Oh, the imagination is sometimes a horrible thing. When I was at work, I worried about home; when I was home I worried about work. I did this for over a year and finally could do it no more. Poor, to me, was better than dead or insane or even being viewed as unreliable or incompetent.
So, here I am - I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I'm doing the right thing, right now. Everyday is an adventure.
Listen to your heart.
Good luck today!
This is how I handled my fears and stress about work and the duel roll.
I retired at 58 - small pension, no health care, no SS (COBRA too expensive and no one else will have me) but other advantages; home and car paid for and mother's small SS check. For me to cut back on anything by essentials - though basic cable and internet I consider essential for two basically now homebound adults - wasn't/isn't difficult.
Is it for anyone? Oh, heck no. Would I recommend it? I don't know. Would I do it again? In a heart beat.
For me, the stress of constant leaves or days missed, plus letting down my internal customers and co-workers, was too much combined with caring for someone with dementia and hearing loss who will NOT see a doctor. Her not willing (more than not willing actually - violent) to see a doctor and not wanting anyone in the house put any other options in the nightmare catagory. Her hearing loss prevented me from checking up by phone multiple times a day because half the time she didn't hear the phone. Then I would panic - Has she wandered off? Fallen? Oh, the imagination is sometimes a horrible thing. When I was at work, I worried about home; when I was home I worried about work. I did this for over a year and finally could do it no more. Poor, to me, was better than dead or insane or even being viewed as unreliable or incompetent.
So, here I am - I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I'm doing the right thing, right now. Everyday is an adventure.
Listen to your heart.
I am sorry I haven't posted yet. I so appreciate your advise, your suggestions, your kind words, just taking the time to respond.
Grandpa was discharged yesterday afternoon. 3 hours later, we were in the ER. He had a temp of 103.4, shortness of breath and new onset of pain. Long story short- he was admitted for pneumonia, CHF exacerbation, A-Fib (guess that's back again) and abdominal pain.
The pain they believe is due to a build up of fluid around the hernia he has (we found out he had a hernia about 2-3 months ago, but it wasn't causing pain or anything so it was kinda put on the backburner due to his kidney, lung and heart issues). Well there apparently is now some fluid there they think could be infected, causing the pain. Maybe the fever too. Doc tried to remove the fluid with a needle and was unable to today. They will try again tomorrow while using an ultrasound. Doc says it could be too thick to remove with the needle he had, or it could be more solid than liquid (like stool).
Grandpa pretty much slept all day today. He would wake up for a few minutes and talk, and then drift off to sleep. I am telling myself (and the family asking for updates) that his body needs this rest. But I have this little nagging thought that maybe his body has been through too much these last few weeks and hes not going to recover this time.
I know that the time will come one day that we will need to discuss Hospice, when curing the illness is no longer feasible. I tell myself that is a long way off, but a part of me knows its closer than I want it to be. I am trying to take his lead in this, and I don't know if he is ready for that yet. Last week we saw the lung doctor- I posted that in my 1st post. At first, grandpa said "its what I expected". But in the last few days he's made the comment that he doesn't think the lung doctor wants to help him, doesn't know what he is talking about, and he is saying he doesn't want to go back to him. He is scheduled to see the heart doc next week and I know is hoping the doc will tell him there is some magic pill that is going to help him breathe better. I don't know what will happen if/when the heart doc tells him the same thing the lung doc did.
I am sorry this is another long post. I didn't meant to make it long, just wanted to thank you guys and say he's back in the hospital.
And I can also say that this all sucks very much.
I am sorry I haven't posted yet. I so appreciate your advise, your suggestions, your kind words, just taking the time to respond.
Grandpa was discharged yesterday afternoon. 3 hours later, we were in the ER. He had a temp of 103.4, shortness of breath and new onset of pain. Long story short- he was admitted for pneumonia, CHF exacerbation, A-Fib (guess that's back again) and abdominal pain.
The pain they believe is due to a build up of fluid around the hernia he has (we found out he had a hernia about 2-3 months ago, but it wasn't causing pain or anything so it was kinda put on the backburner due to his kidney, lung and heart issues). Well there apparently is now some fluid there they think could be infected, causing the pain. Maybe the fever too. Doc tried to remove the fluid with a needle and was unable to today. They will try again tomorrow while using an ultrasound. Doc says it could be too thick to remove with the needle he had, or it could be more solid than liquid (like stool).
Grandpa pretty much slept all day today. He would wake up for a few minutes and talk, and then drift off to sleep. I am telling myself (and the family asking for updates) that his body needs this rest. But I have this little nagging thought that maybe his body has been through too much these last few weeks and hes not going to recover this time.
I know that the time will come one day that we will need to discuss Hospice, when curing the illness is no longer feasible. I tell myself that is a long way off, but a part of me knows its closer than I want it to be. I am trying to take his lead in this, and I don't know if he is ready for that yet. Last week we saw the lung doctor- I posted that in my 1st post. At first, grandpa said "its what I expected". But in the last few days he's made the comment that he doesn't think the lung doctor wants to help him, doesn't know what he is talking about, and he is saying he doesn't want to go back to him. He is scheduled to see the heart doc next week and I know is hoping the doc will tell him there is some magic pill that is going to help him breathe better. I don't know what will happen if/when the heart doc tells him the same thing the lung doc did.
I am sorry this is another long post. I didn't meant to make it long, just wanted to thank you guys and say he's back in the hospital.
And I can also say that this all sucks very much.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know you must be devastated. Perhaps they can help, I will be hoping so. I watched my father (at 67) try to will himself better and fight a failing body, and he never came to peace with it. I hope that if there is no more to be done, both you and your grandfather can find peace with the situation and make him as comfortable as possible. I hope he has had a good life to look back on, and I can see that you have a close relationship to cherish. Best wishes, keep us all posted.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I know you must be devastated. Perhaps they can help, I will be hoping so. I watched my father (at 67) try to will himself better and fight a failing body, and he never came to peace with it. I hope that if there is no more to be done, both you and your grandfather can find peace with the situation and make him as comfortable as possible. I hope he has had a good life to look back on, and I can see that you have a close relationship to cherish. Best wishes, keep us all posted.
I know people who were on hospice and then got off of it. The doctors reduced the meds, the cna taught the family how to bathe the woman and what to look for and when to notify the nurse. They taught them how to move her without bruising her or hurting themselves. The Nurse provided supplies for wound care. The social worker let them vent and pray and cry and helped with community opportunities and respite care. The patient got better because she was eating right, she was moving more, She had a new face to see. She was taken off after 1 year (usually 6 months) and lived for another 18 months. I really think that more paliative care should be offered. There is alot of services out there but really no one to help you manage it or figure out what is needed and available. Hospice was a godsend to us. Your grandpa with his multiple issues appears to be eligible for Hospice. Remember you dont have to give up to be on hospice.
I know people who were on hospice and then got off of it. The doctors reduced the meds, the cna taught the family how to bathe the woman and what to look for and when to notify the nurse. They taught them how to move her without bruising her or hurting themselves. The Nurse provided supplies for wound care. The social worker let them vent and pray and cry and helped with community opportunities and respite care. The patient got better because she was eating right, she was moving more, She had a new face to see. She was taken off after 1 year (usually 6 months) and lived for another 18 months. I really think that more paliative care should be offered. There is alot of services out there but really no one to help you manage it or figure out what is needed and available. Hospice was a godsend to us. Your grandpa with his multiple issues appears to be eligible for Hospice. Remember you dont have to give up to be on hospice.
Please don't worry about the length of the posts--venting is about letting it ALL out. Besides, you should see some of mine!!;) Have you talked with your grandpa about what he wants? I can see he's holding on to hope of, as you said, "a magic pill", and I think that's probably natural. How about your grandma? You said she's disabled; can she understand what's going on? How does she feel about all this, or is she in a state that precludes true understanding? Please talk to hospice, and also is there someone of some authority your grandpa trusts; priest, rabbi, imam, family doctor? Maybe they can be of help with helping him realize what is truly going on with his health. So sorry to hear of his turning around and going back to the hospital with more troubles. You'll both be in my prayers, along with your grandma. Peace. P.S.--Yes, it does suck tons.
Please don't worry about the length of the posts--venting is about letting it ALL out. Besides, you should see some of mine!!;) Have you talked with your grandpa about what he wants? I can see he's holding on to hope of, as you said, "a magic pill", and I think that's probably natural. How about your grandma? You said she's disabled; can she understand what's going on? How does she feel about all this, or is she in a state that precludes true understanding? Please talk to hospice, and also is there someone of some authority your grandpa trusts; priest, rabbi, imam, family doctor? Maybe they can be of help with helping him realize what is truly going on with his health. So sorry to hear of his turning around and going back to the hospital with more troubles. You'll both be in my prayers, along with your grandma. Peace. P.S.--Yes, it does suck tons.
Bless you ~ this a must to say first. Next, you are already doing the best you can. You have done your very best up to this point. Note: There is only so much "you" can do. Now is the time to accept outside help. Your doctor, if you are in the U.S., can and should make a request for home aid assist for your parents. I can tell, it is your wish to keep them at home as long as you can. There may come a time when that is no longer possible. Once addmitted to a care home, your daily visits will be necessary for their comfort and your assurance they are being well attended. Remember first and foremost ~ take care of YOU. If you have been a reader of this site, you know well this is a must. If you do not stay well, you can't be of assist to your folks. Consider yourself HUGGED and PRAYED for ! ! ! Some folks don't believe in angels ~ what do they know ~ you are one, in the flesh ! ! God bless you !
Bless you ~ this a must to say first. Next, you are already doing the best you can. You have done your very best up to this point. Note: There is only so much "you" can do. Now is the time to accept outside help. Your doctor, if you are in the U.S., can and should make a request for home aid assist for your parents. I can tell, it is your wish to keep them at home as long as you can. There may come a time when that is no longer possible. Once addmitted to a care home, your daily visits will be necessary for their comfort and your assurance they are being well attended. Remember first and foremost ~ take care of YOU. If you have been a reader of this site, you know well this is a must. If you do not stay well, you can't be of assist to your folks. Consider yourself HUGGED and PRAYED for ! ! ! Some folks don't believe in angels ~ what do they know ~ you are one, in the flesh ! ! God bless you !
While your grandpa is in the hospital, use the resources they have to help you. A palliative care consult may help you decide what the plan is for the future for him, and how you can best support him & try to enhance his quality of life. Most palliative care docs are very good with putting the whole picture together and explaining it in a way you can understand. The other way is to ask for a care conference with his docs. You can also ask for home health services upon discharge. It may seem horrible to have him hospitalized, but it can be a blessing in disuise to help get needed assistance. Take care...hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.
While your grandpa is in the hospital, use the resources they have to help you. A palliative care consult may help you decide what the plan is for the future for him, and how you can best support him & try to enhance his quality of life. Most palliative care docs are very good with putting the whole picture together and explaining it in a way you can understand. The other way is to ask for a care conference with his docs. You can also ask for home health services upon discharge. It may seem horrible to have him hospitalized, but it can be a blessing in disuise to help get needed assistance. Take care...hugs to you and your family during this difficult time.
I agree with Susan that you should get the help that you need now before he comes home. The hospital in my area really does not discuss things like that until he is ready to be discharge but you have to take the initiative and ask for help early and often. Dont let them just talk about placement. Talk about what is available in the area to help you. Ask the hard questions. Does someone need to be with him 24/7. Does he need a visiting nurse. Is their home care providers that might be needed. Many times when an older person is in the hospital they put them on oxygen. Sometimes it is hard for them to get to the bathroom so they need diapers in the hospitals. Does he need that stuff at home, does he need therapy, what kind. Sometimes the therapy people can help you set up your home so that it is easier for your grandparents and for you. Watch what is being done in the hospital and ask someone if it is necessary at home. There are many people in the hospital that are working with your grand parent. Talked to dieticians, physical therapy people, people that monitor oxygen levels. The most important thing is to ask for the help. Some doctors and hospitals assume that you know what you are doing because you have been handling their health until now. There are things you need to set up now before he comes home and you cannot do it alone. Try to arrange for a care plan meeting before he is discharged. These usually go over diet, therapy, medicines, some have cnas there and some do not. Pick their brains for answers. I am sorry to say it but the fear you feel does not go away. It eases up a little but i think that it is a good thing to fear. It keeps you on your toes and open to new suggestions that might help. Just dont let the fear stop you from doing anything. I would say get angry with the fear and tell it that it will not beat you. you have already taken a huge step forward by posting on this site and knowing that you are not alone on a small island. We are here and some of us have gone through it before and are still going through it. You really are not alone.
I agree with Susan that you should get the help that you need now before he comes home. The hospital in my area really does not discuss things like that until he is ready to be discharge but you have to take the initiative and ask for help early and often. Dont let them just talk about placement. Talk about what is available in the area to help you. Ask the hard questions. Does someone need to be with him 24/7. Does he need a visiting nurse. Is their home care providers that might be needed. Many times when an older person is in the hospital they put them on oxygen. Sometimes it is hard for them to get to the bathroom so they need diapers in the hospitals. Does he need that stuff at home, does he need therapy, what kind. Sometimes the therapy people can help you set up your home so that it is easier for your grandparents and for you. Watch what is being done in the hospital and ask someone if it is necessary at home. There are many people in the hospital that are working with your grand parent. Talked to dieticians, physical therapy people, people that monitor oxygen levels. The most important thing is to ask for the help. Some doctors and hospitals assume that you know what you are doing because you have been handling their health until now. There are things you need to set up now before he comes home and you cannot do it alone. Try to arrange for a care plan meeting before he is discharged. These usually go over diet, therapy, medicines, some have cnas there and some do not. Pick their brains for answers. I am sorry to say it but the fear you feel does not go away. It eases up a little but i think that it is a good thing to fear. It keeps you on your toes and open to new suggestions that might help. Just dont let the fear stop you from doing anything. I would say get angry with the fear and tell it that it will not beat you. you have already taken a huge step forward by posting on this site and knowing that you are not alone on a small island. We are here and some of us have gone through it before and are still going through it. You really are not alone.
Again, thank you for all the advise!!
I actually had a talk with an aunt last night and we made the decision to consult the palliative doctor/team that the hospital has. Grandpa isn't getting better, and it seems like the doctors look at him and say "well he's almost 85, what do you expect". That's not ok with me, with any of us. We called the Palliative team and left 2 messages. Hoping to hear from them tomorrow.
They did the 'aspiration' today of the fluid the doc said was causing the side pain. A whole whopping 1cc of fluid was there. Radiologist doc said this was NOT what was causing the pain.
Grandpa started having severe pain in his right shoulder and they did an X-ray last night. It appears that, on top of everything else, he now has a torn rotator cuff. Nurse said they didn't know if he would be a surgical candidate, grandpa said he didn't care what the risks were, he wanted it fixed. He does not want to continue with the pain and/or on pain meds. Nurse said that it might not be up to him, that if he is too high risk there may not be a doc willing to do it.
Another new symptom- his kidney functions are declining. Main doc thinks it from too much Lasix (which was needed to get rid of the swelling).
All of this today helped reinforce to me that requesting a palliative consult was the right thing to do. I just really don't want to wait until Monday for it.
As for making the home more accessible, because my grandmother is blind, it is handicapped accessible in some ways and my uncle (who is a plumber) is helping put in more grab bars and changing out the toilet for one that is higher up. We have a walker, the oxygen, blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, pulse oximater (to keep track of oxygen levels), seat in shower. Home health was set up upon his discharge from the rehab center and I've let the social worker at the hospital know we would need it when he comes home. He also needed 24 hour supervision which we had made arrangements for.
My grandma has been blind for over 30 years. She has a few medical issues and mostly mental health issues. She was just discharged today from a nursing facility after a fall resulting in a fracture. She is aware of what is going on with grandpa, but usually is more worries about how it affects her life, if that makes sense. Example, when he was is in the rehab center everytime we would bring her to visit or she would call him, she would complain about where she was at. I was there once when he called her and literary within 30 seconds of saying hello she was complaining about someone not picking her up for a hair appointment.
She says she wants grandpa to fight, to keep fighting and to not give up. She says that she tells him to keep fighting for her sake. I've tried explaining that that isn't really fair to him, but she doesn't or can't see past the fact that he won't be around to enable her as he has so many years (which he has done since they were married)
I'm not ready to let grandpa go, but at the same time I HATE seeing him like he is in the hospital right now. THAT is not living. THAT is not my grandpa.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advise and kind words!!!!!
Again, thank you for all the advise!!
I actually had a talk with an aunt last night and we made the decision to consult the palliative doctor/team that the hospital has. Grandpa isn't getting better, and it seems like the doctors look at him and say "well he's almost 85, what do you expect". That's not ok with me, with any of us. We called the Palliative team and left 2 messages. Hoping to hear from them tomorrow.
They did the 'aspiration' today of the fluid the doc said was causing the side pain. A whole whopping 1cc of fluid was there. Radiologist doc said this was NOT what was causing the pain.
Grandpa started having severe pain in his right shoulder and they did an X-ray last night. It appears that, on top of everything else, he now has a torn rotator cuff. Nurse said they didn't know if he would be a surgical candidate, grandpa said he didn't care what the risks were, he wanted it fixed. He does not want to continue with the pain and/or on pain meds. Nurse said that it might not be up to him, that if he is too high risk there may not be a doc willing to do it.
Another new symptom- his kidney functions are declining. Main doc thinks it from too much Lasix (which was needed to get rid of the swelling).
All of this today helped reinforce to me that requesting a palliative consult was the right thing to do. I just really don't want to wait until Monday for it.
As for making the home more accessible, because my grandmother is blind, it is handicapped accessible in some ways and my uncle (who is a plumber) is helping put in more grab bars and changing out the toilet for one that is higher up. We have a walker, the oxygen, blood pressure cuff, stethoscope, pulse oximater (to keep track of oxygen levels), seat in shower. Home health was set up upon his discharge from the rehab center and I've let the social worker at the hospital know we would need it when he comes home. He also needed 24 hour supervision which we had made arrangements for.
My grandma has been blind for over 30 years. She has a few medical issues and mostly mental health issues. She was just discharged today from a nursing facility after a fall resulting in a fracture. She is aware of what is going on with grandpa, but usually is more worries about how it affects her life, if that makes sense. Example, when he was is in the rehab center everytime we would bring her to visit or she would call him, she would complain about where she was at. I was there once when he called her and literary within 30 seconds of saying hello she was complaining about someone not picking her up for a hair appointment.
She says she wants grandpa to fight, to keep fighting and to not give up. She says that she tells him to keep fighting for her sake. I've tried explaining that that isn't really fair to him, but she doesn't or can't see past the fact that he won't be around to enable her as he has so many years (which he has done since they were married)
I'm not ready to let grandpa go, but at the same time I HATE seeing him like he is in the hospital right now. THAT is not living. THAT is not my grandpa.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your advise and kind words!!!!!
I am a Grandpa, 15 times and the last thing in the world is the the thought of leaving my grandkids. I lost my most wonderful wife of 46 1/2 years on July 1, 2006 and have five wonderful children from the marriage. But, I am also a soldier, trained to know when the time comes to make right decisions that may be a call of duty, then I know what that decision must be made. While we the living look at life and take it for granted, we at times have to make decisions when duty calls. Sure, we fight to survive, because, we have so much to live for when we have wonderful family members around us who love us and want the best care for us. But, there is a better life that awaits us, in the Kingdom of our God and the resurrection hope that promises us the reality and assurance that if we are faithful, we will live again, in that Kingdom of His (God's) son Jesus Christ. As a Grandpa, my duty is not to burden my family with a failing health with the false hope that the doctors have already admitted they are hopeless to reverse. I know your Grandpa loves and care for you, and I also know, he doesn't want you to bear the burden of his duty. Just keep him in your loving arms, at home,with the only ones he has performed his duty for, and when his time comes, he will proudly fulfill his duty. Our lord said, "Greater love has no man, than a man lay down his life for his friend" You are his Best friend(s)and death is a duty. He will be missed, but, your love for him, he will take with him. He will live again! Isaiah 55:10,11; 1 Corinthians 15:16,20-28; Acts 24:15; Isaiah 65:17-25;Daniel 2:44; 7:13,14; Revelation 21:1-5. Love him as I know you have, care for him at home, let him go when the time comes and prepare yourself as you remember he loves you more than you love him, and His God loves Him more than anyone could ever love him John 3:16 and John 17;3. May you be blessed and may the God of all comfort through our love for you and your family in our prayers sustain you during these most difficult hours of time. Don't be scared, be proud that Our Lord loaned you your Grandpa to love you for the time he has been here and the tears that you shed are just interest on the loan, but, will be wiped away from your eyes in his resurrection. Revelation 21:1-5.
A Grandpa waiting to fulfill his duty to his family.
I am a Grandpa, 15 times and the last thing in the world is the the thought of leaving my grandkids. I lost my most wonderful wife of 46 1/2 years on July 1, 2006 and have five wonderful children from the marriage. But, I am also a soldier, trained to know when the time comes to make right decisions that may be a call of duty, then I know what that decision must be made. While we the living look at life and take it for granted, we at times have to make decisions when duty calls. Sure, we fight to survive, because, we have so much to live for when we have wonderful family members around us who love us and want the best care for us. But, there is a better life that awaits us, in the Kingdom of our God and the resurrection hope that promises us the reality and assurance that if we are faithful, we will live again, in that Kingdom of His (God's) son Jesus Christ. As a Grandpa, my duty is not to burden my family with a failing health with the false hope that the doctors have already admitted they are hopeless to reverse. I know your Grandpa loves and care for you, and I also know, he doesn't want you to bear the burden of his duty. Just keep him in your loving arms, at home,with the only ones he has performed his duty for, and when his time comes, he will proudly fulfill his duty. Our lord said, "Greater love has no man, than a man lay down his life for his friend" You are his Best friend(s)and death is a duty. He will be missed, but, your love for him, he will take with him. He will live again! Isaiah 55:10,11; 1 Corinthians 15:16,20-28; Acts 24:15; Isaiah 65:17-25;Daniel 2:44; 7:13,14; Revelation 21:1-5. Love him as I know you have, care for him at home, let him go when the time comes and prepare yourself as you remember he loves you more than you love him, and His God loves Him more than anyone could ever love him John 3:16 and John 17;3. May you be blessed and may the God of all comfort through our love for you and your family in our prayers sustain you during these most difficult hours of time. Don't be scared, be proud that Our Lord loaned you your Grandpa to love you for the time he has been here and the tears that you shed are just interest on the loan, but, will be wiped away from your eyes in his resurrection. Revelation 21:1-5.
A Grandpa waiting to fulfill his duty to his family.
I salute you, God's soldier. You are truly couragous, inspirational and loved.
Huge hug!
I salute you, God's soldier. You are truly couragous, inspirational and loved.
Huge hug!
Thank you for the Huge Hug,
We grandpa's need that. It is the best medicine a grandpa can receive from those that are precious to him. As a soldier, we have loving arms awaiting us and there will never be any more pain and death will be no more, the former things will have passed away and the shadows will disappear. The desert will blossom as the "rose of Sharon" The White Rose of Athens (Nana Mouskouri) sings it) will bloom again. My love to all those that comfort the family taking care of their grandpa.
Forever, is a long time, and life of the future promises that in the Kingdom of our God, under the reign of His son, Jesus Christ.
Thank you for the Huge Hug,
We grandpa's need that. It is the best medicine a grandpa can receive from those that are precious to him. As a soldier, we have loving arms awaiting us and there will never be any more pain and death will be no more, the former things will have passed away and the shadows will disappear. The desert will blossom as the "rose of Sharon" The White Rose of Athens (Nana Mouskouri) sings it) will bloom again. My love to all those that comfort the family taking care of their grandpa.
Forever, is a long time, and life of the future promises that in the Kingdom of our God, under the reign of His son, Jesus Christ.
Thank you dear "Grandpa", for such a loving and tender comment for a stressed family member. Your family is blessed to have you! I'd adopt you in a heart beat !
Thank you dear "Grandpa", for such a loving and tender comment for a stressed family member. Your family is blessed to have you! I'd adopt you in a heart beat !
I am replying to this as I have been there. I know how difficult it is for you to watch the Caregiver become the one who needs care. I was always the caregiver for our son & my husband but at a very young age Cancer took that away from me. I now have my family around me in my home, but have a caregiver provided through a program called the Waiver Program. They do the things I used to do, keep the house clean, make good meals for myself & my family taking a lot of stress off of my son & my hubby. I also have wonderful Hospice girls who are with me 24/7 and even though I am now in remission cancer played it's games with my body & brain. I will keep you & your family in my prayers although I feel that don1939 said it best when he said "... Forever, is a long time, and life of the future promises that in the Kingdom of our God, under the reign of His son, Jesus Christ". You will be in my heart & prayers until it is my time to go. please look into hospice, they are not just for Cancer.
I am replying to this as I have been there. I know how difficult it is for you to watch the Caregiver become the one who needs care. I was always the caregiver for our son & my husband but at a very young age Cancer took that away from me. I now have my family around me in my home, but have a caregiver provided through a program called the Waiver Program. They do the things I used to do, keep the house clean, make good meals for myself & my family taking a lot of stress off of my son & my hubby. I also have wonderful Hospice girls who are with me 24/7 and even though I am now in remission cancer played it's games with my body & brain. I will keep you & your family in my prayers although I feel that don1939 said it best when he said "... Forever, is a long time, and life of the future promises that in the Kingdom of our God, under the reign of His son, Jesus Christ". You will be in my heart & prayers until it is my time to go. please look into hospice, they are not just for Cancer.
the decision was made today to bring grandpa home with hospice tomorrow. i talked with him and he wants to come home. he is tired of the hospitals and with hospice we will be able to work keeping him out, but comfortable and do the things he wants.
i've worked in healthcare for 13 years, and is the social work field for 8 years. logically i know this is the best thing. my heart though, is broken. i'm a mess and trying to hold it together. everyone-my family- looks to me for the answers and i have to be strong. but i feel like i am dying inside.
the decision was made today to bring grandpa home with hospice tomorrow. i talked with him and he wants to come home. he is tired of the hospitals and with hospice we will be able to work keeping him out, but comfortable and do the things he wants.
i've worked in healthcare for 13 years, and is the social work field for 8 years. logically i know this is the best thing. my heart though, is broken. i'm a mess and trying to hold it together. everyone-my family- looks to me for the answers and i have to be strong. but i feel like i am dying inside.
Dear Ranaie 1221
How you feel is normal. Even the most powerful man ever to live on earth, felt the same way when the sisters of Lazarus said to him "Lord if only you had been here, Lazarus would not have died" Jesus gave way to tears and he assured the sisters "Lazarus is not dead, he is only sleeping". He then proceeded to the tomb as the sisters said to him "But Lord he has been dead for four days and surely must smell" Jesus then spoke in the tomb to Lazarus and said "Lazarus come out" and he did. Can you just visualize that scene, the joy and drying of every tear replacing the tears of sorrow with tears of joy? We all know life is fragile and we are helpless to turn back the shadow of time. But God's Kingdom under His son will dawn a new day for all of us, rejoice in that and think about that and tie it as a frontlet band around your head. Your Grandfather has made a good name with his family, and that is so important to our God and your grandfather. Ecclesiastes 7:1,2 says "A name is better than oil, and the day of death than the day of one's being born. Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind and the one alive should take [it] to his heart". I lost my wife in 2006 but every moment of every day, I thank my Creator for the 46 and 1/2 years she was with me, and I thank him more now than I ever thought I would, because I know "She is in the safest harbor of all His love, because she will soon live again and then I will feel the joy that the sisters of Lazarus felt when Jesus awakened him from his sleep. It is us, the living that have to reach that safe harbor of His care" World events (2 Timothy 3:1-5)today tell us the realization and fulfillment of His promises are right outside our front doors. With faith we can see it and the feeling of dieing will be done away with. Jesus said, throw all your burdens upon him and He will comfort us. Remember His words to his Father as he was dying, "Father forgive them please" He didn't ask his Father to save him, but, to let him perform his duty to the very end and to forgive those who were responsible for his murder. Psalms 37:3,4 is for you and your family. Read it and remember it when you feel you are "dying inside". You are a wonderful granddaughter and that dying you are feeling I believe is our Lord strengthening you in your time of need. It is okay to feel as you do, you have done the right thing and for that you are loved by all of us and we pray for you and your family.
I am just a grandpa
Dear Ranaie 1221
How you feel is normal. Even the most powerful man ever to live on earth, felt the same way when the sisters of Lazarus said to him "Lord if only you had been here, Lazarus would not have died" Jesus gave way to tears and he assured the sisters "Lazarus is not dead, he is only sleeping". He then proceeded to the tomb as the sisters said to him "But Lord he has been dead for four days and surely must smell" Jesus then spoke in the tomb to Lazarus and said "Lazarus come out" and he did. Can you just visualize that scene, the joy and drying of every tear replacing the tears of sorrow with tears of joy? We all know life is fragile and we are helpless to turn back the shadow of time. But God's Kingdom under His son will dawn a new day for all of us, rejoice in that and think about that and tie it as a frontlet band around your head. Your Grandfather has made a good name with his family, and that is so important to our God and your grandfather. Ecclesiastes 7:1,2 says "A name is better than oil, and the day of death than the day of one's being born. Better is it to go to the house of mourning than to go to the banquet house, because that is the end of all mankind and the one alive should take [it] to his heart". I lost my wife in 2006 but every moment of every day, I thank my Creator for the 46 and 1/2 years she was with me, and I thank him more now than I ever thought I would, because I know "She is in the safest harbor of all His love, because she will soon live again and then I will feel the joy that the sisters of Lazarus felt when Jesus awakened him from his sleep. It is us, the living that have to reach that safe harbor of His care" World events (2 Timothy 3:1-5)today tell us the realization and fulfillment of His promises are right outside our front doors. With faith we can see it and the feeling of dieing will be done away with. Jesus said, throw all your burdens upon him and He will comfort us. Remember His words to his Father as he was dying, "Father forgive them please" He didn't ask his Father to save him, but, to let him perform his duty to the very end and to forgive those who were responsible for his murder. Psalms 37:3,4 is for you and your family. Read it and remember it when you feel you are "dying inside". You are a wonderful granddaughter and that dying you are feeling I believe is our Lord strengthening you in your time of need. It is okay to feel as you do, you have done the right thing and for that you are loved by all of us and we pray for you and your family.
I am just a grandpa
Ranae1221 - I'll be thinking of you as you bring him home. I have to say my father-in-law has been doing better than expected in many ways since we brought him home with Hospice. Although his CHF, Parkinson's and dementia are irreversible, his agitation and combativeness have lessened and he is willing to take his meds more often. Being allowed to eat what he wants and have a little wine now and then, (a big part of his culture that was denied for three years in assisted living), and seeing the kids play helps him not dwell on the struggle with breathing.
You are not giving up, you are respecting your grandfather's right to have his remaining life be free of 911 calls and trips to the ER, uncomfortable tests that give you information you can't act on, etc. I wish you all the best with this and hope you have all the support you need at home to make it possible. Thinking of you!
Ranae1221 - I'll be thinking of you as you bring him home. I have to say my father-in-law has been doing better than expected in many ways since we brought him home with Hospice. Although his CHF, Parkinson's and dementia are irreversible, his agitation and combativeness have lessened and he is willing to take his meds more often. Being allowed to eat what he wants and have a little wine now and then, (a big part of his culture that was denied for three years in assisted living), and seeing the kids play helps him not dwell on the struggle with breathing.
You are not giving up, you are respecting your grandfather's right to have his remaining life be free of 911 calls and trips to the ER, uncomfortable tests that give you information you can't act on, etc. I wish you all the best with this and hope you have all the support you need at home to make it possible. Thinking of you!
Well I thank God for ur loving heart,do u know Jesus?Do ur grandparents know Him as well?God will help u to keep up with the great demand on u,release all of ur problem and stress to God,He will help carry ur burden I Peter 5:7;I have a lot to do in my life too and I pray for strenght to keep on and not give up because my life is so demanding!Cry out to Jesus and He will give u so much peace and Joy,u will feel like a new woman every morning!When life get to be too much and overwhelming,let go and let God help u handle the load!No one can do what only God can do inside of ur heart and mind!He is so amazing and wonderful to us,His love will give ur what u need to successed through it all!I will pray for u and ur grandparent to hang on to the real true source of strenght and Joy!May God bless u and ur love ones forever!!Matt 11:28-30 read this and I pray it help u like it helps me everyday!!!
Well I thank God for ur loving heart,do u know Jesus?Do ur grandparents know Him as well?God will help u to keep up with the great demand on u,release all of ur problem and stress to God,He will help carry ur burden I Peter 5:7;I have a lot to do in my life too and I pray for strenght to keep on and not give up because my life is so demanding!Cry out to Jesus and He will give u so much peace and Joy,u will feel like a new woman every morning!When life get to be too much and overwhelming,let go and let God help u handle the load!No one can do what only God can do inside of ur heart and mind!He is so amazing and wonderful to us,His love will give ur what u need to successed through it all!I will pray for u and ur grandparent to hang on to the real true source of strenght and Joy!May God bless u and ur love ones forever!!Matt 11:28-30 read this and I pray it help u like it helps me everyday!!!
thanks everyone. Grandpa has been home for 6 days now, I think. No, 5 days. lol The first few days doing well. The last 2 days not as well. He has had a few falls and is weaker. He seems confused at times, which is kind of new. I'm going to call the Hospice nurse tomorrow and ask she stop by to check him out. It may be nothing, but I would feel better.
We've already had family conflicts. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The 1 daughter who doesn't work and doesn't have kids is the one being the most difficult.
I'm very tired, juggling work, keeping the house up, caring for grandma and grandpa including getting up at night, and trying to keep my sanity. Don't be surprised to see more venting posts to come from me :)
thanks again <3
thanks everyone. Grandpa has been home for 6 days now, I think. No, 5 days. lol The first few days doing well. The last 2 days not as well. He has had a few falls and is weaker. He seems confused at times, which is kind of new. I'm going to call the Hospice nurse tomorrow and ask she stop by to check him out. It may be nothing, but I would feel better.
We've already had family conflicts. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The 1 daughter who doesn't work and doesn't have kids is the one being the most difficult.
I'm very tired, juggling work, keeping the house up, caring for grandma and grandpa including getting up at night, and trying to keep my sanity. Don't be surprised to see more venting posts to come from me :)
thanks again <3
you need to vent i think ! I so can understand and I do admire you for your ability to deal with all this and stay sane. I worry most about staying sane myself and i am so overwhelmed with all of the issues that my husband has I could never deal with 2 like you do . stay strong for you
you need to vent i think ! I so can understand and I do admire you for your ability to deal with all this and stay sane. I worry most about staying sane myself and i am so overwhelmed with all of the issues that my husband has I could never deal with 2 like you do . stay strong for you
You need to try to find a balance between wanting to care for him and taking it all on-- with a job and everything else you have going. Start looking for people to help, whether it's family members or community volunteers to do errands, sit and talk to him for a few hours while you're taking a break, etc. The more resources you have the better.
You need to try to find a balance between wanting to care for him and taking it all on-- with a job and everything else you have going. Start looking for people to help, whether it's family members or community volunteers to do errands, sit and talk to him for a few hours while you're taking a break, etc. The more resources you have the better.