Hi...this is my first time writing and to be quite honest, I feel like a selfish child compared to what I'm reading here. Let me explain...
I recently suddenly seperated from my husband due to an outburst on his part that resulted in assault upon me. Not wanting to play the victim anymore, I packed up my car and headed east. After a few months with a freind, my sister called me to give me the option to live with my Mom so the family could delay putting her into assisted living. I agreed and traveled south to set up house with her.
My mother is diagnosed with dementia and has very limited mobility due to 2 bad knees. At first, the arrangement was good. I found a way to have sympathy and understanding even thru the horrible negative attitude my mother displayed. What I didn't understand was how much of a toll emotionally all of this was going to have on me as time went on. Not only did I need to keep from being overcome by my own personal marital difficulties, but also had to face the emotional turmoil that ensued when combined with my mother often combative nature.
I wake up most mornings now feeling drained and depressed before my feet even hit the floor. Even though my moms attitude has gotten better and she even has come to appreicate me to a certain extent, I am finding it hard to have compassion for her or even for myself.
Is this normal? How can I remain here in good conscience taking care of my mother when I know I am not demonstrating the most caring attitude and am really quite depressed myself?
I feel awful about this but am not sure what to do. I go to church and a care group on Wed nights thru church, and found some light dutied part time work to help me keep myself busy, and at first it helped, but really right now, I find myself just going thru motions without emotion or cry when I feel really bad.
Any response will help...thank you.