try to have lots of patients with them. hang in there and keep doing what your doing it will in time work out . it takes time for older people to adjust to new things and surroundings. just try to stay supportive of them and reassure them that they are very much loved. good luck and best wishes

try to have lots of patients with them. hang in there and keep doing what your doing it will in time work out . it takes time for older people to adjust to new things and surroundings. just try to stay supportive of them and reassure them that they are very much loved. good luck and best wishes

Yes, I know that is the key, but it's so very difficult when you're in the middle of it. (He has Alzheimer's) He just keeps repeating the same thing every five minutes. Lately he has been walking too. He gets upset when we tell him "No, we can't take you now." It seems he has a one tracked mind when it comes to her. So, he puts on his jacket and shoes, and says he is "just going to walk to the hospital." So, we let him walk and we follow him. So far this is his third time. He has only walked around the block as he has corns on his feet and he gets tired from walking.

Yes, I know that is the key, but it's so very difficult when you're in the middle of it. (He has Alzheimer's) He just keeps repeating the same thing every five minutes. Lately he has been walking too. He gets upset when we tell him "No, we can't take you now." It seems he has a one tracked mind when it comes to her. So, he puts on his jacket and shoes, and says he is "just going to walk to the hospital." So, we let him walk and we follow him. So far this is his third time. He has only walked around the block as he has corns on his feet and he gets tired from walking.

I really do understand your frustrations. my mom has alzhiemers and lives with my husband and I. everyday is a new experience and a new challenge. all we can do is keep loving and supporting her and try to meet each challenge as it comes, one step at a time.

I really do understand your frustrations. my mom has alzhiemers and lives with my husband and I. everyday is a new experience and a new challenge. all we can do is keep loving and supporting her and try to meet each challenge as it comes, one step at a time.

Check with your area Health Care companies. I have been a home health aide for 8 years now. I have had training in Medical Assistance so I go to the more serious case. It is healthy and very necessary that you can seperate yourslef from this situation for a short period of time each day. It helps you and your mother. They are there for you to support and help at home. Even if you just go to a neighbor for coffee for a short time or go shopping, it is needed. I hope you can find some help and see how this in turn helps you get thru this.

Check with your area Health Care companies. I have been a home health aide for 8 years now. I have had training in Medical Assistance so I go to the more serious case. It is healthy and very necessary that you can seperate yourslef from this situation for a short period of time each day. It helps you and your mother. They are there for you to support and help at home. Even if you just go to a neighbor for coffee for a short time or go shopping, it is needed. I hope you can find some help and see how this in turn helps you get thru this.

I assume your mil is in a nursing home and not daycare right? You threw me off there for a bit. It might help if you put your fil in a day care to give him something else to do besides worry. They are used to dealing with people who roam or who get stuck on an idea. The one near me picks them up and brings them back, they play bingo and bunco and chair golf and bowling and sing. They also get 2 good meals that are easy for them to eat and nutricious, a plus for me because I hate to cook and they wouldnt eat what I made. It might just be that she was the thing that was keeping him stable and now without her he does not have a function. Maybe get him to help around the house or let him walk for a little bit a day. That might tire him out a little bit. I dont mean marathon walking just maybe 3 houses down or a little way. I know that when I was working in my home my mom and dad hung on and could function but as soon as I retired they seemed to go downhill very fast. They no longer had to hold on so that I could work.

I assume your mil is in a nursing home and not daycare right? You threw me off there for a bit. It might help if you put your fil in a day care to give him something else to do besides worry. They are used to dealing with people who roam or who get stuck on an idea. The one near me picks them up and brings them back, they play bingo and bunco and chair golf and bowling and sing. They also get 2 good meals that are easy for them to eat and nutricious, a plus for me because I hate to cook and they wouldnt eat what I made. It might just be that she was the thing that was keeping him stable and now without her he does not have a function. Maybe get him to help around the house or let him walk for a little bit a day. That might tire him out a little bit. I dont mean marathon walking just maybe 3 houses down or a little way. I know that when I was working in my home my mom and dad hung on and could function but as soon as I retired they seemed to go downhill very fast. They no longer had to hold on so that I could work.

Well, my FIL is in daycare but he constantly complains about it. "I don't want to go back to the prison," etc. but when he goes he has fun. This past Friday he finally got to see my MIL. It was nice and I thought all our problems with him nagging to see her were over. Not! We took him again Saturday and today, when we told him he had to call his other son to take him, he got mad and started walking. We followed him with a car just to see if he would just go around the block. When he didn't do that, we cut him off at the pass and brought him back. Yesterday when we took him to see my MIL, he already started to aggravate her. He has this thing where he just hovers over her, like a mother hen. It totally irritates her. I could see they were back to their same old routine. I think we really need to put him in a care home (one that he can't escape from). He is being a danger to himself. He also started getting very combative. Not sure what to do.

Well, my FIL is in daycare but he constantly complains about it. "I don't want to go back to the prison," etc. but when he goes he has fun. This past Friday he finally got to see my MIL. It was nice and I thought all our problems with him nagging to see her were over. Not! We took him again Saturday and today, when we told him he had to call his other son to take him, he got mad and started walking. We followed him with a car just to see if he would just go around the block. When he didn't do that, we cut him off at the pass and brought him back. Yesterday when we took him to see my MIL, he already started to aggravate her. He has this thing where he just hovers over her, like a mother hen. It totally irritates her. I could see they were back to their same old routine. I think we really need to put him in a care home (one that he can't escape from). He is being a danger to himself. He also started getting very combative. Not sure what to do.

My mom always says that she will go to daycare as long as I have somewhere to go so I started to make things up so that I could get things done at home. The people there say she has alot of fun and she must do something because she is usually tired when she gets home.

My mom always says that she will go to daycare as long as I have somewhere to go so I started to make things up so that I could get things done at home. The people there say she has alot of fun and she must do something because she is usually tired when she gets home.

You know, YES, my MIL is in a nursing home.. geez. I just noticed the subject line is wrong. My FIL is in daycare.. this has been a LONG month!! lol

You know, YES, my MIL is in a nursing home.. geez. I just noticed the subject line is wrong. My FIL is in daycare.. this has been a LONG month!! lol

Dementia presents it's own problems, my husband is in a specialized memory care center for people with high needs. All the others have Alshimers, he has lewy Body, hydrocephalus and the effects of a serious stroke that took out his right ventricle of his brain. He is so hateful these days, all he does is criticize all the employees, he says he is a prisoner and they own him. He want to be home with me, but he is so difficult, it would require twice as much money to hire people to care for him at home and frankly he is just very difficult. When I leave daily, I am in tears, as he is so critical of everything. I know in my heart he is better off there as I would be so angry with him if he was at home. What do you do? just hope you are doing the right thing, if someone has a better idea, I would love to hear it. The doctors and I are trying everything to make him happy, but I don't think he would be happy anywhere. His entire life has been taken away from him, he cant walk, or stand, he has no independence, and is always confused and lost. I would be angry too.

Dementia presents it's own problems, my husband is in a specialized memory care center for people with high needs. All the others have Alshimers, he has lewy Body, hydrocephalus and the effects of a serious stroke that took out his right ventricle of his brain. He is so hateful these days, all he does is criticize all the employees, he says he is a prisoner and they own him. He want to be home with me, but he is so difficult, it would require twice as much money to hire people to care for him at home and frankly he is just very difficult. When I leave daily, I am in tears, as he is so critical of everything. I know in my heart he is better off there as I would be so angry with him if he was at home. What do you do? just hope you are doing the right thing, if someone has a better idea, I would love to hear it. The doctors and I are trying everything to make him happy, but I don't think he would be happy anywhere. His entire life has been taken away from him, he cant walk, or stand, he has no independence, and is always confused and lost. I would be angry too.

Wow, that's awful.. So, is he there all the time? I mean, is it like a nursing home? or is it just daycare? That has got to be a difficult situation for you!

My FIL has been angry lately, and he's been trying to walk away a lot. We finally took his shoes away and hid them. He has corns on the bottom of his feet so he can't walk very far without them. It sounds mean, but last Sunday he almost walked to the highway, which is very dangerous and people blaze down that road, no sidewalks, etc. The problem we are having is that his kids don't have a good relationship with him. The wife abused them, and in a way they feel like he turned a deaf ear to it. So, my husband loses his patience with him very quickly. That's probably why I am able to handle him better because I don't have that history with him.

Wow, that's awful.. So, is he there all the time? I mean, is it like a nursing home? or is it just daycare? That has got to be a difficult situation for you!

My FIL has been angry lately, and he's been trying to walk away a lot. We finally took his shoes away and hid them. He has corns on the bottom of his feet so he can't walk very far without them. It sounds mean, but last Sunday he almost walked to the highway, which is very dangerous and people blaze down that road, no sidewalks, etc. The problem we are having is that his kids don't have a good relationship with him. The wife abused them, and in a way they feel like he turned a deaf ear to it. So, my husband loses his patience with him very quickly. That's probably why I am able to handle him better because I don't have that history with him.

When my dad was like that I did the only thing I could do. I told myself and him that I am a good person and that I am doing the best I can. Then I would go into my room and cry myself to sleep. Nothing can change how it hurts. I dont know much about how Lewy Body dementia works but with Alzheimers there were good days and bad nights. It goes through stages so maybe there Might be a time when he is not so upset. Some nursing homes tell you to stay away for a while so he can adjust. I am not sure I really understand why.

When my dad was like that I did the only thing I could do. I told myself and him that I am a good person and that I am doing the best I can. Then I would go into my room and cry myself to sleep. Nothing can change how it hurts. I dont know much about how Lewy Body dementia works but with Alzheimers there were good days and bad nights. It goes through stages so maybe there Might be a time when he is not so upset. Some nursing homes tell you to stay away for a while so he can adjust. I am not sure I really understand why.

This agin thing is so difficult, and I can really relate to your feelings and frustration.You are dealing with 2 people in this horrible state, and my heart goes out to you, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but can't get out of my own way enough to offer you anything you don't already know,

Things just seem to get worse and worse here, I mentioned in my last post, my Steve has Lewy Body Dementia (similar to Allshimers-form of parkinsons with same prognosis as AD), and Hydrocephalus and had a severe stroke in May that literally took out his right ventricle of his brain. He had been home with me as his only caregiver for the last five years, but the stroke changed things so much. I wish someone could tell me what to do with my feelings of helplessness and guilt and sadness. He is in a specialized assisted living facility 24/7 called a memory care center. He is with 6 other adults, the others all have allshimers so it is not a really social environment. all those in this unit including Steve are advanced and need a high level of care. My problem is he is miserable, always wants to go home and forgets the fact that for several hours of almost every day he is uncontrollable. He is highly agitated and will, in his wheelchair, (he cannot stand or walk) tear up his bedclothes and any thing else he can find in his room, then move from room to room, trying to wake up others, even at midnight, yelling and carrying on he is "being kept against his will". I visit daily and when he is like this, I can't deal with him, it ususally takes a couple of caregivers to handle him and they are able to give him seroquel as needed, but that takes about an hour to kick in. The next day, he will again tell me he is just fine, and wants to go home, insisting he is much improved. We have been married 30 years, had a wonderful marriage, and I cannot believe I finally HAD to put him in a facility. In home care is very expensive and our long term care insurance only covers assisted living or nursing homes, so financially, it is certainly an advantage for him to be in the facility. My problem is the guilt and terrible feeling of uncertainty about what to do, he is so unhappy but I know that if he was at home, there would be no normalcy to my life at all and I am only in my early 60's. My kids and friends tell me I need to start living life again, but I can't get out of my own way. I just seem to worry constantly about him, and do little other than visit him and tend to his needs. The only outlet I have is taking care of my grandkids, which I love, but I do wish I could sleep well again, and feel less unsettled about the man I have loved for so long, but seems to not really be there anymore. Can anyone suggest a miraculous pill or solution to these terrible heartwrenching feelings of having lost him, yet he is alive, but not the man I knew at all anymore. He is more like a small child who only has interests in himself, and throws uncontrollable fits regularly. Sorry this went on and on, sort of my therapy I guess.Kathy

This agin thing is so difficult, and I can really relate to your feelings and frustration.You are dealing with 2 people in this horrible state, and my heart goes out to you, I wish I could offer some wisdom, but can't get out of my own way enough to offer you anything you don't already know,

Things just seem to get worse and worse here, I mentioned in my last post, my Steve has Lewy Body Dementia (similar to Allshimers-form of parkinsons with same prognosis as AD), and Hydrocephalus and had a severe stroke in May that literally took out his right ventricle of his brain. He had been home with me as his only caregiver for the last five years, but the stroke changed things so much. I wish someone could tell me what to do with my feelings of helplessness and guilt and sadness. He is in a specialized assisted living facility 24/7 called a memory care center. He is with 6 other adults, the others all have allshimers so it is not a really social environment. all those in this unit including Steve are advanced and need a high level of care. My problem is he is miserable, always wants to go home and forgets the fact that for several hours of almost every day he is uncontrollable. He is highly agitated and will, in his wheelchair, (he cannot stand or walk) tear up his bedclothes and any thing else he can find in his room, then move from room to room, trying to wake up others, even at midnight, yelling and carrying on he is "being kept against his will". I visit daily and when he is like this, I can't deal with him, it ususally takes a couple of caregivers to handle him and they are able to give him seroquel as needed, but that takes about an hour to kick in. The next day, he will again tell me he is just fine, and wants to go home, insisting he is much improved. We have been married 30 years, had a wonderful marriage, and I cannot believe I finally HAD to put him in a facility. In home care is very expensive and our long term care insurance only covers assisted living or nursing homes, so financially, it is certainly an advantage for him to be in the facility. My problem is the guilt and terrible feeling of uncertainty about what to do, he is so unhappy but I know that if he was at home, there would be no normalcy to my life at all and I am only in my early 60's. My kids and friends tell me I need to start living life again, but I can't get out of my own way. I just seem to worry constantly about him, and do little other than visit him and tend to his needs. The only outlet I have is taking care of my grandkids, which I love, but I do wish I could sleep well again, and feel less unsettled about the man I have loved for so long, but seems to not really be there anymore. Can anyone suggest a miraculous pill or solution to these terrible heartwrenching feelings of having lost him, yet he is alive, but not the man I knew at all anymore. He is more like a small child who only has interests in himself, and throws uncontrollable fits regularly. Sorry this went on and on, sort of my therapy I guess.Kathy

Dont worry about the long post. We all do it sometimes. That is why it is here. You kind of run through your mind and putting it down clarifies it for you. When my dad was in respite care I didnt visit him for the first few days. I couldnt. I was so exhausted and afraid that I needed to step back. I too felt guilty but when I did go to visit him he was calmer and interested in what was going on. He wanted to come home but they were better monitoring his meds so he was more stable. I just tried to stay calm and told him that it was only for a little while. He would forget the next day but he could tolerate it as long as I calmly re-assured him that I would be back and he would be ok. I think I learned to be calm from my CNA sister. I think they really really pick up on your moods and they can be pretty manipulating. My dad died in June. I dont know how long it has been for you but for me it took about 2 months to remember him as he was before the end. I still make all of my decisions and in the back of my mind I ask what effect will this have on dad or can dad do this? I am getting back to life but I still have my mom who cannot be left alone and so everything is geared around the time that she is in adult day care. I just constantly tell myself that I am a good person and that I did the best I could. It helped. My dad was miserable at home and at the facility-Not for the same reasons but he wasnt happy at home either. Of course he was mad. He could not walk, he could not eat very well. He slept for a very short time and was awake all night. He was in pain all of the time from arthritis. He was a very independant man and all of a sudden someone what doing everything for him. I guess I finally realized that I was really not the source of his anger. I was just the outlet.

Dont worry about the long post. We all do it sometimes. That is why it is here. You kind of run through your mind and putting it down clarifies it for you. When my dad was in respite care I didnt visit him for the first few days. I couldnt. I was so exhausted and afraid that I needed to step back. I too felt guilty but when I did go to visit him he was calmer and interested in what was going on. He wanted to come home but they were better monitoring his meds so he was more stable. I just tried to stay calm and told him that it was only for a little while. He would forget the next day but he could tolerate it as long as I calmly re-assured him that I would be back and he would be ok. I think I learned to be calm from my CNA sister. I think they really really pick up on your moods and they can be pretty manipulating. My dad died in June. I dont know how long it has been for you but for me it took about 2 months to remember him as he was before the end. I still make all of my decisions and in the back of my mind I ask what effect will this have on dad or can dad do this? I am getting back to life but I still have my mom who cannot be left alone and so everything is geared around the time that she is in adult day care. I just constantly tell myself that I am a good person and that I did the best I could. It helped. My dad was miserable at home and at the facility-Not for the same reasons but he wasnt happy at home either. Of course he was mad. He could not walk, he could not eat very well. He slept for a very short time and was awake all night. He was in pain all of the time from arthritis. He was a very independant man and all of a sudden someone what doing everything for him. I guess I finally realized that I was really not the source of his anger. I was just the outlet.

Thanks so much for your reply, you do seem calm, and I only hope I can get there one day. Thanks again,

Thanks so much for your reply, you do seem calm, and I only hope I can get there one day. Thanks again,

Im calm with my mom but I was a basket care with my dad before he died. I was really trying to do everything and I now know I cant. It releaves the pressure quite a bit when you get some help. It is kind of a balancing act being far enough removed to let others help and still being close enough to love them and help them be stronger. I really have to prevent myself from taking over and babying my mom.

Im calm with my mom but I was a basket care with my dad before he died. I was really trying to do everything and I now know I cant. It releaves the pressure quite a bit when you get some help. It is kind of a balancing act being far enough removed to let others help and still being close enough to love them and help them be stronger. I really have to prevent myself from taking over and babying my mom.